bits

thoughts : I'm very grateful to have the new teeth - I've worked hard over the past six months to go through all the stages required to get to this point, because with hEDS I do not heal well and have had to go slower than most people do.  They do look good when I have them in and function, although I have to relearn how to talk properly as well.  But that doesn't discount that they hurt like * to get used to and I'm going to have to use a lot of ibuprofen and willpower to get through these first few weeks. I have a fairly high pain tolerance all told, so I'm letting myself be honest that yes, this hurts.  This hurts a lot in ways I wasn't quite expecting.  My nose still hurts and taking the teeth out and putting them back in both hurt like fire for a few minutes, and then I can tolerate it.  Warm liquids, especially coffee brewed with ginger licorice tea in it, help a lot.  I am used to taking one or two ibuprofen a day when I'm actually hurting with other hEDS stuff (knees, etc.) - and now I am taking one or two every four to six hours.  I can't have any other type of painkiller, or more accurately, I can't chemically process any other type of painkiller so it doesn't make sense to take any other kind.  

I'm also on an antibiotic the dentist gave me, but I waited a day or so to start it - and I probably shouldn't have.  One of the dentists (two worked on me) told me to hold off since I had two rounds of the same antibiotic in two other months - and I can see some in that advice but the day before last I woke up after sleeping a few hours feeling like a dog that ate a wasp - the whole front of my face hurt - and I made some soup and started with the antibiotics.

 

I'm also so glad I can cook and adapt recipes to still get the food that I need to eat in a form I can eat it //as I make black bean soup with zucchini, onions, tomato paste and every spice my instincts tell me to eat.  And right now - my instincts are telling me to eat anti-inflammatories and anthrocyanins.  I can do that - my food chopper and stick blender are helping a lot with that - good thing I was sort of doing those things with my bad teeth before - but whoa, having 'bad' teeth was still better than having raw holes where teeth used to be, that you then stick a hard unforgiving and rubbing plastic plate over for 12 to 16 hours every day before the holes have even healed up (part of the process).  

My mother went through this 20 years ago and she stopped wearing her teeth - and I knew it was hard, and she wasn't good with pain, but it severely impacted her health not being able to eat (and she wouldn't eat as many vegetables or spices as I do, plus had diabetes).  She didn't get the nutrition she needed and got much sicker because of it.  So I'm really using my willpower.  This morning getting out of bed on time was a bit tougher (I'm still working full time plus) - and knowing I would be putting those teeth in, with all the pain that makes my eyes water, and I did it anyway.  Taking them out tonight hurt just about as much as getting them to settle in this morning... and having the warm spiced liquid available to wash over them helped so much.

 

tonight's 'let's eat some good protein and fiber' soup mix: this one has the added benefit of having anthrocyanins in the black beans, which helps against inflammation and with pain relief (and actually does work like that for me)

 

1 can of black beans with aqua fava, ground in a processor

1/3 of a small can of tomato paste

1 tbsp of butter

some water 

1 large handful of frozen zucchini

1 handful of frozen onions

black pepper, brown mustard seed, some 'sicilian' seasoning, some 'al pastor' taco seasoning, some 'chinese five spice' seasoning, paprika, garlic, cocoa powder - the al pastor seasoning had guajilio chile powder in it, which I also use for the anthrocyanins, and the Sicilian seasoning was mostly tomato and garlic but it was running too low.  The five spice powder had cloves and cinnamon in it.

heat that all up to boiling, then cool it down some and run my stick blender through it until all the zucchini and onions are blended

eat with a frozen biscuit 

 

the other day:

1/2 can of tuscan flavored chickpeas (some name brand mix)

1/3 of a small can of tomato paste

some water 

1 tbsp of butter

1/2 of a large cube of chicken bouillon  

1 handful of frozen zucchini

1 handful of frozen orange bell pepper 

1 handful of frozen onions

I think I put only some black pepper in that one - because the tuscan flavored chickpeas were actually well spiced 

 

Languages: I'm actually catching up on Romanian, and haven't even done any French or Japanese this week at all - what is that about? I can't spell very well in Romanian at all... and moreso when I've been lax on keeping up with it.  So, I'm doing fairly well considering that.  I have let my to do list go to the wind until I get myself back together.  I need to take Esme out and let her pick out another birthday present one of these nights after work, she mentioned a coat and she needs to try them on. 

