bits

 bits, without the caps lock on...  still making soup and trying to get things done.  I had my check up appointment for the denture plate and they adjusted it a little - said I'm doing good to have worn them every single day, despite the pain.  

Studying Romanian, Lithuanian, Japanese and did a Spanish lesson today as that was on my to do list for Wednesdays.  I need to water the plants upstairs - as I didn't do it this week at all, so far.  We also need to get animal feeds and propane one day soon.  We will have a bit of a warm spell this week and then on Sunday it will drop to below freezing - so I have to get that washing machine pipe insulated, as well.  We normally turn the valves off when it gets that cold - but that was when they were still insulated in the wall, and during the break and repair, we pulled out all the insulation that had gotten wet.

 So, drab things but they need to be done.

 Today was an absolute mile-a-minute at work - and I could have used to have been twins, since they wanted me in the office to be present during interviews and also I needed to be on the warehouse floor readying orders - so I had to switch off as much as possible to get it all done.

Esme had a good birthday yesterday - I promised not to embarrass her or take pictures -  she had chosen a big kangaroo-pocket hoodie and asked for some game credits.  I found a Minecraft toy she had picked up at the store one time we were shopping and bought one to bring home - it is a fluffy bee, and almost a ball.  I brought her some of the cakes she likes and ice cream.  I also had gotten her an investment bond earlier last month that I had put money away for slowly - not at all big, but as an 18th-birthday something that will be for the future gift, besides the common items.  We can't 'give' her a car, as she can't drive yet!

 

My dinner: I still can't eat hard things or things that require too much 'motion' - because the jaw and gums are still healing underneath this hard plastic plate.  If I soak bread in soup or a cookie in coffee in small pieces I can eat it on the back side of a bottom tooth and the plate without 'rocking' the plate painfully, most of the time.  I am also smashing up bananas, canned peaches and mandarin oranges for fruit and fiber.

Soup :

1/2 can of pureed great northern beans with the aqua faba

 zucchini, red bell pepper

a few chunks of sweet potato

water

olive oil

spicy italian seasoning

 

served with bread, and a rice flour omelet

1 egg beaten, 1 tsp of sugar, 1/4 cup or so of rice flour (brown rice flour in this case), salt, bit of baking powder, some spice mixture, fry in butter in tamagaoyaki pan and serve with a big spoon of peanut butter 

 Mark made pork chop and garlic bread and some of the same sweet potato for him and Esme.  I really am not going to chance the pork chop - tried just a little bit of well cut up hamburger the other night and it was sticking in my throat so I gave it up.   

 Every night I am making about a 3/4 cup of whole milk with strong madras curry powder in it, heated up until it all combines well.  And I am drinking that as the last thing before bed.

The 'beaver moon' was out this morning - and it was large like a coin on the horizon, just a few inches above a field on my turn out towards work - with a little strip of cloud right across the middle of it, so it seemed like Saturn, or a closed eyelid.  It is still large in the sky tonight but it is already waning gibbous. 

 

more bits

 Did the postal route today, missed the rain.  It has turned quite cold out.  The teeth still hurt to put in and to take out - and my health checkup to see where they are rubbing or cutting is on Tuesday.   I'm still taking the ibuprofen and the antibiotics.

 

We shopped yesterday and I got several more zucchinis and a red pepper - made this soup:

 

some water, less than 2 cups 

1 tbsp of olive oil 

1 smaller potato left from last bag

big handful of fresh cut zucchini

small handful of the chopped red pepper

frozen chopped onions

part of the black bean puree I still had from the other soups

the last 1/3 of the small container of tomato paste

black pepper, garlic Parmesan seasoning and paprika

 That had to boil a very long time because of the potato 

used the stick blender to grind it up

have made three bowls of soup out of it and used it as a spread over an omelet as well

 

I have a lot more of the zucchini, onions and peppers in the freezer to make more soups, and bought two more cans of the beans and chickpeas that I have been using.  Mark and Esme ate baked potato and pork chop but I really can't eat the meat yet unless I cut it up miniscule - the egg omelet was good for that for me. 

Headed for bed - I took the teeth out at 6 or 7 pm last night after a very hard day and quite a bit of 'bite' in one place that I wanted relief from.  Putting them in HURT, but I put face wash all over my face and let them settle in while I focused on washing my face - and by that point, it was almost bearable.  I took them out a bit after 8 tonight, and have to get back up at 11:30 to take the antibiotic.  The goal is to keep them in until 10 or 10:30 but right now I can't sleep through the night, either.

 

 

bits

thoughts : I'm very grateful to have the new teeth - I've worked hard over the past six months to go through all the stages required to get to this point, because with hEDS I do not heal well and have had to go slower than most people do.  They do look good when I have them in and function, although I have to relearn how to talk properly as well.  But that doesn't discount that they hurt like * to get used to and I'm going to have to use a lot of ibuprofen and willpower to get through these first few weeks. I have a fairly high pain tolerance all told, so I'm letting myself be honest that yes, this hurts.  This hurts a lot in ways I wasn't quite expecting.  My nose still hurts and taking the teeth out and putting them back in both hurt like fire for a few minutes, and then I can tolerate it.  Warm liquids, especially coffee brewed with ginger licorice tea in it, help a lot.  I am used to taking one or two ibuprofen a day when I'm actually hurting with other hEDS stuff (knees, etc.) - and now I am taking one or two every four to six hours.  I can't have any other type of painkiller, or more accurately, I can't chemically process any other type of painkiller so it doesn't make sense to take any other kind.  

I'm also on an antibiotic the dentist gave me, but I waited a day or so to start it - and I probably shouldn't have.  One of the dentists (two worked on me) told me to hold off since I had two rounds of the same antibiotic in two other months - and I can see some in that advice but the day before last I woke up after sleeping a few hours feeling like a dog that ate a wasp - the whole front of my face hurt - and I made some soup and started with the antibiotics.

 

I'm also so glad I can cook and adapt recipes to still get the food that I need to eat in a form I can eat it //as I make black bean soup with zucchini, onions, tomato paste and every spice my instincts tell me to eat.  And right now - my instincts are telling me to eat anti-inflammatories and anthrocyanins.  I can do that - my food chopper and stick blender are helping a lot with that - good thing I was sort of doing those things with my bad teeth before - but whoa, having 'bad' teeth was still better than having raw holes where teeth used to be, that you then stick a hard unforgiving and rubbing plastic plate over for 12 to 16 hours every day before the holes have even healed up (part of the process).  

My mother went through this 20 years ago and she stopped wearing her teeth - and I knew it was hard, and she wasn't good with pain, but it severely impacted her health not being able to eat (and she wouldn't eat as many vegetables or spices as I do, plus had diabetes).  She didn't get the nutrition she needed and got much sicker because of it.  So I'm really using my willpower.  This morning getting out of bed on time was a bit tougher (I'm still working full time plus) - and knowing I would be putting those teeth in, with all the pain that makes my eyes water, and I did it anyway.  Taking them out tonight hurt just about as much as getting them to settle in this morning... and having the warm spiced liquid available to wash over them helped so much.

 

tonight's 'let's eat some good protein and fiber' soup mix: this one has the added benefit of having anthrocyanins in the black beans, which helps against inflammation and with pain relief (and actually does work like that for me)

 

1 can of black beans with aqua fava, ground in a processor

1/3 of a small can of tomato paste

1 tbsp of butter

some water 

1 large handful of frozen zucchini

1 handful of frozen onions

black pepper, brown mustard seed, some 'sicilian' seasoning, some 'al pastor' taco seasoning, some 'chinese five spice' seasoning, paprika, garlic, cocoa powder - the al pastor seasoning had guajilio chile powder in it, which I also use for the anthrocyanins, and the Sicilian seasoning was mostly tomato and garlic but it was running too low.  The five spice powder had cloves and cinnamon in it.

heat that all up to boiling, then cool it down some and run my stick blender through it until all the zucchini and onions are blended

eat with a frozen biscuit 

 

the other day:

1/2 can of tuscan flavored chickpeas (some name brand mix)

1/3 of a small can of tomato paste

some water 

1 tbsp of butter

1/2 of a large cube of chicken bouillon  

1 handful of frozen zucchini

1 handful of frozen orange bell pepper 

1 handful of frozen onions

I think I put only some black pepper in that one - because the tuscan flavored chickpeas were actually well spiced 

 

Languages: I'm actually catching up on Romanian, and haven't even done any French or Japanese this week at all - what is that about? I can't spell very well in Romanian at all... and moreso when I've been lax on keeping up with it.  So, I'm doing fairly well considering that.  I have let my to do list go to the wind until I get myself back together.  I need to take Esme out and let her pick out another birthday present one of these nights after work, she mentioned a coat and she needs to try them on. 

