the amazing

I admit sometimes my brain is still ruminating on the days just before I had 'enough' and said I was done with (L)... it is in my nature to wonder what I could have done differently and 'saved' it all.. but then I flip the switch over and say 'well, what amazing has happened since then?'

I am helping fewer people even more by doing full jobs and helping as many of the pieces fall into place as I can.  I can offer them more solutions and take a stronger stance in helping them get something that will be good for them.

I am learning how MUCH tile is out there (without having to pick up hundreds of pounds of it daily) and forming a catalog in my 'mental warehouse' of all that is available, possible, etc.  I'm learning how to lay it, what materials are needed.. all while talking to many professionals about their methods and what they need to do the job.

Socially - oh boy... I am still an introvert.  But, I'm an introvert who will stretch out to accomplish things and make connections so I can help people.  I've done so much more of this that I have to stop sometimes and take a deep breath and say 'you talked to a LOT of people today, but each one needed something you could give or had something to teach you etc.. it's give and receive, connect and help.'  It's a zen thing.  And that helps me center back and say okay, what next.

I was told that was a lot like my dad, too - he was quiet and in the corner until someone needed something he could do or something he knew, or he needed to talk to people to find out what he needed to help someone.  He was an overthinker, an overplanner, but that helped him in many situations because then he could conquer the problem no one else had thought about.  He was authentic, and didn't make promises on things that he didn't have enough information about until he had went and did the footwork.. and I hope I can keep those lessons in my heart as I continue.

DENTISTRY oh fun

I went to the dentist on Tuesday and they took out another exposed-nerve tooth, and instantly, that side does not hurt now even half as much as the other side, which also needs care.  It's like I was walking around with a knife stuck in there all the time and now there is only one in the other side.  I still have to watch it for infection, but the constant nerve jab is gone.

I've also finally been able to start taking care of my teeth (another joyful side effect of EDS, loose connective tissue in the gums, increased chances of infection, teeth are easily broken and jaw-clenching TMJ is usually present putting stress on loose teeth = wonderful dental issues!)  - although slowly.  After being told that 'it sucks to be me' and having to fight and beg for a dentist appointment, after being told I was going to need serious surgery and other work because 'I hadn't been in often enough for maintenance'... that was really confidence-bashing and added to my anxiety.

Then add the several people who see me go through high fevers and visibly swollen jaw who tell me I'm not realizing how quickly that can turn into a blood or brain infection and how can I possibly not go take care of this right now etc... balanced on the hand of 'if you're gone more than 6 times a year you can be written up and then fired'... I was in such a rock and a hard place but it was only my own health on the line - and for some reason, I let that go so far it almost did kill me.  But... I'm trying to do better on that now, because I need to be here to help my family, and I can't take risks like that for some company that doesn't value me properly.  I can do my teeth a little bit by little bit now, and make and keep an appointment without having to grovel to someone for it.. and take control of my health. 

POSTURE

I have noticed myself sitting 'the bad ways' again and again and am consciously reminding myself - by writing this here! - to stop it!  Do not sit with your ankle bones entirely on the floor.  Do not sit on the edge of the chair with your feet inside the barstool rails and your knees pointed down while you read (although that is comfortable, until it isn't.. )   And the hardest one - don't sit with your entire body askew and your head on your hand with your ribcage out of whack, because it is going to come back and bite.  Sit straight, feet on the floor, knees supported by desk if possible or locked together.  Because knees and hips will thank you for it later... or the opposite, your choice.

bit o office

Shower Dash Kitchen and Bath Design

I have some more work to do on this design today and tomorrow.  Have a consultation meeting with a contractor this afternoon, two actually - but one is a phone consult.  And then I have a dishwasher air gap project that needs to be done, got all the materials for that last night, and the bigger toolbox.

I still need to price out sealers and grout maximizer, as well as shop for a light to match the fixtures and grab another tile sample in between the two I have.  

I am hoping the customer likes the one on the left, because their trim is already gray, and it will coordinate better, yet keep the warm feeling and go with the top really well.  I really like the one on the right though, it is so warm and looks a lot like what they already have down (vinyl), so it might look okay with the trim too, once it is there against it.

