Le Vide?

 Saw that the French nickname for this part of the year is the void (le vide) and yes, I've experienced the 'what day is this anyway' already.  Because, two days off is something I just don't get anymore, much less two days off, two days on, and another day off!  So I woke Friday night and had no idea what was going on or what I should be doing Saturday morning.  Even though I do the postal route every Saturday.  What is this.. Saturday?  What is time?  Where am I, even?

Enough of that.  Studying a lot more Latvian, using bern istaba and tuta lietas, ba ba dum and baltoslav.  I often forget the names of those things and can only remember the flavor - so I post here what they are so I can look it up again later.  I love Tuta's style - and my daughter just recently noticed the hats.  Why does she have an airplane in her hair?  So I had to explain it to her.  

One of the most useful things towards learning is to have the subtitles on in Latvian, stop it, open up a second window, try to type the word I saw (without peeking) and then find out the translation of it.  I have to remember the word and remember what was said about the word, find out the translation, then try to relate it back to what I heard - quickly, and then maybe replay the sentence or wait until the next time they say the word again with better knowledge of it.  It is very real learning.  When I am playing baltoslav in Latvian, after studying a lot on ba ba dum in Lithuanian, I stop and three-point-translate the words that are different, like 'pillow' is different in Latvian and Lithuanian (a lot of words are almost the same, too) and recognize what the word is in English, Latvian and Lithuanian all at once to make contact points between the languages.  I can feel 'brain burn' during this, like when I started learning Catalan (in Spanish).  It actually feels great :)

I studied Greek on the other platform, and have been improving my Spanish to French score on the third platform.  That contributes perhaps, to 'le vide'.

Other than that we are eating leftovers, and I am trying to clean a thing here or there.  There is always laundry.  I say I won't take down the Christmas tree until after January 5th, but most years I am still forgetting to take it down come April.  

I've planned to go out and spend a gift certificate that was gotten on the postal route from one of my residents.  We don't often go out to restaurants at all, and there is some social anxiety about it.  I talked to E about the social anxiety (and I had a lot of it yesterday morning after giving a gift back to that resident in return, and all the social 'did I do that right' etc. insecurities about that kept me beating myself up for two hours or more) and told her it really helped when my dad finally told me that he did that too.  

The biggest thing is you always feel it was silly and didn't matter that much after it - but when you're inside it, and you can't break out from it, it feels even worse to tell yourself it is silly, it doesn't feel silly.  The only thing that helps, as my dad also said, was to 'plow through' it - do other things that need to be done, find something like a book or music to distract you for a moment - and eventually the 'reverberation' of the anxiety will die down some.  THEN, after it did ease up a little, THEN remind yourself that you made it through to this point, that it feels silly but only after the fact, and that life goes on and things need to be done.  You're the person that is there to do them, and then go do them.

As I said on another site : Some days I have to remind myself that it is okay to have difficulty with being a singular entity inexplicably residing in a corporeal form that is adherent to the laws of space and time.  Other days, I have to just admit that I am (anxious / impatient / annoyed / frustrated) and get myself up and do some chores.

 

Christmas Day

 We put together some 3D printed toys Mark had downloaded and printed.

 

Mark made a roast beef cut and potatoes, and we had the pears that I had made yesterday with pudding.  It was a good dinner, and over by 3:30 pm, and everyone opened their gifts.  Esme and Mark got clothing they needed and snacks and Grandma got some snacks and a blanket and socks.  Esme bought Mark a blanket, as well.  I gave Esme a talking penguin toy, a star projector and we all played a card game that I had bought.  I got coffee and spices and socks.  Mark had found more guajilio chiles for me at the store, which I knew they had according to the website but couldn't find them IN the store.  I also considered buying three plus pounds of pears and the gouda cheese as part of my Christmas gift 'splurging' on food that I wanted. 

 Grandma watched a few shows with us, and then I brought her back home. 

 I have work tomorrow and Saturday.  Studying Greek mostly today, and some Catalan.

