I have the day off - could think of a whole lot of things I should do - but haven't done much of them yet.. except study French and Latvian. I collected some clothes but didn't wash a load yet. I looked at food, but didn't cook anything. I have three books saved, but haven't read them. I feel that feeling lately of there is just so much physical stuff around me, and I interact with so little of it, but it would be more anxiety to clear it away and once I start I would expect to get somewhere, right?
I played a little Minetest Asuna and answered one driving question - no, it isn't fish that the cats eat, it is raw chicken / poultry. Mostly because I was breaking some grass and accidentally there was a cat there and then I felt like I had to find what food it eats to heal it back up. I have almost scraped up enough ambition to make some chai tea mix that will last a long time, but still, I haven't done it. I was using some of the ginger tea for coffee yesterday.
The chain reaction in my teeth is much better, but that one still hurts some. When it isn't actively in pain it feels like a drop of ice cold water that is sitting just underneath my cheekbone, but then if I press on it, I feel the pain. I did two postal routes yesterday, my regular one and then a little auxiliary route that someone else asked me to take up after I got back early. Mark made a great beef roast with potato and rice. I harvested a small squash out of our own garden yesterday and cut it up in the freezer. That could be good cooked with a bit of bacon.
I did make the tea, and took a picture of the ingredients, and took a picture of the cat, but somehow the first two pictures were nowhere to be found on the card. I took another picture of the cat, Loki, he hadn't moved too much :) The tea ingredients are now a non-photogenic homogeneous mixture, so didn't take another picture of that. With the star anise and cloves and cardamom pods at the beginning, they were pretty.
I did sleep in. I woke from dreams that were like so many round stones heavy in my hand, each one containing only a kernel of reality, exchanging easily round and round - but somehow I couldn't grasp the whole thing without beginning to lose them through my fingers. One of the themes was looking at clothes with Esme for school, which we did last week, but it was in one of those specifically dreamworld shops that I visit often, although it is my own personal labyrinth / map city that does not exist - but I know very well, and I don't often bring others. It felt like an alternate timeline.
I was struggling through tasks but not committed, knowing I would return to my own but had to wade through what was in front of me as long as I was there. There was some little bit about my stepfather and mother, as well, bits of the underworld etc. as mom has passed long ago and I haven't heard anything more about him in years. Somebody asked me something about a tiger patterned ottoman in front of a television and we complained that even when you have cable there is nothing on TV - I haven't had 'cable' or watched much television at all in twenty years. It was a bit confusing. I like the million miles better, where I am not myself, and the landscape is not eerily familiar, at least that has no real relation to my actual reality. I do not feel, coming out of those dreams, so much like I am sorting rocks from apples, and confused by the stones that are too round.
I woke up and decided I had slept enough, it was only 7:30. I sat and did a zen for a little while, then eventually got up and came downstairs - had some coffee, and eventually went out to feed the chickens and put some water on the little garden. I asked Esme if there was anything she wanted to do, as we rarely have a day off anymore, but she didn't have any suggestions. Grandma didn't need to go to town. I can think of a few things I should buy at the store soon, to replace things that are wearing out, but again, 'right now?' I did make a peanut butter sandwich so that I could take my vitamin and the last antibiotic pill.
Laundry, make tea, cook a good meal, put conditioner in my hair, sweep the floor, clean an area or two, put my clean clothes in order - all sound like good things I should be able to do today. I could knit, or draw, or other things. And yet, I sit here and think 'Really, right now?' But then, I got in here and wrote this down. More zen. By the time it is time to make supper maybe something will click.
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