 

dental work

 

They took out the six teeth this morning, my face felt like it was hardly there - but I can definitely feel this plastic dental appliance (top denture plate) they have put in, and I can feel that my upper jaw is still bleeding some.  I hate that - because I do bleed a lot compared to most people.  They told me the plate should act 'like a bandaid' and make it stop bleeding over the course of the day - but it's been about twelve hours and I've come to the conclusion that is once again, a 'most people' thing and I'm not built like most people.  With hEDS, everything is just a little different when it comes to anything that has collagen in it, like skin, blood vessels, gums etc etc..  Gah.

 

I was able to eat some soup and finally figured out how to drink coffee without losing much of it.  But I still feel like I've been punched in the nose, too - because of all the needles and numbing they had done to the roof of my mouth.  Earlier, I told Mark I would feel so much better already if my NOSE didn't hurt - right at the bottom of each nostril probably where it was getting extra support from the rigidity of the teeth?  I don't know - but I hope that settles down because that is going to be tough.  Not as tough as the fact that my sinuses also drain down almost exactly where the dental plate extends in the back of my mouth.  

 

So, yes, the teeth look nice.  They'd look nicer without blood still seeping in my mouth.  They told me I had to keep the plate in until the next morning, and then remove it and rinse out the blood and put it back in.  That is going to be smashing.   My face still looks like I got half beat up but without the bruising.  There is a certain puffiness to it - and part of that might be because there are 'teeth' there to fill the cheekbones out there.  And I've taken three Advil over the course of twelve hours - yes, three total pills - (because I cannot have / cannot process chemically the other painkillers they normally would provide) since they pulled them out and all except the nose and one spot on the front tooth area the Advil are taking care of the rest.   I slept for about four hours, but the oversalivation and gag factor are still there, although not quite as bad as it could have been.

 

 I sat down with colored pencils and meant to just start drawing colors - in the way that I do, but it turned into one of these 'my nerves are melting' drawings and I let it, as the novacaine was still pulsing through my face and I couldn't feel my lips at that point.  Perhaps there is something there to pay attention to after a bit.  That blue line going down with the diamonds was a strange one.  Yes, the whole thing is strange.  The electricity had also gone out for an hour just after we got home and I only had cold coffee on top of all of that - so drawing helped sort things out for a bit until the power came back on.

I don't know why but I switched from French and Spanish to Romanian today and did the Lithuanian lesson as well.  

I'm supposed to be back at work in the morning here and am not looking forward to pulling that plate out and seeing the blood and the state of the jaw with the teeth missing.   

Bits with bite

 Tomorrow I go in to the dentist for the last of those procedures - and that will take another week to heal from.  I've been preparing for it in some ways and ignoring it totally in others.  That's the way of it.

Studying French, Spanish and some Japanese.  Went out to deliver postal packages today (Sunday) and it was way out in the middle of nowhere, not my usual route, and it was raining cats and dogs.  The car kept fogging up, and there are no street signs where there should be street signs - so you can't really tell if what you're turning on is the tiny little road in the middle of three miles that you hope it is.

 Took mother-in-law out for groceries, and got a few other things  We need to insulate the washing machine for the upcoming freeze, she says her pups have chewed the insulation off some of her pipes.  I need to get her dental appointments, too - but it is hard when I am the one who can drive and I needed to finish mine up (which Mark is driving me home from, but he has a tough time driving alone now).  He had a hard time getting to the DMV last month and because of bureaucracy they didn't even let him or Esme get anything done there and they have to go back another day... which we have to arrange for, again.

The budget worked out for the month, but I'm hoping the sky will stay up for next month, as it goes.  It has already started to get cold, the older animals are having a harder time and I need to make sure we have feed for the next few months, and keep propane for Mark's heater.

I'm off of work tomorrow and back Tuesday. 

I've bought a slightly unripe peach, baked it with butter and sugar, and pulverized it, to have over biscuits and egg for my dinner tonight.  Mark says I will find out just how much I chew when there is nothing there but the denture to chew with - and that the next week will be hard. 

some thoughtful bits

 Some days I feel like I'm going to get up without my skeleton, or vice-versa... all clicky and things are not quite right and connected. My knee and ankle have been doing that 'why are you holding your joint like this it h U R TSSS' slow burn to major stabbing pain episodes and then I move them and everything is fine but somehow I end up moving them back into that same position out of habit and the pain wells back up.  Getting through it, though.  We've been researching more about the college stuff, as well - and getting at least one application in.  Timelines, gah. School starts back and then leaning hard on the math program as well - and hope she continues to cooperate with that, because it is required to graduate.

 

 my spider plant at work has grown a lot since last December

 

The weather has just now turned cold, after a major rainstorm, after a week of being dry.  Mark hates the cold, and it will become harder for him to do anything outside his heat zone after a bit.  And I've examined the to-do list phenomenon a bit more.  

 

If : I need to do something every week and my trouble is kicking myself in the tail that day to do that thing THEN.  The to-do list has about an 85% chance of helping make sure that gets done.

If: I would like to be reminded every few days about something hit-or-miss, like watering houseplants, and the to-do list can do that and/or be forwarded a day (which it can) if it doesn't quite need yet to be done that week on that day.. the to-do list has about a 90% chance of helping.

If : I remember earlier or later in the day and am no longer at the place the thing needs to be done at - the to-do list has a 95-100% chance of helping me remember it when I am at the place again.. at least, remembering there was something I put on the to-do list without having to remember what I was thinking about earlier that made me think about that thing and then what it was. 

BUT : If 'it would be great if I would keep up with this extracurricular thing or good-intentioned habit (like drinking extra water or cleaning) every few days,week and putting it on the list will keep me from forgetting about it' -- ech, maybe about 50% chance of helping?  I get annoyed with that because it isn't a required thing and it isn't something that I'm seeing a good benefit from, yet... and then I struggle against the past me that thought it was such a good idea to put it on the list and then have it pop back up and 'look at me' every day on this app.

AND : The app is annoying me because when it does it's notifications it sounds like a text message,and when I am not supposed to be getting text messages, at night or driving etc... it annoys me to stop and pick up the phone and look and 'haha, it wasn't a text, it is your to do list (or a language app, similar issues) it just made you LOOK'... and I don't see anywhere that I can change the notification sound to something other than my text notification sound - and changing my text notification sound to something else has resulted in me ignoring it entirely - so .. *GLUM* what to do about that?  not a lot... the system is working within parameters but it could be better

 

Making rice for the lunches the next few days, doing laundry, staring at a lot of other things, listening to the wind and the rain storms outside.  Budget will come to forefront again this week as I am paying the end of the month bills.  We have done good getting through half the month spending only half the estimated amount for the food budget.  That will probably change as well after this week - because it's cold, and because I went myself for just the things on the list the other day instead of everyone coming with me.  

Then the week after that they finally finish my denture and have extractions to finish that out.  Then the week after that - Esme's birthday.

 French, Lithuanian, Spanish, Japanese - a bit of math.

I worked on a few more chapters of a cat book I had been working on, and did two illustrations. 