 

dental work

 

They took out the six teeth this morning, my face felt like it was hardly there - but I can definitely feel this plastic dental appliance (top denture plate) they have put in, and I can feel that my upper jaw is still bleeding some.  I hate that - because I do bleed a lot compared to most people.  They told me the plate should act 'like a bandaid' and make it stop bleeding over the course of the day - but it's been about twelve hours and I've come to the conclusion that is once again, a 'most people' thing and I'm not built like most people.  With hEDS, everything is just a little different when it comes to anything that has collagen in it, like skin, blood vessels, gums etc etc..  Gah.

 

I was able to eat some soup and finally figured out how to drink coffee without losing much of it.  But I still feel like I've been punched in the nose, too - because of all the needles and numbing they had done to the roof of my mouth.  Earlier, I told Mark I would feel so much better already if my NOSE didn't hurt - right at the bottom of each nostril probably where it was getting extra support from the rigidity of the teeth?  I don't know - but I hope that settles down because that is going to be tough.  Not as tough as the fact that my sinuses also drain down almost exactly where the dental plate extends in the back of my mouth.  

 

So, yes, the teeth look nice.  They'd look nicer without blood still seeping in my mouth.  They told me I had to keep the plate in until the next morning, and then remove it and rinse out the blood and put it back in.  That is going to be smashing.   My face still looks like I got half beat up but without the bruising.  There is a certain puffiness to it - and part of that might be because there are 'teeth' there to fill the cheekbones out there.  And I've taken three Advil over the course of twelve hours - yes, three total pills - (because I cannot have / cannot process chemically the other painkillers they normally would provide) since they pulled them out and all except the nose and one spot on the front tooth area the Advil are taking care of the rest.   I slept for about four hours, but the oversalivation and gag factor are still there, although not quite as bad as it could have been.

 

 I sat down with colored pencils and meant to just start drawing colors - in the way that I do, but it turned into one of these 'my nerves are melting' drawings and I let it, as the novacaine was still pulsing through my face and I couldn't feel my lips at that point.  Perhaps there is something there to pay attention to after a bit.  That blue line going down with the diamonds was a strange one.  Yes, the whole thing is strange.  The electricity had also gone out for an hour just after we got home and I only had cold coffee on top of all of that - so drawing helped sort things out for a bit until the power came back on.

I don't know why but I switched from French and Spanish to Romanian today and did the Lithuanian lesson as well.  

I'm supposed to be back at work in the morning here and am not looking forward to pulling that plate out and seeing the blood and the state of the jaw with the teeth missing.   

Bits with bite

 Tomorrow I go in to the dentist for the last of those procedures - and that will take another week to heal from.  I've been preparing for it in some ways and ignoring it totally in others.  That's the way of it.

Studying French, Spanish and some Japanese.  Went out to deliver postal packages today (Sunday) and it was way out in the middle of nowhere, not my usual route, and it was raining cats and dogs.  The car kept fogging up, and there are no street signs where there should be street signs - so you can't really tell if what you're turning on is the tiny little road in the middle of three miles that you hope it is.

 Took mother-in-law out for groceries, and got a few other things  We need to insulate the washing machine for the upcoming freeze, she says her pups have chewed the insulation off some of her pipes.  I need to get her dental appointments, too - but it is hard when I am the one who can drive and I needed to finish mine up (which Mark is driving me home from, but he has a tough time driving alone now).  He had a hard time getting to the DMV last month and because of bureaucracy they didn't even let him or Esme get anything done there and they have to go back another day... which we have to arrange for, again.

The budget worked out for the month, but I'm hoping the sky will stay up for next month, as it goes.  It has already started to get cold, the older animals are having a harder time and I need to make sure we have feed for the next few months, and keep propane for Mark's heater.

I'm off of work tomorrow and back Tuesday. 

