Four and a half years old

I have not 'updated' for real in a good while. Esme is officially four and a half. She has made a lot of progress in the past few months, especially in her communication. She still points at some things instead of talking about them -ie: pretzels the other day at a store she did not want to be told 'no' about but wanted me to see... but she will tell me she does NOT like things, does not want things, does want things, and sometimes just spouts off huge plans for things she wants to do - or retellings of things that happened days, weeks, months and even years ago. That can be difficult - finding out 'when' she is talking about , past, future, potential...? And I just nod and try to figure out what it is she is saying - and have a very decent conversation with her. She tells me emotions more - happy, sad, mad - and sometimes she tells me I am not looking happy, be happy, does this make you happy? etc. She will tell me things do not make her happy - like going to bed.. and it is not 'sweet' and not 'nice' for her. Her PT is 'good' almost all of the time, a few accidents here and there mostly when she has been sleeping or we are out in town and she does not know how to ask and we have not yet offered an opportunity for her to say yes or no.

Her logic skills are excellent - she puts things together that we would not expect her to understand and when she is focused on something (like my Sims game or the process of buying things etc..) she makes large leaps in understanding that make us very surprised. She makes up her own theories for why we do things, why things are in games or movies and they are pretty interesting. Her making a moat in the game to protect her Sim characters from the monsters (vampire characters who walk around like they are going to bite someone) was an eyebrow-raiser.

And sometimes she knows things or terms for things we don't know where it is coming from. ie: the 'sleeping time bed shoes' for the blue terrycloth slippers she saw in the store which were not at all in her sizes. She told me last night she still needed them 'for to grow sleeping time bed shoes' when I presented her with a handmade night shirt that was too big 'because I left room for you to grow'. She thinks (and I have encouraged the thought) that sleeping helps her to grow and she will be 'bigger and stronger - way strong' when she wakes up in the morning. I have tried to press the idea that it happens in little bits, not all at once. She was scared once she would wake up a giant *haha* but that was a while back.

We went to buy a goat the other day at a farm and paid money for it. She paid a lot of attention to that - and Daddy pulling the money from his wallet and giving it to the farmer. We were quite embarrassed parents, because the first goat actually got out of the fence and ran away. She wanted us to go buy more goats. We had a long discussion about how we get money, and when it is gone we can't buy things and that Mama goes to work for them to send money to our mailbox every once in a while. She decided after that work was 'good' and started ushering me to the car and telling me it was good I go to work and bye bye and don't get eaten by brown bears and come back home when I was done etc. For several days she did not bug me about going to get another goat - just going to work.

And then one night she asks me to ride to walmart in the truck, use it to buy more goats. I told her we still didn't have the money for it. She decided maybe I should sew goats on the sewing machine. A 'pillow' goat (stuffed) won't run away - they would be like toys - and that is a good idea? Wow. So, I did sew her a goat toy - which she likes and calls a bambi. She told Daddy (I was not here) that she did not want to buy a goat it was like money in the potty go away. Wow - again. **Mama take a breath and then try to sort that one out with her**. Then - after we had bought a new real goat she told me that it had sharp things on its head and she did not like that - goat with sharp things on head was as good as money in garbage, not to the man at the farm, money in garbage for her, because she was scared of the sharp things. She has decided she does like the goat - she is nice, but her sharp things (horns) are not...and she has spent days I swear 'learning to speak goat' following her around and 'I'm just talking to her and watching the goat.' As a benefit, the goat is eating poison ivy out on a stake by the garden while Esme plays in her sandbox and with other toys.

She told me the other day that she was fighting brown bears with her flashlight and she goes KICK and they run away but not eat her foot. And she said that the brown bears had to go away, go outside, find a lady bear to love and be happy, do not eat us. Then she said she was going on her bicycle with her 'lady Esme' to be happy. Had to shake my head at that one... If she is asked if she is a little girl she will often say she is an Esme, and yes, a little girl, four years old.

She had her last day of school the other day and was sad that Miss Candace told her they would not come back for a long time. She said all the kids were sad and cried about not playing with the toys and the toys were Miss Candace's and had to stay there. She told me the playground equipment broke and they had to fix it - so they watched a movie, wchich was Scooby Doo, and it was the one with the green man ghost who walked like a Frankenstein (flat head arms at side, walk rocking side to side very slowly then arms out). She said she told the other children to not be scared the ghost would not eat them.

I have to say - the school has helped her a lot. Miss Candace also told us that she tried to help another boy come when he was called - but she misidentified who they were calling. She was trying to herd a boy they were not calling to the teachers until they told her she had the wrong child. As we were leading her out of the school Mark and I noted to each other that she was taller than everyone - even the boys, and was the calmest quietest one in the entire group - observant and paying attention to the adults for cues while other children were crying or running around or being told by the aides to sit still. Esme was tugging on my sleeve to point at the tater tots they were serving in the lunchroom, and trying to find a way to tell me she wanted those - not a french fry, when we went to our lunch. She knows we sometimes call those 'french fry' as well - and wanted me to be certain to see 'which' french fry she was wanting badly. I guess I had better differentiating more, because she is absorbing more and wants to call things properly now. She goes back to the school eight times in June/July for a special summer session. She started the year late but they have taught her a lot of social things, getting along, how to interact with people who are not Mom and Dad and just exposed her to a lot of different personalities, dialects and words she would not have gotten at home.

Physically, she is still very strong. She is 43 inches tall and only about 40 lbs, but can drag things that are nearly as heavy as she is. She can turn on the hot and cold water in the tub and kitchen sink now, and turn them off. She thinks that is a big thing. She is trying to learn to turn on the hydrant outside to fill the dog and goat's water dishes out in the yard. She tells me she is a big strong girl about lots of things - and wants to help with everything she can. She says that Daddy is strong he takes her to school driving the car, and Mama is strong, she goes to work to buy things at the walmart and to help people with (mime straightening boxes and giving them to people) boxes and she is strong, too. She still cries about getting her hair washed but cooperates a lot more - I am not fighting a tornado anymore to get it done.