Lunch of a few tablespoons of rice, tamagoyaki style rolled egg omelet (with biryani masala spices in it) and those zesty chili beans, and a good couple of tablespoons of sweet non-dill relish.  I told myself to use a real plate, even though it was enough I could have used a little saucer to hold it.

the rice: as usual

1 cup washed rice, this week it is mahatma enriched long grain white, although in the past it has been natural brown rice that the other store sells ... matter of time and I'll probably get the other again

put that in 2 cups of water (more for brown rice), bit of pulverized brown mustard seed, olive oil drop, bit salt and bit rice wine vinegar, bring to boil, bring down to low, cover, stir occasionally, turn off at the end and prepare

2 tablespoons or less of white sugar, rice wine vinegar and white sesame seeds

place the sugar in center of the HOT rice, pour just enough rice wine vinegar to wet the sugar, and then stir like mad - daughter says it kind of looks like rice pudding when I'm doing this - and then mix in the white sesame seeds, put up in a clear glass container with a sprinkle of salt over the top, let cool on the counter for 20 minutes or so, place in fridge and use within 3 days 

 

 I found some of the basic drawing pencils that were eluding me - I could have sworn I looked in those crochet hooks multiple times and had not seen them.  Still missing the key pencil in each set, the 4H.  Sat down and drew for a bit while the sunlight was nice upstairs.

  

 

 

Ca vi, Ca va

 How do I light a fire under the creative cauldron and get things moving that I have let sit on the shelf so long while I tried to focus on other things and was too tired after those things had been done?  Is it a losing battle?  The other things are much more important and yet there are moments where I am not able to do them yet in time - and I do not use those moments well and what do I miss.

 Studied French today and a little Spanish, and did the math rapid-fire modules.  It is easy to say I will kick my own tail and move forward but it is still a bit like screaming into the void.

 Ca vi, ca va, que sera sera etc.  And yet, it will be something different if I dig my shovel in and do some more of the work.  I can't do much of other people's work for them when they don't want to do it or it isn't time yet for it - but I keep ignoring my own, too because what.. it doesn't feel as important, because I set it for myself and it is 'art' etc... I have such a strange relationship with time. 

les morceaux

 The little car did what  it should today, and I got the tires looked at by someone who knew what they were doing.  Mark and Esme got their errand ran in the other newer car.  Esme cleaned a lot out of the garage and they took some items to the local dump - although they were not able to get the bureaucratic things done at the driver's services because of timing and forms.  

Same happened at work today, as a young truck driver could not get his act together and get me the proper documents to unload him, and he went off to go get them and come back, and his broker told me all of the documents were there - (and sent me electronic copies as well) but the driver then got lost and did not come back before we closed.  So, he will have to be unloaded tomorrow.  The broker was NOT happy about it all - as the driver didn't even get to our business until after noon, and he had been scheduled to arrive before eight a.m.  Ga ca vi ca va ce n'est pas ca vi (basically meaning, that's not the best way to do it, said while shaking your head sadly) the way they are going to do it is not the way it is to be done

I've studied French and Japanese today, and made it to the middle of the second math module on the new math program on Duolingo, mostly in between waiting on hold on the phone or for a reply from a broker on the email.  

I'm thinking about books and what I have and have not read - been thinking for a few weeks on it, but read another article today that got me thinking more. 

 I had gotten some shampoo for damaged hair about a week ago and it has been helping some - and another trial item came in the mail today.  We'll see if that helps more.  I made more rice for lunches this week, after making some yesterday and using it tonight in our dinner of pork fried rice.  I need to go work on my Japanese on Wani Kani before I take myself off to bed. 

 The pork fried rice sauce (again):

1 tbsp brown sugar in about a cup and a half of water in a big pan

some olive oil, about a quarter size spot

some soy sauce (and then some more, as the vinegar was a bit much)

splash balsamic vinegar  (not too much)

bit salt

bit brown mustard seed that had been pulverized

bit prepared brown mustard from a jar in the fridge

pork seasoning spice that includes garlic and ginger and paprika

bring that all to a boiling

add green onions, orange bell pepper, some white onion and a handful of other vegetables out of a frozen veggie pack

add pulled pork that Mark had made yesterday

bring back to full sizzle

make hole in center and add three eggs from our chickens - let whites cook a bit then mix the whole thing up

add rice to the outside edge from fridge - and then stir it all together and cover, let steam until rice is warmed through

serve 

  

monday the thirteenth

 Ended up a bit sideways in a ditch this afternoon, but the mechanic pulled the little car out, and everything seems to be working okay.  I was checking it out to make sure it was going to run okay for Mark to use the newer car this week for errands and I would drive the little car to work and back - but it had been doing a few odd things on the way back from the post office on Saturday, that made me worry the battery would be worn down.  So we were giving it a good run after not having used it most of the week, but it was a very bad corner.  It could have been much worse - pulling the car out was a bit dangerous position to be in but it pulled out easy and seemed to be just cosmetic if anything.  Studying French and Japanese today, made rice to bring to work tomorrow.  I'm thinking a day off on the to do app is okay, the dog can get washed another day.

bits of

  

It is starting to get cold at night, and that means rounding up the animals.  Cold is only about 50 degrees right now, but you can feel the bite to it, so it's still cold.  Two of our animals are getting quite old, and I worry about them both - the little sixteen year old cat Minion with hardly any meat on her bones and the old hound, Minerva, who must be eleven now.  The little cat came in (with one of the younger ones, and Charlotte, the younger dog).  But Minerva did not come in, in fact- I saw and heard her as she ran up the road bellowing at some deer or fox... and usually that means she will come barking back at the door between 2 am and 3 am, and I will get up and let her in.  I don't sleep well anyway, and I guess this all works out.  In the winter, I definitely don't sleep knowing someone is out in the freezing temperatures - I want them in and I know they'll be alive etc.

 So, I was a bit worried when Minerva did not show up in the morning.  She had not barked at the door that I had heard, and she was not curled up in the leaves by the porch where she had been before she ran off barking.  I fed the chickens, and changed all the trough and bowl waters outside, and even walked up to the mailbox and back.  I picked a good big sheaf of lespedeza, which has went to brown seed, and brought it back to the chickens.  Charlotte and Minion had both congregated by the water trough, and did a loop about the little garden area with me - but no indication of Minerva.

We got ready to go out to our  grocery shopping, and I really would have liked her in by then.  But she wasn't.  I was quite quiet while we were out, because I was hoping to see her when we got home and trying not to worry so much - but I do, I am the worrier.  We got back from our grocery shopping, and put everything away, and she finally did show up.  I was relieved - just like I had pictured myself being if I went up there before we went to the store and she had been there.  We gave her some bread and she said one of her teeth hurt.  After I tore it up into smaller bits, she ate it - and then she wanted back outside.

 I made some soup for myself, and have pulled some of the frozen cabbage out of the freezer.  Mark said his brain bounced when he asked me what I wanted with hamburger and I said maybe I could use a little bit of it in a dish with that.  I think I'll use some of my guajillio chiles with it.  I just don't digest hamburger as easily as he does - and even worse in the past few years.  We are Jack Sprat and his wife - he can't handle the grease in it, and I can handle the grease much better than I can handle the meat itself.  Give me split peas or lentils or beans or eggs for my protein - peanut butter, a big dollop of butter, mixed with a bunch of rice and some fruit or bananas - and I've got a good diet working.  

Someone who lives in Barcelona visited the other day at work - and I really had to just refrain myself because I could have went full ADHD explosion with questions and comments and I felt imposter syndrome from learning different languages - and I didn't know her, my boss did  - and it was better really that I just went back to my office.  I really am interested in Barcelona, and the Catalan language, and the areas near there Marseilles and Cote de Nice etc etc.. but the question 'why?' I can't really answer - because I saw it in a dream, and then in our driving game, and each time I see the language Catalan) it feels like I can handle it so much better than Spanish, through the French side of my brain - but I haven't had a good chance to hear it etc.  She didn't speak Catalan she spoke English, Spanish and Portuguese, or maybe I would have actually asked her a few more questions. 

but I play one on tv

 Agh, dealing with some imposter syndrome with the to do list - because my usual form of 'organized' does not live up to this version, and yet I'm the one doing it - and keeping up with the trash and the laundry even out of the dryer, and watering the houseplants and getting the dog food and all of the things... but it feels like I'm not an organized person (not like this) I just play one on tv, and there will come a day here where I don't want to do the list and I'll say 'see, I told you so.'  

