Thursday, May 11, 2023

Mid May

 working a lot

keeping up only here and there with languages

French, Welsh, Catalan, Spanish, Czech, Hungarian  - a day that I spun through so many things, Indonesian, Finnish, Irish, Greek, Japanese and all of the above like Wheel of Fortune not even realizing what language I was on half the time - then I'm back to picking apart higher grammar on French again...

not drawing a lot, reading a bit here and there

Finished 'Limits' by Larry Niven, read some of the Harlan Ellison multi-author anthology Medea : Harlan's World, working through 'A Study in Charlotte' again  I have several chemistry and physics books that I am interested in but cannot bring myself to dive, because there isn't enough time to 'swim' in those thoughts

some days I want to draw every leaf on every tree, take a swath of grass and weave a mat from it, spend frivolous hours making thousands of small marks on paper - and others (well, sometimes the same days) I can't even bring myself to bring up a pencil to paper... my anxiety perhaps has taken on a 'futile inertia' bit this year... those aren't quite the words, but I am 'spinning' in my head but not actually anxious, always busy on something and never getting anything 'done'.. and yet, the next day rolls in just like the last.. and again, we do the things before us in reality and a million other things but only in virtual.. it's too philosophical.

as the little card says : sing softly little one for life is sweet but tomorrow is marching

a lot of that in the feels lately
I render sumac trees and roses and clematis in French Grey and Venetian Red and Steel Blue all day long but only in my head, while driving postal route.  And I feel I have no sketchbooks to show for it, and that I am not progressing as an artist, and that it is just too difficult to do that anyway in this world.  I'm constantly, while working feeling the memory calculations and spreadsheets of what I have and when I'll be done - the numbers of it - the mathematical points and connections and some big picture that forms over time - (that undercurrent layer of thought I have that is always churning gets to be useful for that task, and that is nice), And honestly, in between stops and waiting for cars to turn etc, I think often what I am going to eat when I'm finished being busy... and it is getting into the time of year where I have to be more careful to actually drink enough, because I don't normally, and now I'm out in the hot and sweating and 'en train' not wanting to take a break until I'm finished etc...  which doesn't work in truth.

made some excellent banana cake with apple on the bottom yesterday, freehand, with no recipe - which I am always pleasantly amused at - even though I should use a recipe, I don't, and it turns out, and I eat it all... and for some reason that amuses me in a pleasure on a plane higher than the food so I keep doing it that way

listened to a few podcasts in Welsh and French
got out the Pitt pigment colors in blues, sanguine and sepia and sketched this photo while I was listening

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