Chicks at two and a half months - new big cage

 

Mark and Esme had put together these fence panels to make a new larger cage for the chickens.  We had needed to go to town and get more chips because I didn't have enough left from cleaning the cage last week to fill the bottom of this up.  We put them in and they are quite happy, especially with their new longer perching stick - but hope it will be warm enough in the garage for them at nights.  They are now two and a half months since we bought them at probably less than a week old.  They have really feathered out and changed colors - originally there were five 'yellow and brown chipmunk' colored ones and one dark grey (maybe not the same breed, we are still uncertain if she got put in that bin by mistake).  So far, it still seems they are all hens, as they were sold to us.  We have the thirteen hens and two roosters out in our big coop outside - but these will need to spend maybe another month or so inside before they are big enough to compete with those out there.

 Charlotte dog still has to watch - she had to be calmed down a little because she got very very excited and was beginning to whine.  Esme petted her ears and then we told her it was time for her to go in the main house.  She has been out there a few times, when we have, to check on them.

  

Esme calming down our blue heeler mix, Charlotte, who thinks all baby chickens should be hers to herd

 

  

 Melody goat and Minion cat

This morning I put some new garden soil in one of the raised beds, and checked on different things.  The strawberries are beginning to have berries on them.  Melody goat and Minion cat were sunning themselves on the edge of the fenced yard - and I interrupted them.  I have kale and beans and beets (growing for the greens) and sweet peas coming up, and have transplanted my summer squash plants out to the bed where a few more and some cucumbers were finally germinating.  I want to get some marigold plants and then some tomatoes and peppers.

 We went through all of our spices today - there were one or two that I had been holding on to that weren't any good.  I threw the tarragon out months ago after it had sat untouched for most of a year - and the starter for cleaning out the rest today was that I had ordered some samples of a place's spices that included tarragon and a few other things.  Out of everything there is now one box of things I rarely use but don't feel need to be thrown away, a box that only I use but not often, a box of things that are mostly only used by me but are used commonly, and a small section of shelf of what Mark and I both use on a regular basis.   

I've been studying mostly French - and started Portuguese from French on my phone.  The last few nights, I've dreamt some in French or been asked to translate some things into French.

 

I'm still having some trouble with the jaw on my left side hurting where they took out teeth years ago, made to pop up again perhaps because the denture plate is causing some pressure and infection in the upper plate area.  It isn't anywhere near as bad as when they first gave me the plate, though - for weeks my face was too painful to touch - all over the cheek and nose etc.  

 

Now, it hurts a little here and there and quite a bit right in that jaw place which has no pressure from the denture plate.  The one thing I can't quite get myself to do is to not sleep on that side - the denture plate is out and in a cup for the night so that it doesn't cut - but with hEDS just the pressure of sleeping hard on that side - and for some reason I do sleep HARD on that side when I do - makes anything else that is wrong with those tissues worse.  

 

I've been taking an ibuprofen or two a day and that helps some - and eating as much anti-inflammatory as I can, along with the fat needed to process it.  I will say here though that I have also lost some weight in the past 6 months, not that I probably didn't need to - but it is noticeable enough I have to wear a belt with these jeans now or I am pulling up the pants all day long.   There are many things I just do not want to even try to eat anymore - which again, isn't all that bad mostly.  I just have to watch it that I don't let that get unhealthy.

Eggs and lentils

 

We finally got the first egg of 2026 - they hadn't laid any, or the opossums had eaten the rare one they had laid, for many months.  We had went all around the fence tightening things and putting bricks up against the fence any place it was loose.  Perhaps that has helped, some.  The day after the first egg I would have been surprised to see even one more, and there were two eggs that day.  We are still looking at getting more chickens, hopefully more like Speck, our golden chicken above - which I've asked the internet and been told that she was probably something crossed with a Crested Cream Legbar, to become the Olive Egger she was sold to us as.  She lays the more blue egg in the bunch, and we've gotten two of those the last two days and a more green one, as well.  

 

We will need to bring the brooder inside, it has sat outside since last summer but it looks in good condition - the lock and door might need to be looked at to see if there is any rust etc.  And we need to fix the footer barrel it used to sit in.  This is the big handmade cage Mark and Esme made from hardware cloth and a plastic 55 gallon barrel for our hamster and rat years ago but has been used as a brooder for two sets of chicks, as well, since then. It still might be a week or more before we actually look to buy chicks, but then we will be ready and not in a hurry one night to make a place for babies.

the first eggs

Esme and I were experimenting with lentils - red lentils a few weeks ago and I had her try some of the brown lentil vegetable mix I made last night.  She said it was nice - and that she couldn't really tell that much of a difference between the two types, spiced up as I had them.

 The recipe last night was :

1 cup of brown lentils, rinsed

2 cups of water

bit of olive oil, celery seed, black pepper 

minced clove of garlic, and a bit of minced ginger

chopped raw carrots from the freezer

bell peppers and onion from the freezer

half a can of diced tomatoes with italian spices

and after it had boiled for a while and was about half-absorbed, I added a teaspoon of paprika

 I served that beside a typical packet of Spanish rice, so she would have something else to eat if she really didn't like the lentils, but that made a nice combination, too - three quarters Spanish rice to 1/4 lentils mix.  The last time I made Biryani spiced red lentils for her with garlic and ginger and carrots - I served it over rice.  That is supposed to make a complete protein, so it is very good practice.

Mark also made two hamburger patties and split the second one in half so we put that with our meal and French bread.  With meat being so expensive I want to make sure Esme learns to cook the way I did in college and can stretch things and keep dry goods like rice and lentils.  Also, it is a good way to add vegetables and she will eat a lot of them prepared this way.

I put the other half of the lentils mix into a clean quart jar and put a lid and a ring on it, and when it was cooled some, I put it in the fridge to blend up into lentil soup for my lunches this week.  I ate the pea soup all last week with extra vegetables and spices each day and it was some of the best soup I've had in a long time. 

I have a few beans coming up in the windowsill to plant outside when the first frost has passed - and I have been upping my levels on the languages in Turkish and Chinese, German and French.  I haven't touched the Lithuanian all week... a break here and there helps to know what you really know.  Just like the German, it's been years since I actually did many lessons, and I had to re-orient my grammar in it which I have had that specific issue with it before. 

a soup and kick tail

 The first step to making this great soup ALL week long, has been that I made a pot of pea soup on last Sunday, and stored it in a quart jar in the fridge.  That is the standard of a cup of split peas to two to three cups of water, a bit of butter, celery seed, black pepper and a bit of onion, all blended together once it has cooked until the peas are soft.