I've bought a slightly unripe peach, baked it with butter and sugar, and pulverized it, to have over biscuits and egg for my dinner tonight.  Mark says I will find out just how much I chew when there is nothing there but the denture to chew with - and that the next week will be hard. 

some thoughtful bits

 Some days I feel like I'm going to get up without my skeleton, or vice-versa... all clicky and things are not quite right and connected. My knee and ankle have been doing that 'why are you holding your joint like this it h U R TSSS' slow burn to major stabbing pain episodes and then I move them and everything is fine but somehow I end up moving them back into that same position out of habit and the pain wells back up.  Getting through it, though.  We've been researching more about the college stuff, as well - and getting at least one application in.  Timelines, gah. School starts back and then leaning hard on the math program as well - and hope she continues to cooperate with that, because it is required to graduate.

 

 my spider plant at work has grown a lot since last December

 

The weather has just now turned cold, after a major rainstorm, after a week of being dry.  Mark hates the cold, and it will become harder for him to do anything outside his heat zone after a bit.  And I've examined the to-do list phenomenon a bit more.  

 

If : I need to do something every week and my trouble is kicking myself in the tail that day to do that thing THEN.  The to-do list has about an 85% chance of helping make sure that gets done.

If: I would like to be reminded every few days about something hit-or-miss, like watering houseplants, and the to-do list can do that and/or be forwarded a day (which it can) if it doesn't quite need yet to be done that week on that day.. the to-do list has about a 90% chance of helping.

If : I remember earlier or later in the day and am no longer at the place the thing needs to be done at - the to-do list has a 95-100% chance of helping me remember it when I am at the place again.. at least, remembering there was something I put on the to-do list without having to remember what I was thinking about earlier that made me think about that thing and then what it was. 

BUT : If 'it would be great if I would keep up with this extracurricular thing or good-intentioned habit (like drinking extra water or cleaning) every few days,week and putting it on the list will keep me from forgetting about it' -- ech, maybe about 50% chance of helping?  I get annoyed with that because it isn't a required thing and it isn't something that I'm seeing a good benefit from, yet... and then I struggle against the past me that thought it was such a good idea to put it on the list and then have it pop back up and 'look at me' every day on this app.

AND : The app is annoying me because when it does it's notifications it sounds like a text message,and when I am not supposed to be getting text messages, at night or driving etc... it annoys me to stop and pick up the phone and look and 'haha, it wasn't a text, it is your to do list (or a language app, similar issues) it just made you LOOK'... and I don't see anywhere that I can change the notification sound to something other than my text notification sound - and changing my text notification sound to something else has resulted in me ignoring it entirely - so .. *GLUM* what to do about that?  not a lot... the system is working within parameters but it could be better

 

Making rice for the lunches the next few days, doing laundry, staring at a lot of other things, listening to the wind and the rain storms outside.  Budget will come to forefront again this week as I am paying the end of the month bills.  We have done good getting through half the month spending only half the estimated amount for the food budget.  That will probably change as well after this week - because it's cold, and because I went myself for just the things on the list the other day instead of everyone coming with me.  

Then the week after that they finally finish my denture and have extractions to finish that out.  Then the week after that - Esme's birthday.

 French, Lithuanian, Spanish, Japanese - a bit of math.

I worked on a few more chapters of a cat book I had been working on, and did two illustrations. 

Lunch of a few tablespoons of rice, tamagoyaki style rolled egg omelet (with biryani masala spices in it) and those zesty chili beans, and a good couple of tablespoons of sweet non-dill relish.  I told myself to use a real plate, even though it was enough I could have used a little saucer to hold it.

the rice: as usual

1 cup washed rice, this week it is mahatma enriched long grain white, although in the past it has been natural brown rice that the other store sells ... matter of time and I'll probably get the other again

put that in 2 cups of water (more for brown rice), bit of pulverized brown mustard seed, olive oil drop, bit salt and bit rice wine vinegar, bring to boil, bring down to low, cover, stir occasionally, turn off at the end and prepare

2 tablespoons or less of white sugar, rice wine vinegar and white sesame seeds

place the sugar in center of the HOT rice, pour just enough rice wine vinegar to wet the sugar, and then stir like mad - daughter says it kind of looks like rice pudding when I'm doing this - and then mix in the white sesame seeds, put up in a clear glass container with a sprinkle of salt over the top, let cool on the counter for 20 minutes or so, place in fridge and use within 3 days 

 

 I found some of the basic drawing pencils that were eluding me - I could have sworn I looked in those crochet hooks multiple times and had not seen them.  Still missing the key pencil in each set, the 4H.  Sat down and drew for a bit while the sunlight was nice upstairs.

