entras intrarea

 Cold, working through the anxiety and the dentures still hurt here and there.  I'm making sure to cook things I can eat - but so often I just want to get dinner done so I can take the teeth out, huddle in warm, and sleep for the rest of the night.  I am eating a good variety of vegetables, and making cake/loaf like mixtures to make sure there is something easy to bring with me to work.  I made a batch of peanut butter cookies, as well, which bears repeating.  I actually do have to work at having enough calories during the day.

 Took Grandma's little dog to the vet and got it spayed - and held it for a few days, to make sure healing was doing good.  Esme went to her college orientation session, and she had to do a few more things before next month.  She is trying hard to keep her math grade up because that is what her graduation hinges on.  

 Last week I had pulled my shoulder out badly somehow on the postal route - probably actually know the mailbox that did it - one of those that is too low and on the edge of a large ditch, so there is no doing it except pulling close and then leaning out the window awkwardly.  I did exercises but was still quite annoyed by it for two days - then one morning it just went 'click' again like a bungee cord being drug over another one, and it felt much better. I was worried it would be injured further by getting our propane cylinders, which we have to refill every few days and are very heavy and awkward.  So far, I haven't done anything worse to it taking those in and out of the car, but I'm aware of it.

 Doing Romanian lessons on both systems, somehow segued to that and I've kept at it.  We haven't went Christmas shopping yet, and I haven't put up the tree yet.  I did buy a few things for Esme last week that I need to wrap up - bought the roll of wrapping paper today.  It is going to be severe cold tonight - so we had put some insulation on Grandma's hydrant and ran the little car around a bit to make sure it has had a good charge.  I have hardly even been running it around the block much, because there is just too much going on and there are only so many hours in the day.  I ran it a good distance tonight.  Now dinner is in the oven, and I have a little language lesson to do, some budget figures to put in, and again, crawl into bed as soon as I think isn't too early.

 

The 'what is this, falafel?' chickpea loaf I made and brought to work with me four days in a row

although this was a very similar process to the black bean meatloaf - it did not act at all the same when stirred up - the rice flour is a very different texture than the whole wheat flour, and the chickpeas had a thick flavored sauce with them instead of the black bean aqua faba 

 

1/2 can of seasoned chickpeas, ground up

about 5 tablespoons of cooked carrot, ground up - this is less than what was in the black bean loaf

more of the orange beef seasoning packet

1 egg

1/2 package of saltine crackers, crumbled and smashed

a few tablespoons to a 1/4 cup of brown rice flour

about a tablespoon of bacon grease heated in the bottom of the pan before spreading the mixture in it

cooked at 400 degrees for 20-30 minutes, uncovered in a glass pan and then brought it down to 350, when the top of the crust started to get brown, I removed it from the oven and covered it with aluminum foil for a while until I could cut it up and put it in another container.   I wondered if I should have put another egg in it, but then it firmed up really well after it cooled.

 

also made some zucchini soup with two kinds of zucchini, kielbasa and bacon  

 

I found a new seasoning mix that says it has toasted onion and red bell pepper flakes in it, with chili pepper flakes - it is quite good.  I had to look at a couple of places in order to find it - after someone had brought some to work for a grill out. 

The other night I dreamt of blueberry pizza, with spinach, cheese and I drove a block away to a pizza shop to ask them for a cup of tomato sauce to put on it - as it had all blueberry sauce on it instead.  I poured it on right there at the counter and they told me the pizza box would be all soggy - so I started to eat it right there.  I have no idea what that is about except that I did buy blueberries that day after a long time of thinking about them.  In honor of this strange cooking dream, I opened spinach last night and had it with some blueberries and the last of the 'falafel' chickpea loaf. 

some thoughtful bits

 Some days I feel like I'm going to get up without my skeleton, or vice-versa... all clicky and things are not quite right and connected. My knee and ankle have been doing that 'why are you holding your joint like this it h U R TSSS' slow burn to major stabbing pain episodes and then I move them and everything is fine but somehow I end up moving them back into that same position out of habit and the pain wells back up.  Getting through it, though.  We've been researching more about the college stuff, as well - and getting at least one application in.  Timelines, gah. School starts back and then leaning hard on the math program as well - and hope she continues to cooperate with that, because it is required to graduate.

 

 my spider plant at work has grown a lot since last December

 

The weather has just now turned cold, after a major rainstorm, after a week of being dry.  Mark hates the cold, and it will become harder for him to do anything outside his heat zone after a bit.  And I've examined the to-do list phenomenon a bit more.  

 

If : I need to do something every week and my trouble is kicking myself in the tail that day to do that thing THEN.  The to-do list has about an 85% chance of helping make sure that gets done.