Then, I took about two to three tablespoons of the slightly solidified pea soup in a container all week with a bit of rice, frozen zucchini, more frozen onions, frozen beet greens that were in the freezer, and garlic parmesan seasoning and black pepper.   I added some water to that at work and made a VERY tasty soup that I kept coming back for.  One of the days I added some spicy seasoning with cayenne, and another I put some furikake rice seasoning in it.  The beet greens were a very small amount in each bowl - but it has used that up VERY well.  The picture below shows the soup with the furikake and sesame seed combination in it.  This is a soup I could eat much more often - and would work very well with what I typically grow in my gardens, beet greens and/or kale, zucchini and summer squashes.

 I also checked the little car today, after it had sat dormant for almost two months.  I've been kicking myself that it wouldn't crank, or it would choke on the fuel pump - it still might.. but it cranked, and it ran really well on my usual 'runabout' trip that makes sure it is not overheating and is working well enough for emergencies.  I was feeling quite bad about letting it go so long with all the cold and the ice storms that really required more maintenance of it... but it wasn't going to get any better for not knowing and I finally kicked my own tail today.

I tried to make gnocchi last night, and it was a learning experience.  I needed to add more flour, as the first batch disintegrated in the water - but the second and third bits that I had put more flour in turned out edible.  Tonight, I made leftover rice with kielbasa, diced tomatoes, garlic and lots of other vegetables, mandarin oranges and an egg for each of us on the side.  We're still trying to stretch to make sure everything works out from the lost wages with the ice storm.

I've been catapulting forward with my German on Duolingo - taking the tests to try to get up to my actual level on my phone, and working at my level on my computer account, in between Japanese and Turkish.

It's time to start the garden - I planted a few little things that I don't know if they will take, and ordered some seeds from the preservation society.  I need to go out and do some more work after the hopefully last freeze on Sunday.  We haven't seen opossums, or eggs though, since we went and tried to fix the fence.   Store-bought eggs work in recipes, but they are definitely not the same as having your own chicken's eggs.

 

rolling

 Getting back in the swing of things, now that the ice is finally gone.  There was even some still on our road this morning and, taking the back road on the way back in, we saw some even this afternoon at 70 degrees.  I'm very glad I didn't try to take the back road route to the highway that other day - I turned around and took the shorter, more hilly route that I had already been over once in a wild ride, because I knew what it looked like and the back road route is longer, a bit flatter but so narrow there is no place to turn around if you come up on something you can't manage.

 We restocked our feeds, and are halfway through restocking our propane.  It will be tighter this month, especially trying to restock, because of the missed paychecks from the ice storm.  I bought eggs for the very first time in a store in what has to be years - because I was going to make some cookies and our hens haven't laid in months - they were laying one every three days or so before this ice storm but of course during it, nothing at all.  Opossums may be to blame - as well, time will tell.  I'm glad to have the chickens themselves mostly healthy and bumping around pecking in their yard as pets, even without eggs.

 Esme had been very worried about her classes at the trade school with the state of emergency and yet their strange attendance policy.  However, it seems like that will work out - and she can catch up.  It took a lot of reaching out and frustration to get them to actually talk to her before she showed back up at the doorstep - which she wanted to know before she got there etc.. but finally the answer was : 'yes, it will be in a way excused because it was weather emergency, but it will still be marked on the papers absent'... I saw her put her hands out and say 'What does that even mean?' to me in sign language.  I agree, kid.  I agree. 

For languages I have been doing mostly Japanese (at the highest level I have reached) and Turkish (low profile, and vocabulary work) and a little vocabulary work in Lithuanian.

Now to catch up on the rest of the things at work - some chores, restock and pinch our pennies for a few weeks until we know everything will work out better and / or the taxes get done and we see our return. 

rolling

 It's been a hard couple of weeks - was trying to heal up from that knee I smashed up (it is finally scabbing over enough not to break open, but I still wince whenever I kneel on it, which for some reason, I can't stop doing at least once every few days), and the dental plate caused a soreness and stiffness in one side of my face that I was worried about for a while, but finally has went back down just as it had done before.  *sigh*  I've been taking the plate out as soon as I can at night, and on Sunday I didn't put it in for more than a few hours because it was finally feeling better.  Advil and antiseptic rinse and turmeric/curry powder milk just before I go to sleep.  The hard thing is I don't like to take any pain reliever too much - so even taking three or four single pills during a 24 hour day is a LOT for me - but I was able to see the difference and know that it was helping.

 

Charlotte and Minerva, watching me cook

My anxiety was really up because of that, but I've been running through my 'brain routine' to make sure I don't miss anything and to take care of what I can before it adds to my latent anxiety - and that helps a LOT, really.. it does.  When you can get something that would be a worry taken care of, it helps with the bit that just won't smooth down no matter what.  And it helps to see the difference, between something you can fix and something you have to wait out.

I read part of a book the other day - it was just so cold I spent half the morning in bed, because I could.  Every other day I've been running, work, errands, postal route.  But, Esme is really liking her college courses and work at the office job has been rolling and getting that done which it needs someone to get it done.  Told Esme that is a big thing - show up, do what needs to be done without waiting for people to stick up their finger and say 'shouldn't you be doing...' and don't put things off because they stack up and then it will be even harder to keep it all balanced and working after that.  Rest in between when you have run through the whole list and know that you've done all that you can do right now.  I also showed her my unique budget 'program' language that I have worked out the next two months in to help myself remember to account everything.  She said she actually understood it, that it was logical.

 We've also had what I would swear was a fifteen lb. opossum in the hen house - and maybe the thing that blinded my one green-egg layer a month or so ago.  I bruised him up pretty good with a hand tool and threw him out in a box he was hiding in - but I didn't actually do that much damage because he ran off and up a pole and out across a tree quick as lickety split, and then the dogs went off chasing him into the woods.  I only have the one chicken out of the twelve hens that are left that is laying an egg every two or three days - I don't know if that is the only egg we find and they are getting the rest or if that is the only egg that is being laid because of the cold.  I want to protect them better than that but I looked all over where I saw him go and couldn't find a hole in the netting or the fence - like he melted through it somehow.  I've sprayed white vinegar out there in that place and another I saw one melt through fence four or five months ago on the other side.

