more bits

 It's been another week went by and I'm not even sure where it went.  Did some things this week - gardening, shopping, going to work and the feed store, of course.  About to make some classic banana bread that is sort of between what I make for 'well I'll eat it anyway' banana flan stuff and madeleines with banana in them.

 I made 'mac and cheese' last night with gruyere and mini penne pasta.  Esme said it wasn't that different - just pasta and cheese, right?  And I reminded her that one has to make a bechamel sauce first  with butter, flour and some of the pasta sauce, then add the cheese into it.  Mark says if I can make it with white cheddar and American cheese he'll try it.  

I made a pot of lentil soup first thing  this morning.  It was cold, and my stomach hurt from eating a fast food ice cream yesterday - while finishing up our postal route and things were very early etc.  I told Esme that I had to think 'what did I eat that WAS NOT food, yesterday, and then .. oh yes, that'  So I was up at three am even on my day off, but took a bath and drank more coffee, did the dishes and the laundry - and then my stomach felt better after a bit, enough to cook lentil soup, and then get ready to go for shopping in town.

Frozen grated carrots and ginger from a few months ago, frozen onions, 1 cup or so of lentils, some herbs de provence, some black pepper and salt, and some beet greens - all cooked down and then ran through the blender.  I needed that.  There is enough for a few more lunches, too.

 Now to go throw my floor rugs in the dryer and make that banana bread, before I decide not to as dinner will be coming up - but I've already had the butter and eggs waiting on the counter bringing up to room temperature.  I had poked the butter a half hour ago and it was not ready yet.

Chopped up a bunch of yellow summer squash and red bell peppers and onions (all from the store), harvested a few more strawberries and sorrel leaves, checked on other things.  Have been studying French and Czech lately on duolingo, with some Greek and Lithuanian (and Czech and French) vocabulary on baba dum. 

 The banana bread recipe says :

 2 cups mashed banana (ha, you'll get what I've got, which is two small mashed banana)

1 full stick of butter, softened at room temperature

2 large eggs, brought to room temperature

1/2 cup granulated white sugar

1/4 cup packed brown sugar

2 cups flour (that seems a bit excessive, we'll see)

1 tsp of baking powder

1/2 tsp of baking soda

1/2 tsp salt 

2 tsp of vanilla (yea, no, we do one teaspoon, this is strong stuff)

 and it gives no baking time or temperature, so I'll wing it at 375 and watch it for when it turns brown, stick a fork in it and see if it comes out clean 

 

 

 

I've also been playing Mineclonia Minetest, with the Wine Mod and the plant based foods and x farming, 'get comfortable' furniture mod and a few other things - some of the mods clash - Esme says the barrels from the Wine Mod (which also makes cider, beer, rum, coffee liquer etc.) look so out of place.  I like the way the barrels on end make something like cabinets or armoires when stuck on top of the tables.  The get comfortable thing clashes with how I make roofs on my buildings, so I have had to learn a new way to get around it by putting dirt blocks and then placing the stairs on top of the blocks and breaking them back out from underneath.  This has monsters on, and hunger, and the snow biome nearly killed me last night because I fell through the powder snow and didn't know how to get back out with it all falling on me and doing damage -- dig down, and then reach rock, so you can stand on something, and then find a way to get out one direction or the other, always standing on rock and never on snow. Scary though.. like having a whole ceiling of sand and gravel fall on you in original Minecraft.

 One of the other things that has happened is the nearby pillager crew has come out with their bannerman to stare at me.  I put up a two high fence around my area between their huge watchtower and me, and also lined the other side of it with sweetberry bushes, which they will take damage from them.  We'll see if that works. 

 

  

Eggs and lentils

 

We finally got the first egg of 2026 - they hadn't laid any, or the opossums had eaten the rare one they had laid, for many months.  We had went all around the fence tightening things and putting bricks up against the fence any place it was loose.  Perhaps that has helped, some.  The day after the first egg I would have been surprised to see even one more, and there were two eggs that day.  We are still looking at getting more chickens, hopefully more like Speck, our golden chicken above - which I've asked the internet and been told that she was probably something crossed with a Crested Cream Legbar, to become the Olive Egger she was sold to us as.  She lays the more blue egg in the bunch, and we've gotten two of those the last two days and a more green one, as well.  