And yet, I'm the one arguing with myself to open that list and do the things on it, as well.  They're not all bad!  They're things that need to be done!  You haven't even looked!  ADHD type tendencies, and I've fought them in different more organic-feeling ways for a long time.  

I even remembered to buy postage stamps today - even though I hadn't put them on the list.  I just THOUGHT about putting them on the list, but didn't want to 'commit' to it... because I keep forgetting it when I'm at the place and time (my postal route office) where I should be buying it.  But today I left the office and was headed to the second half of my route and made myself turn right back around *eep* and go into the front of the office and buy stamps.  After more than a month of saying 'It will have to be next week now, since the office closes at noon'... I'm not sure how to feel about that.  I did it, but it isn't a victory.  It's sort of a 'that really doesn't sound like you, you sure it was you?' moment.  I didn't really feel like me doing it, either.

I've thought about what I'll accept for the 'clean one thing' and still arguing that - yesterday I just dusted a shelf and I wasn't sure if that was legit.   What good is telling yourself to do something if you allow yourself to cheat at it - but then that is the basis of most weight loss goals and habit-breakers, right?  More to think on there, too.

Some processing to happen there.  I have to think about it.  It's good that I'm getting the things done.  They need to be done.  I just don't feel like it's exactly me doing it - but sort of one-and-a-half time travelling me, telling me to do it, arguing with present me about what future me will feel about this.  And future me is really confused.  Maybe I'm not looking far enough ahead - maybe that future me already got through this part.  I'm planning the budget out past next March as well, and this present me really hopes that I'm getting things right.  Anxiety is sort of spread around to all of those things.

 

I made the rice flour omelet again today - and the recipe wasn't that far off from my 'instinct' recipe the other night.  It's a great way to use up eggs, since our chickens lay about five to eight every single day and there are just the three of us.  I give away a lot at work, but still I want to have them used up in good ways.  Same with the rice flour -  I have that whole bag of brown rice flour in the freezer that needs to be eaten, and I'm the only one to eat it.

 

3 eggs, beaten with 1 tablespoon of white sugar, bit of salt, and then 1/2 cup of brown rice flour beaten into that.  Let it sit for a minute.  Heat up about a 2 to 3 inch circle of peanut oil in a large pan.  I used too small of a pan the other day.  Hold the pan up and let the oil drift over the entire inner surface - then toss a droplet of water in.  When the water crackles, I beat the egg mixture again and poured it into the pan.  When the center began to puff up a little I used the turner and turned the whole 'pancake'/'omelet' over.  Last time it was very messy, this time it was pretty good.  I let the entire omelet cook a bit more and then put it on a plate, with peanut butter and red chili paste.  It wasn't too sweet this time - last time I put more sugar than that in it and a bit of honey on top of it as it cooked - and didn't measure the rice flour.

 

Went further in the Duolingo math, but still did French and need to do the Japanese review today.  I caught up with my WaniKani reviews finally...  

 

Discussion with Esme the other day - I've said this before but I told her it again - it is wherever you go, there you are - but expanded to explain that means you're the one that is there, and there are things that you need to do, and you're the one that is there to get you to do them - no one else is there 100% of the time with you to remind you or push you, so the important thing is YOU - you've got to find that thing inside yourself (your will) to carry with you all the time, to do the things, because then you know they will get done when they need to.  

bits

 It's been a harder past couple of days with anxiety, but I'm keeping it on the leash mostly.  I made a big pillow on my sewing machine and brought it to work so I can sit in the middle of the room on break for a few minutes and that helped the other day (sans pillow) and a bit today, as well.  I'm actually doing really well on everything - my hEDS is being tolerable, just knee and hip and etc. but things pop back where they should be - our budget is tight but it looks like it will work out if I can just get everybody to stay on board.  So, there isn't any real 'reason' for the anxiety, like usual actually,  but as I told Esme sometimes none of that matters and it is just a brain chemical / hormone thing that you have to stand outside of yourself for a moment and say 'what is this going on?' and do the best you can with it.  I am trying to read less online news, because right now that really sucks it seems to be very doom-filled and I've brought a book to read instead.

 

We had a really good freshman psych- level talk about brain chemicals, dopamine and realizing your habits and goals from the 'outside' as well as from the inside with the body chemicals sometimes training you without you intending them to.  Esme brought up school students she knows that have some issues with this and also with anger responses to not getting their dopamine ie: no phone or video game or etc.  She's paying attention.  I told her often you have to outsmart yourself on those things - train yourself to the good things, like maybe a language or a todo list or congratulating yourself for a good grade etc. but also to be on the watch for other people because you can't control what they do etc. 

 

Studying Spanish, Lithuanian, French, Japanese and Catalan.  And I started the Spanish lesson before the anxiety set in.  I also started the Duolingo Math path today and it was interesting.  I tried the Chess thing a few weeks ago, and found it juvenile at first - but might try it again after a bit.

 

Tried to make rice flour omelet last night, and put a bit too much sugar in it.  I'll try it again tomorrow - having some rice with oily fish tonight while everyone else has hamburgers.  Postal route tomorrow, and the mornings are getting colder.  This week was the first return to automatic savings in my 401K as well. 

Nac ydy.... ydw rwan

 The to do list is working, although a bit ... what is the best word for it... reluctantly?  reticence?  skeptical?  I can sit here and think I'm not gonna do it, etc.. and then there's a good chance somewhere I will get the spark I need and get up and go get it done.  All except typing up that story - so far.  Nac ydw (no I'm not), ydw rwan (yes now)

I even added 'drink one extra cup of water' to the list today, and 'clean one thing' - both to repeat daily.  We'll see how THAT goes.  *peer hard at self*  After cutting all of my split ends off the other day I picked up a new shampoo, and am working on the damage in my hair.  And I cleaned the back shelf of the bathtub all around - in addition to washing the floor towels and rugs.  Have studied Lithuanian and French and Japanese - and done kanji every night - except tonight - which I need to go kick myself into gear.

 Made some ground mustard seed two days ago and have been putting it in our meals and on top of my rice at lunch with some ground cashews that were sitting in a container unused for more than a month.   Made a rice-noodle stir fry tonight with vegetables out of the freezer and eggs, and Mark had made some ground beef and gave us a portion of it to put into it.  That was quite good.  I didn't use the tomato I have set aside for tonight - but that is something I will forward to tomorrow or cut and freeze.

 The budget is something I am being more strict on after two unexpected purchases already this month - one a car registration that came due and the other something that is now earmarked as a birthday present for two months from now for Mark, but he had to pounce on to get it now.  *small sigh*  But I am trying hard and our grocery run the other day was reserved.

OK, off to do the little budget work I need to do and my kanji, and put the clothes in the dryer before bed. 

bits

 Study Lithuanian, then do my Wani Kani kanji at some time today.  I did a good amount of French last night when I was up and couldn't sleep - and started another floor rug for something to do with my hands.  Esme has her next math module to do.  I made her do one Friday and gave her a break yesterday, but both are due tomorrow.

We went to town early this morning and picked up some essential groceries.  I know I'm being tight with the budget, but with getting the car loan last month and the insurance it is my instinct to reel in as much as I can until we really know what we have for several months in a row - plus, winter is coming, and that is always more expensive. Esme is a bit worried with the tight budget, but she knows why I am doing it.  I wish I could solve her anxiety on it, as I am basically doing it to lessen my own anxiety.  That is an odd combination.  Now, we are not out of anything that anyone needs in the house, but I didn't buy many extras, either.  I've actually been working at using up some of the extra, or at least things in the cupboard that weren't being actively used but could be.

Washed the bedding and made some rice for lunches the next few days.  Washed Charlotte, as well.  There are two very pretty tomatoes that were green when they were given to me on Thursday, but have reddened up nicely.   I chopped up one of the other ones and put it in a container in the freezer, which I often add to stir fry type dishes.  I put the larger tomato and a lot of other vegetables together with some sausage from the freezer and served it with mashed potatoes from the last ones at the bottom of the box that needed to be used up.