Now, it thinks it will snow sometime this week.  I don't need that.  We have a bit more animal feed and propane to get before that happens. Tomorrow will be a bit stressful with that run after work but once that is done we are at that 'what will be will be' state again. 

I've made pancakes, and curry, and orange chicken, red lentils and flatbreads, and bean soup and am researching using a rice cooker to cook my adzuki beans.  I showed Esme how to peel ginger when making the red lentil dish, but the 1 cup to 3 cups of water was too much for it, so half of that meal became soup.  I will have to work on that recipe now that I have the red lentils again, made a special trip to the other grocery store to get them.  I made 'seven spice' with star anise, cinnamon, cloves, black pepper, fennel, coriander and yellow mustard seed.  I had looked at all the five spice mixtures available to me and found none that I liked as much as the one that I am almost OUT of...*sigh* - I had all the spices, so I just used my coffee grinder and made a batch.

For languages, I've studied such a mixed bag it is almost funny - French, Spanish, Lithuanian/Latvian, Japanese, Czech, Russian, and Polish. 

Just a bit

 I'm trying to get over a little nose congestion and have it not go to my chest.  I've had that problem all my life - Fargo was the worst with the wind and cold - but I still get it here in Tennessee once in a while, too.  Basically, I've been told, my sinuses aren't quite right but it would take a lot to make them 'right' and they probably wouldn't stay that way, so learn how to deal with it.  I eat a lot of soup and drink a lot of tea.

I made pea soup this morning with garlic and onions and clove spice, and drank it all straight down.

I've been studying Greek, trying to increase that score from 15 to 16 - and also doing Spanish-->French and French-->Spanish on my phone, and caught up on a few lessons of Russian today after watching a big cat handler's Youtube again with Esme and pointing out that I could understand some of what she was saying.  My Duolingo scores on the French-->Spanish and Spanish-->French are both sitting at 10 and 11, respectively.  My English-->French score is just hovering under 70, and I know that could be improved but the grammar is getting into 'you have to study now' territory.  I'm still using the free version, as well.  And I was surprised to see my Russian score materialize today also at 11.  They didn't have those scores back when I did the free A-level Busuu course and then caught up some practice on Duolingo. 

Found a little red photo album from my early childhood and posted a few pictures for my sister to see, and to try to figure out who the people were in them.  I was really originally looking for what the linoleum looked like in our house when I was a child - because I could remember it almost exactly.  I picked out an image on Google that I was sure was it - and when I found the picture in the album, yes, *pat on back* it was exactly the same pattern.  Those sort of things stick with you when you have a photographic memory.  I remember my mother being upset that I would trace such patterns with my fingers, and especially the mirroring in it was something I was fascinated with.  Come to discover later that patterns and dyslexia mirroring things were a big part of how my brain works - little surprise!

 

 

I was also doing my Lithuanian / Latvian vocabulary - on baba dum only Lithuanian is available and on Baltoslav both are.  I was finding it useful to look away from the screen on ba ba dum and hear the word, 'spell' it in my vision, and then look and see if the word was what I thought it was before trying to match it to the picture I also thought it should be.  BaltoSlav doesn't have pronunciation, but Google translate has gotten much better at pronouncing Latvian, and I've been watching some more Tuta's Lietas as well for that.

 Still no actual USE for these languages other than my brain works much better and less stress fully with this 'in all the boxes' than with remembering 50,000+ items in inventory per department in the hardware store I worked at.   

Le Vide?

 Saw that the French nickname for this part of the year is the void (le vide) and yes, I've experienced the 'what day is this anyway' already.  Because, two days off is something I just don't get anymore, much less two days off, two days on, and another day off!  So I woke Friday night and had no idea what was going on or what I should be doing Saturday morning.  Even though I do the postal route every Saturday.  What is this.. Saturday?  What is time?  Where am I, even?

Enough of that.  Studying a lot more Latvian, using bern istaba and tuta lietas, ba ba dum and baltoslav.  I often forget the names of those things and can only remember the flavor - so I post here what they are so I can look it up again later.  I love Tuta's style - and my daughter just recently noticed the hats.  Why does she have an airplane in her hair?  So I had to explain it to her.  

One of the most useful things towards learning is to have the subtitles on in Latvian, stop it, open up a second window, try to type the word I saw (without peeking) and then find out the translation of it.  I have to remember the word and remember what was said about the word, find out the translation, then try to relate it back to what I heard - quickly, and then maybe replay the sentence or wait until the next time they say the word again with better knowledge of it.  It is very real learning.  When I am playing baltoslav in Latvian, after studying a lot on ba ba dum in Lithuanian, I stop and three-point-translate the words that are different, like 'pillow' is different in Latvian and Lithuanian (a lot of words are almost the same, too) and recognize what the word is in English, Latvian and Lithuanian all at once to make contact points between the languages.  I can feel 'brain burn' during this, like when I started learning Catalan (in Spanish).  It actually feels great :)

I studied Greek on the other platform, and have been improving my Spanish to French score on the third platform.  That contributes perhaps, to 'le vide'.

Other than that we are eating leftovers, and I am trying to clean a thing here or there.  There is always laundry.  I say I won't take down the Christmas tree until after January 5th, but most years I am still forgetting to take it down come April.  

I've planned to go out and spend a gift certificate that was gotten on the postal route from one of my residents.  We don't often go out to restaurants at all, and there is some social anxiety about it.  I talked to E about the social anxiety (and I had a lot of it yesterday morning after giving a gift back to that resident in return, and all the social 'did I do that right' etc. insecurities about that kept me beating myself up for two hours or more) and told her it really helped when my dad finally told me that he did that too.  

The biggest thing is you always feel it was silly and didn't matter that much after it - but when you're inside it, and you can't break out from it, it feels even worse to tell yourself it is silly, it doesn't feel silly.  The only thing that helps, as my dad also said, was to 'plow through' it - do other things that need to be done, find something like a book or music to distract you for a moment - and eventually the 'reverberation' of the anxiety will die down some.  THEN, after it did ease up a little, THEN remind yourself that you made it through to this point, that it feels silly but only after the fact, and that life goes on and things need to be done.  You're the person that is there to do them, and then go do them.

