Czech spelling set

 Mark made me a spelling set to practice Czech words, which I had been wanting him to do for me.  It will need a few more of certain tiles - and I was filling in with my Bananagrams tiles.  The special characters are perfect - and I went through babadum for a while trying to spell the words I saw and note where the special characters were.

 

Hnedy means brown

Slepice means chicken

Fialovy means purple

Vaha means scales or weight

Darek means gift

Kosile means shirt

It rained hard in the morning, and again in the afternoon.  I did a route in between, and fought some anxiety several times over the course of the day.  It has been hanging around a bit this week, with the stresses and with going out so often for work and other things.  I think *knock on wood* my coping skills are working for it at the moment - it is sort of like a big baseball mitt to sock that bouncing ball of 'worries-and-should-haves' into and carry it like a dampening field so I can get along doing with what I need to get done.  

But there was the other side of the coin as well today - those moments where it feels like if you divided time up into twelfths, the fifth section is missing - but it was redundant anyway, and the tenth section is an interdimensional paradox that isn't the missing one, but 'something else' and if you stare at it too hard, it is even more distracting than the missing bit.  It is like ADHD, but the creative productive part of it with the magical sparkles in it.  I had that feeling a couple of times, as well - and inside that paradox bit is a whole swath of rabbit-holes and math / language / chemistry falling together in structures that at this moment, perhaps, I could actually understand - but I'm doing something else (stuck, 'en train', in process), and that is important and time-restricted, so sorry shove that feeling down in the baseball mitt, too - and get along to finish the task I'm actually working on.  I got on getting on, got finished and got home before the second storm hit. I know that 'impending weather event' sense adds to it all, and understanding what the 'big ball of barbed wire (instead of yarn)' is that I'm dealing with helps in general.

 

 tulip lilies, held up by my makeshift fence of wire and electric fence posts, they are so heavy most years they end up on the ground and I don't get to enjoy them for as long

I have today off, and we do need to go and get some things I couldn't get at the smaller store.  I acknowledge one urge that tells me I could get so much done - organize, clean, make things better!  All you have to do is start at one end and keep moving to the other!... It's like a bouncing golden retriever, and I know it will chase after any and all tennis balls but never actually stick to one thing.  And the other more wisened urge says 'I thought you were already tired, and things never stay clean - so let's triage but not wear ourselves out...'  I guess that is the cat, putting the paw down on the retriever's head and saying 'Calm down puppy'.   As I said, the baseball mitt is getting a little easier.  I just hope I'm using it right.

I worked on smatterings of Spanish, French, Greek and on the other program I worked on Czech - and continued working on my A1 Russian program.  Some times I do still have to remind myself that being able to switch between all of those is unusual, it's not just something other people do and don't talk about, they actually don't do it.  And yet I know I'm not very high level in any of them either (well maybe French).  I'm just glad to be making progress - even if I don't know really what the target goal in the end is to knowing these languages.  It's something to do with my brain - and I can do it anywhere - and it requires very little tools to work with.. free entertainment, free brain exercise, and possibly useful.  I watched a video about how different languages help people see or think about the world differently - so it is also possible I'm dealing with some of that existential stuff above by organizing and occupying my overactive brain with different languages.  

tiger lilies, multiplied from a single small clearance bulb years ago now

this fell down in the night, and the dogs had come to tell me about it - bee-dancing as they do when they have something they can't tell me in words but they need me to follow them.  So I put on shoes and grabbed a flash light and went out to nose around the branch and make sure there wasn't anything that had been hit by it - there wasn't.  Looked at it again this morning, counted noses of cats and chickens and apparently it was just a big loud thing that got everyone worked up so they had to come tell me immediately about it at the time.  Mark said he thinks it fell from the very top of a 60 foot+ oak so yes, perhaps it was quite a ruckus.

Went into town and got Esme's hair cut again, took a photo with this time of the last short cut they did for her that she liked.  They matched it up pretty well.

 

I've done Czech, and Russian today - will login to the other program and work on some French later.

First Haircut

She got a trim a few months back, but now she really got it cut in preparation for school starting back in a few months.  We hope she'll be able to brush it out herself by the time August rolls around.

 The hairstylist was crying a little bit from something else - and this made her very emotional, too.  Esme cried just a little bit because of it, but it turned out very nice.

I saved a lock of it for her in her baby book.. it was over four inches long.

//and update : My dad was out of the hospital and seemed to be back in spirits... it sounded like a very scary time for them.  We talked to him on the phone for about an hour a few nights ago.

bits

Esme is at school and we are home. We both agree it is very odd not to be looking for her every few minutes and seeing what she is up to. Her puppy is quite distressed, has been checking the truck and the road and looking into the house again. She has coonhound in her, so she is vocal about the displeasure. Daddy will pick her up later from school, but I will need to work late tonight. My headache had persisted for a day and a half - so I got out the scissors again and cut my hair short. At that point, I was willing to try it - as I had been thinking of cutting it for a week or so and two peppermint baths, sinus medication and a myriad of other things had not worked. The sinus medication just gives me hives :( but I was willing to try it. The haircut worked if not let enough time go by for the other things to kick in. The headache is nearly gone. Esme held the sides of my head this morning and looked at the hair in the trash can and said 'it was all yucky stuff, no more long is now short!'. She kissed me on the forehead and I felt beautiful. :)

She was so happy to go to school she nearly jumped out of bed. That was a feat, as she had stayed up much too late watching Daddy kill dragons on his game. Mama was in no condition to argue, either. I did struggle with her earlier in the night to get her hair washed - she only melted down a tiny bit right at the end where the soap was still in the front of her hair and she would not let me pour water over it - and would not do it herself, either. She finally did, but cried for about five minutes about it even after it was all done. *sigh* at least I don't have to hold her down and wash it anymore! She lets me pull the soap through and wash it well but then that last front bit of hair she doesn't want the water in her face. Poor kid. We all have our hangups, and water in the eyes/nose is definitely hers.