I found a bulletin board we weren't using and a filebox and put those in my office, too - and spent about an hour rearranging and organizing papers so everything works better for me. 

Monday business day

2015-1-26
9:30 - greenhouse operations,
---plant maintenance - the parsley is up!
---discussion of what someone would be able to buy her plants for
9:45 - discussion of making toys, materials, discussion of patterns, shops, 'make to order' and so forth
---math about supplies and prices
10a  - break to go to town

11:30a - Lowes, making calls, getting card signed for friend who is leaving our store, conversations with coworkers about homeschooling, what Esme likes and doesn't, her new shoes, plans, drawing etc etc...

One lady customer walking by said 'Sick, are we, home sick from school today?'...  We said, no homeschool - this is a field trip to talk to people, ask questions, listen to me make some calls and then go home and do our other things.  She said 'Oh'.. shot her husband a 'really now, would you look at that...' look, but walked on.

-----reading and using the vending machine by herself, 'breaktime'  I offered to pay for chips to split, but she really wanted a drink, found one she could afford (by reading the signs) and paid for it out of her own purse.

-----hard lesson (offer to pay for piece of brass fitting)  She didn't know what it was, and didn't know why she couldn't have it because it was lying on a shelf behind a display in a dust pile.. but STILL...and she tried to lie about not having anything in her pocket, so I pressed the morality of it.  I asked the store manager to price it for her, and made her pay for it.

         Even if it is trash, even if you don't know what it is.. if it's in a store and not yours, don't take it unless you ask or offer to pay for it.  That is stealing, and it is wrong. 

12:30 break to get back in car and go uptown

1p - supplies @ Dollar Tree and WalMart, post office

2p - lunch and association word game (her choice)
-----She would say a word, then I would say a word to go 'with' it, and we would decide if it was funny, a good match or a bad match for the word.  I was impressed by her choice and she had a lot of good ones.
2:30 break

3p - feeding chickens and puppy vaccinations (disc. watching Daddy give them to the puppies)
-----opening comic books that came in the mail, reading Power Pack 1985 with help
4p - break

//She also helped Daddy open a package of ground beef and split it up into six sections and deliver one section of it into a pot for him, which will be our dinner tonight (sloppy cheeseburger). We discussed the hard lesson with Daddy, as well.

She does feel very accomplished for the day, and has put her comic books (with my urging) into a fold-a-file so dogs and cats and other things can't get to them but she can have them by her TV to read.  I really hope this encourages her to read more and want to read about what happens to the four kids in the Power Pack.  We had gotten one issue at a flea market stand last year and she has read and re-read it so many times, amazed at the kids having powers and being siblings.

I have some planes to make tonight!  And we have flea market in the morning.

Living the Minutes and Not the Hours

I told Mark a few days ago I can't believe Esme will be two weeks old soon. I said: 'Ever since those first contractions started, I feel like I've been living the minutes and not the hours.' He agreed we both are. The actual time we record in our minds has slown down immensely, yet the days somehow keep passing by almost unnoticed.

And it's not just this beautiful baby that is making us pay attention to every little thing while the hours somehow slip away in the process... although she is the majority of it ;) We have a task list a mile long, and only so much time to do it in.

We're transferring our store over to a new computer system, which means a lot of juggling in the next week or so. I have to learn the new system before Mark travels. I'm still not too good with the car, but I did drive the truck (also a stick shift) to the store yesterday with little problem.

We're working at being independent at a time (new baby) when most people we've known were leaning on others around them for much more than ever. But, we know we have to do this, because we want something that is ours, totally, that we know we can continue doing together on our own ambitions, with less chance that it could be pulled out from under us unexpectedly.

So far, we're doing quite well, but we're feeling the crunch coming up. We're stepping up our already busy days to get ready for the move. I'm almost ready to do that, but not quite yet. I'm sleeping better at night and Esme is on a much more regular, almost predictable schedule.

Milestone: Esme's umbilical cord stump fell off last night. She was having a 'digestion fit' at the time, when her belly hurts her and she has to fuss until something settles. I told her: 'Hey little one, be good to your new belly button, you only get one!'