As I said on another site : Some days I have to remind myself that it is okay to have difficulty with being a singular entity inexplicably residing in a corporeal form that is adherent to the laws of space and time.  Other days, I have to just admit that I am (anxious / impatient / annoyed / frustrated) and get myself up and do some chores.

 

Christmas Day

 We put together some 3D printed toys Mark had downloaded and printed.

 

Mark made a roast beef cut and potatoes, and we had the pears that I had made yesterday with pudding.  It was a good dinner, and over by 3:30 pm, and everyone opened their gifts.  Esme and Mark got clothing they needed and snacks and Grandma got some snacks and a blanket and socks.  Esme bought Mark a blanket, as well.  I gave Esme a talking penguin toy, a star projector and we all played a card game that I had bought.  I got coffee and spices and socks.  Mark had found more guajilio chiles for me at the store, which I knew they had according to the website but couldn't find them IN the store.  I also considered buying three plus pounds of pears and the gouda cheese as part of my Christmas gift 'splurging' on food that I wanted. 

 Grandma watched a few shows with us, and then I brought her back home. 

 I have work tomorrow and Saturday.  Studying Greek mostly today, and some Catalan.

 

another of the spice mixes I had in my Christmas presents, with pumpkin seeds, a bag of caramel coffee, seaweed snacks and pistachio pudding :)

 

 

Christmas Eve, 9 years with the green owl

 

Oh, I've still studied twenty plus languages, but these are the top tier and I keep at them on Duolingo... not including Latvian and Lithuanian, which are not on 'the green owl'.. but I'd love it if they were added.  I had made a phone profile to force myself to do more Spanish learning (and Catalan, in Spanish) when I was not at home, so I haven't had that for the full 9 years, more like 3?  I often play the 'all languages' version on Ba Ba Dum.  It throws curveballs at me in Albanian and Greek and Turkish and Chinese etc- which I don't have as much practice in beyond basics, as well as the languages I am studying more - and it shows that my Romanian and Spanish vocabularies are very lacking, my Japanese needs work, my Czech is better than expected, and my Lithuanian and French are the best there. It is one of the two places I can practice the Lithuanian, and the other place is BaltoSlav, which has the Latvian to practice.

 It's Christmas Eve, it is 70 degrees out nearly (I am happy about that) and I'm cooking pears in butter and ginger vanilla sauce.  I'll make a cake tomorrow for it maybe.  Mark has another roast to put in the oven with beef broth and rice for tomorrow.  We will bring Grandma down for an early dinner, as she likes to eat early.

1 qt jar of water, mixed with white sugar, vanilla, a few tablespoons of butter and good powdered ginger.  Brown sugar put over the peeled and halved pears with seeds scooped out.  Heat up the quart jar mixture in microwave, pour over the pan of brown sugared pears, then put in oven at 275 (because Mark had a roast in there already) for a few hours, turning every ten to fifteen minutes.  Save all the liquid - it is excellent syrup!

 I even had to go get some more pears - because they are good.  The greenish ones I've put in the freezer for making something else, after washing and cutting them up into chunks.  I bought some gouda cheese to go with it, and more mozzarella which we usually have.

 

The Christmas Tree is ready, with a few things for everyone under it.

I caught up on the Greek and Japanese today, after doing Catalan and Romanian for much of the week.  Now to do some laundry and cleaning.  Mark said the chickens were checking their wristwatches this morning as I had slept in, but I said no they were checking their 'roost watches'.  
 

 I had asked for some spices this year - and this one was one I didn't put under the tree.  Someone had brought it to work for a cookout months ago and I've been looking to see what store around here carried it ever since.  It is excellent with avocado, just as a topping!

entras intrarea

 Cold, working through the anxiety and the dentures still hurt here and there.  I'm making sure to cook things I can eat - but so often I just want to get dinner done so I can take the teeth out, huddle in warm, and sleep for the rest of the night.  I am eating a good variety of vegetables, and making cake/loaf like mixtures to make sure there is something easy to bring with me to work.  I made a batch of peanut butter cookies, as well, which bears repeating.  I actually do have to work at having enough calories during the day.

 Took Grandma's little dog to the vet and got it spayed - and held it for a few days, to make sure healing was doing good.  Esme went to her college orientation session, and she had to do a few more things before next month.  She is trying hard to keep her math grade up because that is what her graduation hinges on.  

 Last week I had pulled my shoulder out badly somehow on the postal route - probably actually know the mailbox that did it - one of those that is too low and on the edge of a large ditch, so there is no doing it except pulling close and then leaning out the window awkwardly.  I did exercises but was still quite annoyed by it for two days - then one morning it just went 'click' again like a bungee cord being drug over another one, and it felt much better. I was worried it would be injured further by getting our propane cylinders, which we have to refill every few days and are very heavy and awkward.  So far, I haven't done anything worse to it taking those in and out of the car, but I'm aware of it.

 Doing Romanian lessons on both systems, somehow segued to that and I've kept at it.  We haven't went Christmas shopping yet, and I haven't put up the tree yet.  I did buy a few things for Esme last week that I need to wrap up - bought the roll of wrapping paper today.  It is going to be severe cold tonight - so we had put some insulation on Grandma's hydrant and ran the little car around a bit to make sure it has had a good charge.  I have hardly even been running it around the block much, because there is just too much going on and there are only so many hours in the day.  I ran it a good distance tonight.  Now dinner is in the oven, and I have a little language lesson to do, some budget figures to put in, and again, crawl into bed as soon as I think isn't too early.

 

The 'what is this, falafel?' chickpea loaf I made and brought to work with me four days in a row

although this was a very similar process to the black bean meatloaf - it did not act at all the same when stirred up - the rice flour is a very different texture than the whole wheat flour, and the chickpeas had a thick flavored sauce with them instead of the black bean aqua faba 

 

1/2 can of seasoned chickpeas, ground up

about 5 tablespoons of cooked carrot, ground up - this is less than what was in the black bean loaf

more of the orange beef seasoning packet

1 egg

1/2 package of saltine crackers, crumbled and smashed

a few tablespoons to a 1/4 cup of brown rice flour

about a tablespoon of bacon grease heated in the bottom of the pan before spreading the mixture in it

cooked at 400 degrees for 20-30 minutes, uncovered in a glass pan and then brought it down to 350, when the top of the crust started to get brown, I removed it from the oven and covered it with aluminum foil for a while until I could cut it up and put it in another container.   I wondered if I should have put another egg in it, but then it firmed up really well after it cooled.