 

We will need to bring the brooder inside, it has sat outside since last summer but it looks in good condition - the lock and door might need to be looked at to see if there is any rust etc.  And we need to fix the footer barrel it used to sit in.  This is the big handmade cage Mark and Esme made from hardware cloth and a plastic 55 gallon barrel for our hamster and rat years ago but has been used as a brooder for two sets of chicks, as well, since then. It still might be a week or more before we actually look to buy chicks, but then we will be ready and not in a hurry one night to make a place for babies.

the first eggs

Esme and I were experimenting with lentils - red lentils a few weeks ago and I had her try some of the brown lentil vegetable mix I made last night.  She said it was nice - and that she couldn't really tell that much of a difference between the two types, spiced up as I had them.

 The recipe last night was :

1 cup of brown lentils, rinsed

2 cups of water

bit of olive oil, celery seed, black pepper 

minced clove of garlic, and a bit of minced ginger

chopped raw carrots from the freezer

bell peppers and onion from the freezer

half a can of diced tomatoes with italian spices

and after it had boiled for a while and was about half-absorbed, I added a teaspoon of paprika

 I served that beside a typical packet of Spanish rice, so she would have something else to eat if she really didn't like the lentils, but that made a nice combination, too - three quarters Spanish rice to 1/4 lentils mix.  The last time I made Biryani spiced red lentils for her with garlic and ginger and carrots - I served it over rice.  That is supposed to make a complete protein, so it is very good practice.

Mark also made two hamburger patties and split the second one in half so we put that with our meal and French bread.  With meat being so expensive I want to make sure Esme learns to cook the way I did in college and can stretch things and keep dry goods like rice and lentils.  Also, it is a good way to add vegetables and she will eat a lot of them prepared this way.

I put the other half of the lentils mix into a clean quart jar and put a lid and a ring on it, and when it was cooled some, I put it in the fridge to blend up into lentil soup for my lunches this week.  I ate the pea soup all last week with extra vegetables and spices each day and it was some of the best soup I've had in a long time. 

I have a few beans coming up in the windowsill to plant outside when the first frost has passed - and I have been upping my levels on the languages in Turkish and Chinese, German and French.  I haven't touched the Lithuanian all week... a break here and there helps to know what you really know.  Just like the German, it's been years since I actually did many lessons, and I had to re-orient my grammar in it which I have had that specific issue with it before. 

a soup and kick tail

 The first step to making this great soup ALL week long, has been that I made a pot of pea soup on last Sunday, and stored it in a quart jar in the fridge.  That is the standard of a cup of split peas to two to three cups of water, a bit of butter, celery seed, black pepper and a bit of onion, all blended together once it has cooked until the peas are soft.

Then, I took about two to three tablespoons of the slightly solidified pea soup in a container all week with a bit of rice, frozen zucchini, more frozen onions, frozen beet greens that were in the freezer, and garlic parmesan seasoning and black pepper.   I added some water to that at work and made a VERY tasty soup that I kept coming back for.  One of the days I added some spicy seasoning with cayenne, and another I put some furikake rice seasoning in it.  The beet greens were a very small amount in each bowl - but it has used that up VERY well.  The picture below shows the soup with the furikake and sesame seed combination in it.  This is a soup I could eat much more often - and would work very well with what I typically grow in my gardens, beet greens and/or kale, zucchini and summer squashes.

 I also checked the little car today, after it had sat dormant for almost two months.  I've been kicking myself that it wouldn't crank, or it would choke on the fuel pump - it still might.. but it cranked, and it ran really well on my usual 'runabout' trip that makes sure it is not overheating and is working well enough for emergencies.  I was feeling quite bad about letting it go so long with all the cold and the ice storms that really required more maintenance of it... but it wasn't going to get any better for not knowing and I finally kicked my own tail today.