I took my hair shears and trimmed about two inches off of my hair - been thinking about doing that for a week or more now.  Now Esme's math is done and I have a bit more language to do, make the bed, put up the rice, and fall asleep, hoping to sleep a bit more than last night. 

to-do or not to-do

 Well, the new to-do list application really shows what I'm willing to put myself to task to, and what I'm much more likely to swipe to the next day.  I even went out and washed the windshield of the car because I had put it on my list earlier in the week.  That is one of those things I just don't do because by the time I think of it, I am far from the place and then when I am at the place, I don't think of it.  I did the laundry, AND got it into the dryer AND folded it and put it away.  I watered the plants.  I made rice one day and then finished it all up in different meals.  I did the budget entries and analysis, without putting them in the to-do-list, but remembered I should do them because I looked at the to-do-list and asked myself what I was missing.  I did all the language lessons - even the kanji lessons that I had been ignoring for a while.  

 However, I did not retype the short story that was written on paper in the tiny font.  Yea, have to think on that one again.  I actually forwarded it yesterday, and then today, decided it is probably not getting done anytime soon even if it is on the list.   It is a bit like being an anthropologist studying myself.

So, French, Japanese and Lithuanian today, and the postal route of course.   

Sliding towards the weekend

 I've done a lot on my to do list - and tomorrow is the postal route.  I've done Lithuanian, French, Greek and Japanese on my language lessons, with a good healthy dose of Kanji.  Esme was doing compound interest equations in her math, and that took a while, but she got done.  And then we went and compared her two choices for college, again, and looked at the program curriculum.  I wish my hours weren't quite as rigid - but she has a school break coming up and with the little car working (at the moment) maybe her dad can take her to do a few things that can only be done during regular business hours - driver's license test and visiting the nearby schools.

 

I did put on my list to retype my Amelia story - but I didn't get around to that.  I kick myself that I didn't send it to myself in an email instead of writing it out longhand on a piece of paper.  I have the paper, but I was using a small hand that day and now I have to get a good light to read it.

 

Can I use this to do list app to get myself to do more of my writing?  I've done several more of the 'outside' languages lately because of it.  They only take a few minutes each to keep me up to practice, but I often don't get around to them.  Czech and Romanian, especially, my spelling gets awful the longer I am away from it.  I didn't do any Welsh today.  I found a trial lesson of Lithuanian beyond the vocabulary lessons I've been doing - and tried that.  I don't know what algorithm I had fallen afoul of the past week - that had hundreds of 'people' (probably ai crawler visits) reading these notes and random, but have broken out of it now!

moving along...bits

 Almost everyone is over the sinus ick - which is good, it was getting tiresome mostly because it would gather up while I slept.  Esme is now passing her math class, and we're looking harder at the college choices.  

 I'm working on French, Japanese and spatterings of Lithuanian, Greek, Korean and started a Welsh review.  I finished the Italian section I was in but haven't started the next.  A lot of the names in the little Minetest world  I had been working in lately turned out to be Italian.  I need to study much more about financial planning stuff - the bits we learned last year were a good start.

 Getting things done at work, car doing what it should, budget doing what it should - so far.   I fixed a hose in the yard, and finally got the license plate for the car.   I had a squash out of my garden and finished crocheting that little kitchen rug.  Chopped up a bunch of peppers and tomatoes from someone else's garden - they brought a bag into work for me :)  It was so nice!  I bring eggs often from our chickens because we just don't eat them all.

 patty pan 'white scallop' squash

 

I was starting to try a to-do app.  I am often somewhere entirely different than the place that I remember I should do something at - and those are the things that too often get forgotten.  So now I've put several of those in the app while I am at work and when I get home, I can start to work through the things without having to try to 'place' the thought because location-based memory is really important to me.  I can sit here and maybe not think of that thing I thought of when I was there - until I am there again!  I can feel the taste of the idea, but can't actually pull it up into solid form.  It's usually with things that are low importance anyway, like throwing something in the washing machine, making rice for the next day's lunch or fixing a hose etc... but I'll try the app and see if it can help with that. 

 

One of the things I had put in the app was to 'make rice maybe' - and I did finally do that tonight, and even made two nice filled onigiri to take to work tomorrow, with red curry paste and seaweed and sesame seeds.  I haven't made them in a while because the kind of rice at the store by my work was different, and I hadn't been to the other store to pick up the kind I normally use.  I had bought the other rice - but I just hadn't gotten myself around to adapting to use it until tonight I had it on the app to look at and say yea... ok, yea.

 

 

 

Àgres cau'r ça va

 Getting through the week, cooking dinners, doing laundry.  For some reason I am now studying Korean Hangul alphabet, French (at level 3 instead of 5), Italian, Japanese and Lithuanian on different profiles.  The Lithuanian is on Baba dum and it is close to Latvian, I can bring it up on my phone in spare minutes and do a couple dozen to keep in practice.  /raises eyebrows at own self.  I guess it is variety week?  

 I'm crocheting a rug and nearly done with it, started while I helped Esme do some algebra the other day (the 'help' is that I sit here and make encouraging small talk and supervise that she actually gets through it, occasionally actually looking closer when it seems to be truly frustrating - so the crochet helped to distract me enough that she didn't get too anxious I was looking over her shoulder.)  We could use another small floor rug for when those I made last year are in the wash.  

 And I am making drawings to make a puppet because we thought up some skits that would be cool.  I used to make toys and puppet like things long ago, but haven't done much lately.  Materials will be interesting if I get 'off the kitchen table and into the garage' with that idea and onto the workbench.

 Our budget seemed to be working last month even with the more expensive things, and the tightening of our belt in a few other areas.  I am still going to be extra-conservative through a little longer.  We were going to go grocery shopping tonight but we still have leftovers and it has been raining and colder. 

 Àgres cau'r ça va?  I haven't been able to find anyone who can translate that, but it is one of those pidgin things that I say between Latin, Welsh and French.  The 'agres' is actually said more like 'on-gres', similar to the word 'engraved', so maybe a contraction of On agrès, 'we get ready/prepare' Esme says she has heard me say it since she was small but she only has half a feel for it, and knows that it is usually something I say during lots of activities, stress, to-do-list etc.  Similar in feel to 'Quests for Humans'  The closest thing that I've gotten to a actual word-for-word meaning is 'We are completing difficult tasks? (we're preparing  - closing up, is it all good/ok?'  I am also slightly reminded of my mother saying something like 'batten down the hatches' at times, and the 'Angres' (agres, on agres) has always implied some sort of difficult task that we need to get ready for, like a ship for a storm, or a castle for attack etc.

ça va?  ça va. 

Sunday sunday bits

 We went to get the little car the other day and now it started and ran, but it was overheating on even a short trip - which it had done once before long ago, but it was not just the coolant being empty or the radiator cap breaking now.  It was something else, which I haven't asked the mechanic what that was yet - but he says it is ready and he has run it around town some and it is no longer doing that.

 

I've been really watching our budget this month because of the extra vehicle and insurance costs.  I've had to ask everyone to tighten up and make sure we are on the right path and I haven't underestimated anything going forward.  I'll know in another week or so what that really looks like - I hate that bills don't give you some sort of lookahead so you can estimate.  I have a pretty tight little spreadsheet of all the actual income and expenses over the past few months and I think I've got it on the nose, but I still want to see it work out in real life.  The insurance bill seems to be different every other month and I overestimate so that I can be sure to keep us in range.  And with all the vehicle expenses, rental car, the downpayment for this vehicle and the mechanic bill on the other one - it's been an expensive month.

