Saturday, February 06, 2010

Moo I see a COW

I was in the car having a conversation with Mark about some lady who has several children and seems to feel contempt for the fact that they exist. I complimented her child the other day, and the mother immediately started storming over with this expression that if she could kick her and make her go away, not follow her around and be a 'burden' she would be a much happier person. 'Yes, but you don't have to LIVE with her. She's been with me ALL DAY. etc..' This hits me so sharply because she always has this view.. and she said it right in front of the child, who was being good (as far as I could see) and was old enough to understand and be very hurt by the comment. I know this woman must be stressed, but from what she has told me, she leaves these children with her mother most of the time. She is proud of still being able to go to bar nights, weekends in the big city with friends etc... and being 'kid-free', as she says. She seems angry at the world for the fact that she has to take care of her children some of the time. The worst part is she is not the only young woman I know who has this view of their children. My sister is a lot like that, too. I just can't completely grasp that mentality - especially for the women (including my sister) who have two or three children they 'didn't expect to have to deal with.'

I wanted to have a baby with Mark so badly I could almost taste it -- it was a passionate desire somewhere deep inside my entire being. I cry thinking about it. I miss Esme when I'm at work, when Mark has her elsewhere in the same store etc... sure she throws tantrums sometimes and I'd like to put her down off my lap while I type etc.. but I beam whenever I think about her in general, whether she is following two steps in front of, behind me, or not... I'm proud and happy and even thrilled that she is in this world and our little girl. I don't expect this to change - although I may have more exasperated moments when she is being difficult, as all parents do. I told Mark it was almost like some sort of insanity this young woman has - that she unexpectedly got pregnant (twice) and had children she feels are a burden to her life -- and she can't even take joy in a compliment about her child, she is so bitter. And then I made a comment that I might be (happily) odd in other ways, but at least I was saner than that. Then.. I saw a cow in the field and turned to Esme and said 'Moooo! I see a COW!'

Mark and I both broke out laughing.
I'm glad I'm saner than that. Mooo! I see a cow! (all in the same breath)


Rhiannon said...

Those are my sentiments exactly!!

My sister-in-law who stayed with us for a couple of weeks seemed very unhappy and burdened by her kids. It made my heart hurt.

It is painful to be away at work all day, but I love my family and CAN'T wait to be with them. And of course, I have days where I want 'me time' or less fussy baby, but we don't always get it.

Hope all is going well for you!!

thursday said...

I can feel burdened by my one child - but I haven't had a break from him EVER. I always have him with me - in the bathroom, in my bed, in the laundry room, at the store. I sometimes get a few hours away from him while he's sleeping. Like 2-3 hours per every 24 hour period. I don't have anyone to babysit, and I'm lucky if my husband has time to help with anything. I feel bad about my occasional attitude problems, but I really do need a break once in a while. I have been out by myself twice in 18 months. Once to see a concert, once to go to the grocery store. If I were to have a wee bit of time alone I think I'd be a more grateful mother.

Not saying that I don't love being with my little guy though! I mean, I saw a mom the other day tell her kids she was going to spank their little a$$es which I thought was rather inappropriate for Target!

RheLynn said...

I think a lot of it depends on 'ready' to have a baby and what kind of life the mommy was used to before having children. The two girls at work seemed to be large partiers before they unexpectedly fell pregnant and are still bitter they have to cut back.

I do go to work most days and Mark has her until I get home - but when I'm home I'm always with her, yes in the laundry room, in the bathroom.. everywhere. And it doesn't bother me. When she throws tantrums it bothers me - but she's two years old... so it's expected and it will always pass.

And exasperation with a very young child (like yours thursday) that is still dependent on you for everything is normal. It is normal to be occasionally stressed at being responsible for a very little one all day and all night. These women have children age 4 and up.. and are still unable to balance family, work and 'me' time.

There were times my sister would leave her children with my mom for five days at a time.. and then come back for a hug and dinner only to go off again (while the girls cried Mommy don't leave).

Michelle said...

Although there are times I desperately need a break from Piper, like to take a shower, I still love to have her around. I miss her tremendously when I am at work. Erick watches her during the day, and I do have my moments of jealously that he is the one who gets to stay home with her. No matter how bad my day was or how tired I am, I am still always excited to see her when I get home, as is she. I can't fathom the idea of being so bothered by your own children that you express that thought in front of them. I guess not everyone is cut out the same.