I tried to make gnocchi last night, and it was a learning experience.  I needed to add more flour, as the first batch disintegrated in the water - but the second and third bits that I had put more flour in turned out edible.  Tonight, I made leftover rice with kielbasa, diced tomatoes, garlic and lots of other vegetables, mandarin oranges and an egg for each of us on the side.  We're still trying to stretch to make sure everything works out from the lost wages with the ice storm.

I've been catapulting forward with my German on Duolingo - taking the tests to try to get up to my actual level on my phone, and working at my level on my computer account, in between Japanese and Turkish.

It's time to start the garden - I planted a few little things that I don't know if they will take, and ordered some seeds from the preservation society.  I need to go out and do some more work after the hopefully last freeze on Sunday.  We haven't seen opossums, or eggs though, since we went and tried to fix the fence.   Store-bought eggs work in recipes, but they are definitely not the same as having your own chicken's eggs.

 

rolling

 Getting back in the swing of things, now that the ice is finally gone.  There was even some still on our road this morning and, taking the back road on the way back in, we saw some even this afternoon at 70 degrees.  I'm very glad I didn't try to take the back road route to the highway that other day - I turned around and took the shorter, more hilly route that I had already been over once in a wild ride, because I knew what it looked like and the back road route is longer, a bit flatter but so narrow there is no place to turn around if you come up on something you can't manage.

 We restocked our feeds, and are halfway through restocking our propane.  It will be tighter this month, especially trying to restock, because of the missed paychecks from the ice storm.  I bought eggs for the very first time in a store in what has to be years - because I was going to make some cookies and our hens haven't laid in months - they were laying one every three days or so before this ice storm but of course during it, nothing at all.  Opossums may be to blame - as well, time will tell.  I'm glad to have the chickens themselves mostly healthy and bumping around pecking in their yard as pets, even without eggs.

 Esme had been very worried about her classes at the trade school with the state of emergency and yet their strange attendance policy.  However, it seems like that will work out - and she can catch up.  It took a lot of reaching out and frustration to get them to actually talk to her before she showed back up at the doorstep - which she wanted to know before she got there etc.. but finally the answer was : 'yes, it will be in a way excused because it was weather emergency, but it will still be marked on the papers absent'... I saw her put her hands out and say 'What does that even mean?' to me in sign language.  I agree, kid.  I agree. 

For languages I have been doing mostly Japanese (at the highest level I have reached) and Turkish (low profile, and vocabulary work) and a little vocabulary work in Lithuanian.

Now to catch up on the rest of the things at work - some chores, restock and pinch our pennies for a few weeks until we know everything will work out better and / or the taxes get done and we see our return. 

assemblage of thoughts

1.) keeping all those odds and end vegetables in the freezer and bags of split peas and lentils in the cupboard pay off making big pots of soup to eat during this freeze in.. even if Esme and Mark don't eat it, I eat it and they can eat the other things.  I just don't actually get to making the pots of soup often enough and when they make dinner I usually eat it with them.

2.) we did the stock up runs last week 'just in case' and just in case did happen - we bought extra goat feed, cracked corn and chicken feed, and we've opened them all.  I should have stocked one extra bag of dry cat food, too.  We have enough because I stocked up an extra stack of their wet food they get every night - but it would run out before the other feeds

Our prep was running after work to what place was open - feed store one day, propane the next day (we stood in line for an hour, luckily did get some), stocked up on a few groceries that day which we are using now - Esme found the very last gallon of whole milk at that time the store had - and we are using it - and the store was out of almost all kinds of bread and many vegetables already - next day hunt for bread and a few other things, got one loaf, next day : hunt for bread for Grandma and a case of water, dropped her off one loaf from the same place we got one the day before, which we used just a little bit when the power was out and the well was off.  

used : both containers of ready-to-mix pudding I bought, Esme's ramen, frozen biscuits, bacon, split peas, all the cookies, baking powder

could have used but then found some in our storage : quart jar rings!  and we need to find the propane adapter for the bottle - we didn't need to use the camp stove this time around but we came close , I filled all four clean quart jars we had with water and put rings on them and put them in the room with the propane heater in case we really did get to a bad level with our water.  we wished we had filled up the two five gallon buckets and set them in the bathtub (our bathtub does not hold water long-term) although we had filled about six gallon containers and used three of them before the 9 hour power outage ended.  We were SO lucky to not have pipes burst.

glad to have had in storage : brown lentils, whole wheat flour, regular flour 

3.) Mark and Esme aren't eating the soda bread, either - but I am.  I've had it every day since I made it in some way or other.  I had put half of it, sliced, in the freezer, and put that in hot soup today.

