Tuesday, March 22, 2011

bits of a rundown mom

Some harrowing never-stop-a-minute days at work this week. And yet nothing on my sales number to show for it... at least things are hanging together and this month is already 'in the black' for my quota so I'm not stressing about that last bit. I haven't done much at the worktable the last few days - started to cut out one of the new dresses for Esme and was interrupted.. haven't gotten back to it. Two days off after tomorrow and having worry dreams again so I know I need to do some things to make myself feel better during my time off - clean the house and straighten things up and do some accomplishments.

Had another 'where is Esme's sister - she was right here, I've lost her have to find her' dream last night that bothered me. I have had two of those this year and it seems so REAL. I know what she looks like - how old she is and even have a name - until some point where I come back to my real self and locate Esme and/or wake myself up. I know the dream isn't really about a second child - we barely survive the one Hurricane Esme! The dream is about something else - like my dreams of trying to save fish in a leaking tank/draining bathtub and trying to collect a litter of lost kittens are worries about uncontrollably losing things I am working for and worries about responsibilities that are building up on me and I can't juggle them all at once. I get those not as often as in previous years. The most likely explanation I have is perhaps I am worried about 'losing' Esme's childhood - being gone so much and so busy... That shows the edges wearing frazzled on me this week... today I work and tomorrow is a new day altogether.

1 comment:

ElizabethEK said...

Sorry I have been out of touch. I have been having some of these days myself. Hang in there!!