If: I would like to be reminded every few days about something hit-or-miss, like watering houseplants, and the to-do list can do that and/or be forwarded a day (which it can) if it doesn't quite need yet to be done that week on that day.. the to-do list has about a 90% chance of helping.

If : I remember earlier or later in the day and am no longer at the place the thing needs to be done at - the to-do list has a 95-100% chance of helping me remember it when I am at the place again.. at least, remembering there was something I put on the to-do list without having to remember what I was thinking about earlier that made me think about that thing and then what it was. 

BUT : If 'it would be great if I would keep up with this extracurricular thing or good-intentioned habit (like drinking extra water or cleaning) every few days,week and putting it on the list will keep me from forgetting about it' -- ech, maybe about 50% chance of helping?  I get annoyed with that because it isn't a required thing and it isn't something that I'm seeing a good benefit from, yet... and then I struggle against the past me that thought it was such a good idea to put it on the list and then have it pop back up and 'look at me' every day on this app.

AND : The app is annoying me because when it does it's notifications it sounds like a text message,and when I am not supposed to be getting text messages, at night or driving etc... it annoys me to stop and pick up the phone and look and 'haha, it wasn't a text, it is your to do list (or a language app, similar issues) it just made you LOOK'... and I don't see anywhere that I can change the notification sound to something other than my text notification sound - and changing my text notification sound to something else has resulted in me ignoring it entirely - so .. *GLUM* what to do about that?  not a lot... the system is working within parameters but it could be better

 

Making rice for the lunches the next few days, doing laundry, staring at a lot of other things, listening to the wind and the rain storms outside.  Budget will come to forefront again this week as I am paying the end of the month bills.  We have done good getting through half the month spending only half the estimated amount for the food budget.  That will probably change as well after this week - because it's cold, and because I went myself for just the things on the list the other day instead of everyone coming with me.  

Then the week after that they finally finish my denture and have extractions to finish that out.  Then the week after that - Esme's birthday.

 French, Lithuanian, Spanish, Japanese - a bit of math.

I worked on a few more chapters of a cat book I had been working on, and did two illustrations. 

Lunch of a few tablespoons of rice, tamagoyaki style rolled egg omelet (with biryani masala spices in it) and those zesty chili beans, and a good couple of tablespoons of sweet non-dill relish.  I told myself to use a real plate, even though it was enough I could have used a little saucer to hold it.

the rice: as usual

1 cup washed rice, this week it is mahatma enriched long grain white, although in the past it has been natural brown rice that the other store sells ... matter of time and I'll probably get the other again

put that in 2 cups of water (more for brown rice), bit of pulverized brown mustard seed, olive oil drop, bit salt and bit rice wine vinegar, bring to boil, bring down to low, cover, stir occasionally, turn off at the end and prepare

2 tablespoons or less of white sugar, rice wine vinegar and white sesame seeds

place the sugar in center of the HOT rice, pour just enough rice wine vinegar to wet the sugar, and then stir like mad - daughter says it kind of looks like rice pudding when I'm doing this - and then mix in the white sesame seeds, put up in a clear glass container with a sprinkle of salt over the top, let cool on the counter for 20 minutes or so, place in fridge and use within 3 days 

 

 I found some of the basic drawing pencils that were eluding me - I could have sworn I looked in those crochet hooks multiple times and had not seen them.  Still missing the key pencil in each set, the 4H.  Sat down and drew for a bit while the sunlight was nice upstairs.

  

 

 

but I play one on tv

 Agh, dealing with some imposter syndrome with the to do list - because my usual form of 'organized' does not live up to this version, and yet I'm the one doing it - and keeping up with the trash and the laundry even out of the dryer, and watering the houseplants and getting the dog food and all of the things... but it feels like I'm not an organized person (not like this) I just play one on tv, and there will come a day here where I don't want to do the list and I'll say 'see, I told you so.'  

And yet, I'm the one arguing with myself to open that list and do the things on it, as well.  They're not all bad!  They're things that need to be done!  You haven't even looked!  ADHD type tendencies, and I've fought them in different more organic-feeling ways for a long time.  

I even remembered to buy postage stamps today - even though I hadn't put them on the list.  I just THOUGHT about putting them on the list, but didn't want to 'commit' to it... because I keep forgetting it when I'm at the place and time (my postal route office) where I should be buying it.  But today I left the office and was headed to the second half of my route and made myself turn right back around *eep* and go into the front of the office and buy stamps.  After more than a month of saying 'It will have to be next week now, since the office closes at noon'... I'm not sure how to feel about that.  I did it, but it isn't a victory.  It's sort of a 'that really doesn't sound like you, you sure it was you?' moment.  I didn't really feel like me doing it, either.