She understands 'right' and 'left' more - and some more about time than she used to. She still does not understand the difference between 'earlier' and 'yesterday' - but we are working on it. 'Later' and 'Tomorrow' are sometimes hard for her, she just knows that means 'not now but forward from now' and sometimes has more trouble with it than others. She has a better idea of medicine and doctors than she did before - and plays doctor to check our hearts and ask us if we feel good. She asked me if we were buying her medicine, or if the goat makes medicine, or if she is all better now she doesn't need medicine. She plays in the dirt a LOT, and builds hills and covers up toys, pretends she is cooking with ingredients and throws dirt everywhere. She can do that for up to fifteen minutes or an hour without a break .... Mama gets tired of it long before. Her imagination is vast - but has themes and requirements for playing the game right that Mama doesn't always agree with. She likes to play some games 'exact' and repeats how she did it before - sometimes I have to press her to play a new way, but then she feels better about it and gets very creative. She still does not answer questions very well but acts like she didn't process it..wasn't paying attention etc. When she does understand the question she makes a good attempt to answer it. She can tell people things that have happened recently, but if they don't understand the first time she will not often repeat it.

In the garden and pictures with Esme

Mother and daughter picture

Checking out the garden, which is coming along very well.
I'm very glad to have a day off or so to work on it.

I asked Mark to take a picture of Esme and I together - so we could send it to Nana in Minnesota. I think he did a very good job! He also caught me checking in our garden some, and looking at the tiny green beans that are starting to come in.

odd little expression Mark caught on Esme after we told her she had a dirty face...
I love the eyes as she doesn't quite believe him but wonders where the dirt is.

Singer Heavy Duty and garden update

Heavy Duty Singer machine

We traveled yesterday to Murray and picked up a new Singer Heavy Duty sewing machine. It would have cost a third of the amount just to have the old one looked at, which was nearly what I had paid for it in the first place. It had lasted over four years - so... it was time for a new one. We did get some money for it in trade-in, and the lady showed me how to use this machine before we left. It does not shake like the Advance did when I am sewing - which was something I had grown accustomed to. It does collect a lot more static and dust, but it has more metal than plastic in it. Take the good part of that with the bad etc...

Esme asleep in her bed.
She was quite tired after all of the running around yesterday.

One of the things she said while we were in town was that we were feeding the truck 'banana gas' - because the station we stopped at had yellow pumps and red ones and green ones. We chose a yellow tank. I had to listen closely to get what she meant about that one. She was very talkative yesterday. At the sewing shop she told me that Daddy was 'getting to me he is anoising at me' - because Daddy wanted her to slow down and not run around. She said she was 'mad face' at him and he was 'laugh face' at her so it was annoying. Hearing this new 'spurt' stage she is going through is very funny for us right now! This morning when she did wake up I told her to put on her shoes because downstairs was cold. She said she would go on the porch because it was warm out there. Then she came back inside after a moment and put on her shoes and said she would go downstairs because she had to use the bathroom - and then go back outside because it was warm out there. And I just nodded along and said 'uh huh....' then she went into a whole description of everywhere we went yesterday and all that we did - and on to her plans for today 'take ride to walmart' and 'paint castle'. The castle is what she did with the box and styrofoam from the sewing machine packaging. I told her I was not painting styrofoam - and she is pretty mad and sulking at me about that. She wants to paint the castle with the new pink paint we bought (for paper) last week. This morning when I was getting her cereal ready she told me 'Mom, I think that is not enough. It needs to be here and up and up.' That was different for me -but I did give her another cup and she was happy. She did call the rice crispies 'peanuts' though - said she had eaten them yesterday and wanted to eat them again today.

prototype dress
I didn't finish all of the inside because it was so late last night - but it should do well this summer.

volunteeers

Here are the updated pictures of the garden. The west field has corn about 4 inches high and the fenced garden has monstrous plants! The bed here by the cabbages was planted with carrots. I did NOT plant tomatoes in it. All of those are volunteers from last year's yellow tomatoes.

fenced garden

west field

I intend to plant one more time down here in the west field - and that should be the last succession. There are squash plants doing well beyond this corn and two successions of corn here, three rows each.

bursting

Esme is bursting out all over the place. She had a bath and was 'throwing letters' to me back and forth. She had said she was 'gone' while hiding - so I said 'don't forget to write', which started it. The last letter I "threw" her said 'We will miss you. signed Mom and Dad' and she said 'Ahh.. what a nice letter - oh no! The cat peed on it! ARRGGH CAT! (throw away).' What a character.

She told Dad she was 'just reading a book' and didn't want supper. Mark commented to me that she has graduated from asking him 'what is that' about his books to 'What word is that?' and 'What word that say?' etc etc. He has seen her trying to sound out words before she asks him what it says. When I named her Sims characters for her the other day she was sounding things out some, too.

She washed her hair for school tomorrow and for once in forever - she didn't demand to go to school right then and there once she was dressed. She said it was dark time outside, and she would have to go to sleep, and have it be light time, and then go to school with kids at 8 o clock. YAY! cheers I've been waiting for that!

I weeded the garden and planted the 'pink' popcorn today in the places the red popcorn had not filled out well. It is actually lavendar and tan kernels in the package. We will see what we get. We have flowers on the bush beans and the peppers, and golf-ball sized green tomatoes, as well!

Our little girl is on a roll...

I think she is definitely back 'in fine form' again.  I said that last week - hopefully I am right this time!  She was playing Sims 2 on my computer while I was knitting.  She had set up 'a party' which included selling half the house's furniture to have money to buy balloons, chairs and food banquets outside and then she started digging holes and building 'hills' as she calls them, spikes that reached all the way to the sky positioned all around the chairs forming a wall of 'teeth'.  She got clicked off of the icon she wanted and wanted help from Daddy.  He helped her, and then she needed something else - so I get over there to see this very odd scene while she is saying she needs me to change the viewpoint 'How do I get down there Mama'- because she wanted the 45 degree viewpoint (first one) on and I had the overhead viewpoint I prefer (second one) on when I finished helping her.  The clincher is why she describes needing to 'use the shovel dig a hole'...  She said she had to invite everyone over to the party but the water-filled holes and walls were to keep the monsters out or to have the monsters fall in the holes so they don't eat the people.  ??  Oh my.  She does have her 'own ideas' about what games are really all about.  This one is about throwing parties with balloons, having lots of chairs, avoiding monsters and going dancing!