4.) when I'm studying lots of languages together, my facebook has NO idea nor my pinterest - they're picking it up somewhere as a cookie or something, and then my ads and recommendations are in all sorts of wild languages.  Interesting, but also eyebrow raising.

5.)  you'd think I'd start editing one of my books, yea, you'd think that

6.) did start a weaving, made a washcloth, finished a rug, and cleaned part of the upstairs

7.) did the budget for the next few months being pessimistic because I have missed a week of work and I know we will need to be even more careful

8.) reminded myself that risking vehicle, life or limb is the worse of those situations, multiple times, and of course I still beat myself up about it every few hours

9.) audited my knit items that I've made that I was told by many 'you'll never use that' etc... yea, ta-da, using all of it, thank you.  It's not time wasted.  The shawl that took months to finish, wrapped around me right now.  The other little shawls that were 'why do you need that?' one of them is in my bed as an extra shoulder cover at night.  The gloves that took weeks, each pair, EXTREMELY useful, and when one is wet the other one is ready.  The rugs and small wraps and slipper socks and hats and scarves.  I've got them, and I know how to use them.  The queen sized knit striped blankets I spent more than a year making - four of them - one for each of us and one for grandma - we each have one on our beds right now and are using them.

10.) staring at my garden seed trays that I never planted much out of last year, but did use the things I did plant

11.) Mark has grown an absolutely enormous and lovely aloe vera crown from the bits he took off my plant upstairs that is still struggling to live

12.)  Turkish, Polish, Czech, Japanese, Lithuanian/Latvian, French, and that guy in the podcast assures us that if we don't focus on just one language for an extended period of time we'll never learn it.  Spock Eyebrow.

13.) If we had breeding goats they'd be dropping tons of babies right now - seeing it all over the feed, quadruplets, quints, sextuplets, etc. etc.. one goat is a lot, and fifteen chickens - and I don't spend quite enough time with them as it is. 

14.) We are thinking about getting a few more chicks this year because of the aging out of the flock we have - and winter hardiness was always a big point for us - the Sapphire Gems have done fairly well, still have four out of the six but the two that we lost a few years ago were one right after the other.  The Cinnamon Queens have been the best.  I feel sorry for my little Americaunas sometimes so much smaller than the others, except the yellow one, Speck, which might have been a cross over from another box, because she grew up an entirely different color and size than the others.

 15.) lots of notes, what we need to stock up on again, budget, reminders for later etc.

 16.) ribboning the extra whole fresh carrots and putting them in the freezer from the meal a few weeks ago worked great - the last of that went in the soup today.

17.) when the soup is nearly overboiling on the stove, the celery seed smells strongly *ha* 

split peas

frozen bits of bacon, onion, summer squash, carrots, ginger,  

 bit of olive oil

celery seed

 black pepper

small bit of 5 spice powder

water

boil long until the split peas are well mushed

blend it all up, put up a quart jar to cool and then in the fridge

eat the rest

*eating the rest* 

 

  

Sing the Golden Path

Sing the golden path

what else can you do? 

in this space between winter and spring

it is not foolish to dream

of the flowers in winter

only to expect them

to suddenly appear

 

 

 

rolling

 It's been a hard couple of weeks - was trying to heal up from that knee I smashed up (it is finally scabbing over enough not to break open, but I still wince whenever I kneel on it, which for some reason, I can't stop doing at least once every few days), and the dental plate caused a soreness and stiffness in one side of my face that I was worried about for a while, but finally has went back down just as it had done before.  *sigh*  I've been taking the plate out as soon as I can at night, and on Sunday I didn't put it in for more than a few hours because it was finally feeling better.  Advil and antiseptic rinse and turmeric/curry powder milk just before I go to sleep.  The hard thing is I don't like to take any pain reliever too much - so even taking three or four single pills during a 24 hour day is a LOT for me - but I was able to see the difference and know that it was helping.