  

 

 

Ca vi, Ca va

 How do I light a fire under the creative cauldron and get things moving that I have let sit on the shelf so long while I tried to focus on other things and was too tired after those things had been done?  Is it a losing battle?  The other things are much more important and yet there are moments where I am not able to do them yet in time - and I do not use those moments well and what do I miss.

 Studied French today and a little Spanish, and did the math rapid-fire modules.  It is easy to say I will kick my own tail and move forward but it is still a bit like screaming into the void.

 Ca vi, ca va, que sera sera etc.  And yet, it will be something different if I dig my shovel in and do some more of the work.  I can't do much of other people's work for them when they don't want to do it or it isn't time yet for it - but I keep ignoring my own, too because what.. it doesn't feel as important, because I set it for myself and it is 'art' etc... I have such a strange relationship with time. 

les morceaux

 The little car did what  it should today, and I got the tires looked at by someone who knew what they were doing.  Mark and Esme got their errand ran in the other newer car.  Esme cleaned a lot out of the garage and they took some items to the local dump - although they were not able to get the bureaucratic things done at the driver's services because of timing and forms.  

Same happened at work today, as a young truck driver could not get his act together and get me the proper documents to unload him, and he went off to go get them and come back, and his broker told me all of the documents were there - (and sent me electronic copies as well) but the driver then got lost and did not come back before we closed.  So, he will have to be unloaded tomorrow.  The broker was NOT happy about it all - as the driver didn't even get to our business until after noon, and he had been scheduled to arrive before eight a.m.  Ga ca vi ca va ce n'est pas ca vi (basically meaning, that's not the best way to do it, said while shaking your head sadly) the way they are going to do it is not the way it is to be done

I've studied French and Japanese today, and made it to the middle of the second math module on the new math program on Duolingo, mostly in between waiting on hold on the phone or for a reply from a broker on the email.  

I'm thinking about books and what I have and have not read - been thinking for a few weeks on it, but read another article today that got me thinking more. 

 I had gotten some shampoo for damaged hair about a week ago and it has been helping some - and another trial item came in the mail today.  We'll see if that helps more.  I made more rice for lunches this week, after making some yesterday and using it tonight in our dinner of pork fried rice.  I need to go work on my Japanese on Wani Kani before I take myself off to bed. 

 The pork fried rice sauce (again):

1 tbsp brown sugar in about a cup and a half of water in a big pan

some olive oil, about a quarter size spot

some soy sauce (and then some more, as the vinegar was a bit much)

splash balsamic vinegar  (not too much)

bit salt

bit brown mustard seed that had been pulverized

bit prepared brown mustard from a jar in the fridge

pork seasoning spice that includes garlic and ginger and paprika

bring that all to a boiling

add green onions, orange bell pepper, some white onion and a handful of other vegetables out of a frozen veggie pack

add pulled pork that Mark had made yesterday

bring back to full sizzle

make hole in center and add three eggs from our chickens - let whites cook a bit then mix the whole thing up

add rice to the outside edge from fridge - and then stir it all together and cover, let steam until rice is warmed through

serve 

  

monday the thirteenth

 Ended up a bit sideways in a ditch this afternoon, but the mechanic pulled the little car out, and everything seems to be working okay.  I was checking it out to make sure it was going to run okay for Mark to use the newer car this week for errands and I would drive the little car to work and back - but it had been doing a few odd things on the way back from the post office on Saturday, that made me worry the battery would be worn down.  So we were giving it a good run after not having used it most of the week, but it was a very bad corner.  It could have been much worse - pulling the car out was a bit dangerous position to be in but it pulled out easy and seemed to be just cosmetic if anything.  Studying French and Japanese today, made rice to bring to work tomorrow.  I'm thinking a day off on the to do app is okay, the dog can get washed another day.