 

another of the spice mixes I had in my Christmas presents, with pumpkin seeds, a bag of caramel coffee, seaweed snacks and pistachio pudding :)

 

 

Christmas Eve, 9 years with the green owl

 

Oh, I've still studied twenty plus languages, but these are the top tier and I keep at them on Duolingo... not including Latvian and Lithuanian, which are not on 'the green owl'.. but I'd love it if they were added.  I had made a phone profile to force myself to do more Spanish learning (and Catalan, in Spanish) when I was not at home, so I haven't had that for the full 9 years, more like 3?  I often play the 'all languages' version on Ba Ba Dum.  It throws curveballs at me in Albanian and Greek and Turkish and Chinese etc- which I don't have as much practice in beyond basics, as well as the languages I am studying more - and it shows that my Romanian and Spanish vocabularies are very lacking, my Japanese needs work, my Czech is better than expected, and my Lithuanian and French are the best there. It is one of the two places I can practice the Lithuanian, and the other place is BaltoSlav, which has the Latvian to practice.

 It's Christmas Eve, it is 70 degrees out nearly (I am happy about that) and I'm cooking pears in butter and ginger vanilla sauce.  I'll make a cake tomorrow for it maybe.  Mark has another roast to put in the oven with beef broth and rice for tomorrow.  We will bring Grandma down for an early dinner, as she likes to eat early.

1 qt jar of water, mixed with white sugar, vanilla, a few tablespoons of butter and good powdered ginger.  Brown sugar put over the peeled and halved pears with seeds scooped out.  Heat up the quart jar mixture in microwave, pour over the pan of brown sugared pears, then put in oven at 275 (because Mark had a roast in there already) for a few hours, turning every ten to fifteen minutes.  Save all the liquid - it is excellent syrup!

 I even had to go get some more pears - because they are good.  The greenish ones I've put in the freezer for making something else, after washing and cutting them up into chunks.  I bought some gouda cheese to go with it, and more mozzarella which we usually have.

 

The Christmas Tree is ready, with a few things for everyone under it.

I caught up on the Greek and Japanese today, after doing Catalan and Romanian for much of the week.  Now to do some laundry and cleaning.  Mark said the chickens were checking their wristwatches this morning as I had slept in, but I said no they were checking their 'roost watches'.  
 

 I had asked for some spices this year - and this one was one I didn't put under the tree.  Someone had brought it to work for a cookout months ago and I've been looking to see what store around here carried it ever since.  It is excellent with avocado, just as a topping!

a few photos

 

goat out in the fenced in yard on a very cold morning

she is peeking out from behind the tree 

two dogs out there, too - but you can't see them laying down in the sun in the leaves

an elephant flower pot Mark made on his 3D printer, but he wasn't sure it would hold up to soil and water.  I'm not sure what else to use it for, but it is cute.  That is a tote bag I am crocheting in the background in the box

seared pork with lots of spices on it, and some zucchini added at the end, if I use a sharp knife and cut the meat up into shreds, I can eat it.  The zucchini wasn't quite done enough to mash, but I was able to eat some of it.

 

another picture of the same little goat from about a month ago, she is totally blind in one eye and can see some light in the other, she wasn't supposed to live past a few months old - they didn't think she could get past weaning onto solid food etc.. but she is over four years old now
 

Our unconventional Christmas tree, because when we had the hvac installed this summer the stand went missing and we cannot find it.  Didn't let it stop us - Mark and Esme both said 'Australian Christmas' without hearing the other one say it.  This is the same little tree and ornaments we have had forever, and it is on a switch so I can turn it off at night.

 

Merry Christmas 2024

Grandma and one of her puppies

Grandma came down and had Christmas lunch/dinner with us and watched a few Christmas shows.  Mark made a beef roast with rice and potatoes and sides and cinnamon stewed pears that I made in the toaster oven.  Mark and Esme gave Grandma a huge bag of fudge that they had made three flavors of.

Esme sitting down near the goat's feed dish trying to tell the puppies they don't have to bark at the goat.

The white one (Patches) wanted to eat her hair.  The black one (Tippy) still wanted to bark at the goat.