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the strange Sims2 scene she was making...

you can't see them very well but the rest of the house is surrounded by bits

of 'moat' - large holes dug and filled with water.  

It was also interesting to see her 'snapshots' she had made while she was playing.  At times, she was taking twelve pictures per minute of game time all of the 'thoughts' the people were thinking about while they were sleeping, or reading a book etc etc... I am going to have a lot of files to delete if she plays quite a bit more on my computer!  Also, daddy's 'people game' has fighting. (skyrim)  Mama's people game has people but they are no fighting.  She told me that today...

Her language is improving quite a bit.  We are hearing things much closer to full sentences from her.  We still sometimes have to say 'HUH?' but mostly it is because she is rattling things off so quickly.  When she was on my computer and wanted the headphones on - had them almost in the jack and on her head before I knew what she wanted - but then she said 'they no work for me *sigh*'.  I turned the volume up and she was so happy - couldn't adjust them to her size and she was upset about that...but later a song was on 'something a noise to me, I no like it.'  'annoying' is a word she is still working out, but she understands the concept.

She was watching a bit on a 'grownup' movie in between drink cups and bathroom breaks from being outside and made a on-the-nose comment about the plotline because she has seen a parody of it before on the Simpsons.  Mark and I looked at each other and weren't quite sure if we heard what we thought we did - 'That man try GRRRR and it so heavy. (the bathtub).  The big n'dan man, he do it.'  That is what we thought we heard - but the jury is still out, she wouldn't repeat it and went running back outside.  At the store she wanted 'blue shoes to go sleep in' - fuzzy blue slip-on slippers in the women's section.  She must have seen that in a book or on computer.   We looked, but found nothing in her size in the kids section.  She did pick out a pair of Hello Kitty clogs like her purple croc shoes that we agreed on - there is coming a day soon the purple shoes are going to fall apart!

And there were 'tigers' in our garden according to her - when I was thinning corn.  She wanted to 'come into the grass plants (corn) with you' to get away from them.  Mama wouldn't play that game - because I didn't want her to knock the corn over.  She carried a very embarrassed orange housecat (our PeanutNinja cat) out of the garden in an undignified fashion and told the 'tiger' to stay out.  She was trying to read things on my screen and was very excited about the possibility of getting a box of books she had seen me looking at in an auction.  I told her they would come to our mailbox and she said she didn't want a nail box, no nails, don't need nails.  MAIL box - oh wait, that is a different story - yes books in mailbox, she wants that!

Esme comments

I want my m & m's BUT are s's  (skittles).
Ouch Mom, don't do that - you hurt me! (when she is stumbling over my shoes on the other side of the room and I am nowhere at ALL near her)  Oh, haha, yea.. but YOUR shoes Mama.
Loula is my scooby-doo, (and you're shaggy then, right?)  No, I'm a Velma.  You're the Shaggy.
(Do you know what a barn is?)  I'll find it.  BARN!  BA---ARN! (calling this out into the woods and wondering why nothing comes out.)
I am a chef, and cooking and magic stuff. (sitting in front of a bowl of water she is dunking toys into)
I don't want to cook a smurf, ew yuck, don't want to eat it.  BUT - I could watch them.  I like Smurfs.  I could put them in my hand and put them on the table and then, it could talk to me!
Pizza!?  I want bologna on my pizza!  Please?
I Tell Daddy.  Daddy I see a battery up there and it will fall on our heads! (there is a battery exposed in the hallway smoke detector and she is afraid it will fall out).
I am not saying anything. (I've been hearing this one a lot lately when I ask her to repeat something that she said while I was far away)
You missed one Mom, right here.  You fill it? (When I was sorting corn kernels and had not filled a hole in the pan)
Here, you want a million dollar?  (handing me a pack of cards)
I told her we could break into her piggy bank to get some more watercolor paints for her (not that we can't afford it - but I'd like to see her reaction to paying for something small like that out of the bank).  She says:  OH NO Mama, NO NO, People like piggy banks.  Do not hit it go break - no no......  We don't have to 'break' it as it has a plug, but I didn't press it!

I heard her doing the naa-naa-naa type voice saying 'in a minute, in a minute... Mama says in a minute' after I told her I needed to water something in the garden and would be to the swing to push her in a minute.  HAHA.  A few days before that I heard her saying 'no no no... mad mad, I don't like Mama, but she is mad.'  I had just had a discussion with her about something important and she was not agreeing with me it was important.

I can't see in there.  I can't.  It is all dark in there.  ((looking down into the tube of a roll of paper towels on my desk))  Minutes later, I see her using a flashlight to look down into the tube and turning it on and off to see inside the tube.

other:  I saw a whole line up of her metal cars on the table with her watercolor paints.  She has been trying to change their colors with her paintbrush and it is not working.

She was calling Christopher Robin outside in the woods and had the whole imaginary pooh collection of characters following her in and out of the house and a pack of four baby Baxsons she was leading around the yard.  She petted each Baxson on the head and picked them all up to sit on her lap while she was on the swing. 

I can't remember exactly what the conversation was - but it was about morning and the brown bears were all asleep in the daytime, but it is nighttime now, and she went out at night to get her cook (a silver pot she left in the sand) and used the flashlight and the brown bears were not awake yet then but they would be and she was safe now.  We watched her get the pan and she came back in and had to talk about it for quite a while.

When I was at work she fell asleep in the yard with Loula the puppy while Daddy read his book.  He said she was so happy and it was such a nice afternoon he just let them sleep there for a while.  She was in a very good mood when I got home from work that day so she must have needed the nap!

Corn planting stick and Esme comments

I think we are ready to plant the west field with field corn, but we are not going to till it again.  The earth there is just too hard for the moment.  It has been broken with the tractor but not tilled fine and deep.