 

Charlotte and Minerva, watching me cook

My anxiety was really up because of that, but I've been running through my 'brain routine' to make sure I don't miss anything and to take care of what I can before it adds to my latent anxiety - and that helps a LOT, really.. it does.  When you can get something that would be a worry taken care of, it helps with the bit that just won't smooth down no matter what.  And it helps to see the difference, between something you can fix and something you have to wait out.

I read part of a book the other day - it was just so cold I spent half the morning in bed, because I could.  Every other day I've been running, work, errands, postal route.  But, Esme is really liking her college courses and work at the office job has been rolling and getting that done which it needs someone to get it done.  Told Esme that is a big thing - show up, do what needs to be done without waiting for people to stick up their finger and say 'shouldn't you be doing...' and don't put things off because they stack up and then it will be even harder to keep it all balanced and working after that.  Rest in between when you have run through the whole list and know that you've done all that you can do right now.  I also showed her my unique budget 'program' language that I have worked out the next two months in to help myself remember to account everything.  She said she actually understood it, that it was logical.

 We've also had what I would swear was a fifteen lb. opossum in the hen house - and maybe the thing that blinded my one green-egg layer a month or so ago.  I bruised him up pretty good with a hand tool and threw him out in a box he was hiding in - but I didn't actually do that much damage because he ran off and up a pole and out across a tree quick as lickety split, and then the dogs went off chasing him into the woods.  I only have the one chicken out of the twelve hens that are left that is laying an egg every two or three days - I don't know if that is the only egg we find and they are getting the rest or if that is the only egg that is being laid because of the cold.  I want to protect them better than that but I looked all over where I saw him go and couldn't find a hole in the netting or the fence - like he melted through it somehow.  I've sprayed white vinegar out there in that place and another I saw one melt through fence four or five months ago on the other side.

Now, it thinks it will snow sometime this week.  I don't need that.  We have a bit more animal feed and propane to get before that happens. Tomorrow will be a bit stressful with that run after work but once that is done we are at that 'what will be will be' state again. 

I've made pancakes, and curry, and orange chicken, red lentils and flatbreads, and bean soup and am researching using a rice cooker to cook my adzuki beans.  I showed Esme how to peel ginger when making the red lentil dish, but the 1 cup to 3 cups of water was too much for it, so half of that meal became soup.  I will have to work on that recipe now that I have the red lentils again, made a special trip to the other grocery store to get them.  I made 'seven spice' with star anise, cinnamon, cloves, black pepper, fennel, coriander and yellow mustard seed.  I had looked at all the five spice mixtures available to me and found none that I liked as much as the one that I am almost OUT of...*sigh* - I had all the spices, so I just used my coffee grinder and made a batch.

For languages, I've studied such a mixed bag it is almost funny - French, Spanish, Lithuanian/Latvian, Japanese, Czech, Russian, and Polish. 

Just a bit

 I'm trying to get over a little nose congestion and have it not go to my chest.  I've had that problem all my life - Fargo was the worst with the wind and cold - but I still get it here in Tennessee once in a while, too.  Basically, I've been told, my sinuses aren't quite right but it would take a lot to make them 'right' and they probably wouldn't stay that way, so learn how to deal with it.  I eat a lot of soup and drink a lot of tea.

I made pea soup this morning with garlic and onions and clove spice, and drank it all straight down.

I've been studying Greek, trying to increase that score from 15 to 16 - and also doing Spanish-->French and French-->Spanish on my phone, and caught up on a few lessons of Russian today after watching a big cat handler's Youtube again with Esme and pointing out that I could understand some of what she was saying.  My Duolingo scores on the French-->Spanish and Spanish-->French are both sitting at 10 and 11, respectively.  My English-->French score is just hovering under 70, and I know that could be improved but the grammar is getting into 'you have to study now' territory.  I'm still using the free version, as well.  And I was surprised to see my Russian score materialize today also at 11.  They didn't have those scores back when I did the free A-level Busuu course and then caught up some practice on Duolingo. 

