Thursday, November 11, 2021

The bits

 I wake up.

I'm already tired again.

I went to sleep at five yesterday, was up for maybe an hour in the night, and still, it is not enough.  Some days get like this - I could sleep for twelve hours and still feel like it is the middle of the night.

I think about drawing, about the sometimes silly feeling goals I have to get a picture of this building, or try to draw something in this pose ... at these fatigued times they seem so much more 'unnecessary' and 'inconsequential' in the long run.  I tell myself this is because of the fatigue, and not because of the worthiness of my art goals.  Goals are what we have to keep us going through the 'leaf debris' between point A and point B.  Even in the fatigue, I am proud of the blue garage painting I did - it stands as a high point in all of the other tiring moments in between.. moments that had to happen to get to that one.

And there are all of the other mental drains that seem to pull more on me than they should, sometimes, especially in these fatigue days.  I try to be present.  That's a good goal.  I try to get done the big things that are requested or expected of me.  That's also a good goal.  I know that a lot of the little things will be seen as I simply forgot or scatterbrained or decided against them.  In some ways, I did.  

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