 

also made some zucchini soup with two kinds of zucchini, kielbasa and bacon  

 

I found a new seasoning mix that says it has toasted onion and red bell pepper flakes in it, with chili pepper flakes - it is quite good.  I had to look at a couple of places in order to find it - after someone had brought some to work for a grill out. 

The other night I dreamt of blueberry pizza, with spinach, cheese and I drove a block away to a pizza shop to ask them for a cup of tomato sauce to put on it - as it had all blueberry sauce on it instead.  I poured it on right there at the counter and they told me the pizza box would be all soggy - so I started to eat it right there.  I have no idea what that is about except that I did buy blueberries that day after a long time of thinking about them.  In honor of this strange cooking dream, I opened spinach last night and had it with some blueberries and the last of the 'falafel' chickpea loaf. 

bits with vegetables, or fruits

 

 

 

 

We spent three hours at the DMV this morning, but now we have a permit holder and a renewed driver's license in the house.  We'd been trying to get those done for months.  We stopped and did the shopping on the way home and I got fruits/vegetables to prepare.  Ate half the avocado with lots of spice and bread, and then cut up the others to use in soups.

 

It is now 5:30 pm and it feels like night.  It is full dark out, as goes November.  I have already been giving in and going to sleep about 7:30 pm lately because of the temperature - and because I need the sleep.  The healing situation with my oral surgery has done quite well, except in that one place where I think the tooth shard might be.  My next check-up is next week.   Yesterday was the first day in all that time I hadn't taken any pain medication (ibuprofen) at all, although I still hissed like a cat when I took the teeth out at night.  That part still feels like pulling off skin each time - but it isn't, because when I rinse it out there isn't any blood or etc.  It's just that sensitive.  And I note that I'm still 'grinding my teeth' some in my sleep, but since there aren't teeth on the top, I woke myself up biting hard with a bottom tooth into the top gum in one place.

 

I dug a frozen chopped apple out of the fridge, and put it with some split peas, kielbasa, some of the yellow squash and onions in a pot to make soup this afternoon.  I still have some pumpkin, onion and chili-bean soup in the fridge from yesterday.  I can eat softened bread and cookies soaked in coffee with the dentures in, but nothing really hard, because of that spot with the potential tooth bit hurts a lot, then the plate slips.  I haven't lost a lot of weight, even though I've been eating less quantity - probably eating a bit more condensed calories in the soups?  Considering it's winter, that is good, as I really need what I've got to stay warm.  It's all doing fairly well, considering these little bits and my tendency towards inflammation with hEDS.  I didn't know how it was going to be at all in specific, which is why I am writing it down now as I go.

 

dental surgery soup recipes continue: 

 

1 small red delicious apple (I had cut up and put in a freezer container three months ago)

2 cups of water or more 

a half cup of green split peas, washed

a handful of onions

a few pieces of kielbasa

a bit of butter 

a handful of chopped yellow squash

spices 

 cooked until everything was soft and then pureed with a stick mixer.

 

 1/2 can of pumpkin puree

1/2 can of chili beans

handful or more of onions

bit of shredded pork (Mark was heating it up for him and Esme)

lots of spice

lots of hot madras curry powder (specifically)

some butter

2 cups of water

cooked until everything was soft and then pureed with a stick mixer.

 

Last night I dreamt that I had to leave my old mail truck on a long road by a little town - after working a full shift at the hardware store (where the computer system in the dream was absolutely not realistic and I found it eyebrow-raising) and driving out in a little dark blue car I don't have at all trying to go find my truck - and I knew where it was but it didn't make any sense, because it was a right-hand drive and it was parked on the right side of the road right up against a guardrail. I could see it in my mind's eye in the dream - and was driving along waiting to see it, knowing I'd have to turn around and come back and get it.  

 

I was supposed to go back and get in it and drive off, to avoid someone following me from the store.  But then when I got there - the plan was jacked and it was a trap - there were five trucks there and none of them were mine, all on the same basic model plan - red, gold or white, but all left- hand drives and none of them were even the same make - which I told the person in the dream that tried to catch my arm and ask which one was mine.  None of them, mine was a 'X'.  And I pulled away and ran further down the road towards the town, looking behind me all the way, although no one seemed to be following.  Then I walked a bit further into town and went to their post office, and asked them if they had seen a truck parked there.  The two ladies there told me my truck was out back, that the postmaster had had it reported to them and towed it there waiting for the owner to show up, but I didn't get that far to actually see it, as I couldn't find the actual door into the post office the door to the left said 'city hall' and the window said 'post office' and I was wondering if I would have to walk all the way around the building.  At that point, my alarm was going off.

 

 I've had a few of the 'remember this number/ address' type dreams, as well - but the info doesn't really mean anything when I wake up.  They told me it was my phone number, no it wasn't and I wouldn't actually say my number in the dream, although I wrote down the one they told me.  Addresses, same thing.  I run through routes and mail cases (in the post offices) in my dream that I haven't seen before - I can remember it when I wake up but can't remember the exact names and numbers, although they were all there when I was running them and trying to match up packages.  /sigh - like my brain thinks it doesn't have enough to do when I'm getting some sleep *ha

 

Studying Czech, French and Spanish.  Have laid the Japanese aside for a little bit, and haven't studied the Lithuanian vocabulary while I've been awake (although I played it in my sleep, too). 

bits

 bits, without the caps lock on...  still making soup and trying to get things done.  I had my check up appointment for the denture plate and they adjusted it a little - said I'm doing good to have worn them every single day, despite the pain.  

Studying Romanian, Lithuanian, Japanese and did a Spanish lesson today as that was on my to do list for Wednesdays.  I need to water the plants upstairs - as I didn't do it this week at all, so far.  We also need to get animal feeds and propane one day soon.  We will have a bit of a warm spell this week and then on Sunday it will drop to below freezing - so I have to get that washing machine pipe insulated, as well.  We normally turn the valves off when it gets that cold - but that was when they were still insulated in the wall, and during the break and repair, we pulled out all the insulation that had gotten wet.

 So, drab things but they need to be done.

 Today was an absolute mile-a-minute at work - and I could have used to have been twins, since they wanted me in the office to be present during interviews and also I needed to be on the warehouse floor readying orders - so I had to switch off as much as possible to get it all done.