I've thought about what I'll accept for the 'clean one thing' and still arguing that - yesterday I just dusted a shelf and I wasn't sure if that was legit.   What good is telling yourself to do something if you allow yourself to cheat at it - but then that is the basis of most weight loss goals and habit-breakers, right?  More to think on there, too.

Some processing to happen there.  I have to think about it.  It's good that I'm getting the things done.  They need to be done.  I just don't feel like it's exactly me doing it - but sort of one-and-a-half time travelling me, telling me to do it, arguing with present me about what future me will feel about this.  And future me is really confused.  Maybe I'm not looking far enough ahead - maybe that future me already got through this part.  I'm planning the budget out past next March as well, and this present me really hopes that I'm getting things right.  Anxiety is sort of spread around to all of those things.

 

I made the rice flour omelet again today - and the recipe wasn't that far off from my 'instinct' recipe the other night.  It's a great way to use up eggs, since our chickens lay about five to eight every single day and there are just the three of us.  I give away a lot at work, but still I want to have them used up in good ways.  Same with the rice flour -  I have that whole bag of brown rice flour in the freezer that needs to be eaten, and I'm the only one to eat it.

 

3 eggs, beaten with 1 tablespoon of white sugar, bit of salt, and then 1/2 cup of brown rice flour beaten into that.  Let it sit for a minute.  Heat up about a 2 to 3 inch circle of peanut oil in a large pan.  I used too small of a pan the other day.  Hold the pan up and let the oil drift over the entire inner surface - then toss a droplet of water in.  When the water crackles, I beat the egg mixture again and poured it into the pan.  When the center began to puff up a little I used the turner and turned the whole 'pancake'/'omelet' over.  Last time it was very messy, this time it was pretty good.  I let the entire omelet cook a bit more and then put it on a plate, with peanut butter and red chili paste.  It wasn't too sweet this time - last time I put more sugar than that in it and a bit of honey on top of it as it cooked - and didn't measure the rice flour.

 

Went further in the Duolingo math, but still did French and need to do the Japanese review today.  I caught up with my WaniKani reviews finally...  

 

Discussion with Esme the other day - I've said this before but I told her it again - it is wherever you go, there you are - but expanded to explain that means you're the one that is there, and there are things that you need to do, and you're the one that is there to get you to do them - no one else is there 100% of the time with you to remind you or push you, so the important thing is YOU - you've got to find that thing inside yourself (your will) to carry with you all the time, to do the things, because then you know they will get done when they need to.  

Nac ydy.... ydw rwan

 The to do list is working, although a bit ... what is the best word for it... reluctantly?  reticence?  skeptical?  I can sit here and think I'm not gonna do it, etc.. and then there's a good chance somewhere I will get the spark I need and get up and go get it done.  All except typing up that story - so far.  Nac ydw (no I'm not), ydw rwan (yes now)

I even added 'drink one extra cup of water' to the list today, and 'clean one thing' - both to repeat daily.  We'll see how THAT goes.  *peer hard at self*  After cutting all of my split ends off the other day I picked up a new shampoo, and am working on the damage in my hair.  And I cleaned the back shelf of the bathtub all around - in addition to washing the floor towels and rugs.  Have studied Lithuanian and French and Japanese - and done kanji every night - except tonight - which I need to go kick myself into gear.

 Made some ground mustard seed two days ago and have been putting it in our meals and on top of my rice at lunch with some ground cashews that were sitting in a container unused for more than a month.   Made a rice-noodle stir fry tonight with vegetables out of the freezer and eggs, and Mark had made some ground beef and gave us a portion of it to put into it.  That was quite good.  I didn't use the tomato I have set aside for tonight - but that is something I will forward to tomorrow or cut and freeze.

 The budget is something I am being more strict on after two unexpected purchases already this month - one a car registration that came due and the other something that is now earmarked as a birthday present for two months from now for Mark, but he had to pounce on to get it now.  *small sigh*  But I am trying hard and our grocery run the other day was reserved.

OK, off to do the little budget work I need to do and my kanji, and put the clothes in the dryer before bed. 

to-do or not to-do

 Well, the new to-do list application really shows what I'm willing to put myself to task to, and what I'm much more likely to swipe to the next day.  I even went out and washed the windshield of the car because I had put it on my list earlier in the week.  That is one of those things I just don't do because by the time I think of it, I am far from the place and then when I am at the place, I don't think of it.  I did the laundry, AND got it into the dryer AND folded it and put it away.  I watered the plants.  I made rice one day and then finished it all up in different meals.  I did the budget entries and analysis, without putting them in the to-do-list, but remembered I should do them because I looked at the to-do-list and asked myself what I was missing.  I did all the language lessons - even the kanji lessons that I had been ignoring for a while.  