Found a little red photo album from my early childhood and posted a few pictures for my sister to see, and to try to figure out who the people were in them.  I was really originally looking for what the linoleum looked like in our house when I was a child - because I could remember it almost exactly.  I picked out an image on Google that I was sure was it - and when I found the picture in the album, yes, *pat on back* it was exactly the same pattern.  Those sort of things stick with you when you have a photographic memory.  I remember my mother being upset that I would trace such patterns with my fingers, and especially the mirroring in it was something I was fascinated with.  Come to discover later that patterns and dyslexia mirroring things were a big part of how my brain works - little surprise!

 

 

I was also doing my Lithuanian / Latvian vocabulary - on baba dum only Lithuanian is available and on Baltoslav both are.  I was finding it useful to look away from the screen on ba ba dum and hear the word, 'spell' it in my vision, and then look and see if the word was what I thought it was before trying to match it to the picture I also thought it should be.  BaltoSlav doesn't have pronunciation, but Google translate has gotten much better at pronouncing Latvian, and I've been watching some more Tuta's Lietas as well for that.

 Still no actual USE for these languages other than my brain works much better and less stress fully with this 'in all the boxes' than with remembering 50,000+ items in inventory per department in the hardware store I worked at.   

bits

 We took hours insulating the washing machine wall the other day - but it got done.  Esme had to test a lot of her measuring and cutting skills - and we had to keep pressing through until every step was done the way Mark wanted it done.  I smashed one hand a little on something (still can't remember what) and cut myself with the utility knife, but only a little bit.  Mark always says if you don't bleed on a project (jokingly/sarcasm) it wasn't done right.  I was a bit hangry and really wanted to just be done with it - but he kept finding more details for us to do in each layer before proceeding.   I had come home from the postal route and was making soup in the other room in tandem.  It was good soup - turnip, with zucchini, onions and kielbasa.  I made some lentil with pork fat and red bell pepper today, but the turnip soup still won out as much better.  Mark was making a pork roast for him and Esme - I ate about a tablespoon of that with an avocado for dinner.  It is going to get below freezing tonight, and we've gotten the elderly mama cat in - she slept on my lap while we watched StarGate.  

 I haven't run the little car all week, but will have to see what happens tomorrow after work.  We have run the suv and it was doing well.  We did a major animal feed run in it and got the propane bottles refilled.   I am not going to try to take the little car to work tomorrow as I don't need the anxiety of not getting there in time.  That is a big reason we needed another car that was more reliable, but I can't just let the other one sit all the time either, as it needs to be run for it's battery etc.

 I've been trying to deal with the teeth all week and done a fairly good job.  I'm still grinding most things or making them into blended soup - and bread and cookies that have been soaked thoroughly in coffee.  I've mashed up bananas and peaches.  I've still worn the teeth every single day, and I'm down to just a few painkillers a day (ibuprofen), mostly before I put them in the morning and just before I take them out at night.  I'm fearing there might be a tooth shard in that one place that still hurts so much. Once in a while when the plate slips a little trying to bite something, I can feel a hard bit slide on the plate there - and it would be pretty severe if that was my jaw bone doing that in just that one place - but a bit of tooth shard makes a lot of sense.  That would explain things, including a slight swelling just above it that has not went down.  

Why am I not running into the dentist and asking them to x-ray now that I've thought of that?  Because me and my stupid pain tolerance - it isn't quite so bad that I know something is wrong, but it's annoying.  And to me, what is annoying, is probably their 'what can you give me to get it to go away'... like Spock raising an eyebrow in mild annoyance at somebody rushing him with a sword.  I spent an entire summer with a fracture from falling out of a treehouse, because my mom didn't think it could possibly actually be an injury, because I only cried a little right afterward.  At the ER after another injury, the nurse wasn't sure I could possibly be injured because I was laughing uncontrollably - then she saw the x-ray - that one required a splint.  I held a gushing wound closed on a finger cut down to the bone from my house all the way to the clinic and the doctor there could not believe what he saw when I finally took my hand off it - 'have you been holding that shut the entire time since it happened?' Of course I have.  Why wouldn't you?  Then he gave me ten stitches with lots of superglue over them and a splint on that so I wouldn't move it while it healed.  There is still a long white scar on that finger that if someone looks closely at they stop and ask 'what the hell happened there'.  I have another check-up for the dental in a few weeks, but I will keep in mind that there might be something there that needs to be looked at.