bits of

  

It is starting to get cold at night, and that means rounding up the animals.  Cold is only about 50 degrees right now, but you can feel the bite to it, so it's still cold.  Two of our animals are getting quite old, and I worry about them both - the little sixteen year old cat Minion with hardly any meat on her bones and the old hound, Minerva, who must be eleven now.  The little cat came in (with one of the younger ones, and Charlotte, the younger dog).  But Minerva did not come in, in fact- I saw and heard her as she ran up the road bellowing at some deer or fox... and usually that means she will come barking back at the door between 2 am and 3 am, and I will get up and let her in.  I don't sleep well anyway, and I guess this all works out.  In the winter, I definitely don't sleep knowing someone is out in the freezing temperatures - I want them in and I know they'll be alive etc.

 So, I was a bit worried when Minerva did not show up in the morning.  She had not barked at the door that I had heard, and she was not curled up in the leaves by the porch where she had been before she ran off barking.  I fed the chickens, and changed all the trough and bowl waters outside, and even walked up to the mailbox and back.  I picked a good big sheaf of lespedeza, which has went to brown seed, and brought it back to the chickens.  Charlotte and Minion had both congregated by the water trough, and did a loop about the little garden area with me - but no indication of Minerva.

We got ready to go out to our  grocery shopping, and I really would have liked her in by then.  But she wasn't.  I was quite quiet while we were out, because I was hoping to see her when we got home and trying not to worry so much - but I do, I am the worrier.  We got back from our grocery shopping, and put everything away, and she finally did show up.  I was relieved - just like I had pictured myself being if I went up there before we went to the store and she had been there.  We gave her some bread and she said one of her teeth hurt.  After I tore it up into smaller bits, she ate it - and then she wanted back outside.

 I made some soup for myself, and have pulled some of the frozen cabbage out of the freezer.  Mark said his brain bounced when he asked me what I wanted with hamburger and I said maybe I could use a little bit of it in a dish with that.  I think I'll use some of my guajillio chiles with it.  I just don't digest hamburger as easily as he does - and even worse in the past few years.  We are Jack Sprat and his wife - he can't handle the grease in it, and I can handle the grease much better than I can handle the meat itself.  Give me split peas or lentils or beans or eggs for my protein - peanut butter, a big dollop of butter, mixed with a bunch of rice and some fruit or bananas - and I've got a good diet working.  

Someone who lives in Barcelona visited the other day at work - and I really had to just refrain myself because I could have went full ADHD explosion with questions and comments and I felt imposter syndrome from learning different languages - and I didn't know her, my boss did  - and it was better really that I just went back to my office.  I really am interested in Barcelona, and the Catalan language, and the areas near there Marseilles and Cote de Nice etc etc.. but the question 'why?' I can't really answer - because I saw it in a dream, and then in our driving game, and each time I see the language Catalan) it feels like I can handle it so much better than Spanish, through the French side of my brain - but I haven't had a good chance to hear it etc.  She didn't speak Catalan she spoke English, Spanish and Portuguese, or maybe I would have actually asked her a few more questions. 

but I play one on tv

 Agh, dealing with some imposter syndrome with the to do list - because my usual form of 'organized' does not live up to this version, and yet I'm the one doing it - and keeping up with the trash and the laundry even out of the dryer, and watering the houseplants and getting the dog food and all of the things... but it feels like I'm not an organized person (not like this) I just play one on tv, and there will come a day here where I don't want to do the list and I'll say 'see, I told you so.'  

And yet, I'm the one arguing with myself to open that list and do the things on it, as well.  They're not all bad!  They're things that need to be done!  You haven't even looked!  ADHD type tendencies, and I've fought them in different more organic-feeling ways for a long time.  