 However, I did not retype the short story that was written on paper in the tiny font.  Yea, have to think on that one again.  I actually forwarded it yesterday, and then today, decided it is probably not getting done anytime soon even if it is on the list.   It is a bit like being an anthropologist studying myself.

So, French, Japanese and Lithuanian today, and the postal route of course.   

carrying too many bits while running

They're still forecasting snow for us on Friday - and it keeps getting bigger and bigger... the mechanic has not come and gotten the little car to look at the coolant leakage and overheating issue yet. I have been driving the mail truck - and did the bank yesterday after work, the feed store today (it was closed yesterday) and going to have to figure out some way to get a 20 lb propane cylinder tomorrow since the little car is down and Mark will run out sometime over the weekend otherwise. I've termed all of these extra chores on top of work 'quests for humans' to Esme in a conversation recently and boy... there have been a lot of extra 'quests' this week, and the quest time is limited because I get off work at 3:30 and everything closes by 5. And it's not even Friday yet.   

 

I really wish the car was working as well because Esme has to wait at the cold bus stop now with no shelter a half-mile from the house and the temps are in the 20s, and being a teenager she won't wear a coat (I'll just put my hands in my hoodie and use my breath). Most of all, I wish the cold weather would back off and we could have Spring.  Sure.  Yea.  Grandma was saying the birds were telling her it was going to finally be winter the other day.  Work is going well if I can just keep getting there every day - and then there is the post office on Saturday to get to, as well.  GROWL (at weather).  When I got home tonight I tried to clean out the back of the truck because Mark was sure if I just removed some of the junk there I could transport the 40 lb propane cylinder in it. But I could not find a way to strap the 40 lb. one securely, even empty, because of the topper brackets. I succeeded in cleaning out junk and soaking both of the knees of my jeans with questionable oil, mud, battery acid and who knows what else from the back of the truck bed.  

 

Esme took the 150 lbs of feed down to the garage for me using the sled, and had lots of paperwork to sign for her new semester which includes Spanish, Criminal Justice and Chemistry. I was in a 'frantic mood' (batten down the hatches, back off because she's spinning and getting it done but she's obviously a firecracker waiting to blow)  while I made the rest of dinner for Esme and I to go with the leftovers Mark already had started before I got home. I said 'en trousse se quoi' a bit louder than I expected and had Esme come out of her room and ask me if I was really okay.  I told her it felt a bit like I had been a fox chased by hounds all day, and that was the essence of what I had said - a bit like 'now what else in the world is chasing me'.  She said she knew that was a frustrated saying but she didn't know what it really meant.  Once I had eaten something, it was a bit better.  

 

It has been years since we called and tried to find out how much getting a large propane tank in the yard they would come and fill up was -- and the plumbing required to get the line put down near where the heater is in the house.  As I recall the price was very prohibitive for it being the only place we have propane in the house.  But then, it was easier (but not easy) to transport single tanks in the other truck before its engine blew up.  If I have some time on lunch tomorrow I might call them from work.  It will be another cold hectic morning tomorrow.  I've done French and Japanese today.

friday here we go

 Had a lot of things to do early this morning, and went and got them done - groceries, and so forth, and back home before 9 am.  Chopped up all the vegetables to go in the freezer.  Then I had an online meeting at 11.  I helped Mark take photographs and video of his project that he has been making on the 3D printer.  After a bit, Esme will be home and we'll decide what to do for dinner.

since I had that online thing I took a couple of pictures for my artist page to test the camera angles and so forth - but ended up going with the second one for the page

That is a little cat painting I was working on the other night - I still need to add some more black lines and go over a few places before I make the second one.

Last night I made dinner for Esme and I and used half of the weekly container of sushi rice I had made, some kielbasa and orange sweet peppers and a good selection of spices : oregano, paprika, onion powder, black pepper and salt - to make a very flavorful dish.  I definitely want to make that again.

Mark's pizza order:  I always switch up what he wanted to do with the order of the toppings in the pizza - but what makes sense (and he agreed today) is to put the pepperoni on first, then the cheese, then the spices (garlic, black pepper, and oregano).  He always used to put the pepperoni on last, and it would get so crispy that I didn't like it.  But because my instinct is to put it on first, and he didn't do that, it made me stall in the past that he would come out and it would be 'all backwards'.  I thought I'd write it down this time.

Did Japanese and Swedish again today.  The Swedish has went forward into a section that I know a little better.  I'll hear more about the little car hopefully soon, and about the meeting I had this morning.  I work the weekend.

