the swirling bits

 So I'm downstairs, heating up coffee and 'swirling' - and by this, I mean my brain is constantly washing and swirling over multiple regions of thoughts again and again and it's a little like sitting with a big cup of coffee swirling it around in your cup to make sure you aren't drinking the grounds??  Exit now if you don't want to see my representation of just a slice of what goes on in between these ears..

I'm also doing while I'm swirling, and it is just the most classic form of ADHD housekeeping and planning and some inside-out form of reminisce--now--plan middle-out thinking you could ever imagine.  It gets things done, but I've had others (Mark included) explain observing such is 'painful' and 'I have no idea what you're doing at any moment there, it seems to be five things at once, always.  And I cook the same way.)  And- it is, five things at once.  And it adds up, as long as I keep at it and don't sit.  I'm : washing rugs, sweeping floors, wiping counters, staring at the window (involves thinking about moths that have often been there), thinking about sewing, upset about the sewing machine, optimistic about the sewing machine (cycle), thinking about weaving, thinking about baking, planning on cooking rice, thinking about a sketchbook from twenty years ago that is in the left hand pull-out shelf of my desk and paging through it mentally while I'm washing a sink, reminding myself I have three pages left in my current little sketchbook, sketching the last few things I saw on Pinterest in my head in a mental sketchbook with pencils that I have upstairs, layering schedules around me like rings of Venn diagrams in space and guessing what will happen later today, reminding myself about chickens when first light hits (did I mention it is 3:30 am?).. *drink coffee*

 

I'm reminding myself to sort laundry (which is upstairs), brain-sorting the laundry that SHOULD be in that load and where it has landed and where it goes (before ever doing it in real life), doing a review of Welsh on my computer, bouncing back up from that thinking about that crochet project in the bag I did one row on yesterday, yarn for that, thinking about the yarn on my desk (how it got there, where it's going, how necessary it is to be there right now, the effort it takes to move it, how soon it will get back there again), the project I started and tore back out yesterday, my library book (it's due date, the depressing about not finishing it vs. the depressing it felt reading it, it has such a cheerful looking cover, bah, the trip to the library, Esme saying she was fine with her own book for now and didn't need to go again soon), thinking about the gas level in the truck after yesterday's running around and fuel efficiency logarithmic models vs exponential growth which is the best 'asymptote' representation and if that is even a word, yes it is, why is it in my head right now though, and return to thinking about the art supplies to be sorted, (mentally emptying the entire desk piece by piece and wondering if it is worth the effort), 

 

thinking about when I was looking for that ring yesterday (blue box, 2 inches, tucked into drawer but not the original drawer vs. constellation of four other rings that are similar and where they are), that when I was looking I thought I should be throwing out and going through that other stuff I found, sweeping the entry way, throwing out a frog, exchanging cats, bringing the goat in for breakfast, knowing I should clean the cat counter but being frowned at by large cat currently eating there knowing what I'm thinking, thinking about eggs - quantity, storage, value, where to use them, thinking about rice, thinking about leaves outside (maple, veins, soft) (and it's still dark out there, so why? because when I'm sweeping I so often look up and see them there and it is pleasurable to see them, the thoughts are intertwined), thinking more about laundry, wondering where that other red dishcloth is now that I've replaced it and did the laundry, well not all the laundry, will start that after this load and it's probably in that bag, thinking about the laundry bag upstairs and exactly which items are in it 

 

drinking more coffee, thinking about making coffee, thinking more about baking, thinking about all the array of ingredients and where they are and how much there is of them and what they are used for, return to thinking about rice and all the ways I used last week's and that Mark has this other kind he makes for himself which the kitchen dinosaur toy is currently camped out on the lid of, telling myself I should sweep that back hallway, talking to the cat and the dog about the rugs, being glad I made the rugs, saying I should make another one - oh right, it's in that bag but I haven't committed to it being a rug yet, 

And now it's five a.m, but the laundry is started now and hopefully won't wake anybody up when it spins down, and the dogs and cats and goat are happier - and the roosters are crowing, but they'll be happier when I go feed them and change their water when it's light.  Then I can check on the pepper I planted yesterday and all of the other things, and maybe push myself to do one or two other little things like move the French book on my desk back to the shelf and so forth...

5:30 Put the French book away, and ten other things - found the ring, it still fits, I still don't like how it feels against my vein in my hand, there are twenty other little things in that box, beads, a pair of dice smaller than a dime, old earrings, a sachet pouch of Allspice and Star Anise flowers, put it back where I had kept it.  Onward.  Chickens want food.

3:30 pm  : Too much adventure, episode 99

Took Esme to town earlier this afternoon, got greenhouse potting soil and some groceries Grandma had wanted ( and two we had forgotten ) and came back home - forgot to give Grandma the groceries at her drive before we went to our house, and so started the truck back up at our house just minutes after parking it, and drove up to give her those - and just as we would have turned into her driveway the car went completely dead - flat.  We had stopped at a lot of places in town, much more than usual, but still I wasn't expecting this problem in the summer at all (it has the problem in the winter if you let it sit too long between starts).   I joked 'I was thinking too hard right there', and I was thinking too hard at exactly that moment because she was riding in the back up the driveway and I was thinking at that exact moment that I was in charge of her safety when I turned into Grandma's yard and to slow down and take it very easy and -- flat, no lights on, no sound, no movement, just like the car turned into a brick. (ask me about how I used to make the lights flicker at Lowes and the electrical team would tell me I was thinking too hard, they even tested it a bit, asking me what was in boxes in topstock and how many of something was up there without looking etc).. 