Esme had a good birthday yesterday - I promised not to embarrass her or take pictures -  she had chosen a big kangaroo-pocket hoodie and asked for some game credits.  I found a Minecraft toy she had picked up at the store one time we were shopping and bought one to bring home - it is a fluffy bee, and almost a ball.  I brought her some of the cakes she likes and ice cream.  I also had gotten her an investment bond earlier last month that I had put money away for slowly - not at all big, but as an 18th-birthday something that will be for the future gift, besides the common items.  We can't 'give' her a car, as she can't drive yet!

 

My dinner: I still can't eat hard things or things that require too much 'motion' - because the jaw and gums are still healing underneath this hard plastic plate.  If I soak bread in soup or a cookie in coffee in small pieces I can eat it on the back side of a bottom tooth and the plate without 'rocking' the plate painfully, most of the time.  I am also smashing up bananas, canned peaches and mandarin oranges for fruit and fiber.

Soup :

1/2 can of pureed great northern beans with the aqua faba

 zucchini, red bell pepper

a few chunks of sweet potato

water

olive oil

spicy italian seasoning

 

served with bread, and a rice flour omelet

1 egg beaten, 1 tsp of sugar, 1/4 cup or so of rice flour (brown rice flour in this case), salt, bit of baking powder, some spice mixture, fry in butter in tamagaoyaki pan and serve with a big spoon of peanut butter 

 Mark made pork chop and garlic bread and some of the same sweet potato for him and Esme.  I really am not going to chance the pork chop - tried just a little bit of well cut up hamburger the other night and it was sticking in my throat so I gave it up.   

 Every night I am making about a 3/4 cup of whole milk with strong madras curry powder in it, heated up until it all combines well.  And I am drinking that as the last thing before bed.

The 'beaver moon' was out this morning - and it was large like a coin on the horizon, just a few inches above a field on my turn out towards work - with a little strip of cloud right across the middle of it, so it seemed like Saturn, or a closed eyelid.  It is still large in the sky tonight but it is already waning gibbous. 

 

dental work

 

They took out the six teeth this morning, my face felt like it was hardly there - but I can definitely feel this plastic dental appliance (top denture plate) they have put in, and I can feel that my upper jaw is still bleeding some.  I hate that - because I do bleed a lot compared to most people.  They told me the plate should act 'like a bandaid' and make it stop bleeding over the course of the day - but it's been about twelve hours and I've come to the conclusion that is once again, a 'most people' thing and I'm not built like most people.  With hEDS, everything is just a little different when it comes to anything that has collagen in it, like skin, blood vessels, gums etc etc..  Gah.

 

I was able to eat some soup and finally figured out how to drink coffee without losing much of it.  But I still feel like I've been punched in the nose, too - because of all the needles and numbing they had done to the roof of my mouth.  Earlier, I told Mark I would feel so much better already if my NOSE didn't hurt - right at the bottom of each nostril probably where it was getting extra support from the rigidity of the teeth?  I don't know - but I hope that settles down because that is going to be tough.  Not as tough as the fact that my sinuses also drain down almost exactly where the dental plate extends in the back of my mouth.  

 

So, yes, the teeth look nice.  They'd look nicer without blood still seeping in my mouth.  They told me I had to keep the plate in until the next morning, and then remove it and rinse out the blood and put it back in.  That is going to be smashing.   My face still looks like I got half beat up but without the bruising.  There is a certain puffiness to it - and part of that might be because there are 'teeth' there to fill the cheekbones out there.  And I've taken three Advil over the course of twelve hours - yes, three total pills - (because I cannot have / cannot process chemically the other painkillers they normally would provide) since they pulled them out and all except the nose and one spot on the front tooth area the Advil are taking care of the rest.   I slept for about four hours, but the oversalivation and gag factor are still there, although not quite as bad as it could have been.

 

 I sat down with colored pencils and meant to just start drawing colors - in the way that I do, but it turned into one of these 'my nerves are melting' drawings and I let it, as the novacaine was still pulsing through my face and I couldn't feel my lips at that point.  Perhaps there is something there to pay attention to after a bit.  That blue line going down with the diamonds was a strange one.  Yes, the whole thing is strange.  The electricity had also gone out for an hour just after we got home and I only had cold coffee on top of all of that - so drawing helped sort things out for a bit until the power came back on.

I don't know why but I switched from French and Spanish to Romanian today and did the Lithuanian lesson as well.  

I'm supposed to be back at work in the morning here and am not looking forward to pulling that plate out and seeing the blood and the state of the jaw with the teeth missing.   

les morceaux

 The little car did what  it should today, and I got the tires looked at by someone who knew what they were doing.  Mark and Esme got their errand ran in the other newer car.  Esme cleaned a lot out of the garage and they took some items to the local dump - although they were not able to get the bureaucratic things done at the driver's services because of timing and forms.  

Same happened at work today, as a young truck driver could not get his act together and get me the proper documents to unload him, and he went off to go get them and come back, and his broker told me all of the documents were there - (and sent me electronic copies as well) but the driver then got lost and did not come back before we closed.  So, he will have to be unloaded tomorrow.  The broker was NOT happy about it all - as the driver didn't even get to our business until after noon, and he had been scheduled to arrive before eight a.m.  Ga ca vi ca va ce n'est pas ca vi (basically meaning, that's not the best way to do it, said while shaking your head sadly) the way they are going to do it is not the way it is to be done

I've studied French and Japanese today, and made it to the middle of the second math module on the new math program on Duolingo, mostly in between waiting on hold on the phone or for a reply from a broker on the email.  

I'm thinking about books and what I have and have not read - been thinking for a few weeks on it, but read another article today that got me thinking more. 

 I had gotten some shampoo for damaged hair about a week ago and it has been helping some - and another trial item came in the mail today.  We'll see if that helps more.  I made more rice for lunches this week, after making some yesterday and using it tonight in our dinner of pork fried rice.  I need to go work on my Japanese on Wani Kani before I take myself off to bed. 

