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 Esme got her seventh grade immunizations today, they had forgotten to send home info for 'non sport students'.. but we got caught up.  She was very worried for it - but they came out to the car and gave it to her.

I had a sinus migraine, and finally got it under control with some music, eucalyptus bath and finally an aspirin and some more music, dancing around with Charlotte and the other dogs to the Great Big Sea until the aspirin finally took effect.  Going to head off to bed here in a minute.

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 I did some editing on House of Sunlight, and have three stories that need to be gone over.  I have found some of the art - was wondering if I should try to paint or pastel paint some of the other imagery in my head.  There is quite a bit on the postal route, scenes at stops etc, that are interesting to me but I don't know if anyone else would find them as pretty as I do.  With my strange vision, stigmatism and color differences and synesthesia, I sometimes 'ooh' and 'ahh' over things others would find mundane, for myself that is a good thing, added wonder etc, but for drawings sometimes I would think what I think is spectacular others would see as 'just another hill with trees.;'

My right shoulder clicked out on Thursday, about midmorning.  It is in what I would call the 'wing muscle', and usually I can just flex that area and it pops in and out without much pain, constantly.. But it has had a 'hitch' in it, and with my rib cage on that side, they are uncomfortable.  Friday I drove postal route, and today I did as well.  It isn't keeping me from actually doing anything, it just hurts, more than usual.  Mark suggested I get some more epsom salts, and/or take a hot bath.  I was able to get it to click back into place for a little while doing some stretches but as soon as I relaxed playing a game and watching TV I feel it has slid back.

Hope to get some sleep tonight, although I know that won't help the shoulder.  I've grabbed an extra pillow to try to sleep in a position that won't make it worse.

Ordered some more of the Village Naturals lavendar epsom salts, as those seem to be the only thing that actually works well for me.  The arnica 'chronic pain and fatigue' formula they have has made me nauseous more often than not, and the Dr. Teal's medicinal bath is more like a bubble bath and not much 'medicine' at all.

 We almost have carrots!  I planted the Oxheart carrots from Victory Seeds this year in the raised bed up front of the house and they are about an inch in diameter now.  I ate one, just to test.  I wonder if the Hamburg parsnips are doing anything.  Also, out in the roadsides in Trezevant today, I saw wild morning glory blooming, light blues and even a darker purple.

I had been working three part time jobs up to this weekend, and now the temporary one is done.  I will have a little more time now, to edit stories and take pictures.  The part time job paid quite a bit of the bills this month and I found some things Esme would like for her birthday and have them coming.  Lydia car was expensive needing brakes and now the Taco truck wants something, as well - fought with it all day on the postal route, every time I put it in park it was 'fight like hell' to get it back to drive, so I ran most of the route with it like that trying to avoid any situation where I would have to park.  I was able to make it to the end of the day (thanks to a few customers who came out when I blew the horn, and came to get their packages) and bring it to the mechanics to await his diagnosis.

 I've been doing more work on my Rivertown Minecraft town, and been wondering about making a comic book style history of it 'Minecraft storymode style' and seeing if that could lead to anything creatively.  I did the PDF for the net string bag pattern a few weeks ago on Labor Day and I have not been able to upload it as a 99 cent Kindle, yet - the file was too big and our internet was too slow - maybe at the beginning of next month I can get it 'out there'.

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I woke up this morning with thoughts, things I could publish, patterns, and ideas for kits... working on some of them, sketched a whole lot of them down.  It was nice to be inspired - if I could make something of it, it will be nicer.  I started to make one bag step by step so I could take pictures of it.  Then we went and got some groceries.  Mark is going to make some dinner, and I have post office tomorrow.

 It's funny, but I can SEE where the pain is in the picture.  The hand is at rest as it gets (although holding the camera in the other hand was no fun).  The long red line down the almost center is where it hurts, right where the vein crosses over it in an arrowhead type shape.  Probably a bit of it is from this crocheting, but most of it is just driving and living and having hands built like this... hEDS is fun.

 Onward.  Yea, that.

keeping the brain on a leash

 It's been one of those mornings, I've already poured about a quarter cup of olive oil on bread and chicken, with maple syrup.  That is a sign that the anxious 'I'd like to think something but it will take SO much effort to STOP when I get started...' feelings are based more in just finances and weather.

I thought for a while that my stories for 'The House of Sunlight' had been lost, and was feeling this empty void that I could not write them again, but needed to 'feel' them again, at the same time.  But, Mark found them in a directory I would not have looked in.  'The One Hundred' is a philosophical statement that I needed to hear again, a journey of despair that turns into one of recognition of the journey - and knowledge that we need to look outside the current situation that looms upon us to realize something 'higher' - wherein possibilities begin.

Much better than picking up Moon Palace again, and throwing it against the wall (Paul Auster does that to me), or trying to read 'In the Night Country' for the fourth attempt and shutting it down after a chapter again...

And it brings me back, through a few jumping ideas, to the white room hypothesis.  All this clutter around me, but I can't clean it up, because then I lose it.  Try to organize, but then feel it is futile, because nothing really works.. and I lose things, and then woe about having too many things, things wouldn't get lost if there were just fewer things, but that doesn't work in 'real life', not like the Pinterest images of minimalism or the blogs etc.  

I'm at one of those 'walking the ridge' places - I know so far, at least, I've got my eye on the path and we're getting there... but at the same time I feel like we could fall at any minute.  I know there is so MUCH I can do but there is so much I DO and yet sometimes it seems like it will amount to not enough, if not for the moment at hand, for the future because I didn't do the things, because I KEPT myself from doing the things.. or just didn't have enough energy at the end of the day.  

Yesterday I walked up and down two long driveways to get responses for questions at my job - and this morning, walking up the stairs, I feel like Quasimodo, at least in the legs.  Stepping over the old hound laying across the stairs feels like jumping a hurdle.  The other day I went around taking pictures in the fog, and I felt like the Hunchback the entire time... dragging myself along, the dog staring at me asking 'Mom, why are you walking like that'  Eventually, it kicks back over a gear and things straighten up.. but just sleeping extra long on one side sometimes my shoulder or knee gets out of joint, and then it takes some convincing to make it work properly, or just use it as it is... often use it as it is until some miracle moment it decides to pop back.. then enjoy the juxtaposition of the earlier discomfort against the now...

A little of this is the Ehlers Danlos syndrome.  The drinking olive oil at 7 am is definitely the EDS.. although I can remember back to many specific moments when I felt terrible that about the only thing that sounded like it tasted good was olive oil and maple syrup.  If the rain stops monsooning soon, and the sun shines, that will help some.

If the Universe gets back in order with this coronavirus and economy and everything being upside-down topsy-turvy, that will help a lot.  Since I don't see the latter happening... I guess I dirnk the olive oil, then the coffee.