 

 

Merry Christmas 2024

 

and 12 years ago

So now dark has fallen, I've fed the rest of the animals and it is really still too early to go to bed.  I have the laundry done, and did cleaning yesterday (yay), and I don't want to get quite into that book (but I had time to think about it, bonus!)... so I put a pot of pea soup (snert) on the stove and made a coffee pot full of very strong chai tea which was the last of the chai mix I had made last year.  Mark got me a weighted blanket for Christmas - so it is tempting to go try to take a nap under it... or to sit and play a game for two hours... but as I was laying down for a minute I thought you know what would be really good right now?  Some very savory spicy soup that does NOT come in a can that way.  So, soup it is.  And I went ahead and did some extra language lessons - bite-sized ones. I've done Japanese and French today.

 

Lyffan's nose is cold

 

Lyffan says her nose is cold.  She's curled up at the foot of the bed here.  Mark and Esme made lots of fudge today - chocolate and cashew flavors.  They're thinking of doing a white chocolate/maple version tomorrow.  I ran lots and lots of post office packages today.  My left hand is telling me just how much.  Of course that is after yesterday plus today on top of that.  And I started at 8 this morning and ended at about 4 both days.  Have to get myself into the office job to work tomorrow, and sometime find a way to look at the brake fluid in the little car when it is 1.) daylight and 2.) I am not at work.  But it has now been the Winter Solstice and the days should get longer, right?  

Time for me to curl up in the bed as well, if Lyffan will make some room for me.  Catalan (section 2 version) and French (phone version) today.  I dreamt of an incredible artist studio visit last night - went through sketchbooks, and listened to a lot of people talking about their work and saw them working on things.  But then of course, just a dream.  I would like to sketch some things but I haven't actually picked up pencils for more than phone doodling in a few months.

Slogging through it

 Slogging through it.  Christmas mail that is - but we got a little lucky today that one of the trucks did not come and we only had a regular load today, instead of the double-Christmas loads we have been having.  And it will not affect tomorrow, because of the kind of truck it was (although, we can deliver some of it if we want it isn't the Sunday priority stuff).  But yes, I still have to go do some more packages tomorrow, and work on Monday, and then two days off - of everything, I think ... I'm not entirely sure, but it will be nice if it is.  I've almost told myself that I need to make some madeleines and work on my Ruby book if I have Christmas Even off  ... but I'm not committing to that.  Because, I'm tired.  And it sounds nice but still...    I got up too early today - and left somewhat early.. and tomorrow I don't need to be there until eight, and I will probably still get up too early, as I just am in the habit of that time now and sleeping in sounds fun in theory but in practice it hasn't happened often.

Switched over to Catalan for a bit again, as I kept doing my phrases in half-French Latin again at work without realizing it - just that patois of things like 'it is not that' n'etre se quoi or just n'etre ) and 'there's another one of those', and 'get a move on already (imperata se quoi) actually something like 'move yourself or what')' and 'it fell down' (tomber est ce que)... They roll off my tongue so easily and I can tell what they meant but it is quite hard to write them down or translate.  The one was otra se te quoi - meaning 'there's another one of those' which was close in meaning but definitely a mix of two languages (patois).  And je ne sais jamais quoi : I've never known that?  So, I thought it was time to switch over and since the French is so high level on my computer and getting there on my phone for some reason I segued into Catalan instead for some review.

The really funny thing is - Catalan is only available on Duolingo 'from the Spanish side' - as in, it thinks you are a Spanish speaker and all of the other text is in Spanish.  And now - without changing any other settings anywhere else - I'm getting Facebook ads and spam emails to my Google mail in Spanish. *roll eyes*  Oh yay, the interconnected web.

Trying to stay awake until at least eight p.m. tonight as I don't need to clockin tomorrow until eight.  I still need to check the brake fluid in the little car that had a warning light come up - but as soon as I got home (in the mail truck) from the route today I started eating, and then made dinner for everyone, and then ate some more.  Then I had a nosebleed, and decided a steamy bath was in order.  Doing laundry, and languages, and then maybe it will be time for bed.