Wayward Sparrows

When the world is loud
and spinning in your head
your heart is thumping
running one hundred miles a minute
now, but not before
when you kept up your smile
and tried your very best
as we do - when it is needed
now, when the curtains are closed
and the stage is empty
all should be calm
but continues fluttering
shaken with intensity
perhaps it is time
to take a walk
let the wind and sunshine
sweep over you
perhaps bringing a word
or a whisper
dropped from the feathers
of a wayward sparrow

whaley thursday bits

 

That's kind of a to-done list, instead of a to-do list, up till right now, of course.  I don't know what is with one of the dogs deciding it is time to bark at 3 am every morning lately... but it invaded my dream this morning and whatever the lady I was talking to was about to say, it turned into a broken record repeat of bark bark bark mid-sentence.  *sigh*  So I got up and got myself ready.

I did a couple of illustrations for an animal book, and wrote a bit on a futuristic story that was started a few years ago and I've thought back to it a few times since then wondering why I didn't take it any further than a few paragraphs - added some more to it and it might go somewhere - bit like Fifth Element meets the post office... so far.  Posted my book links around a little and then started getting all the dodgy message requests, of course, as happens. Was up to five just now, and all of them dodgy.  I could have begun editing some more poetry or one of the other stories in my book - maybe the one about the alien, but I sort of just sat back and had a good brain wander, instead.

I had another bowl of that really good chicken, broccoli and orzo soup from the other day, for lunch - it was much thicker today but still very good. There was a small cucumber in the garden so I made cucumber sauce and put it on sushi rice with soy sauce and it was a lot like that cucumber sushi roll from the restaurant, except, not all in one roll.  I still have to think on what to make for dinner - we have kielbasa in the freezer.

 

I've been eyeing some Japanese fish cake recipes to make with potatoes and my canned mackerel - it looks easy and I have everything for it right there - but I know no one else wants that, so I might have to make it for myself tomorrow after my interview.  We need to use those potatoes up one way or the other.  The ones in the garden are doing good but it will be October / November before it is time to check them for pulling.  Whenever the vines turn yellow.

I sat down to paint this little cat I was working on, and couldn't find the paintbrush I was using last night.  I know I washed it.  I know I brought it upstairs - I was very careful not to leave it downstairs!  But I lost track of where exactly I put it upstairs except 'in a good place, a jar, like where it belongs'  But which jar!?!  Brain : I don't know, a good one?  Not the right one.  I had put it in the pencil cup between the stairs and my computer desk, instead of walking it all the way over to the art table.  As soon as I had washed the other brush and come upstairs it was like 'access granted' to the memory from yesterday and I picked it up on my way to the art table to put away with the other brush.

keeping at it

 I felt like I got a lot of things done today.  Nothing big to brag about, just a lot of little things that came on a day after three or four days 'on' duty, and then a day off - and I know tomorrow is a day 'on' again... so today would have been so easy not to do the things.

But we got out and did them.

Went to the flea market in the morning, bought vegetables, and then picked up the few groceries on the way home.  Chopped up and put all the peppers I bought in the freezer, reorganized what is in there and planned tonight's dinner from the leftovers that needed to be used.  Fed chickens, and cats, and goats and dogs and us, of course.  Did laundry.  Watered the garden and checked a few of the peppers of our own and the tomatoes.  Read a little of my novel from the library (it's so 'standard' and 'silly' at the same time, but hey, it's a book), and did a little work on my next crochet market bag that is in the works.  And Esme and I worked on some of the adulting skills she needs to practice.

And I bopped around on languages, playing 'language roulette' spin the wheel and do one or two lessons of whatever came up out of the 24 languages.  So I've done Finnish, Catalan, Haitian Creole, Norwegian, Chinese, Japanese, Ukrainian, Romanian and German that I can remember at the moment...it is a great 'game' to make sure your brain is remembering everything, and to feel the 'slots click into place' each time you switch over. 

 

 I liked that the other day when doing the package route as well - it's one of the things I really like about postal delivery, feeling my brain work the invisible maps 'in real time' without GPS, finding my way between two points, I guess: taxi-cab brain?  The package route does not follow in order like the regular mail route does, it hops around in the computer's 'most efficient route' but has no directions between them (that's another set of paper sheets and hey, it's a lot of paper and trying to read small type that I *mostly* do not need, so I don't even have them print that one out for me).  I have noted to myself again that I really like that 'I am here, it wants me WHERE?... ok, wait, routing (in my brain only), routing... oh yes, I see it now, (image appears in brain like a little jagged line running across the world, orienting me in a direction and I 'feel' like swaying motion, the way I am going to need to go and what I will need to do to get there - see snippets of what I am knowing is on the way.. it's so hard to describe and very delicious to experience...

and that is enough waxing about that, but really, I enjoy that more than I should maybe.  If I drove an actual taxi-cab in rush hour traffic, it would probably lose it's shine.

speaking of shine

Wrote this little poem (or adapted it, at least) about Lyffan

(insert picture here when internet is cooperating)

Tiger in the Hallway

 

Tygre, Tygre, burning bright

in the hallway, in the night

stalking stealthy, claws so dear

around my ankle, to appear

She was mugging Esme so much tonight after we fed her some tuna.  She got up on her chest while she was reading and would not move - sat there saying 'yes, I approve human, stay right here, forever'... I went in to give Esme some laundry and she said 'rescue me, please!' and she really didn't want to leave - she had decided to park herself there and although she's not a large cat, she is one that you never know when she'll 'go explody' as Mark says...