 

I don't know why I'm doing Italian now on one profile, and French on the other.  I did that Duolingo levels things for about fifteen of the languages I have practiced over the past eight years - and Italian came out at a 38, even higher than Czech and Romanian.  And I haven't put that much time into it.  And the Spanish level being so low, 11, compared to the others - and I have put time and effort and frustration into that.  I know that means I should not be taking these as accurate data points because they contradict the actual working level I feel I have in each.  Anyway.  We watched the DaVinci Code the other day and I understood a lot more this time around of the French especially, but some of the Latin also even with the subtitles off than I have in the past - but I was listening, and trying to understand the 'mumble mouth' that a lot of the actors have.  I backed it up a few times to make sure that I had caught what I thought I had - didn't get every word.  I also understood the Italian in another movie that was just a few simple sentences. 

 Did the postal route, ready to go send and receive more trucks at work this week.  Then resolve the budget for next month and see where we are on track etc.  Pushing Esme to focus more on her difficult online portion of her math class so she can pass this semester (unlike last year).  I need to get her working on her driver's license harder as well and next month she will apply for college. 

 I've been having more of those dreams that I often get.  Two big themes that show up so often, I tend to recognize them in the dreams themselves as 'oh this again'.  The first one is that I am registered for a class (usually Math or English) and I don't know where it is, or when it is, and I don't know how long I haven't been attending it but I'm sure I am going to fail because I haven't been keeping up and didn't even remember I was supposed to be going to it.  The second one is the 'I am carrying my car around with me like a toy/cardboard box' where I get out and pick up the car, put it in my pocket, etc.. because I can't get it to go where it is supposed to go, blocked in traffic, not working etc.  I have read somewhere that is actually a power move - that in your dream you are realizing you are in control and that you can take charge of the situation.  Ok, I'll take that - it's nicer than the other interpretation that I feel like I can't get where I am supposed to go so I just break the limits of reality for a little while instead of waking up.

In one of those college dreams a third often theme also came up, I am me -but not this Universe's version of me.  I was brushing my hair in the mirror.  (what I've read of that people aren't supposed to do that as often as I do, it used to mean death or something, but I've always been able to see myself in mirrors in dreams, and only sometimes is it worrisome like that one time I was in 'not Fargo apartment that I didn't rent' and was looking in the mirror and it seemed like my face was not quite right, and then I turned around and 'me not me' was coming in the door, setting their keys down on the counter and stopping to stare at me in the hallway across from them before dropping their bag to the floor)  

Anyway, brushing my hair in the mirror and trying to get it to lay right - but it wasn't exactly like my hair is now, and I was talking to 'Mark not Mark' in the other room - people in my dreams are alt-Universe versions of themselves, as well, sometimes, and we were talking about having to go somewhere later today - there was someone else there that was one of his friends, someone I haven't met, but they were discussing cars.  From his attitude in the dream I knew it wasn't the Mark I would normally interact with, there were things that were off, and I became even more aware in the dream that this was not a 'million miles' but some sort of -alt.universe metaphor.   It was not our house or one I've been in although I could draw it now and tell you exactly where the furniture was and the colors of things were etc., and I was telling Mark that I needed to get to class and he asked me if I was still taking that? and I wasn't sure, have I missed it, have I been going?  I was supposed to walk there - and in the dream I could see exactly the path I needed to take all the way to a building and then I couldn't remember what floor/room I needed to be at or what time.  And I began to be quite worried, but Mark said that when I got there, I could probably just ask. 

 I've had a few slight wonderings about whether I should take a GPS class or something else online, like I did the comparative linguistics class.  But then I remember I should be doing my WaniKani and I haven't done that in a few weeks. 

 *million-miles, dreams that take place elsewhere, with me really not being me, that extend for days or weeks within the dream with tasks, people and a life that is not my own, and several times in those dreams I wonder how I am ever going to get 'back home' Dorothy-like? and finally I wake up and it feels like it is all still almost there - bits and pieces, an apartment, a fleeting memory of a person, a place, language etc... and then it slips through my fingers and most of it is gone - although sometimes I do return to that same place later in a dream, like the apartment in Barcelona, that I must have seen in some magazine or Google images map, because it is quite detailed - it's my brain playing 'doll house' with things that it liked in the visual-spatial 3D. 

language bit

 

 

 

I got a little too enthused about the new 'level' assigned in Duolingo.  Although, they've had something like this before, and I've been doing this on this profile since 2017.  I started in French (my L2 from grandmother) and German (my high school required language) and Welsh (pure interest).  I am in the fifth section on French, and nearly finished the Welsh entirely twice now before they added more to it.  

 

I was quite pleased though to see that Czech and Romanian were still so high up there, at 22 and 19.  I focused on them at one time and can still do quite a bit when I switch over to them, but would not call myself fluent enough to even read a kid's book..  My biggest problem with them (and with Welsh, sometimes) is that I forget how to spell things properly when I've been away for too long.  I've been working on Japanese for a while, and it still is only at 21!  But then, I did a LOT of work on Spanish, hit my head against the wall on it for months doing only Spanish and hitting it hard - and after all that work then and all the work since, that is only at 11.  I am well into the middle of the second section of it, but it still doesn't come naturally to me.  Catalan comes more naturally to me than Spanish, but it would, being sort of between French and Spanish.

 

I deduct that it has to be based on how many lessons are actually available for that language - and the percentage of them that I've done.  There are way more lessons available for French and Spanish than any of the others except maybe Portuguese (I read that somewhere). 

All of this because I switched over to French after some of the verb conjugations were going through my head at lunch the other day.

 Probably going to get the little car back tomorrow, it will be expensive, and hope the fix 'sticks' - but will have to make excuses to drive it and that will be a bit difficult when it has fallen over in the past.  The newer vehicle is doing everything it should be doing but the whole reason for having a backup vehicle is exactly what happened when we just had the little car by itself and then it began to have problems. 

bits of frog and shoulder

Woke up more than an hour before my first alarm, let the cat in, chased a frog out, decided I would just stay up and take a shower, make coffee, make lunch etc... going to be very tired on the back end of the day but didn't think I was going to get much more sleep anyway. It was a big brown frog, much chasing around the kitchen. He tried to hide behind a big box so I had to pull everything out from under a table and get a flashlight and a cup, and eventually convinced him out.  I know he came in with the cat.  I've seen her chasing them right there by the light outside the door.  There are some reasons the little Manx cat's name means Frog, even though the main one was that she had that shape in the stripes on her back.

 

I did something to my shoulder on Sunday - couldn't even begin to remember what, but it hurt from early on until late into the night.  I wasn't sure how I was even going to sleep on it - sleep on the other side it has more chance to slip, sleep on that side, it hurts from the compression.  It was like someone had rammed a hubcap under my shoulder blade, and it just wouldn't stretch out by any normal means.  Mark saw me trying to stretch / crack it out, and said he had just the thing for that.  He went into the closet and found Esme's old chin-up hanging swingset bar, and put it up on a rafter for me so I could hang by my arms on it.  I did some pull ups and twists and stretches with it, hoping it would help and not make anything worse.  On Monday I held judgement past the 'twelve hours later' mark, waiting to be clobbered by the results of the exercise while I was sitting in my chair at work.  But, to my surprise, it half-popped somewhere there in the morning and the muscles felt used but much much better.  Even after work I was amazed at how much better it had felt from the night before.   It still feels 'used' today but it does feel a lot better.

 

Now if I could get everyone to stop getting the change-of-season sniffles / sinus infection that this time of year brings.  I've had a back-of-the sinuses thing for a few days.  Esme has had it as more of a stuffed-up nose for a few days, and I'm giving her soup and tea.  This morning, Mark said he was feeling it.  I went ahead and did all the dishes since I was up so early.

 

Lots of Japanese.  Not a lot of new words, but the actual drawing of kanji thing they are having me practice is a challenge.   

the bits on a weekend

 Just got back from taking mother-in-law to town and getting her groceries.  Going to make chicken noodle soup with a bit of onion powder simmered in it, and green tea with pineapple juice for Esme for lunch.  She came along to help us with the groceries but she has a runny nose again.  We've been working on catching up on her math for school - the class she failed last year, because she couldn't access the program that was 40% of her grade.  I did some chatting with her teacher last week and finally asked the right question, and got us access at home to the program.  She just kept saying 'have her bring the computer to me' and that wasn't working, one way or another.  Finally I asked if there was still an online portal to use like they did during Covid when they did online schooling - and she said oh yea, there is - and told me how to access it.  Now she can work slowly through these chapters for half-credit and we will be able to keep up with her current assignments much better because she says sometimes she can't do them in class with all the screaming and pushing and shoving that goes on with the other students.