I haven't even cleaned off the little tree and ornaments and put it up - but I do have some gifts wrapped up.  It's been really hard to shop for anything with my schedule, but I've gathered a few things and the family has bought some other things that they wanted during grocery trips, a few games and computer stuff.

Quests for Humans

 It's been busy weeks - on top of busy weeks.  The cold let up a little - we're getting some rain but hopefully no ice overnight.  Got the little car's heater fixed.  Mark had his birthday - I gave him some clothing and some candy that Esme and I had picked out when we got propane one day.  He watched a lot of the cartoons and movies he likes - and ordered some things for his computer that is only just now arriving.  

It doesn't feel like Christmas will be here in a few weeks.  I've only bought a few things and to be completely honest - I never even took the little tree down last year. It's still up from LAST YEAR.  But it does need to be taken down and cleaned and the lights replaced and put back up.  If I can figure out time that I have ambition that isn't used for making dinner and laundry and existing.  I've come home and just sort of collapsed on the couch for a while and not been very conversational a few times.  That isn't really my style - It's been a bit like the epitome of 'flattened'.. edging back towards human at the end enough to eat and talk.  Usually my style is to come home and eat a huge pile of food and chat way too much until I deflate from the anxiety of the day and then ease back down from the high-tension end of the slide into normal.  I've had fewer of the 'keep doing what needs doing but anxiety of single being in a single timeflow with multi-dimensional timeflow thoughts that I can't process so I stick them down in the box all day until it overflows' type of days.  But I'm not sure if this is better or not - the 'I've kept doing all that needed doing but my 'brain box' is only full of dead space - no brain, no thoughts, just 'stop' or 'go' and now that I've stopped I'm flattened' feeling is a bit worse.  I guess other people would explain that as : 'I'm tired'.  But I guess that is proof I do still have those multi-dimensional thoughts when I start to think about it... when I'm not so tired.

Today I pushed on and after work went to the bank (hard quest, it closes less than a half hour after I get out of work, about a half hour drive away from bank), feed store (also closes an hour after bank does, but only fifteen minute drive away from bank), then another store for Mark and the grocery store, and then home.  I am really glad the little car made it through all those stops.  When the mail truck was having trouble with its battery that was an ever-increasing anxiety making multiple stops without running the truck long enough to charge the battery in between.  Quests for humans, indeed... with difficulty settings.

Not to mention it gets dark so early now.  And is extremely dark and cold and sometimes icy in the mornings.  It could be worse.  I don't want it to be.  Boss was ranting to me about somebody taking days off and going to be fired for missing work - and I told her my anxiety stack is still on all the ice days of previous years and I can't say one word one way or the other about anyone else because I'm just doing my best to be there every day and anxiety about what will happen if/when the weather changes.  She tried to assure me that I can't control the weather.  Yea.  That is what worries me.

I called all of our errands and my work days 'quests for humans' the other day to Esme - as she helped us get groceries with Grandma, and propane.  I told her it feels like that sometimes, like ticking off parts on some video game quest until you get all the bits done - but then it's just done for that day, and it rolls back around the next day starting all over again.  I had a very very busy postal route the other day, but not so much I couldn't get it done.  I'm wondering what this weekend will be like - Christmas packages et al.  This is the time of year they used to call in some help.  I used to be that help, on the weekdays - but now I am at the office job during the week.  Last Saturday they said that they were surprised I finished it all without needing help, but I said I didn't know they were providing help yet, so I pushed through and got it done - by continuously telling myself during the day : 'It's not going to help to sit here and stare at it - up, onward, get it done' over and over until it got done.  Thus: the quests for humans.  There is a book I keep seeing that is close to that name but it isn't quite the same emotion.

And I feel like my hips, knees, ankles, fingers and wrists are all clicky at the moment - it could be worse, don't want it to be.  It's like my muscles are made of toothpicks bound together with lots of rubber, and the toothpicks are clicky and shifting around and hoping they don't break.  I am glad the weather has been good - hope that continues to be.  Just keep getting home from work, dinner, head to bed after a bit.  I played the game a few days (Sims 3) and it still feels like I've just wasted most of that time.  I discovered how some things work again - without going and looking things up - but still, it got nothing done in the real world.