 The pork fried rice sauce (again):

1 tbsp brown sugar in about a cup and a half of water in a big pan

some olive oil, about a quarter size spot

some soy sauce (and then some more, as the vinegar was a bit much)

splash balsamic vinegar  (not too much)

bit salt

bit brown mustard seed that had been pulverized

bit prepared brown mustard from a jar in the fridge

pork seasoning spice that includes garlic and ginger and paprika

bring that all to a boiling

add green onions, orange bell pepper, some white onion and a handful of other vegetables out of a frozen veggie pack

add pulled pork that Mark had made yesterday

bring back to full sizzle

make hole in center and add three eggs from our chickens - let whites cook a bit then mix the whole thing up

add rice to the outside edge from fridge - and then stir it all together and cover, let steam until rice is warmed through

serve 

  

bits of

  

It is starting to get cold at night, and that means rounding up the animals.  Cold is only about 50 degrees right now, but you can feel the bite to it, so it's still cold.  Two of our animals are getting quite old, and I worry about them both - the little sixteen year old cat Minion with hardly any meat on her bones and the old hound, Minerva, who must be eleven now.  The little cat came in (with one of the younger ones, and Charlotte, the younger dog).  But Minerva did not come in, in fact- I saw and heard her as she ran up the road bellowing at some deer or fox... and usually that means she will come barking back at the door between 2 am and 3 am, and I will get up and let her in.  I don't sleep well anyway, and I guess this all works out.  In the winter, I definitely don't sleep knowing someone is out in the freezing temperatures - I want them in and I know they'll be alive etc.

 So, I was a bit worried when Minerva did not show up in the morning.  She had not barked at the door that I had heard, and she was not curled up in the leaves by the porch where she had been before she ran off barking.  I fed the chickens, and changed all the trough and bowl waters outside, and even walked up to the mailbox and back.  I picked a good big sheaf of lespedeza, which has went to brown seed, and brought it back to the chickens.  Charlotte and Minion had both congregated by the water trough, and did a loop about the little garden area with me - but no indication of Minerva.

We got ready to go out to our  grocery shopping, and I really would have liked her in by then.  But she wasn't.  I was quite quiet while we were out, because I was hoping to see her when we got home and trying not to worry so much - but I do, I am the worrier.  We got back from our grocery shopping, and put everything away, and she finally did show up.  I was relieved - just like I had pictured myself being if I went up there before we went to the store and she had been there.  We gave her some bread and she said one of her teeth hurt.  After I tore it up into smaller bits, she ate it - and then she wanted back outside.

 I made some soup for myself, and have pulled some of the frozen cabbage out of the freezer.  Mark said his brain bounced when he asked me what I wanted with hamburger and I said maybe I could use a little bit of it in a dish with that.  I think I'll use some of my guajillio chiles with it.  I just don't digest hamburger as easily as he does - and even worse in the past few years.  We are Jack Sprat and his wife - he can't handle the grease in it, and I can handle the grease much better than I can handle the meat itself.  Give me split peas or lentils or beans or eggs for my protein - peanut butter, a big dollop of butter, mixed with a bunch of rice and some fruit or bananas - and I've got a good diet working.  

Someone who lives in Barcelona visited the other day at work - and I really had to just refrain myself because I could have went full ADHD explosion with questions and comments and I felt imposter syndrome from learning different languages - and I didn't know her, my boss did  - and it was better really that I just went back to my office.  I really am interested in Barcelona, and the Catalan language, and the areas near there Marseilles and Cote de Nice etc etc.. but the question 'why?' I can't really answer - because I saw it in a dream, and then in our driving game, and each time I see the language Catalan) it feels like I can handle it so much better than Spanish, through the French side of my brain - but I haven't had a good chance to hear it etc.  She didn't speak Catalan she spoke English, Spanish and Portuguese, or maybe I would have actually asked her a few more questions. 

but I play one on tv

 Agh, dealing with some imposter syndrome with the to do list - because my usual form of 'organized' does not live up to this version, and yet I'm the one doing it - and keeping up with the trash and the laundry even out of the dryer, and watering the houseplants and getting the dog food and all of the things... but it feels like I'm not an organized person (not like this) I just play one on tv, and there will come a day here where I don't want to do the list and I'll say 'see, I told you so.'  

And yet, I'm the one arguing with myself to open that list and do the things on it, as well.  They're not all bad!  They're things that need to be done!  You haven't even looked!  ADHD type tendencies, and I've fought them in different more organic-feeling ways for a long time.  

I even remembered to buy postage stamps today - even though I hadn't put them on the list.  I just THOUGHT about putting them on the list, but didn't want to 'commit' to it... because I keep forgetting it when I'm at the place and time (my postal route office) where I should be buying it.  But today I left the office and was headed to the second half of my route and made myself turn right back around *eep* and go into the front of the office and buy stamps.  After more than a month of saying 'It will have to be next week now, since the office closes at noon'... I'm not sure how to feel about that.  I did it, but it isn't a victory.  It's sort of a 'that really doesn't sound like you, you sure it was you?' moment.  I didn't really feel like me doing it, either.

I've thought about what I'll accept for the 'clean one thing' and still arguing that - yesterday I just dusted a shelf and I wasn't sure if that was legit.   What good is telling yourself to do something if you allow yourself to cheat at it - but then that is the basis of most weight loss goals and habit-breakers, right?  More to think on there, too.

Some processing to happen there.  I have to think about it.  It's good that I'm getting the things done.  They need to be done.  I just don't feel like it's exactly me doing it - but sort of one-and-a-half time travelling me, telling me to do it, arguing with present me about what future me will feel about this.  And future me is really confused.  Maybe I'm not looking far enough ahead - maybe that future me already got through this part.  I'm planning the budget out past next March as well, and this present me really hopes that I'm getting things right.  Anxiety is sort of spread around to all of those things.

 

I made the rice flour omelet again today - and the recipe wasn't that far off from my 'instinct' recipe the other night.  It's a great way to use up eggs, since our chickens lay about five to eight every single day and there are just the three of us.  I give away a lot at work, but still I want to have them used up in good ways.  Same with the rice flour -  I have that whole bag of brown rice flour in the freezer that needs to be eaten, and I'm the only one to eat it.

 

3 eggs, beaten with 1 tablespoon of white sugar, bit of salt, and then 1/2 cup of brown rice flour beaten into that.  Let it sit for a minute.  Heat up about a 2 to 3 inch circle of peanut oil in a large pan.  I used too small of a pan the other day.  Hold the pan up and let the oil drift over the entire inner surface - then toss a droplet of water in.  When the water crackles, I beat the egg mixture again and poured it into the pan.  When the center began to puff up a little I used the turner and turned the whole 'pancake'/'omelet' over.  Last time it was very messy, this time it was pretty good.  I let the entire omelet cook a bit more and then put it on a plate, with peanut butter and red chili paste.  It wasn't too sweet this time - last time I put more sugar than that in it and a bit of honey on top of it as it cooked - and didn't measure the rice flour.

