Yesterday I was on the postal route and two ladies were in the parking lot, one on the ground and the other on their hands and knees, looking up underneath a car - when I had delivered the mail they were coming back in the place, and asked me what I would do to get a kitten out from inside the workings of the car. I gave a good effort myself but could not see anywhere to pull the kitten through, made a few calls for them to get advice, asked someone to put out a request on FB. When the lady first asked me I felt that 'time-tug' that I could go on my way, I'm doing things - but there will be a reverse tug later that says 'you didn't even try' and that will be something that will just repeat and repeat in my head - as those things do. So, I gave it a good try - and I still didn't succeed for them, but there wasn't anything else I could think to do, so finally I continued on with my route. After finishing the route, two other carriers were having heat stroke symptoms and getting treated by an ambulance - and that made my decision that I would not go back out there again to the place and try again for the kitten - because I hadn't been able to personally get it the first time, and couldn't think of anything else to suggest other than the things I did when I was there. I would hope someone else would be able to move them a bit further along the line and that they could get the little one out - but I called after I got home and it was still stuck, and they were still trying to get some authority out there to help (they kept getting turned down over the phone which is why they asked me)
But that is a big thing for me - and I realize that is a difference between me and other people -- other people say 'I kept my peace by saying no' and are proud of the statement... and I'm standing here saying that statement does not make sense in of itself 'just saying 'no' can't possibly be peaceful in general - there are so many variables, don't you keep yourself up at night with all the variables?'
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I'm a classic overthinker - and I've found over the years, a neurodiverse person. I go through more what-if scenarios in three seconds over minimal things than most people think of all day. It took me a long time as a kid to realize other people don't do this - and I still have a hard time imagining what actual cognition - thinking would be without it. So saying 'I said no, so I had peace' is like saying 'I didn't jump, so I kept my foot' There's a big piece of that original statement missing. For me, there's not enough information there to say what decision was actually made. But then - was a decision actually made? Avoidance, not making a decision, is a decision as well, but that goes into some more philosophy.
And because I think out-of-the-box from the middle out, to all possible things I can think of at this moment forward and back, that is why I overwhelm some people when they do ask me for help. This is why when I can't possibly think how to help more I have a hard time tearing myself away, but then when that happens over and over with a certain situation I just remove myself from the whole thing if possible - and then from the outside I know that looks like the above. Again, variables - it's all variables and no simple answer. It would feel less like reality, wouldn't it, if it was a simple answer? That's when things get suspect, when the answer proposed is too cut and dry / black and white. //philosophy
But because I know this about myself - I do what works for me better. I keep my peace by saying 'I tried' or 'I thought through all the combinations possible' (until someone invents time travel *ha*) - and it is when I don't do this that I don't have peace. I am so much more of a looming shadow over myself, way too often, than any other person could be - because of: wherever I go, there I am.
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It is also Father's Day today, and I do have to go do some more packages in the heat - but that is a very different thing than having to do the mail AND the packages. For one thing: you can keep the windows up and the air conditioning on and just drive directly to and get out where you need to put packages out. With doing the mail you always have the window down and are always in the hot with your arms out to the boxes every few minutes. I used sunscreen yesterday and brought two forms of drink AND a backup bottle of water - so I didn't have as much of the issue I had on Friday. I hope I can bring home some bit of candy or other thing for Mark after work today - and then we plan on going out to do a few things tomorrow (Monday).
I was able to water the garden yesterday when I got home - and things are looking pretty good out there. Not lush, but good for low-maintenance 'I do other things most of the time' garden. The collards are starting to sprout, and half of the sprouts I was given to put in the deep garden are surviving. A couple of sunflowers from a random packet Mark had given me a few years ago were making a good effort in a hill in the strawberry patch. There is a cucumber started, and lots of little cherry tomatoes, and a few peppers that might be big enough to harvest tomorrow. I need to cut out that rose vine and put it in a pot so I can give it to somebody on Monday - but I don't want to cut back the entire thing because our starts in the other pots were not doing so well.
I did Russian, French and Spanish yesterday but skipped Greek mostly - I took a review on Czech vocab on babadum to help sort out what special characters we need to put in a 3d printed tile set. Mark wanted me to work out the statistics for how many I would need to be a good 'scrabble' type set for Czech, Greek and Cyrillic characters. I realized, working with Duolingo vs the vocab on babadum I really don't have as many Czech words as I thought I did, and that some more practice would be good there.
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