I am going to make a corn planting stick today, which is a simple but useful tool.  A piece of plastic PVC pipe large enough for the seed type to go down, with one end cut at a 45 degree angle, and a piece of electrical tape taped around the bottom at the proper depth for planting that seed.  You will need to 'measure' it against yourself to find out how long it should be to have the bottom on the ground and the hole at the top at a comfortable height to work without bending. It keeps from having to stoop and make a hole for each seed but would not work too well in wet soil.  The sharpened end makes the hole, squidge the pipe back and forth and lift it to loosen the soil that is driven inside the pipe, drop the seed down the pipe into the hole, cover up the hole with your foot.  Continue to the next seed all the way down the field.

ACTUALITY: Like all good things - it can be improved upon.  We made an 'advanced' corn planting stick by cutting the top of f of a two liter bottle for a funnel, heating up the screw top end and putting it into a 3/4 PVC coupling, then attaching the coupling to a 3/4 inch PVC pipe.  Then we duct-taped it down well.  Using the stick was different than I had imagined it, as well.  I had to scrape the ground clear with the pointed end and make a furrow with it, as the earth was very rocky and hard and there were sticks etc in it. I did have to bend down several times to throw sticks and rocks out of the way and spent a lot of time 'chicken scratching' with my feet to even up the better soil that remained.  Once I had a clean furrow I used the stick to space the seeds evenly without bending over and covered up the furrow with my feet.

We are waiting for the temperature to get a little higher today before going out.  It is 50 now and an expected high of 70 today.  The other night was expected to be the very last frost.  Next year I will check the 'long schedule calendar' for frost dates - but I am glad to have a month headstart on everything that we have done.  Esme has had a bath for her sinuses and is playing with kittens.  They are getting big enough to pounce and wrestle each other now and usually come running to their dish when they hear a cat food can open.  They are definitely Pogo's children - when they open their mouths nothing comes out.  They are supersonic mewers.

Greenhouse seeds are not up yet - it has only been three or four days.  Our golden hubbard (sometimes called red hubbard) seeds have come, and I am trying to decide if I will put those in the little garden or out in the west field.  I need to plant a Jarrahdale or two from last years's seed, as well.  They are both maximas, as is the table queen that is already planted in the little garden.  I actually had an image of my Mayflower beans come to mind this morning when I was waking - not quite a dream, but a memory.  I have been intending to plant some of those few saved seeds from the plant that survived last year - but have not done it yet.  Reading The Resilient Gardener before bed, beans and squash wandered often through my mind in between sleep.  I enjoyed her anecdotes about her ducks, dropping pumpkins from heights to crack them (instead of risking trying to cut the terribly tough skin with a knife, and all of the different experiments and record keeping she had done while she bred her varieties.  I doubt I could ever keep that good of records of which plants produced which seeds with which qualities!

Aren't we just terribly stylish in our outside in the garden clothes?  And the Christmas decorations are still up because Esme really likes them.  Remember it was 50 degrees or so when I started, ie the sweater and dockworker knit hat was deemed necessary attire.  That is the sweater I made last year and it is extremely warm, even without a collar, and tpants made of a thick cotton material that has not torn when grabbed by thorns or on my knees weeding in the garden.  Esme hadn't put her coat and hat on yet, or that would have been quite a sight to boot.  She did grab a tray of seeds and told Daddy to take a picture of her posing with me and the corn planting stick.

Planted today:  Strawberry popcorn, 5-10 days germ. 100 days maturity, field corn blue/yellow in the west field, golden hubbard squash (6 seeds) in the west field.

Esme comments from the last few days:

I can't spell that word Mama. (for I can't remember that word).

He is pirates, the hand, he is pirates, on your yarn, pull the string on the boat like pirates.  (she was unravelling my knitting yarn hand over hand pretending she was pulling a boat in).

Mama, I offer you a gretchen. (ask you a question) In the big town, a truck with a man and it (sings).  ((long description with hand signs and large gestures showing how an ice cream man has a truck with a slide up window and he has people line up and hands them ice cream one by one and they eat it))  And now it's GONE!  Can you take me there?  Please?

We are ladies.  You are a lady, and I am a lady, too!  We make cakes and foods and then we bite them LIKE THIS and are happy! (said before she went to sleep at night days after we had made her cake for Grandma)

Mama, put on the batteries on this door please?  And then it go sing and you fix it go sing please?  But Mama, you are STRONG, you can do it, come on.  Please?

Mama, I will bring you this, your beans, and you will be happy?  (no - those are seeds, I don't need seeds right now - we put those in our garden)  But, you eat them, they are your beans!  (we want those ones to grow and make more)  Oh, haha, okay.

When we said we might go look at a donkey for sale in the paper to see if we liked it she started off on this conversation:  We like donkeys.  But, I don't like horses, I am scared of horses.  Horses, your hands, they will EAT them, LIKE THIS (pretends to bite off both of her hands and sucks them into her sleeves of her shirt).  But, donkeys, they are nice.  You can pet them, like this (pet something in midair and pretend to look at it adoringly).  We like donkeys.  //what?//  Mark and I both just rolled our eyes at that one.

No, Baths are for morningtimes it is night time all dark outside! (screamed at the top of her lungs as I had suggested she take a bath at 3 am because she was crying her sinuses were blocked and a drink had not helped).  She did calm down after another drink and eventually fell back asleep until 7 when I did talk her into a eucalyptus bath, which helped a lot. 

It is morningtime, it is blue outside (the sky), and it is hearts (a shirt she sees) and pants like go to work (my jeans).  I see them.  It is no work, you don't go to work today.  You going to stay HOME.  (yes, I am going to stay home today, yay!)  She expected a fight on that one like usual, and wasn't quite sure what to do when she was right and I was staying home HA.  

Mama, you find it please I need three. (she had three).  You have three, one two, three.  No, the three, she is there, I move it, you look I can't find it anymore!  (I looked under the cabinet and there was a fourth of what she wanted, pulled it out).  This is not the bumblebee lady, she is more, find the bumblebee lady more please?  Apparently there was a fifth to that toy set, too -- but I could not find her and she was very sad.

I've shrunk or the shirt has...

my mini me demonstrating how to make a dress...