I even remembered to buy postage stamps today - even though I hadn't put them on the list.  I just THOUGHT about putting them on the list, but didn't want to 'commit' to it... because I keep forgetting it when I'm at the place and time (my postal route office) where I should be buying it.  But today I left the office and was headed to the second half of my route and made myself turn right back around *eep* and go into the front of the office and buy stamps.  After more than a month of saying 'It will have to be next week now, since the office closes at noon'... I'm not sure how to feel about that.  I did it, but it isn't a victory.  It's sort of a 'that really doesn't sound like you, you sure it was you?' moment.  I didn't really feel like me doing it, either.

I've thought about what I'll accept for the 'clean one thing' and still arguing that - yesterday I just dusted a shelf and I wasn't sure if that was legit.   What good is telling yourself to do something if you allow yourself to cheat at it - but then that is the basis of most weight loss goals and habit-breakers, right?  More to think on there, too.

Some processing to happen there.  I have to think about it.  It's good that I'm getting the things done.  They need to be done.  I just don't feel like it's exactly me doing it - but sort of one-and-a-half time travelling me, telling me to do it, arguing with present me about what future me will feel about this.  And future me is really confused.  Maybe I'm not looking far enough ahead - maybe that future me already got through this part.  I'm planning the budget out past next March as well, and this present me really hopes that I'm getting things right.  Anxiety is sort of spread around to all of those things.

 

I made the rice flour omelet again today - and the recipe wasn't that far off from my 'instinct' recipe the other night.  It's a great way to use up eggs, since our chickens lay about five to eight every single day and there are just the three of us.  I give away a lot at work, but still I want to have them used up in good ways.  Same with the rice flour -  I have that whole bag of brown rice flour in the freezer that needs to be eaten, and I'm the only one to eat it.

 

3 eggs, beaten with 1 tablespoon of white sugar, bit of salt, and then 1/2 cup of brown rice flour beaten into that.  Let it sit for a minute.  Heat up about a 2 to 3 inch circle of peanut oil in a large pan.  I used too small of a pan the other day.  Hold the pan up and let the oil drift over the entire inner surface - then toss a droplet of water in.  When the water crackles, I beat the egg mixture again and poured it into the pan.  When the center began to puff up a little I used the turner and turned the whole 'pancake'/'omelet' over.  Last time it was very messy, this time it was pretty good.  I let the entire omelet cook a bit more and then put it on a plate, with peanut butter and red chili paste.  It wasn't too sweet this time - last time I put more sugar than that in it and a bit of honey on top of it as it cooked - and didn't measure the rice flour.

 

Went further in the Duolingo math, but still did French and need to do the Japanese review today.  I caught up with my WaniKani reviews finally...  

 

Discussion with Esme the other day - I've said this before but I told her it again - it is wherever you go, there you are - but expanded to explain that means you're the one that is there, and there are things that you need to do, and you're the one that is there to get you to do them - no one else is there 100% of the time with you to remind you or push you, so the important thing is YOU - you've got to find that thing inside yourself (your will) to carry with you all the time, to do the things, because then you know they will get done when they need to.  

bits

 It's been a harder past couple of days with anxiety, but I'm keeping it on the leash mostly.  I made a big pillow on my sewing machine and brought it to work so I can sit in the middle of the room on break for a few minutes and that helped the other day (sans pillow) and a bit today, as well.  I'm actually doing really well on everything - my hEDS is being tolerable, just knee and hip and etc. but things pop back where they should be - our budget is tight but it looks like it will work out if I can just get everybody to stay on board.  So, there isn't any real 'reason' for the anxiety, like usual actually,  but as I told Esme sometimes none of that matters and it is just a brain chemical / hormone thing that you have to stand outside of yourself for a moment and say 'what is this going on?' and do the best you can with it.  I am trying to read less online news, because right now that really sucks it seems to be very doom-filled and I've brought a book to read instead.

 

We had a really good freshman psych- level talk about brain chemicals, dopamine and realizing your habits and goals from the 'outside' as well as from the inside with the body chemicals sometimes training you without you intending them to.  Esme brought up school students she knows that have some issues with this and also with anger responses to not getting their dopamine ie: no phone or video game or etc.  She's paying attention.  I told her often you have to outsmart yourself on those things - train yourself to the good things, like maybe a language or a todo list or congratulating yourself for a good grade etc. but also to be on the watch for other people because you can't control what they do etc. 