 

Car is doing okay, what it should.  The little trick we have been using to get open the gas cap door has been working well.  

 

My joints along my left side are still taking turns with who wants to complain today.  I try not to complain general, but did post yesterday that 'nineteen hundred fifty eight' bones in my left hip were having a word with me.  That is what it feels like - there is a hitch between two places that shouldn't even be IN that joint, and nothing is quite working in the right place between them - like shifting a car and for some reason it keeps getting stuck in between, but it works, and you can't get it to shift to the right position - and you know it SHOULDn't work that way, but it is, and just what is it damaging doing that??  A lot like that.  Mark says my joints don't have sockets, they have 'orbits'.  That's not far off, either.  Most of it will work itself out if I just don't overstrain things, eat right, and keep exercising it/using it normally.  

 

It is so ironic that with hEDS letting it 'rest' doesn't help as much as people would think,   If something  is 'stuck' letting it stay in that position and not stretching it out is the wrong approach.  But, you also do have to make sure that in grinding it through the 'slightly wrong position' (called sublux actually) doesn't really mess up something.  The snappy muscle bits will snap back in place if 1.) your nutrition stays good and 2.) you use it properly and stretch/crack it properly throughout the day  and 3.) you don't get an ACTUAL injury in the meantime.  I didn't sleep too long in one position last night, either - rolling over every few hours, which helps a lot.  When I'm just really really tired and I sleep for four to six hours straight - things tend to drift more and then getting the bones where they should be can be an unwanted surprise first thing trying to get out of bed.

 

Still doing Japanese on three programs and two profiles now - although I'm only doing the bare minimum.  One of the new apps on my phone keeps yelling at me at random times and I had to explain that to Esme.  Ha.  Oh, yes, my phone just said that because I have only done one lesson today.  It wants attention?  Yes, it does.

 

Speaking of, yesterday I had gotten home from the postal route and our little blind goat, Melody, was crying outside.  She was saying BAA very loudly, because she could hear I was in the kitchen.  She wants fresh food from the bin, like a house cat, and she wants someone to pet her head and say 'what a pretty goat' while she eats inside (she has an inside and an outside bowl).  Also, much like a house cat.  So when she heard me she began baa-ing very loudly.  Mark was in his office, and I was in the kitchen - and we both, at the same moment, said 'BAA' back at her - in the exact same tone - and he came out of his office and looked at me.  We said 'BAA' the exact same way, we speak the same dialect of goat.  I asked him what he had MEANT when he said BAA, because that would explain if it was the same dialect.  He said 'in a minute', and I would have said 'yes, eventually' (which, in welsh, 'in a minute' means about that exactly).  So yes, we both speak 'goat' to the goat when she is crying and it IS the same dialect.  *ha* 

some bits hEDS

 had a good talk with an old friend about the nutrition and family history thing with hEDS (hypermobile Ehler Danlos syndrome) and then deep dove into some of the biochemistry stuff that I had read a few years ago about collagen production and ways to support - it's not a cure, and the body still makes 'bad' collagen, but let it make the best bad collagen it can when it can is the theory... by having the right nutrients present, and that is better than bad bad collagen, from bad nutrition.  That seems to have been serving me better the past few years.

 

The burn on my hand healed after about a week and a half, and when the skin peeled, it didn't pull extra layers off and cause more wounds which in the past, has been the way that worked - I would have to heal about three times from a thing like that, in different stages.

But there are other annoyances that still keep showing up.  Like, crocheting for a few hours the other day, and my arm feeling like I held a great weight up for hours the next day.  And I slipped down an enbankment on Saturday, but that could have been much worse, and the muscle on my inner shin that helped catch that foot from slipping further 'woke up' and screamed nine hours after the slip and for about ten minutes felt like I had ripped the muscle off and put it back on wrong.  The collagen in those muscles finally decided 'yup, we're done, we held it up when you needed it but now the breakdown is happening, let's all give up at once and start requesting healing'.  That always surprises me, because I have to remember what I did, and because it was usually 10-12 hours ago, it can sometimes be very hard to connect.  And it seems illogical to anyone else.  I tried unsuccessfully to explain to a bad manager once why bringing out a bunch of 100-400 lb. vanities at 9 o'clock at night for me to put in topstock before we got out at 10 pm was a really bad idea for me, when he wanted me back there again at 7 am.  He just could not wrap his head around it - it seemed like I had to be just trying to get out of work.  I offered to put them up at 7 am as soon as I got in - for a chance to be functional for the whole day and fall over later THAT night... and he still didn't get it.

 Yesterday it was my left knee - I had been walking a lot, quickly to catch semi trucks that pull up before the driver gets out and runs through our building and I have to find out where they are wandering.  And that feels better today but the left ankle, which I guess did more work for the left knee, is now feeling like I dislocated and put it back in place, which I didn't, yesterday.  I've done that before - and this just feels like that.

Off to work here in a bit - less catching trucks today - there were three yesterday which is a lot in one day. 

some bits - anti inflammation diet

 foods : have been doing this for a few years now, was discussing with someone about it, after discussing earlier in the week with family in another state but they are now back to thinking that hEDS is not what their pain is from and they 'no one has ever heard of it' again *sigh* but I've found some good results for myself and I like these foods anyway.  the family members really love sugar and sugary drinks, as well, and 'can't give them up' where I've been drinking mostly black coffee (sometimes a little milk) with a pinch of a tea that has licorice and other herbs in it for several years (for the respiratory benefit) and that in itself is odd to most people.

bell peppers

carrots 

summer and zucchini squash

green peas

green onions

regular onion

beet greens and kale, fresh from the garden or frozen from garden

cucumbers (ground up as a sauce with mayonnaise, served on top of starches, like rice or pizza) 

olive oil, good quality - avoid many other oils

balsamic and rice wine vinegar 

canned beans, lentils or chickpeas 

brown rice, prepared with rice wine vinegar

rice noodles 

white sesame seeds (added to cooked rice)

nori or wakame seaweed

canned mackerel, tuna or sardines

eggs (from our own chickens, high in omegas, dark orange yolks)

peanut butter

olives

bananas 

mayonnaise 

avocado

relish  

naval oranges 

cherries and blueberries (sparingly) 

canned fruits and pineapple juice

licorice tea in small quantities brewed in coffee (for respiratory)

whole milk only

real full-fat butter, only (no margarine or spreads) 

dark chocolate 

ginger, garlic, hot madras curry powder, lots of black pepper

celery seed (usually in lentils, pea soup or rice) 

daily supplement : methyl folate tablet with food at breakfast 

still do eat pizza, pasta, pork chop or pork stir fry, beef - all in moderation with the family at dinner, although I often will make one or more of my own foods and mix with and limit consumption because it is harder to digest some of what the rest of the family wants to eat.

avoiding corn grains and cornstarch

avoiding overeating of sugar

limiting amount of beef when the family has it, I just don't digest it as well, a little is good (especially with horseradish) but definitely have a limit I can feel

definitely no sucralose or artificial sweetener

I used to drink a lot of green tea, but for the past few years it has made me vomit - it might be the brand type changed something or something else changed with me.

knock off the spiderwebs

 I haven't picked up a paintbrush in about a year, at least, not for long.  This was a slapdash I did back then - never decided if I wanted to do anything else with it, and put it on top of the failed paintings stack.  But thus, I've been looking at it, albeit flat, for that past year, and it has grown on me in general that it had something to it.  When I painted it, I didn't even plan anything, just threw whatever colors I had down and then squinted trying to make some picture out of it.  

I started matching some of the colors today to put on the edges, as having it flat, I was also always looking at the unfinished edges.  Then I put a bit of the colors back through the painting, altering it a little here and there.  It's no worse for wear, maybe not any better, either.  But now my paints are a bit more organized again, less spiderwebs, the brushes and paint pans have been taken out, used and cleaned.  I might clean up the drawing table a little more - closed some containers and moved things around.

