witterings and ramblings

 

A few things I wrote elsewhere I wanted to keep hold of: 

My brain is always going a million miles a minute, it feels like.. so this is just a taste of trying to put some of that down into text.

What is the concept of time?

"I've been thinking about this for years, since a dream I had in high school. Time is a fractured crystal/matrix on tangent point with the three dimensions of physical space, and -of itself the fractures in its own matrix become something like the Droste effect light going into infinite mirrors within mirrors - there is loss and duplication within the fractures of a magnitude we cannot quite grasp."

 I did have this dream - it was what, 1996, 1998?  somewhere around there, I remember looking at my computer in my mother's house and wondering how I could capture even a tiny bit of the idea to save it for later... I sat down and wrote 'The Crystal Matrix' and 'The Philosopher of Crystal Valleys' somewhere around that time.. and the type of dream still returns to me once in a while - and I can never quite grasp it - it falls apart the more I try to understand it.  I've written a bit about it in my book 'Time in December' in some ways, but had to mold the idea to fit the story in a way that was slightly more specific than the whole concept.  I do like the scene in the movie Interstellar (or, as I more commonly think of it, the movie with the girl named after Murphy's Law)... but I don't feel it quite hits the right 'umami' taste of the 'real thing' I experienced in the dream, very very close to the idea, but something was missing

 

Charlotte this morning : 

"Charlotte's blue heeler side was showing this morning - definitely herding dog there - I slept in today because it was Sunday and she was completely focused on getting me outside to feed the chickens, nose bump, alarm snooze, beleaguered sigh with chin on bed, nose bump, hard stare and excited eyebrows every time I move... okay you're FINALLY up....circle to door, sigh, head to stairs, ok.. yes human the coffee (but, chickens? you know about the chickens, right? *head twist and circle*), okay the cookie, I like cookie too.. but... chickens? Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, turns circles.. *I get the chicken feed in the container* OK oh boy! *nearly soar through air on the way to the door* we're finally feeding the chickens! If that dog could fly, she would have all the way to the coop with me."

Mark says I could make four panel cartoons of this sort of thing.. and that is the best I can do in description.

 

And, about the night before last : 

"I had this dream last night where my brain was trying everything to wake me up, zombies, extra limbs, fantastic glass objects with light streaming through them in a temple where the water was rising, going through books that don't actually exist, seeing people in an office that I knew were TV actors and saying hello to them as their characters, walking through mazes that defied gravity, crowds of unfamiliar people, a ghost, papers and signs in foreign language, vehicle issues where my key didn't want to work, logging into work terminals with the wrong password, trying to open combination locks from years ago - just one puzzle/problem thing after another and each thing I faced I was like 'ok'.. go through the motions, get through this thing and you just know something else will show up etc.. but none of it actually pushed me to awake - and then, I picked Esme up at the bus stop during the rain in my mail vehicle (instead of my normal one) which the mail vehicle doesn't actually have a seat there, and I never take it home in the first place ---- and THAT did it --- it was such a surreal mix of real and 'wait, what - that isn't how this goes, this is never how this goes' that it finally did wake me up. And I thought.. wow, zombies, extra limbs, Japanese and Escher-type mazes didn't do it, but being in the wrong vehicle at the bus stop does. *that's my brain, I guess*"

... "still what makes me almost/ (the most) amused is that all the far-beyond-reality stuff doesn't 'faze' my sleeping brain, it just tries to find the way around it as if I am already knowing it is a dream and 'meh, these things happen' etc.. but the actually almost real normal thing but still 'hey the details are wrong' task was what shook me awake. In the dream I was asking myself 'is the stripe on Esme's coat just like that, I don't think it is....' and enough of those mismatches made me question enough to kick me out of the dream entirely" 

 