 

Studying Spanish, Lithuanian, French, Japanese and Catalan.  And I started the Spanish lesson before the anxiety set in.  I also started the Duolingo Math path today and it was interesting.  I tried the Chess thing a few weeks ago, and found it juvenile at first - but might try it again after a bit.

 

Tried to make rice flour omelet last night, and put a bit too much sugar in it.  I'll try it again tomorrow - having some rice with oily fish tonight while everyone else has hamburgers.  Postal route tomorrow, and the mornings are getting colder.  This week was the first return to automatic savings in my 401K as well. 

Nac ydy.... ydw rwan

 The to do list is working, although a bit ... what is the best word for it... reluctantly?  reticence?  skeptical?  I can sit here and think I'm not gonna do it, etc.. and then there's a good chance somewhere I will get the spark I need and get up and go get it done.  All except typing up that story - so far.  Nac ydw (no I'm not), ydw rwan (yes now)

I even added 'drink one extra cup of water' to the list today, and 'clean one thing' - both to repeat daily.  We'll see how THAT goes.  *peer hard at self*  After cutting all of my split ends off the other day I picked up a new shampoo, and am working on the damage in my hair.  And I cleaned the back shelf of the bathtub all around - in addition to washing the floor towels and rugs.  Have studied Lithuanian and French and Japanese - and done kanji every night - except tonight - which I need to go kick myself into gear.

 Made some ground mustard seed two days ago and have been putting it in our meals and on top of my rice at lunch with some ground cashews that were sitting in a container unused for more than a month.   Made a rice-noodle stir fry tonight with vegetables out of the freezer and eggs, and Mark had made some ground beef and gave us a portion of it to put into it.  That was quite good.  I didn't use the tomato I have set aside for tonight - but that is something I will forward to tomorrow or cut and freeze.

 The budget is something I am being more strict on after two unexpected purchases already this month - one a car registration that came due and the other something that is now earmarked as a birthday present for two months from now for Mark, but he had to pounce on to get it now.  *small sigh*  But I am trying hard and our grocery run the other day was reserved.

OK, off to do the little budget work I need to do and my kanji, and put the clothes in the dryer before bed. 

bits

 Study Lithuanian, then do my Wani Kani kanji at some time today.  I did a good amount of French last night when I was up and couldn't sleep - and started another floor rug for something to do with my hands.  Esme has her next math module to do.  I made her do one Friday and gave her a break yesterday, but both are due tomorrow.

We went to town early this morning and picked up some essential groceries.  I know I'm being tight with the budget, but with getting the car loan last month and the insurance it is my instinct to reel in as much as I can until we really know what we have for several months in a row - plus, winter is coming, and that is always more expensive. Esme is a bit worried with the tight budget, but she knows why I am doing it.  I wish I could solve her anxiety on it, as I am basically doing it to lessen my own anxiety.  That is an odd combination.  Now, we are not out of anything that anyone needs in the house, but I didn't buy many extras, either.  I've actually been working at using up some of the extra, or at least things in the cupboard that weren't being actively used but could be.

Washed the bedding and made some rice for lunches the next few days.  Washed Charlotte, as well.  There are two very pretty tomatoes that were green when they were given to me on Thursday, but have reddened up nicely.   I chopped up one of the other ones and put it in a container in the freezer, which I often add to stir fry type dishes.  I put the larger tomato and a lot of other vegetables together with some sausage from the freezer and served it with mashed potatoes from the last ones at the bottom of the box that needed to be used up.