I've shrunk, or the shirt has.  Actually, the shirt has.  I made it smaller so it would fit Esme - after both of the sleeves ripped nearly clean off at work the other day.  The tears were so symmetrical - and Mark indicated where they tore it would probably fit Esme.  He was correct!  Esme indicated to me it was my job tonight to sew something for her - so here it is.  I used a basic dress pattern, split the front instead of the back and used the original button band shortened up on the front of the shirt.  It has no collar.. but it looks a lot like the shirt did on me.

Further garden notes - both the blue and red field corn are coming up, some of the white summer squash, and the wax beans and some more of the pole beans.  We planted watermelon and cataloupe in Grandma's garden today.  It is due to get down to 39 degrees Friday night, and 36 Monday night.  I hope our plants are not damaged by that.  Miss Pogo cat went out and did not return yesterday or all of last night.  We fear the worst, as she does not stay out long at all.  Her kittens are not old enough to eat by themselves.  Misha dog is trying to help with other facilities for them - but they seem to not even recognize milk or meat as food.  We are seeing what we can do for them but it may not be enough to prevent an unhappy ending.  This has happened to us once before many years ago - but the kittens were old enough to take quickly to other types of food when offered - and that is not the case now.

Note: The other day Esme picked up a bath soap container I have and said 'EWWWW Mama, soap for brains.  Eww... Mama, why you do that anyway?'  I had no clue what she meant until I looked at the container.  It had a picture of a large raspberry on it.  I had to laugh.  'That is a raspberry, not a brain.'  She insisted it was a brain, and I was going to use a soap made of brains, and it had to smell BAD.  I told her it smelled like a strawberry, and the picture was like a strawberry, but very big so we could see all the pockets of juice.  She looked hard at it.  I took some out and held it out for her to smell.  She looked like I was offering her a terrible rat on my hand and asking her to smell.  Then she sniffed very tentatively and said 'Oh, yea!' and laughed about it.  'It does smell like strawberry!  It is Good.  I can have some on my belly?'  I gave her some to wash up with and she was happier about it.  I told her how silly I thought it was she thought that was a brain - but that yes, it did sort of look like the pictures of brains in her body book!

bits

Esme is at school and we are home. We both agree it is very odd not to be looking for her every few minutes and seeing what she is up to. Her puppy is quite distressed, has been checking the truck and the road and looking into the house again. She has coonhound in her, so she is vocal about the displeasure. Daddy will pick her up later from school, but I will need to work late tonight. My headache had persisted for a day and a half - so I got out the scissors again and cut my hair short. At that point, I was willing to try it - as I had been thinking of cutting it for a week or so and two peppermint baths, sinus medication and a myriad of other things had not worked. The sinus medication just gives me hives :( but I was willing to try it. The haircut worked if not let enough time go by for the other things to kick in. The headache is nearly gone. Esme held the sides of my head this morning and looked at the hair in the trash can and said 'it was all yucky stuff, no more long is now short!'. She kissed me on the forehead and I felt beautiful. :)

She was so happy to go to school she nearly jumped out of bed. That was a feat, as she had stayed up much too late watching Daddy kill dragons on his game. Mama was in no condition to argue, either. I did struggle with her earlier in the night to get her hair washed - she only melted down a tiny bit right at the end where the soap was still in the front of her hair and she would not let me pour water over it - and would not do it herself, either. She finally did, but cried for about five minutes about it even after it was all done. *sigh* at least I don't have to hold her down and wash it anymore! She lets me pull the soap through and wash it well but then that last front bit of hair she doesn't want the water in her face. Poor kid. We all have our hangups, and water in the eyes/nose is definitely hers.

Spring is happening everywhere outside. There are redbuds blooming, daffodils, baby's breath, sarvis, pear trees and the very beginning of dogwood buds. Grandma has some tiny blue bulb flowers growing in her garden as well - I forget what they are called.

the year

There is so much that has happened in the last year. I am sitting here at DST +1 (the day after day light savings time) and thinking the morning looks too early, and it makes me reflect back. I think of the planting last year - it was later than this - but it seems almost that time again. I think of how much Esme has developed in that time - and it seems like just yesterday and a whole other world at the same time. She still shoves toys in her socks, but not as often.

In the past year she has gained a lot of technical skills, and independence. She can mostly put on her own coat, do the buttons on them, and put on and take off her own shoes without any trouble. She loves her school backpack, and going to school with the kids and the 'ladies.' She can get a cup, fill it 3/4 of the way with cold water, get the gallon juice out of the fridge, open it - pour it into her cup, put the screw cap back on, put the juice away and bring the cup upstairs with very little spillage. When she spills she cleans it up with a paper towel, and tells us about it later. I can now rely on her to really put her own dishes away after a meal, hang up her coat on a hook and put her shoes away, get almost everything ready for her bath at night except for that back zipper on her dress which I still have to help her with. And all of her dirty clothes end up in the hamper or directly in the laundry room. Yet, her toys are all over my desk and her desk and pretty much everywhere ;) She can write her name pretty well, still has trouble with making the 'S'.

She still mixes up the gender of he/she, trying to use the opposite one to the one she was just talking about, to indicate the 'other'. Example: She was talking about her elephant doll 'Elly' and I asked if Elly did something - the toy pointed at her and said 'no, he did.' 'He?' I asked. 'Yes, Esme.' the elephant replied. I am certain that was a pure case of opposite to indicate the other - even though she knows for certain 'she' is a girl if you ask her. Her toys talk more now, too - and reply to her using her name with back and forth conversations. That is somewhat new. 'Here you go Scooby Doo. 'Thank you Esme.'' etc. and so forth. She was trying to tell Daddy something was 'locked' in his game after she saw an indicator for a key needed on a door he had passed. He really hadn't noticed it - as he was running somewhere else and the door was long gone while she still tried to make us hear the word. It sounded like 'rock' or 'dark' - finally she said 'It is like - UNGH can't open this (with gesture of pulling on a door handle). *locked*.' Then we understood her. I was impressed she found another way to say the word to help us understand. That is going to be very helpful for her. She will still say something like 'How can you look at me' to mean 'How do I look?' when standing in front of me with her coat and hat on. She has a fondness for both her Sherlock hat and ball caps. She thinks hats protect you outside in the rain - and if it is raining really hard, a jacket would help. I might have to get her an umbrella this year of her own.