 

I put the edges on and signed this one today, so it's basically done.  I might fuss a bit more over it another day - I did for quite a while today, seeing a tiny bit out of line there, a single pixel pore in the canvas that was still bare (beyond all belief, of how much paint I've put on this) etc...  I even put it in 'timeout' for a little bit over in the mud entry, and then retrieved it again after looking at it across the room a few times.  I'll have to rearrange my art wall, which has looked the same for a year or so, and make room for it at the top of the stairs.

'Awake from Hibernation' 

 

I'm on the fence about going to the art show this year.  I know that is just my social anxiety speaking - I went the past few years, and it was both good for me and also terribly hard.  And I have not finished or even hardly worked on the book I wanted to have progress with... or reprinted my author copies of Time in December.  I sold quite a few signed copies of the book at the show, and sold almost all of the ones at the gallery - and am almost entirely sold out of my personal copies.

 

and a sketchbook page in Denoxii

 

EDS / hEDS - it's tough - I've been fighting sleep all day, get myself up and make myself do things.  I fussed with my painting this morning, then planted two packets of basil, and made some flatbread, and did laundry, drank two pots of coffee, sat with my arms elevated straight over my head for a while (I do that a lot, it helps) and when I brought them back down they both sounded like rubber bands going off in succession, took an hour nap, then got myself up and ready to go out to the flea market and came home, cut up zucchini for the freezer and made dinner... and of course I fed chickens and cats and looked at the garden and watered and harvested tiny things here and there and have been trying to do something with Esme every day that I'm off because she felt sort of stagnant in her learning lately. 

 

Add that up and it feels like a lot, but actually, tomorrow I will have to move mountains compared to today, with a postal route scheduled... it almost feels harder to not have to do anything (muscular especially), and have to distract myself and force myself to do lots of little things instead of having that responsibility that I must do these large difficult things for hours on end and at the end I will be able to rest...and fall over. (and usually get up halfway through the night and then do the 'must' things like laundry or etc for the next day and fall over asleep again if/when Fate smiles) I'm so much more used to operating on the former, to having to operate that way... The philosopher in me stares at the ceiling and wonders about the balance of it all.

 

Flatbread: 

flour in a bowl, add some salt, add some water, put oil on fingers, mix with more flour until it is a non-sticky dough, add a bit more oil here and there, put on cutting board, roll very thin, adding more flour to not stick.. brush pan with olive oil, cut into pan-sized pieces, fry on each side until resembles a tortilla, but thicker, brush with more olive oil and salt if desired, put in box in fridge and eat with cheese, peanut butter, olives etc, or use with a curry sauce dish and vegetables

 

And we made a special trip out to a tiny flea market that has been trying to get started in Paris.  As I have philosophy on several other things - if you want to see it thrive, you've got to participate when you can.  I'm trying to point at myself in the mirror about that one and the art show, but it's not as easy to agree with when it comes to putting my art out there for a whole market booth all day long compared to going and looking at wares and produce.

 

This is the second time I've bought squash from this farm booth - I think it has been the same one.  The first time she had patty pans and a nice big Grey Zucchini squash.  This time she had some smaller ones that were between Grey Zucchini and White Marrow, and some Zephyrs.  

 

Zucchini:

I basted this cut zucchini with olive oil and put it in a pan with frozen chopped tomatoes, Italian seasoning and fresh cherry tomatoes and added sliced frozen banana peppers after the rest had cooked for a while, then sprinkled Mexican cotija cheese on it after it was on the plate

 

I would like Esme to try that cheese over our next salad, and I put a little over her rice tonight.  She is an odd duck in that she likes fresh mozz. cheese but hates cheddar tasting cheeses.  She said this one wasn't bad.  She has eaten the pepperjack cheese cubed up very small on taco salad these past few weeks.

Language: 

French, and Catalan - I've done some Spanish this week with Esme, as well, the back of my brain keeps bringing up words in Czech, so that will have to have a day soon

Nearing an End to Vacation bits

We went out and visited some friends today, and played video games at home :)

I made a few goals to write down ... been meaning to do some of these for a while but have not actually written them out anywhere.