I've sent out several copies of my Mikki Mack book to people - sold one locally, and still need to find a way to get the rest of the stack to the local gallery.  They are open later on Fridays (or, at least they used to be) so I might have to take up that 'quest for human' mentality and just push push to have that be something I want to get done so I make sure it gets done.  At the office job that is how I make things work - just push push and when I stop to breathe for a minute line up the next stack.  Same thing with the postal route.  Same thing with lots of things, it's the only way I keep the balls in the air.  I'm just still adjusting to that weird feeling of stopping and there isn't new material coming in from all sides of my brain that has nothing to do with the task at hand or minimal tangents.  It's like missing an old friend that don't hardly get any time to spend with, except the old friend is my creative side which is asleep in a chair in the corner.

Languages - lots of Japanese.  A little bit of Czech.  Not a lot else.  The Japanese on my highest Duolingo profile is actually getting into new words FINALLY.... why has it taken so long?  It really has.  And I do like the little yomu yomu app that has short conversations or stories to listen to.  The Czech language app is a bit annoying in that it is supposed to recognize your speech and there are so many things I cannot come close to pronouncing (acc. to the app) but yet I feel like I understand them and am saying them as best I can. 

Christmas 2023

 

I haven't been taking Christmas pictures, but letting everyone open their presents organically and just spending time.  I made a few cards after lunch today, and read some of the book Esme got me for Christmas.

Had finally finished up those fingerless mitts a few days ago, that had been started a year ago! They're too big, but they are complete and they do fit, just loosely. It's so warm I don't really need them right now! So with these needles free I had started a simple ribbed hat pattern, size 6 dpns, 100 stitches give or take... 1 x 1 ribbing - and I always make the hat a little too small or a little too short so I think I'll keep this one by my desk and do a little 'overkill' on it, a bit too big perhaps, and longer -- some of my instincts say to mix a somewhat-clash color with it, like Navy Blue, and then it will be 'a real thing' compared to just a plain straight color. It is supposed to get colder again after a week or so - and since I keep having to put my other hat from last year back on after it slips off my head - I thought another hat might perhaps be a useful item if it turns out better than that one. Accounting myself to stop knitting so my hands will be in good shape tomorrow... Is six o'clock too early to go to bed? Considering the dogs wake me up multiple times in the night and wake-up time is before six in the morning, it is probably okay.

 

I have a big route tomorrow, and not my usual one - and we expect it to be heavy.

I need to go fold the laundry and go to sleep, probably.

 

 Our Minion cat already has gone to sleep on my desk - although I had to evict her out of a baseball cap she had claimed... put this ten year old scarf on the desk out of a bag hanging on the wall and she eventually accepted it.

 

Grandma Irene came down for lunch, we made pork roast and I made a butter cake with ginger-syrup poached pears beside it. The pears were a bit soft, but better than too hard. We did a few small presents, something for each of the family members to wear, a book, candy - and a little something else for Esme. She got a game she wanted on the computer, and there is an art item coming in the mail for her soon. I bought her a book by Erin Hunter, which she had previously missed I think, by her reaction.

I've still been doing French language this week, maybe one or two lessons for something else, but switch back and majority of French. I've done a little drawing, mostly for thank you and New Year's cards.

I also need to order the next proof of my book soon so I can get it looked over and push the button to order print copies.  

 

 

 

2023 Christmas Eve

 

Merry Christmas 2019

Everyone is safe from the Yule Cat this year, new shirts and socks.  Grandma got a knitted triangle shawl I made since Thanksgiving, some socks, and a book I hope she will like.  I had a local shop embroider 'powered by redstone' on a hoodie for Esme, and she really liked the font they used.  Mark and Esme hunted down a black shirt for me and Grandma found some really cool knitted fingerless gloves and a hat that actually matched it well (without her knowing it did). 

We got Esme the game she wanted for Minecraft Story Mode season two, and some in-game perks she wanted to buy.  Overall,  we kept it really simple.  There is a tankless water heater we are going to install that will bring our electric bill way down we hope.