My nose DID stop hurting, finally - after being an added torment to the other mouth pain for almost all of the past two weeks.  I can now do the 'bunny rabbit nose' thing without a shooting pain, and the mobility of my upper lip has also returned, which you don't really realize how much that is used in talking, drinking and eating until you have about half-capacity in it (or none) and that still hurts when I move it a lot, but mostly around that spot I think the tooth shard might be under the plate.

 Most of the rest is going well.  I spent several hours today reading a silly book.

When I brought the turnip in from the store, Esme and Mark looked at it and asked 'what IS it?'  I was surprised - the lady at the store was young, and she knew what it was.  I said: 'C'mon people, it has purple on it, it's a turnip!'  Mark said 'Those don't turnip around here often'  *groan*  I had to try to tell Esme as much as I know about the differences between turnips, rutabagas, and everything else.  Info-dumped on her and I know she understands that is just how mom is *ha*  I cut it open and had her smell it, too, as she likes the smell of onions.  I told her I couldn't explain it but that, to me, it smelled something between an apple, an onion and maybe a radish.  The soup turned out excellent, but I couldn't convince her to try it.  Especially not when Mark had pizza to offer.  It will be a good while before I can eat pizza, or even a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without a knife and a fork (but I did do that today, and did succeed).

The turnip soup:

1 turnip, about 1.2 lbs. according to the grocery receipt, washed, peeled and diced

in enough water to cover in a big pot

added a tablespoon or so of olive oil

salt, black pepper, rosemary garlic seasoning

let that boil on medium for at least an hour

added some zucchini, onions and kielbasa from the freezer

let that boil a bit longer, maybe another forty minutes

removed from heat, then blended smooth

poured up in a clean glass jar

 

It is sweeter than potato soup, and has less of that 'mealy grainy' taste that potato soup sometimes has.

 I've been studying mostly Czech, Welsh and Spanish the past few days.  The Czech is in review mode, the Spanish is normal and the Welsh is in super-hard 'Am I going to use this vocabulary? mode'.  I haven't done too much with the to do list, but I did remember to do a few of the things that I had on it, like take the garbage up, and do some laundry things.

 

bits

 bits, without the caps lock on...  still making soup and trying to get things done.  I had my check up appointment for the denture plate and they adjusted it a little - said I'm doing good to have worn them every single day, despite the pain.  

Studying Romanian, Lithuanian, Japanese and did a Spanish lesson today as that was on my to do list for Wednesdays.  I need to water the plants upstairs - as I didn't do it this week at all, so far.  We also need to get animal feeds and propane one day soon.  We will have a bit of a warm spell this week and then on Sunday it will drop to below freezing - so I have to get that washing machine pipe insulated, as well.  We normally turn the valves off when it gets that cold - but that was when they were still insulated in the wall, and during the break and repair, we pulled out all the insulation that had gotten wet.

 So, drab things but they need to be done.

 Today was an absolute mile-a-minute at work - and I could have used to have been twins, since they wanted me in the office to be present during interviews and also I needed to be on the warehouse floor readying orders - so I had to switch off as much as possible to get it all done.

Esme had a good birthday yesterday - I promised not to embarrass her or take pictures -  she had chosen a big kangaroo-pocket hoodie and asked for some game credits.  I found a Minecraft toy she had picked up at the store one time we were shopping and bought one to bring home - it is a fluffy bee, and almost a ball.  I brought her some of the cakes she likes and ice cream.  I also had gotten her an investment bond earlier last month that I had put money away for slowly - not at all big, but as an 18th-birthday something that will be for the future gift, besides the common items.  We can't 'give' her a car, as she can't drive yet!