Her pretend involves magic spells, octopuses, crocodiles, cooking, 'writing', doctor, building and fixing things, tea set, sports type games, ghosts and much more. She ran in scared from playing outside the other day, shut the door really fast and leaned against it. 'I saw a ghostses!' 'YOINKS!' and she ran away into the stairwell. Daddy and I just looked at her 'dust' in the air and shook our heads. A minute later she was back and said there was no ghost, no.... we don't like ghosts.

She is a back seat driver when it comes to games on our computers - who can take the controls and walk around the game quite well when she wants to. But, she says she is still 'too little' when there is something scary in the game. She is quite scared of some things, like zombies, and bones, and bugs - when she starts talking about them I am amazed at the complexity of her descriptions, especially some of the 'wrong' ideas she has about what makes you bones etc... And then she will refuse to talk any more about it to 'get it straight' because she starts to scare herself silly with the conversation itself. I know she is 'seeing' the pictures in her head - and the more she talks about it the more scary and real it seems even though it is imaginary. She has her Mama's brain on that one - the 'seeing memories/imaginary pictures as if it is here' talent/curse. She really watches things everywhere - and we have to be more careful about what she sees now as she is putting them all together into large nightmares and sometimes daymares. And other times her talent of observation is simply too keen on the fact we can't put anything away from her (she finds it - even if it takes a chair to see it) and she remembers things she saw in stores and gets 'ideas' of what we could do with this or that etc... As I was walking down the stairs with her yesterday she says to me: (not exact) 'Oh good Mama, you have money in your pockets. I can put those in the (gumball) machine please?' She could hear the coins in my pocket moving as I walked -- that one is scary. Her 'I have an idea!' or 'I want to talk to you about something' discussions are interesting, indeed.

She tucks me in when I have to go to bed early and she is staying up to watch a movie or watch Daddy play a game. She can run so fast outside that she wears the puppy out on a simple jog up and down the hilltop. She is very interested in nature - growing things, how she grows, the beating of hearts and the ideas of 'how everything works.' We have read her Dr.Seuss body book and she comes up with good ideas of how other things work - and I am often amazed to hear her 'expanded logic' on why she thinks things are the way they are. There is a brain in there - and it is working and trying to connect everything.

She is understanding time more, as well. I hear the 'ten minutes, fifteen minutes' and such often, although I am not sure she knows them as well as she thinks. She knows the sun comes back after the night - and that often will get her to go to sleep at night. She says she loves the sun, and it chases away the brown bears who live in the night. She is still worried about the brown bears and I am glad - because she can open the door to the outside now and there is a lot more than brown bears out in our woods that could find her! (coyotes and more). In our Minecraft game she will run inside a house when it is dark or raining outside, and if it is dark she will find a bed to sleep in to 'make the sun come back and be morningtime.' She will find torches and put them around her outside if she cannot find a house - and sit in the middle of the torches and 'be safe.' Those are her own ideas from watching us play the game. She also tells us not to use the wrong tools to do something (like a pair of sheep shears to dig - mom, use the pickaxe or the shovel, not the sheeps!) even though they technically will work. She sees octopuses in the water and nearly hides under the desk.

Last night I heard her belly grumble and roil several hours after she had eaten. She heard it and asked me what it was. I told her the food inside was processing - and she of course gave me 'the eyebrows.' The food was processing getting ready to be made into all the things that help her grow. 'I grow?' she asked, very interested in this prospect. 'Yes, tonight your food will help you grow, just a little bit, maybe this much.' (indicate a centimeter) If you keep growing I will need to make you more pants AGAIN!' 'No Mom, you made pants yesterday.' HAHA. Yes, I did. And I made them just an inch TOO long to roll up so there was room for you to grow some more. I was impressed by her use of the word 'yesterday' and it was correct. The day before I had made her a pair of planet and stars pants.

She also had her playmobil people out all lined up in front of a 'cooking pot' and was pretending to cook. She picked up each person and shook them on top of the pot - saying 'You are peppers.' She went all down the line with them doing this - and it was a good ten minutes before I realized she was playing an episode of Fraggles - where Gobo and Moki are pretending to be salt and pepper shakers and the Mama Gorg picks them up and shakes them. When I connected it and asked her if she was making goomba soup like the Mama Gorg she got all red in the face, denied it - No I am an ESME not a Gorg! - and found another game. *ha* But - she was back playing that game again within the hour, as long as I wasn't watching ;)

bits with pictures

It has been a tough few days.. I feel like I've been running an obstacle course to get this school paperwork done, and am getting in the homestretch. Esme's shots are done except for the second MMR - and I have a couple of roads to try to keep her from that one again. The nurse agreed my reasoning was sound for not wanting her to receive a SECOND dose of the only thing she has ever reacted badly to. But, it still requires my doctor (who does not see her for such things anyway so he is reluctant) to create and sign a form for something he does not know. She never went to the hospital with that fever - but it lasted all night and it made me very worried at the time. I might just have to tell them I refuse do it - and provide that in writing myself if he will not.

She did not run a fever with any of the four shots she received yesterday. She is in a wonderful good mood, although she had some dreams about mama not keeping the monsters away from her she told me about - and then she pointed to her arms and asked me to stay home from work and protect her. That was a little heartwrenching - but it did not last long. She got over it after a little bit, and is now leaning against my back watching Muppet Show and has forgotten about it mostly. She saw the backpack we are ordering for her that should be here next week - she is happy about that. We have all the other paperwork done and her folder and gluesticks. I have to repair a few more pieces of clothing.... Loula put a hole in the sleeve of the new pink dress already. *sigh*


snowflake lights



Letting the dogs out...