Christmas 2018

 a soft blue blanket she loved at the store

 Kif and Tansy and Hazel (in the chair) are with Grandma and Esme mugging for attention and ear scratches

 The art easel box that we bought from Grandma this year, Esme loves it!  It was empty but I filled it up with all of my art supplies that she can't usually find but it allowed to use.

 A spitting Minecraft llama

 Minecraft Lego and a keeper case (also from Grandma), we also bought her some Minecraft pajamas and a t-shirt from us this year.. so it was a very Minecraft Christmas as well as a Dinosaur one.

 

Rex is growing!

 A  very Dino Christmas!

 refrigerator art

 Mark and Esme looking over the art box.  I braided her hair last night wet and took it out this morning and it really looked pretty, as well.

 A few weeks ago we sent the letter to 'Sion Corn', the Welsh Santa Claus, since I am learning the Welsh language.  I jokingly asked Esme what she wanted to ask Sion Corn for Christmas, and she jokingly returned (while in the produce department at the grocery store), a watermelon.  So, the night before Christmas Eve I bought a watermelon and wrapped it up in the middle of the table from 'Sion Corn'.  She was surprised - thought it was a bowling ball!,.. but also she really liked it and the chickens loved the scraps, too.

These are the 'Tea Rex' and 'Tea-ceratops' tea caddies I designed on SCAD and Mark helped me print on our 3D printer.  I really wanted a little caddy that would hold a few of each flavor out to see on the counter.  Esme said to put the silhouettes facing each other, so they could say 'RAR' at each other all day long.

Meet Kif, and Dinosaur Christmas Tree

We dug out our Christmas tree tonight and had fun making a Dinosaur Extravaganza of it... all of these little ornaments are things we have made or collected in the past few years, and of course, our collection of plastic and vinyl dinosaurs.  I bought a new one tonight and tied it to the top of the tree as a tree topper!



It was a Spinosaurus.. so I had to get it and couldn't call it a Christmas Present to anyone but myself, so up on the tree it went!

We have not found our dog Freckles.  But, somehow, this skinny dog was in our garden the other night and Mark left food out for him as he wouldn't come to us.  Then the next day Mark convinced him to come inside to the warmth and more food.. and now it has been a week or more and he has a name and is in the routine with the other dogs.  We've called him Kif... after the green space alien guy on Futurama.  For one reason, I said 'poor kid' when Mark told me he was having a hard time getting around the house and then had crashed solid on the couch for hours.. but my phone keyboard came out 'poor kif'... but also, the other reason - it fits him.. he is very polite and worried about things and slinks around most of the time until he is right next to you being very much in your personal space, and then again, he is slinking away to a corner again to make sure he doesn't offend.  He is looking much better than this, already - having gained enough weight back so his ribs don't show.  Rex is doing a good job as a 'big little brother', showing him the ropes, taking him outside (which he needed, as he would rather hunker down and not get up until he needs to, and doesn't really like the stairs, so the first couple of days he had accidents because he was afraid to barrel down the stairs with the other dogs and would rather 'just rest up here' until it was too late.. )  He 's gotten quite a bit better, now.. although he is still hesitant.

We did report him to the shelter as he had a stain of a collar around his neck, but no one has said they were missing him... so, he's staying with us as long as he continues to be a good kid.  We guess he is 1 to 2 years old, and the cats like him but he is getting a little pushy with them now - he must have had a cat at his previous home, because he thinks it is nothing to come up and push them with his nose and sniff them all over and then bark at them if they get hissy about it... and the cats are like 'Wait a Minute - WHO are YOU?'  What do you think you're doing with that Nose?'... That is another habit of his, he likes to put his nose ON you to sniff you.. and snuffle at things like our keyboards and chairs and shoes and etc... he and Rex have gotten in a little trouble pulling some cloth items down to lay and chew on.... taking liberties, but overall for a stray adult dog and one that was starved he is doing very well.

Christmas Tree 2017

This is the first year of Esme's life we have had a 'standing' Christmas tree.  Mark took this out of storage and we cleaned it up and put all of the handmade ornaments on it with some new lights.