Earlier this week my truck battery had begun to have issues - the only truck we've got at the moment, and it really sent me for a loop, emotion wise.. but I dealt with that as best I could, including going to the mechanic to see if I could get it fixed without major repair etc.. and I wasn't entirely certain even up to this morning if the fix had 'taken'... but all the numbers seem to be going in the proper direction today (I'm a bit obsessive, I want data, and I put the voltage tester on it the other day and again today to make some sort of mathematical sense out of it all) although, the indicator light is still on, and I can't find anything in my manual or on the internet about what charge voltage that needs to be for the light to turn ON/OFF for low voltage. Apparently, it's higher than the other day, but not there yet. The mechanic said 'it should turn off, after a bit'... he's usually right on those things.
So I got to my short work shift this morning, got home, took my data for numbers on the voltage, and then fell over for a nap. I made fine egg noodles and tomato sauce, served with peaches and leftover pulled pork for Esme and I for dinner, watered my garden, watched some silly old tv stuff with Mark and did my Japanese (plus that little bit of Chinese on Clozemaster). Mark put his pulled pork on a sandwich. The old tv stuff had captions it said were in Swedish, but I kept feeling they were actually in Finnish. I didn't go tracking it down too hard, but I kept recognizing Finnish words and I don't know Swedish that well.
Work again tomorrow. I'm more confident that it should start and get me there and back tomorrow than I was this morning. Last night I was just trying to tell myself it was a decent number when I had left it, to just get in and try to start it this morning and bring all the tools and backup battery, jumper cables and the voltage tester with me for if I had any problems getting back home.
Overpreparation, obsessive studying and overworrying of the problem even though I don't have the answers... yep, that's me. I think I've done better over the past few years finding the things that 'center' me, or at least allowing myself to actually rest more comfortably (or at least, statically) in that center instead of constantly feeling like I'm balancing on top a pole instead and going to fall. When I can't distract myself with something useful though, language lessons, laundry, cooking, finishing little projects, it does get hard to quiet it all and Mark has seen some of the physical almost yoga poses I do sometimes when I'm trying to find a balance. I told him that since I feel like that will help, and it can't hurt, I'm just going to sit like that for a minute and see if what my body is telling me will feel better actually might. I'd say it is a bit between yoga and reflexology and just reminding myself that I am in this body and 'we' (the body and I) move together and exist together //zen? I don't know.
I told Esme this morning (about the overprep / data thing) that it is like I have a little mouse in me that is running around and screaming, but I don't let the mouse run ME around, I just stand there and give it logic and numbers and tell it that we'll have to see how things work out and still, it just keeps running around, and there really isn't way to make it stop, the point is to make sure that you get other things done even with the mouse distracting you, and don't let the mouse make you start to panic as well. Sounds silly.. but I'm also big into analogies, philosophy and et al.
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