Make egg noodles with Esme, as a school project for her.
Make sugar cookies again with our pretty cutters and BUTTER.  This would be more fun, but it could count as cooking class.
I've ordered a copy of the book Half Magic for Esme.  We've talked about 'be careful what you wish for until you know exactly what will happen' etc .. and that book came to mind.  She said she would wish for two snows then, so it would snow once.. or maybe four, because one might not be just enough.

Sewing workshop:
rag doll toy kind of like Rag doll but without the knitted stuff..
Put ties on Esme's blue dress... think about washing that purple fabric to make another one now that I know it is a little large on her.
Brown fabric made into a long skirt (like the linen one I love but is too transparent)


Upcoming Plans:
Make more KnitOwl toy patterns.  We have the scanner working on the new printer.
I really like the look of duvet covers but not the idea of down  as a filling material- have discussed making one as an extra warmth layer on the bed.  Something simple, not as involved as a quilt.  Mark and I have discussed making both this and some beanbag chair type things... projects for this summer.
Learning more about using natural clay.. Mark says we have some in the hills here and he knows where it is.  Doing more hands-on projects with Esme with air dry and papier mache clay.

Other News:
The puppies nearly have their eyes open.
Our geraniums are doing well.

Moments:
I said something in French to Esme today to get her moving when she was at a store - and she said 'You speak in Minnesotan a lot to me, Mama.'  Err. .yes, I do, I'm from Minnesota - but that was French.  'French!  I love French! Do you know how to say Cheese Oemelette?'  Err .. yes.. Omelette du fromage. (Dexter's Laboratory episode),  Yes, that's it!  *laugh*
--
Watching Electric Company and I see something repeat and ask her if we just watched this episode or... 'No Mom, that's just an app.  An app?  Yea, an app - something the people who make Electric Company want kids to see again (and again).  OK. .but this is a DVD, not a computer or phone program - so we would say it is a repeat, not an 'app'.. an app is something you click on things in a computer program.  Oh, ok Mom, (whatever you say), but it's like an app.'

bits for Easter weekend

We had a 'surprise' this morning, but it wasn't my kind of Easter bunny.  One of the cats had brought in a dead rabbit and was hiding under the bed with it.  Esme told me there was a small grey rabbit there - but I thought she meant a toy... her cookie rabbit toy.  She said it was real, and under the bed, just laying there.   I said we would have to get it out of there before it ate all the food in the house.  She said it wouldn't do that - it was just dead.  Of course that got me to worrying.  She insisted she wasn't fibbing, and I went with her to look, and we ended up wrapping it in a dish towel and taking a sad walk into the woods to deposit it far from the house.  She told me the black Minion cat brought a grey thing in her mouth, when she had opened the door for her, and she had went to look at what it was.  Then she was worried that Easter was ruined, and the rabbits would not make Easter this year because they would be sad and crying with the Mama rabbit.  Poor child.. she does have a soft heart.  So do I - it wasn't easy for me, either - as it was only as large as the largest kitten we have, and limp like a rag doll.  I'm sure I'll hear about it for years just like the squirrel we found in the woods when they were doing the logging -- she still reminds me of exactly which direction we saw it in, and asks about how it happened and for me to retell the story to her.

After all of that - we came back in, washed our hands thoroughly, and made some chicken noodle soup and carrots and milk for Esme all at her request, to make her bones grow and vegetables to make her heart grow.  I've done some laundry, and fixed Esme's patchwork pillow that was coming apart at the seams.  She has been using Spongebob and a sheep pillow together since we noticed the tears in it - and now I finally had enough time to take it all apart and put it back together.  Looking at the rest of the fabric I used to fix it with, and wondering if I can make her a matching lightweight quilt with it... maybe mix with a few other things.

In other news Esme has been playing Pet Society and Minecraft.  She is getting the idea from P.S. of getting coins, spending them and then not having any left until she goes and does more activities to get coins... I guess that is education in a way - she has been sad she spent too much on cupcake trays and then could not buy a shirt etc..  She is also amusing herself at her desk more drawing and writing and using playdough.  She cleaned out her spaceship from all of the toys that she had built up in there, cleaned up an area on her desk and began drawing 'brown eyes' on her clean paper.  They were eyes like her Loula dog has, because she was at her feet, and she didn't have a blue marker for her own color eyes.  **roll eyes** ha.  I helped her spell the word 'EYE' so it was something someone else could tell what it was, too.    Right now she is trying to encourage me to play with a red plastic disk she found while wandering around the house.  I told her I would play with her in a minute and she hangs over my leg and asks 'Are you lying to me?  Will you play with me, or not?'  *the time does fly*

Also, we made real cupcakes last night after work.  She liked that, a lot.  We measured all the ingredients and mixed it up with the electric mixer and cooked them.  Then she ate a full one with her dinner - and ate some more of it this morning.  It is French Vanilla flavored cake mix, and it has strawberry icing on it this morning (but not last night).  Good news in that the kitten Loula had stolen is doing well - and Loula is not constricting it to the couch as much, has relaxed etc.. the kitten is eating cat food and playing with the others and looks in much better condition than she did last week.  We are still calling it 'Yoda' because it has a huge head with long ears and a tiny body... but she seems much healthier.