I took my hair shears and trimmed about two inches off of my hair - been thinking about doing that for a week or more now.  Now Esme's math is done and I have a bit more language to do, make the bed, put up the rice, and fall asleep, hoping to sleep a bit more than last night. 

to-do or not to-do

 Well, the new to-do list application really shows what I'm willing to put myself to task to, and what I'm much more likely to swipe to the next day.  I even went out and washed the windshield of the car because I had put it on my list earlier in the week.  That is one of those things I just don't do because by the time I think of it, I am far from the place and then when I am at the place, I don't think of it.  I did the laundry, AND got it into the dryer AND folded it and put it away.  I watered the plants.  I made rice one day and then finished it all up in different meals.  I did the budget entries and analysis, without putting them in the to-do-list, but remembered I should do them because I looked at the to-do-list and asked myself what I was missing.  I did all the language lessons - even the kanji lessons that I had been ignoring for a while.  

 However, I did not retype the short story that was written on paper in the tiny font.  Yea, have to think on that one again.  I actually forwarded it yesterday, and then today, decided it is probably not getting done anytime soon even if it is on the list.   It is a bit like being an anthropologist studying myself.

So, French, Japanese and Lithuanian today, and the postal route of course.   

Sliding towards the weekend

 I've done a lot on my to do list - and tomorrow is the postal route.  I've done Lithuanian, French, Greek and Japanese on my language lessons, with a good healthy dose of Kanji.  Esme was doing compound interest equations in her math, and that took a while, but she got done.  And then we went and compared her two choices for college, again, and looked at the program curriculum.  I wish my hours weren't quite as rigid - but she has a school break coming up and with the little car working (at the moment) maybe her dad can take her to do a few things that can only be done during regular business hours - driver's license test and visiting the nearby schools.

 

I did put on my list to retype my Amelia story - but I didn't get around to that.  I kick myself that I didn't send it to myself in an email instead of writing it out longhand on a piece of paper.  I have the paper, but I was using a small hand that day and now I have to get a good light to read it.

 

Can I use this to do list app to get myself to do more of my writing?  I've done several more of the 'outside' languages lately because of it.  They only take a few minutes each to keep me up to practice, but I often don't get around to them.  Czech and Romanian, especially, my spelling gets awful the longer I am away from it.  I didn't do any Welsh today.  I found a trial lesson of Lithuanian beyond the vocabulary lessons I've been doing - and tried that.  I don't know what algorithm I had fallen afoul of the past week - that had hundreds of 'people' (probably ai crawler visits) reading these notes and random, but have broken out of it now!

moving along...bits

 Almost everyone is over the sinus ick - which is good, it was getting tiresome mostly because it would gather up while I slept.  Esme is now passing her math class, and we're looking harder at the college choices.  

 I'm working on French, Japanese and spatterings of Lithuanian, Greek, Korean and started a Welsh review.  I finished the Italian section I was in but haven't started the next.  A lot of the names in the little Minetest world  I had been working in lately turned out to be Italian.  I need to study much more about financial planning stuff - the bits we learned last year were a good start.

 Getting things done at work, car doing what it should, budget doing what it should - so far.   I fixed a hose in the yard, and finally got the license plate for the car.   I had a squash out of my garden and finished crocheting that little kitchen rug.  Chopped up a bunch of peppers and tomatoes from someone else's garden - they brought a bag into work for me :)  It was so nice!  I bring eggs often from our chickens because we just don't eat them all.

 patty pan 'white scallop' squash

 

I was starting to try a to-do app.  I am often somewhere entirely different than the place that I remember I should do something at - and those are the things that too often get forgotten.  So now I've put several of those in the app while I am at work and when I get home, I can start to work through the things without having to try to 'place' the thought because location-based memory is really important to me.  I can sit here and maybe not think of that thing I thought of when I was there - until I am there again!  I can feel the taste of the idea, but can't actually pull it up into solid form.  It's usually with things that are low importance anyway, like throwing something in the washing machine, making rice for the next day's lunch or fixing a hose etc... but I'll try the app and see if it can help with that. 

 

One of the things I had put in the app was to 'make rice maybe' - and I did finally do that tonight, and even made two nice filled onigiri to take to work tomorrow, with red curry paste and seaweed and sesame seeds.  I haven't made them in a while because the kind of rice at the store by my work was different, and I hadn't been to the other store to pick up the kind I normally use.  I had bought the other rice - but I just hadn't gotten myself around to adapting to use it until tonight I had it on the app to look at and say yea... ok, yea.