 

Went further in the Duolingo math, but still did French and need to do the Japanese review today.  I caught up with my WaniKani reviews finally...  

 

Discussion with Esme the other day - I've said this before but I told her it again - it is wherever you go, there you are - but expanded to explain that means you're the one that is there, and there are things that you need to do, and you're the one that is there to get you to do them - no one else is there 100% of the time with you to remind you or push you, so the important thing is YOU - you've got to find that thing inside yourself (your will) to carry with you all the time, to do the things, because then you know they will get done when they need to.  

bits

 It's been a harder past couple of days with anxiety, but I'm keeping it on the leash mostly.  I made a big pillow on my sewing machine and brought it to work so I can sit in the middle of the room on break for a few minutes and that helped the other day (sans pillow) and a bit today, as well.  I'm actually doing really well on everything - my hEDS is being tolerable, just knee and hip and etc. but things pop back where they should be - our budget is tight but it looks like it will work out if I can just get everybody to stay on board.  So, there isn't any real 'reason' for the anxiety, like usual actually,  but as I told Esme sometimes none of that matters and it is just a brain chemical / hormone thing that you have to stand outside of yourself for a moment and say 'what is this going on?' and do the best you can with it.  I am trying to read less online news, because right now that really sucks it seems to be very doom-filled and I've brought a book to read instead.

 

We had a really good freshman psych- level talk about brain chemicals, dopamine and realizing your habits and goals from the 'outside' as well as from the inside with the body chemicals sometimes training you without you intending them to.  Esme brought up school students she knows that have some issues with this and also with anger responses to not getting their dopamine ie: no phone or video game or etc.  She's paying attention.  I told her often you have to outsmart yourself on those things - train yourself to the good things, like maybe a language or a todo list or congratulating yourself for a good grade etc. but also to be on the watch for other people because you can't control what they do etc. 

 

Studying Spanish, Lithuanian, French, Japanese and Catalan.  And I started the Spanish lesson before the anxiety set in.  I also started the Duolingo Math path today and it was interesting.  I tried the Chess thing a few weeks ago, and found it juvenile at first - but might try it again after a bit.

 

Tried to make rice flour omelet last night, and put a bit too much sugar in it.  I'll try it again tomorrow - having some rice with oily fish tonight while everyone else has hamburgers.  Postal route tomorrow, and the mornings are getting colder.  This week was the first return to automatic savings in my 401K as well. 

Nac ydy.... ydw rwan

 The to do list is working, although a bit ... what is the best word for it... reluctantly?  reticence?  skeptical?  I can sit here and think I'm not gonna do it, etc.. and then there's a good chance somewhere I will get the spark I need and get up and go get it done.  All except typing up that story - so far.  Nac ydw (no I'm not), ydw rwan (yes now)

I even added 'drink one extra cup of water' to the list today, and 'clean one thing' - both to repeat daily.  We'll see how THAT goes.  *peer hard at self*  After cutting all of my split ends off the other day I picked up a new shampoo, and am working on the damage in my hair.  And I cleaned the back shelf of the bathtub all around - in addition to washing the floor towels and rugs.  Have studied Lithuanian and French and Japanese - and done kanji every night - except tonight - which I need to go kick myself into gear.

 Made some ground mustard seed two days ago and have been putting it in our meals and on top of my rice at lunch with some ground cashews that were sitting in a container unused for more than a month.   Made a rice-noodle stir fry tonight with vegetables out of the freezer and eggs, and Mark had made some ground beef and gave us a portion of it to put into it.  That was quite good.  I didn't use the tomato I have set aside for tonight - but that is something I will forward to tomorrow or cut and freeze.

 The budget is something I am being more strict on after two unexpected purchases already this month - one a car registration that came due and the other something that is now earmarked as a birthday present for two months from now for Mark, but he had to pounce on to get it now.  *small sigh*  But I am trying hard and our grocery run the other day was reserved.

OK, off to do the little budget work I need to do and my kanji, and put the clothes in the dryer before bed. 

to-do or not to-do

 Well, the new to-do list application really shows what I'm willing to put myself to task to, and what I'm much more likely to swipe to the next day.  I even went out and washed the windshield of the car because I had put it on my list earlier in the week.  That is one of those things I just don't do because by the time I think of it, I am far from the place and then when I am at the place, I don't think of it.  I did the laundry, AND got it into the dryer AND folded it and put it away.  I watered the plants.  I made rice one day and then finished it all up in different meals.  I did the budget entries and analysis, without putting them in the to-do-list, but remembered I should do them because I looked at the to-do-list and asked myself what I was missing.  I did all the language lessons - even the kanji lessons that I had been ignoring for a while.  

 However, I did not retype the short story that was written on paper in the tiny font.  Yea, have to think on that one again.  I actually forwarded it yesterday, and then today, decided it is probably not getting done anytime soon even if it is on the list.   It is a bit like being an anthropologist studying myself.

So, French, Japanese and Lithuanian today, and the postal route of course.   

Sliding towards the weekend

 I've done a lot on my to do list - and tomorrow is the postal route.  I've done Lithuanian, French, Greek and Japanese on my language lessons, with a good healthy dose of Kanji.  Esme was doing compound interest equations in her math, and that took a while, but she got done.  And then we went and compared her two choices for college, again, and looked at the program curriculum.  I wish my hours weren't quite as rigid - but she has a school break coming up and with the little car working (at the moment) maybe her dad can take her to do a few things that can only be done during regular business hours - driver's license test and visiting the nearby schools.

 

I did put on my list to retype my Amelia story - but I didn't get around to that.  I kick myself that I didn't send it to myself in an email instead of writing it out longhand on a piece of paper.  I have the paper, but I was using a small hand that day and now I have to get a good light to read it.

 

Can I use this to do list app to get myself to do more of my writing?  I've done several more of the 'outside' languages lately because of it.  They only take a few minutes each to keep me up to practice, but I often don't get around to them.  Czech and Romanian, especially, my spelling gets awful the longer I am away from it.  I didn't do any Welsh today.  I found a trial lesson of Lithuanian beyond the vocabulary lessons I've been doing - and tried that.  I don't know what algorithm I had fallen afoul of the past week - that had hundreds of 'people' (probably ai crawler visits) reading these notes and random, but have broken out of it now!