Beautiful January day

It was a beautiful day outside - and we played in it for a while today. Then we went to visit some new friends, and Esme had a good time playing with them. She was very happy playing with the 1 year old little boy and then warmed up to the girl (who is a little younger than her and was feeling worried about her toys so Esme sensed to back off for a while...) as well and was running all over the house with them within a few hours. She didn't want to leave, though - she said it made her 'not feeling any good' to have to leave them there and that her green house was not home anymore when she was not feeling good. Well, at least that is communication! She didn't mean it, though... we took the purple shovel into the bathtub with her and she made 'soap soup' in the shovel and chicken pie. We are going to go out to Jackson tomorrow with Grandma and Grandpa.

Also - she fell asleep before 9 o clock pm. That, is amazing.

She also said she was a 'Futurama lady' but I couldn't understand the name she was saying. I asked if it was Leela or Amy ... and then said it couldn't be Fry because he was a man. Esme said, no kidding: 'The rocks turn Fry to a lady, once', and held up her finger to me with her little 'aha' look. We watched that episode once a few weeks ago, and then she suddenly remembers that... Yes, the rock aliens did change everyone's gender in that episode, and then they changed them back.

What a day. Let's see what we do tomorrow.

The Update on the language testing I spoke with the language tester briefly the other day. She could not tell me much, as she wants an official meeting to see what we can do for Esme through the school district. The next time our schedules meshed is not until the 17th of February. That is a long time. I did ask her to tell me 'something', and she said she actually had 'good' vocab, 'decent' speech sounds (just a few off, that are normal to be off at this age), no major hearing problem, but she 'did qualify for services' because of a vast difference between her receptive and expressive language abilities. She scored 'very high, nearly all of them' on her receptive language. She is getting the message loud and clear. But, she scored 'a bit lower than expected/average' on expressive language. I'll know more specifics when that meeting happens.

In short: she is understanding a LOT, unable to express much of what she wants to, and it is frustrating her. She tries to express what she can with the words she knows - and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't... The lady did not say this but we know she is highly creative, because she uses words in combinations that approximate what she means - but often in 'Engrish' sounding ways because she does not remember/know the 'usual' form of saying what she means ie: today 'My friends no come with us, they stay there, in the door (their house). I am no feeling any good now.' It takes a second longer to process that type of sentence - but the meaning is clear. Not all of her approximations are this clear, that was a really good one.

Add this with the wide range of things she remembers - but may not be able to express what she is trying to 'connect' to the present at any given time... yes, I can see where all the angst and argument is coming from lately. Her expressions of displeasure and disagreement make it much harder to work through the day, but at least they are expressions - we try to work through them, and help her understand. It is better than her bottling it up and/or throwing frustration fits we have no idea what they are about at all. I will go to the meeting to see what the lady offers, and what kind of activities she thinks would benefit Esme the most. If she wants her to come back once a week for exercises (like I did for speech when I was little) I'm not sure if we could do that with my schedule, and I'm not sure if they'd let us do it when the schedule did meet up. But - knowing where to 'put my finger on the issue' will help a lot in itself... knowing it is not a different issue, not trying to treat a broken leg when there is just a cold etc...

busy busy Wednesday

Esme had her hearing test and language tests this morning. The speech lady said she was able to do all of the tests in one day, and that Esme did very well with all of the 'hard work.' Esme told me the hearing test was 'all beeps' in things over her ears, and that a 'needle' on a (clock face/dial?) went all up and all down, and then was all done. The lady will call us back in a few days to let us know what she thinks. I think that is a good thing - because she will cross-reference the tests and the hearing test and tell us much more than she could have on the spot? I hope that is true.

It was a very busy day - with 'school' for over an hour, and then going out to eat with Esme, the library for an hour.. that in itself would have been a busy day. Then, after we came home, we went back to town with Daddy and Grandma for grocery shopping. Esme helped Grandma put all of her food away while Daddy and I put our food away at our house. Then Esme came home to blow bubbles and paint with her new paint.

//things I'll note: She is using the words 'terrible', 'scary' and 'sick' to see what reactions she can get. Last night, she washed her hair 'happily' so that she could 'go to school tomorrow'. She was so happy - very unlike her when she is washing her hair, did everything herself except rubbing the soap in. I was amazed. And then, for some reason I did not understand 'tomorrow' sunk in with the idea that she would have to go to sleep sometime after we got out of the bathtub. She threw a very bad fit about not wanting to do tomorrow, partially because it had to do with going to bed first. We had a breakdown in communication, which felt like I was dealing with an entirely different child. She curled up into a ball in the bathroom and was freezing to death because she had been in the tub and was wet. She told me I was terrible to her and she was scared of the school, and the lady, and the library, and the talking - Mama should not be talking about Esme. **oh wow, that almost hurt me deep inside - because I want to know how to help her BETTER, and I know she knows more than she tells... she 'knows' Mama has been talking about her and she knows it worries me...and she thinks in some way that I'm 'mad at' or unhappy with her....such a deep subject there** I got nowhere trying to find out where she had become upset - and we were quiet for a while, her curled in the corner, and me unable to figure out what to do with a child crying for what seemed to be no reason whatsoever... Eventually I asked her what I could do to make her feel better - what could I do to 'be good' - and she asked me to kiss her on the head, twice, which I did. Then she got back in the tub and played the regular games with her bath toys she always does. She was quite good for the rest of the night - as if nothing had happened at all! She cuddled up against me and shared a blanket while we watched tv, ate her pizza, and eventually went to sleep with no problems at all... ?? *confused*

This morning when I told her she was going to the school she was happy again - and got ready, and even waited patiently in the office for an hour while really really wanting to go play with the slide in a 'handicapped' room. There was no one to ask - and the children kept coming in and out in different age groups, so I did not want her to be where she should not be. She made up lots of games and talked about lots of things. At one point, she told me SHE was 'terrible, and sick' while we were waiting at the school, and pretended to die on my lap. Afterwards, she told me I was terrible and that everyone was sick when she was eating her food at the restaurant. Was she responding to the 'hospital' like atmosphere of that wing of the school and the children with handicaps? I wondered about that - she had called the school a 'hospital' several times. Or, and perhaps and/or...she just wants to see what we say - because we get worried about those words? And then she is happy again, and wants us to be happy... *shakes head* It will all work out. And as she is ABLE to explain these thoughts and start to understand them - at least, maybe, we will communicate better in the long run?