I really wish I could explain the glass figures - they were absolutely ethereal delicate, breathtaking and luminous - like sundial-shaped shells - - I worried if I tried to pick them up they would shatter just from the pressure of the touch - they were sitting on a shelf in front of some clerestory windows, but the water was coming in from the stairs above, rising in the sunken temple area (blue-green stone, similar to the minecraft underwater temples) and I needed to get out of there and continue my 'quest' - I think at that point I was looking for a bookcase to put the books in my office that I was sharing with several characters from Fringe and Warehouse 13, but really in the dream, I understood that my brain was playing with me there with the actors/celebrities/characters and the books that didn't exist were foremost on my mind (if I can see them and they are books I can make them again etc.) that if I was going to have them for a while yes I did need a bookcase... and then of course other things happened, in the crowd there was a girl in a yellow dress, who was asking me questions and I suddenly decided I could phase us into a ghost mode and get through the crowd and bring them to where they needed to be and warn them and some other people about some things, give them some philosophy etc. which was fairly basic, and then continue on my quest, saw my mail van, delivered some mail, sorted out codes, had the combination lock question, 39, 11 and I don't remember the last one, maybe 5 or 45, I didn't get it open - it was from ten years ago, and then I saw my daughter and two other girls getting off their bus, but not at the bus stop, and picked her up, but her coat had the wrong stripe, and I didn't recognize the other girls, and that my van doesn't have that seat there is a shelf there (which has happened in dreams before, conflation with another vehicle) and then I was still right-hand driving and somebody on the side of the road wanted us to pick up furniture in the van and I was dubious that it would fit or that I could lift it, but I got out and loaded it up with superhuman strength, and realized the texture of it was all wrong and at that moment I was investigating why it didn't feel correctly under my hand and that kicked me fully awake

Grandma Irene's puppies

 We got the heating and air person over, and an electrician, today to fix Grandma's wall heater outlet, the heater, and the central unit.  I had called them from work and then went over there to meet the heating and air person, but they were just finishing up when I got there.  Now her heat is working for the upcoming winter.  Esme has been helping out with these two making sure they get some lap time, communication and checking on their food and water with Grandma.  Grandma has called the white one Patches, and the black one with a few white bits Tippy.  They are both girls, and we estimated about 8 weeks old at the most.  They came from a neighbor who was visiting the other day, and she said he had a lot of them he was trying to give away.

a month

I've been working as the logistics clerk for a month now - and I like it.  There is a lot of data to analyze.  There's mostly always something to do, and it is consistent.  Since it is a very small company, the job is a bit of a mosaic of things that at a bigger company might be done by several people - but in a small company it is enough to keep one person busy.  So besides arranging and scheduling transportation for how orders are received and the products are shipped (the logistics part), I am also doing cleaning duties, ordering supplies, answering the phone and keeping the utility bills and other things paid by scanning them and sending them to their billing department etc. etc.. It's a job that needs to be done and I'm taking an 'ikigai' approach to it, not as in MY reason for being, but there is a reason there is a job there and it needs someone to do it, and I needed a job that I could be a good fit for - so I am going to show up and do it to the best of my potential.  

 I'm still a bit worried about snow and ice this winter, and getting there so early in the morning before dawn... but taking it as it comes.  And I'm still doing the postal route on Saturdays (under the same sort of it needs someone to make sure it is done, and to do it well, and that person is me, umbrella).  That's a little stressful for the managers at the post office because now, finally, the carrier I was subbing for the last few years is just now taking her vacation days for the year after saving most of them, and I'm not available to cover for them during the weekdays because I'm now doing the other job.  If she might have taken her vacation a little earlier in the year I might not have been so broke that I went looking for a second job!  But, then, I wouldn't be here doing this, learning these new things and would still be getting really inconsistent pay checks through this winter that is coming up, scraping by or falling behind instead of getting the bills paid.  

I am glad these two jobs did fit together this way and I will continue trying to do them both.  It is covering our bills, and giving me a better feeling for this winter.  Maybe after another month, the office job told me when I interviewed, I can plan to cover a day here or there for the post office and use my own vacation or time off from the office job to do it.  We'll cross that road when we get there.

Laundry, - we need to pull the washing machine away from the wall this weekend and unscrew the wall panel and see if we can see where that bit of water is consistently leaking from.  It might be from the machine itself.. or the drain hose, we're just not sure.  We are pretty sure it isn't from the valves or it would be constant, and it is a small amount of water that only shows up when we run the machine.  Mark and Esme even asked me if maybe it is coming from that vanity sink on the other side of the wall that we rarely use - but I was using it for washing my face almost every night up to a few nights ago - and there was no water.  I just ran a load of laundry tonight and there is a bit of water visible at the base of the machine right by the wall.  

 We turned on the heater for the house.  Trying to get Grandma's heating on, as well - she has two new 6 to 8 week old female puppies and her house is cold.  Esme went up there to give them some socialization and hold them in her lap, and I've asked her to do the same tomorrow while she is on break.  I went up there today, too - and spent some time with Grandma and the pups while trying to get the thermostat to kick in - it didn't.  The person who gave her the pups told her they were older, so we had given her food for older dogs.  Then we all saw them with our own eyes (Esme, me, then Mark) and we knew they were younger and needed different food.  Mark and I ran to the store yesterday and got the puppies the right kind of food and I put down a water dish today which I thought Grandma had done yesterday -- and they will need some vetting in another few weeks.  I checked with Mark and they do not need worm medicine for another week or two, but then they will need it every two weeks for a little while, a very small amount each, as they are very small and will be small even as adults.