 

but anyway, Esme got lessons in what a car battery voltage should be, what ours was (10.6 volts, and 11.7 after beginning charging, and 12.7 more than an hour later before we gave up and came back down to our house to to rest again) and then she got more lessons in how to put the charger on it and continue to monitor progress.. but it took Mark walking up with me the third time to push the truck out of the middle of our gravel road and into the ditch to get it to start up again.  I pushed it, and he steered.  It didn't start for him before I pushed it and Mark wasn't sure if it was possible that could have kicked it over.  I've seen it in old movies, but who knows?  

Frankly, I was very reluctant to reverse it into the ditch by myself or even with Esme there because I am responsible for her safety and a car running backwards in neutral even with good brakes still makes me tense)   It started and stayed started so we brought it home, and are going to mess with it a bit more later tonight and tomorrow to see if it has deeper issues like needing a new alternator.  I had been texting the mechanic a couple of times during this and he told us to check what the voltage was running and it should be 13 to 14 volts running, if it isn't - then he needs to know so he can order the part.

After that many times walking up there I'm 1.) really glad that it wasn't further down one of the roads around here where there isn't anyone for miles.  2.) grateful we were able to get the charger extension cords to reach that far  and 3.) really tired after being up so early in the morning as well and going to do things

8:00  It is so tempting to go to sleep now, but that means I would be back up at 2 or 3 am so I'm holding out... 

pictures of a Friday off with toy fish

We went to town today and Esme got to use her piggybank quarters to buy a toy. She looked at every toy in the store and I told her how much she had to spend in the little purse she was carrying. She picked this fishing toy, which is the non-magnetic one. It was very frustrating for her at first (the one at school is magnetic I have to think..from what she tells me) but she found out the trick and has been happy with it for hours.


concentration
and she missed a lot for several minutes...


then she gets one




Mark asked me if she figured out the 'trailer hitch' by herself. Yes - but I can't remember how long ago. She 'hooks' it up to both her big wheel bike and a little push car in the downstairs and drags all sorts of toys around in the bed of the Tonka truck. I had ceased to think it was anything but normal, but yes, it is a pretty good trick.



It's moments like these that I truly think she intends to rule the world one day. I tell her to not leave them there because they will get eaten by a dog. She says, no - dogs don't eat them. But cats will. Cats (chomp) fish. Then she gets out of the 'vehicle' and lines them all up on the edge of the truck bed. Are they having a meeting? No, they are going to fight the cats. They are ready.


We are also making a solar system out of paper mache.. or at least starting with the Earth. Esme says it looks like an egg. It will take a lot of work until it looks like anything but a strange caterpillar cocoon.

Recipe:
1 cup of flour
2 cups of water
mix that up really well with fingers and get as many of the lumps out as possible.
Add a few good squeezes (probably about 1/3 cup?) Elmers Glue
mix it up really well.
Use only 'rough' newsprint, nothing shiny. The black and white works the best but color ink won't ruin it, just maybe be a bit harder to get soaked through.

Use a blown up regular balloon as a model for round things, plastic boxes work well as molds if you can get the finished product back off the bottom easily.

Cut 1 inch strips out of the newsprint, and spread some of the mixture on top of the blown up balloon (under the paper) as you lay it strip by strip. Smear more mixture on top of the strip and try to soak it through without tearing the strip. Work around the object and lay some strips crosswise and overlapping to make a mesh - or it will fall apart later. Think structure and strength. Small pieces will not have enough crosswise strength and if there is nothing to hold it vertically and horizontally it will fall apart when the balloon is gone.

Cover the entire balloon slowly from one side to the other - keep working to make the structure stronger. Lay on a shiny piece of newspaper flyer or ad to dry - as it is less likely to stick to the object as it dries. Let dry overnight or 8-10 hours. Carefully pinch some of the balloon tail up and make a hole there - let that area reconverge with the rest of the balloon air and slowly let the air out. If the paper mache is dry, strong and the structure good - the balloon will separate from the outside and deflate, being able to be pulled out. If it is a tupperware or other plastic box you are using, work it back and forth gently when entirely dry to try to separate it from the mold.

Be careful painting your object - remember it is paper, and as it gets wet again the surface loses its structure It would be best to paint small areas at a time and let them dry.

Ideas : planets, eggs, 'lanterns' (no candles or fire), bowls for decoration and holding small things, masks (cut in half), pinatas, lots more I am sure...

Notes : We went to a fast food and Esme tried to place her order but the older lady at the counter could not hear her. Still, she did good with that and happily stood in line, listened and was perfect all the way to the car and home. She ate nearly everything - and ate a big sandwich for dinner later. That is good, she has been having philosophical discussions with me about growing, food and not needing to eat because she is 'big enough' - I know I stress over these too much... but the more she argues the less capable I feel sometimes to argue back effectively and correctly so I don't give her a wrong conclusion - like 'food is for growing' which is one of her current ones. We are trying to modify that, now to 'food is for energy to be strong - including growing.' She was in argument mode again last night - mostly over bedtime, but not listening about a few others things. We were playing downstairs and she was being her usual bossy Napoleon attitude when it comes to playing... I came upstairs to let the dog out and started to fix her dress instead of returning to her. She came up, saw what I was doing and then got into the button box (off limits because she does this repetitive thing with them that annoys me and Dad both) even though I told her my hands were full and to quit... classic - 'I'm not playing in it, I'm being busy.' Then Daddy tripped over the mess she left downstairs. We put her to bed after that although that was a trial, too. Daddy took charge of putting her to bed because I needed to be up way too early for that.. and she was determined to make it a battle.