On a further note - she also did the same 'I am so scared everything is awful' today after the heat exchange came on at the library. She told me the ceiling was coming down and we had to get out before we died. She was VERY upset and crying and wringing her hands. I made her pick up all of the toys she had out while she cried and told me I was crazy we had to run. The librarian insisted to her that I was right - and it was just the heater. She did not agree. After we left the children's wing we were away from that heater - and she stopped and played on the computer for about a half-hour, oblivious to her previous worry and unwilling to agree with me that we were safe, 'not now Mama, later.' It reinforced the idea she was pretending to be scared earlier... but pretending so intensely she physically shivered and cried. ***Mama is too sensitive herself, I think***

Mark remembered she has seen a movie recently where one of the kids was suddenly very afraid and irrational - but he can't remember what movie it was.. Aliens in the Attic? or something else? He thinks some of this 'acting scared and traumatized' is mimicing what she has seen in the movie, and maybe nothing more than the words 'terrible' and 'sick' - seeing what response she will get?

Grandma - you told me four would be harder than three... oh yes, you were right!

speech evaluation

Esme had an evaluation with two speech therapists today, lasting about fifteen minutes. They said her pronunciation was good for her age, and that she needed a language evaluation, not a speech evaluation. She introduced me to Miss K, the langauge evaluator. Miss K. asked for me to bring Esme in again next week for a longer evaluation. They are treating this as a 'get ready for school' and say since Esme was cooperative with the conversation-based testing today it should be something they can help with.

Esme liked it! She thought she was going to school, and was very happy about being 'a (big) kid now'. She got two stickers and was told she had done a good job :)

bits of both sick

She looks much better than she did...
asking me if she can take her jingle bells to her room

She definitely does not have anymore what I call the 'classic sick look' she shares with her Daddy... they both get this odd pale around their eyes and forehead when they are truly sick and don't have energy etc etc...

I have what Esme has, hopefully it will pass before Friday. She seems to be getting better, with a cough that isn't as deep or hoarse as it had been a few days ago - but it is turning into a laundry nightmare. She is eating more before she goes to sleep, and has (I should never have said she had not peed the bed for a month in a previous post!) peed the bed two nights in a row and also last night woke up coughing and threw her soup up on her pillow. And yes, she seems to be getting better... just losing control of a few things but I won't worry terribly about that part unless it continues for more than a few days or gets much worse. Now my throat is hurting and has 'hard' scrapy feeling stuff in it. I stayed home from work for the first time in a long time - hope it won't count against me. My theory is if they want me on Friday they had better not have me today.

Esme has been talking in a lot more complicated ways again. I had her toy bus tell her she needed to drink juice one day and she pointed at her cup and said 'But, I don't have any!' That was the first time I had heard that. She has been using things she heard in cartoons like 'you stole it, give it to me' when she has left something elsewhere and 'this will do the trick' and pulling on something she wants. I have to try to model those properly, I don't like the blaming everyone else for 'stealing' things she has forgotten or misplaced. There were a few other interesting 'complete' combinations as well. The one thing I really find missing from her vocabulary is 'why'. I can think of maybe two or three instances at all where she has asked 'why' and it was a pure copy from a cartoon to something happening strangely 'Why you do that?' When I ask her just 'why' or even 'why did you..' she usually stares at me and looks confused or ignores me because I should just know? She does often ask 'how', and 'what is...'. I know I'll get more than my dose of the 'whys' soon....

There are other odd combinations she has come up with like 'I have a piece a left a story' when she wants me to read her more than I had intended. Everything is 'have to have three kisses' and 'have to have three robots' and by this I thinks she means all three of us have to do it - not three times.. but sometimes she doesn't even know what she means. She told me downstairs last night that she saw monsters in her sleep, monster animals, and that she became a 'bird Esme' and flew and scared them. I had her tell me that one twice, and that was definitely what she meant. Other times the second time around she will say something that makes more sense. I think she has been watching and absorbing some of Daddy's dragon killing video game - it has a bird's eye point of view and he kills wolves and bears and lions as well as dragons. She keeps telling him he is doing a good job and to 'be careful' and to 'get outta there, it looks dangeroous'.


'doctored' elephants
She swears these are 'help' not hurt

This sort of 'find' is common around here - she said the elephants have to be more careful will fall down need a doctor get squished. The elephants in Dumbo fall down 'get squished' and are wrapped up in bandages and have ears/trunks in slings etc... Esme always pays close attention to that scene and tells me about each thing that is 'fixed.'

I was sewing a binding edge onto a queen size quilt I made a long time ago but never finished - repeating how I bound Esme's bambi quilt the other day... and she asked me if I was gong to knit her a dress. I said I was making a mommy and daddy blanket and she said ooooooooh gonna tuck you in. Hearing her describe what is going on in Transformers and other shows she watches is hilarious. She brought me two cardboard boxes yesterday that she had been earlier wearing around the house as shoes. She said 'we are robots, we share Nee-john cubes, here have some, we eat, we are robots' Energon cubes, from Transformers. *facepalm* When she is interested in something, she does things like this that make me just want to bury my head in something and laugh where she can't see me.


counting 'take three pictures' on her fingers

Mark and I both wish she would calm down a little more, at least while she is sick. She still constantly runs around the house and turns circles on the floor and knocks things over (blaming us or the dog) etc etc....finally somewhere around midnight she will settle enough to actually fall asleep. Mark says he knows they would classify her ADHD and give her Ritalin in a school. The clincher to that is : she does all of this when Mama is involved with something else, like sewing the blanket binding, and Daddy is playing his game etc... When Mama gives her an activity she likes and does it with her - she focuses to no end, zooming in on tiny details and making ME follow rules etc etc.... It is getting her to shift gears from 'amuse thyself' to 'play with me' that sometimes is still hard... Sometimes out of resentment that I have not played her games for hours she will instead read to the dog or go blow bubbles or anything other than playing what Mama is now offering. Stubborn four year old, and yes 'monkey see, monkey do' does apply to that as well.