I'm still reading the manga Kimi ni Todoke: From Me to You, studying mostly Japanese the past few days on three different accounts (two duolingo and one clozemaster) and doing the Tetris game on my phone.

taco tuesday

 They had some tacos at work, so I guess it's Taco Tuesday, somewhere, today heh.  And a trucking company sent us some stainless steel coffee mugs with lids, which that was cool to get 'swag'.  I did some Greek, Catalan, Japanese, French and Turkish in between different breaks, because my phone Duolingo had Super Duolingo free trial.  Now, I'm home after getting chicken feed and a few groceries, and going to do the language lessons on my PC account and read some more manga before bed.  Esme is having some leftovers, and because I had extra lunch today I don't feel like eating that much more for dinner.  There is a battered banana that was still in my bag that I might finish off later. 

manga

 Oh wow, I've read too much manga again today.  But, that is a good day off, perhaps.  I slept early last night, got up for an hour, and then slept all the way to five a.m. again - waking up without the alarm.  I also did laundry, and a bit of mopping, changed all the rugs, and looked at the garden this morning.  I almost took a nap, but then got up and cooked something.  But honestly, besides doing the normal amount of language lessons, I've read about six hours worth of manga today, at the least.  One of them was very good (Kimi ni Todoke 'Reaching You' in English)  in that it had a lot of Japanese culture concepts I then had to go look up, and find out what it meant - 'White Day' (like Valentine's Day), words for junior and senior and terms of respect for relatives and teachers, and a few words for foods I didn't know etc etc...  But I guess when I start seeing things half-manga drawing style in my mind's eye, and thinking of my cooking and cleaning being influenced by manga, I definitely have to stop *ha* right, eh?

but this was entirely influenced by the garden, before I began reading much manga this morning - shishito peppers, some bits of kale and a cucumber, chopped up, cooked in olive oil and biryani masala spices, eaten with rice and soy sauce and an egg for breakfast.  At least, it wasn't influenced by *today's* manga... I did wonder though, what is the reason most people don't cook cucumber?  It seems to do just fine in dishes like this for me.  I also cook radishes sometimes.

Mark had put the end of a pork roast in the oven early this morning and we had some of it shredded up for dinner, with canned apples for Esme and I.

bits

 Mark's nephew and his wife came through Hurricane Milton just fine, which is a relief.  It's been nearly a month at the new job, and they told me the amount of product we're shipping out is unprecedented.   After a few more weeks the warehouse will be nearly empty, except for what they are making now, and the materials they have to make it with (which are a lot, though).  The manager is selling it, and I'm setting up transportation, and the warehouse crew is loading it up.  The warehouse crew said it was more work than they wanted right now - but they were also having a really hard time finding things that had been squirreled away for months and months and hadn't been selling... so, it's going to be good in the future to have that old stuff gone and be able to organize putting the new stuff in ways they can get to it.. right?  They had already claimed it was ruining their sanity trying to figure out where to put the new stuff a few weeks ago...

 For spreadsheet practice at work I made a 'shipping price trend analysis chart' showing all of the prices they have paid for freight to every destination from the records they had kept (already on another screen that I update daily) since the company was bought out.  They had told me to play around with the spreadsheet program and see what I could make it do in whatever free time I wasn't cleaning etc.. and since I am calling and scheduling and taking bids on these freight trips - I thought it would be a useful tool as well.

I did Japanese and Turkish and French today at work, (before work clockin, at lunch and at afternoon break) although just a tiny bit of the last two.  Then I tried Spanish and failed badly on the verb cases and spellings.  Came home and punched out the next module on the much higher level PC Duolingo profile - but had a lot more time to work on it after dinner.  After work I had also put another cheap new tire on the mail truck and got a bit of groceries - not everything, but some.  Tired now, headed for bed.

I still think often : Why is a forty-five year old geek girl in Tennessee learning bits and pieces of so many languages?  And then I think .. why not?  I could put the same amount of effort into mathematics, accounting, business etc... and not get as much joy and progress out of it.  It's taken a long time to find out I was actually good at languages, after being told for so long that I couldn't possibly be (because of the speech impediment and dyslexia)... so I'm enjoying this thing my brain can do :)  and have to keep finding ways to make it more useful, but that is second chair to actually enjoying learning.