Spring is happening everywhere outside. There are redbuds blooming, daffodils, baby's breath, sarvis, pear trees and the very beginning of dogwood buds. Grandma has some tiny blue bulb flowers growing in her garden as well - I forget what they are called.

bits and another haircut

self cut and dye, again

I have been cutting my own hair now for about a year - it seems to both solve the social nervousness I have of the salon 'waiting room' atmosphere and also serve a therapeutic effect putting all the crux on my own self to get it done adequately. I overcome the fear of failure, stretch my capabilities, and live with the consequences. There is a lot to that. I don't see how it is less stress than waiting, getting called and making chitchat while someone else cuts it. In fact, it is more stress, but a different kind, a kind that feels healed and joyous when the results come out good, instead of just still awkward, as the social stress feels even after it is gone. I think it is the end result of 'capability' and the fact I can do it at home at any time - not have to plan a trip in town or go before or after work. I had dyed my hair the night before that. I am going 'gray' in an odd way, white all up underneath the nape of my neck. Nobody else sees it unless I put my hair up and point it out - but, I see it... and I've been wearing my hair up a lot lately. Instead of matching the color I ended up a slight shade lighter, with the ends not getting as much of the dye -- so a cut seemed in order as well. I cut off about three inches into a 'Cleopatra' type bob, which is easy enough to do. Esme watched me do it this time and did not cry like she did last time. Last time (months ago) she cried that Mama was cutting her fingers and was going to die. She told me to 'put it back' about the hair in the trash. This time she told me I was doing a good job and wandered around the room playing Maggie Simpson and drug all of her downstairs blocks in and surrounded my feet with 'build towers, I am making.' I stopped her short of building a tower on the toilet seat. *roll eyes*

About 'capability'... I have gained a lot in that the past few years, of which I am proud to have accomplished. I can fix a faucet, grow a garden and eat the food from it, bake a pumpkin pie, cut my own hair and sew clothing (getting quite good at this now for Esme, need to work more on my own). Every little bit helps, on the inside, as well.

The blue pumpkin came out of the garden. It had a spot on either side where the fence had rubbed through the skin - and I hope it will save to be edible. I put salt into the cuts on Mark's reccommendation - I think that was a good idea. If it is not good inside I'll have learned a lesson.


the Jarrahdale and a few Connecticut Field pumpkins

I also tried to make blueberry muffins last night with some pumpkin thrown into them - and the recipe worked, but the imitation blueberry boxed stuff did not give a good flavor to the pumpkin... real blueberry might be different. Can you tell I got my pumpkin cookbook in the mail? "Pumpkin, a Superfood for All 12 Months of the Year" by DeeDee Stovel. It has a lot of interesting combinations, but some of the recipes only call for pumpkin in a glaze or a frosting... There are a LOT of recipes in the book, though, and it is inspiring even without pictures of every recipe. Also, to have a basic pumpkin bread and pumpkin pie recipe with other things in a handy book (not computer printouts) made it worth it. There are a lot more pumpkins coming out of the garden and four small ones to use in the storage room.


a little damage on the sides
will see what it looks like when cut open

Swing Joy, Downfall and Crazy Hair Move

walking to Grandma's house

After dealing with difficult, unreasonable customers for two days in a row - I guess I felt the need to do something 'unreasonable' as well. I'm not sure how I made the leap from one thing to the other - but maybe because both were stressful issues. There is also something to the point that customers get to look however they want to when they come into the store yet that says nothing about their personality - it is always the same. I have to wear an apron and always have the same hair and glasses - which is how they identify me. I get judged as a 'young blond girl' often and sometimes male customers will not even ask me for help before a male associate brings them to me and says 'yes - she runs this department.'

Going to a hairstylist is also a stressful situation for me, and a crux point of being able to stay the same or "change" my identity. I hate having anybody wait for me, but won't go alone except once in a blue moon. I hate sitting there waiting for a walk-in before or after work because I either am worrying about getting to work or just wanting to be at home. So anyway, it has been a good long time since I had it professionally done, and took a deep end dive yesterday by buying hair shears and a box of permanent dye. If anybody reading knows me well - they will know just how CRAZY it is for me to do something this big and to do it without a long drawn-out planning process. I'm pretty predictable and 'safe' most of the time. I knew that if I could overcome an 'off the charts' stress like committing to and doing THIS, then the other stress would become almost non-existent in the shadow of it.

It wasn't bad, but it was scary after I had started ;) I have a forum I post on often about Esme and one of the other ladies posted 'in process' pictures of her cutting her own hair. I knew if she could do it - I could do it, too. Esme kept asking me 'Mumum, you alright?' as she saw large pieces of hair fall into the trash can. Mark did trim the very back center for me, since I couldn't see it at all and/or reach it. Then I went the rest of the way and dyed it one shade darker than the original color. Just one shade? Mark asked. He said I should have tried red or blue. That would have caused a 'fix it before you come back again' comment at work.


I think I've had a cut at a low budget place that was worse!


Crazy, or not?


Esme can get on the swing by herself



Such joy!


And the humiliation... not really. I'm glad she holds on until she gets down all the way!

Above our Shoulders

On my desk


Mom, I'm not sure about this hairdo!


OK, maybe it's ok :)
We've been wondering if we want to snip Esme's bangs. They're getting in the way when she eats! For now, we've compromised to putting it up in an elastic when she is eating. Maybe it will get long enough soon we can put it all up (and not have her take it back out).


Other hair-raising developments:


Before - Yikes!
Mark caught this picture of me last week
the long hair wasn't doing me any favors!

4 inches shorter!