It is a temptation to say 'I might need more of that', and buy something.  It is also a temptation to look at the bottles of printing ink I have that are nearly 15 years old? and say throw them out... and then stick them back in another container.  Maybe they'll work if I get another idea and take out my paper and inks.  But who knows when I'll decide to work on it again.

 Working on Japanese.  In all of these years of working with Duolingo they never once did the 'we' or 'they' forms?  I started HeyJapan a few days ago and it already has me learning new words.  And it is making me trace more kanji.  Doing a little WaniKani. 

 

'Eye to Eye' - just sit down and start to sketch, and let the picture form itself to a point - this is the third or fourth though where I had sat down and tried to find my basic black drawing pencils (H, HB etc.) and could not find a one of them, and ended up drawing with something else.  There isn't any explanation for all of them to be missing from my drawing kit except that I gathered them up and put them in a 'safe place' - which is sort of why I don't clean up and organize that often, because it backfires and I can't find things that I usually leave in the open and then know where to find it.
 

there can be only one

 We got a new to us used car, because the little car was still having tantrums, and I need a reliable way to get to work.  We had to look a few times, and ended up with something 10 years old that looks like a good bet.  I hope it is.  I was really stressing out about not having a vehicle and having to pay for rentals when the little car had a problem.  

 Esme and I did our budget for the first thing I wanted to try to get - and it was just too much.  Then the car came back from the mechanic,and it was two days before it was down again.  So I stepped up the game, and found this slightly older vehicle that was more in our budget.  You might be able to tell what it is by the title of this post.  I've asked the family to be a bit more conservative for a few weeks with groceries and everything else - until I make sure the insurance bill is what I checked out beforehand.  I have to call them again tomorrow and make sure everything is as I thought it would be.

I didn't really want to take on even more debt after the HVAC had went down earlier this summer and needed to be replaced!  But I am also glad to have that wrapped up before winter, as the other car wasn't going to be that great in snow, either. 

 Studying Japanese on two profiles and also on WaniKani. 

 

Made the pork fried rice sauce again - NOT the one with 'oyster sauce' which is what I'm seeing online everywhere.  I might have to get some oyster sauce just to see - as that is supposed to be just that and some soy sauce and water to make a pork fried rice sauce.  That seems... too simple?  This is the generic soy sauce based fried rice sauce that I learned long ago.  If you are cooking fresh pork from raw, do that first, and set it aside to cool for a moment.  Then make the rest.

 1 cup of water, set to boiling in the pan, garlic and ginger powder, bit of olive oil, bit of brown sugar, bit of balsamic vinegar, bit of soy sauce, salt, black pepper, bit of prepared stone ground mustard, cayenne pepper or red pepper flake optional

 

bring that to boiling, and stir everything together well... if you are using fresh carrot, shred the carrot and boil it in the sauce separately until it begins to soften, then add green onions, regular onions, any squash or sweet peas and bell pepper, kale etc.  Add pre-cooked pork, bring to full heat, add two eggs and then stir them through after they have cooked a moment.  Finally, add the pre-cooked rice, stir through, turn off the heat and put the steam lid on for a few minutes.

This can be made with kielbasa instead of pork, or just with egg all by itself if that is what you have. 

 

There is also hoisin sauce, which is made with fermented soybean paste, will need to study up how that is different than soy sauce.  It's thicker, I know that.  I've had it once up on a time.  I think out of the choices, I would use that the most often and actually not waste it.  And I used to keep sesame oil but it goes rancid so quickly I have thrown it out long before using it.  I was using fish sauce and the above recipe and lime juice to make a pad thai sauce a few times, and it was quite good.  Same with the fish sauce, though.  I don't know how long it is supposed to keep - longer than I originally expected, but we don't eat pad thai enough to keep it just for that. 

more bits

 We've been looking into getting another car, but haven't yet.  The other little car is still running so far, and we came up against a snag in getting a newer one, although we had found several we liked and could technically swing through and get.  The insurance price on a newer car is twice as high as all of our insurance combined, and that has to be figured out as a monthly cost along with the car payment.  We've always got around that before by buying much older beater cars, which came with low insurance payments and not much if any monthly car payment.  So, regrouping and rethinking, and hoping we have enough time to secure something else or work the budget around.

 I burnt my hand the other day with hot water, but it is getting better.  I stopped myself before I began to fret on it, and that helped a lot because in the past I've actually made the burn worse, Mark said at least, by getting all the stress hormones running etc.  I put it in cold water immediately and then some burn ointment on it after about five or six minutes.  It was a coffee machine that was stuck and I didn't even think properly - I just grabbed the filter cartridge which happened to be full of boiling water and all of the water came out of it luckily just onto my knuckles, and not on to my face or anything else.  And I will say - it would have happened to someone else, and who knows how they would have reacted to it.  I'm such a strange creature when it comes to skin that it could have went terribly bad as well, but luckily it hasn't - there is just a little bit of redness left now after two days and there weren't any blisters at all.  I've cut myself before and pressed it together and it has sealed back up, and I've also had just the opposite - a tiny cut tear and become a larger one.  There is little rhyme or reason except for the stress reaction.

Nothing else to report, except continued work on Japanese. I am doing the Duolingo on both the mobile and pc profiles and then the wanikani as well.   I keep staring at my Amelia book and not furthering.  I also noticed it will be Esme's birthday in two months.  It's a big one, and graduation not long after that.   

 I reminded Esme of the book Alice in Wonderland which she read as part of homeschool - and that there was a sequel.  I showed her the little cartoon again that was made by D - with the mouse - and she barely remembered it.  She said she thought most of the rest of her generation had read the first book at least, and I had to tell her that no, I don't think they have.  They may have read a picture book, but very few of them read the original text from beginning to end. 

bits and books

 I have studied the extra Japanese lessons on wanikani for three days now, as well as Japanese on both of my Duolingos (and a bit of Czech, why? it's me).  The little car did a scary thing this morning and now I have the mechanic picking it up and have rented something to drive for the week until we find out what that was.  We are looking over our budget more to see if we can afford another car payment.  I showed Esme the budget style that I use and explained to her what all the things were to know.

comment Mark made to me tonight : you know you probably drink more coffee grounds than most people, that might have a high lead content or something in it.  You were talking about your diet (seaweed and cucumber mineral contents) and have you considered that?  If it was a problem though, you'd probably already know by now, considering how long you have been drinking coffee (he drinks tea).  Me: Yes that makes you either an idiot, or insane.  And I don't think I'm doing too bad, I found my abstract algebra textbook on the shelf the other day and I was really happy about it.  Mark : You're not convincing me on the not-insane part there.  Me : What, I've been looking for it for a couple of years now, and it is red, but I was thinking it was a much thicker book because of the remembered difficulty level.  Mark : When you need a librarian for your own collection to say 'it's red, can you find it for me', then yes, you have a problem.  Me: Well, I've found it now, it was between a French textbook and that history book about corn.  Mark : Still not convincing me... *all in good fun banter*

 I need to kick my tail and put up more of my kindle books - which requires actually sitting down and editing them and getting them ready to format.  I was happy to see the 'Salt Magic' book had sold some copies.  That one was supposed to be just tucked into an anthology but I had thought it was good enough to go by itself and I had published it at the same time as Mikki Mack.

 These are the ones that I have finished and put up so far: 

 Salt Magic : The tale of an exhausted mage who rediscovers themselves.

Mikki Mack  : The quite pretty small grey cat with the gloriously long fluffy tail

 Unspoken Things Made Words : Poetry anthology with a few philosophy things

Time in December : Magic realism fiction.  Summary: "Bran exists but only in apathy. Isobel doesn't exist, but wants to. Paul, caught between the worlds, is prisoner to the watch. Ingrid, a tiger with her claws the wrong way in, blames herself for surviving her brother's death. To save them all, Bran must learn to fly."

 

And I have more in the wings waiting for me to actually get my tail in gear and make them ready.