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Notes for self : project prattle etc.
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//Cleaned up Esme's room, with hopes that it will produce results similar to when I cleaned her desk earlier in the week - she will find more interesting things she has to play with and work on more complicated things by herself etc...  I ordered a level three reader of The Secret Garden, as well - so we will have something more substantial to work on as a bedtime story.  I read the first 9 pages in Aamzon and it was good enough to try out:  0448407361 ISBN.  If I can read something like this to her and hold her interest (with lots of pictures) maybe we can explore a lot more great books together, and widen her attention span past the same picture books she has read for years etc etc...  For the record:  Grandma did give us a series of illustrated classic books for Christmas but they are on her shelf and probably 2-3 years above her level atm.

//Went through Esme's clothing to see what I need to make more of again.. and weed out things that are definitely too small.  She is actually riding 'good' at the moment.  Pants will be a priority again soon, but are okay at the moment.  She has plenty of shirts and a few jackets, and even some store bought things that fit her.  This would probably be a good time to focus on prep for summer items or bedding, or toys.  I do intend, when the net afghan is finished, to start another midsize afghan blanket for her room.  I said that about the last one - but it turned into the queen size afghan for our bed *ha*.  She picked out some eyesearing pink yarn for 'something' a few weeks ago and I have put it in a bag with my other remnant skeins waiting for such a project.

Wave Blanket pattern I would like to try

bits of thought and to do

Esme's speech at school is helping her a lot. She is comparing a lot more things, saying they are too big, or too little, or dirty, or old, or she wants the pink one etc. She asked to buy a cookie store today... which I didn't really understand, but she thought was hilarious and really expected some different kind of answer than what I gave. At once she both confuses me and also makes me know there is so much more in there. One minute she is crying about not wanting to wash her hair for school because it will hurt, and the next she is saying it was not so bad. I get fewer 'meltdowns' about that one as we used to have.. but it is still often a struggle and I end up explaining the entire process three to twelve times until she actually does it... which is better than having to struggle with her physically to get the soap out amongst yelling and tears, which was where we were last year.

Last night she wanted to cut triangles and circles out of paper to bring to her 'ladies' at school. She could put it in her backpack and show it to them and they would say 'wow'. I had to fight her through her bath a little bit more than I have had to lately... but she got through it, and we had enough time to cut some shapes for her teachers. They know what she can do, at least a few of them do - maybe not all of them. She has had worksheets come home some weeks that had cutting and writing and reading on them, and other times it is just coloring and glueing. She says she has to 'show the lady' what she put in her bag today, so maybe there is one in particular that said she was too little for something? Not sure.

I have to go to work today before she gets home from school... and a lot of closings this week. That will be hard on her new bedtime schedule. We have never had 'true bedtime' before - and are starting it now that she has her own room on the other side of the house. We are also working on the morning routine, getting up to her new alarm clock, getting dressed, getting ready to do things. She is excited about and possessive of her new clock, and also the light-up music bear we bought to help her sleep in her room.

On my to do list are more little areas of the house I want to straighten, clean up and organize. I did the toaster/coffee/bread area of the kitchen today - which tends to get little bits of clutter and needed a very good dusting all the way back to under the cabinets. With Esme 'analyzing' I am feeling more of a pinch to try to go a few extra steps in that department.. even though I am awfully busy with many other things. I have her quilt to finish the binding on. I have not done much since I laid it aside the other day to move her bed into the new room. I really should make her a few new pairs of pants, as well... sorted out many things when I moved her dresser in there and she is down to maybe four good school pairs and another four patched and highwater pairs. They don't take too long to make - it is just the setup and dedication of an hour that has gotten me the past month or so... And after the bedroom move my sewing area (which was a skip away from her old 'bedroom' area) is a mess..(even moreso than usual!, which is impressive)... working on that a little this morning, too.

I also need to get the pictures from Esme's new room on my data fob and get them printed out for my mom. She comes home from the nursing home to her house in Minnesota sometime this month. I have not called her on the phone. I really should have - but I don't know what I will 'get'... anger or happiness, an adult or an adolescent... I know that sounds harsh but with her memory problems the past few years and her high diabetic sugars causing some issues, I feel a great amount of anxiety over that. And there is still the anxiety leftover from going to Minnesota and the flood catastrophe, my sister and her daughter for a week in the hotel... all that is over now and I have been a busy bee here trying to make things nice and normal and happy.