 

My dinner: I still can't eat hard things or things that require too much 'motion' - because the jaw and gums are still healing underneath this hard plastic plate.  If I soak bread in soup or a cookie in coffee in small pieces I can eat it on the back side of a bottom tooth and the plate without 'rocking' the plate painfully, most of the time.  I am also smashing up bananas, canned peaches and mandarin oranges for fruit and fiber.

Soup :

1/2 can of pureed great northern beans with the aqua faba

 zucchini, red bell pepper

a few chunks of sweet potato

water

olive oil

spicy italian seasoning

 

served with bread, and a rice flour omelet

1 egg beaten, 1 tsp of sugar, 1/4 cup or so of rice flour (brown rice flour in this case), salt, bit of baking powder, some spice mixture, fry in butter in tamagaoyaki pan and serve with a big spoon of peanut butter 

 Mark made pork chop and garlic bread and some of the same sweet potato for him and Esme.  I really am not going to chance the pork chop - tried just a little bit of well cut up hamburger the other night and it was sticking in my throat so I gave it up.   

 Every night I am making about a 3/4 cup of whole milk with strong madras curry powder in it, heated up until it all combines well.  And I am drinking that as the last thing before bed.

The 'beaver moon' was out this morning - and it was large like a coin on the horizon, just a few inches above a field on my turn out towards work - with a little strip of cloud right across the middle of it, so it seemed like Saturn, or a closed eyelid.  It is still large in the sky tonight but it is already waning gibbous. 

 

bits

thoughts : I'm very grateful to have the new teeth - I've worked hard over the past six months to go through all the stages required to get to this point, because with hEDS I do not heal well and have had to go slower than most people do.  They do look good when I have them in and function, although I have to relearn how to talk properly as well.  But that doesn't discount that they hurt like * to get used to and I'm going to have to use a lot of ibuprofen and willpower to get through these first few weeks. I have a fairly high pain tolerance all told, so I'm letting myself be honest that yes, this hurts.  This hurts a lot in ways I wasn't quite expecting.  My nose still hurts and taking the teeth out and putting them back in both hurt like fire for a few minutes, and then I can tolerate it.  Warm liquids, especially coffee brewed with ginger licorice tea in it, help a lot.  I am used to taking one or two ibuprofen a day when I'm actually hurting with other hEDS stuff (knees, etc.) - and now I am taking one or two every four to six hours.  I can't have any other type of painkiller, or more accurately, I can't chemically process any other type of painkiller so it doesn't make sense to take any other kind.  

I'm also on an antibiotic the dentist gave me, but I waited a day or so to start it - and I probably shouldn't have.  One of the dentists (two worked on me) told me to hold off since I had two rounds of the same antibiotic in two other months - and I can see some in that advice but the day before last I woke up after sleeping a few hours feeling like a dog that ate a wasp - the whole front of my face hurt - and I made some soup and started with the antibiotics.

 

I'm also so glad I can cook and adapt recipes to still get the food that I need to eat in a form I can eat it //as I make black bean soup with zucchini, onions, tomato paste and every spice my instincts tell me to eat.  And right now - my instincts are telling me to eat anti-inflammatories and anthrocyanins.  I can do that - my food chopper and stick blender are helping a lot with that - good thing I was sort of doing those things with my bad teeth before - but whoa, having 'bad' teeth was still better than having raw holes where teeth used to be, that you then stick a hard unforgiving and rubbing plastic plate over for 12 to 16 hours every day before the holes have even healed up (part of the process).  

My mother went through this 20 years ago and she stopped wearing her teeth - and I knew it was hard, and she wasn't good with pain, but it severely impacted her health not being able to eat (and she wouldn't eat as many vegetables or spices as I do, plus had diabetes).  She didn't get the nutrition she needed and got much sicker because of it.  So I'm really using my willpower.  This morning getting out of bed on time was a bit tougher (I'm still working full time plus) - and knowing I would be putting those teeth in, with all the pain that makes my eyes water, and I did it anyway.  Taking them out tonight hurt just about as much as getting them to settle in this morning... and having the warm spiced liquid available to wash over them helped so much.

 

tonight's 'let's eat some good protein and fiber' soup mix: this one has the added benefit of having anthrocyanins in the black beans, which helps against inflammation and with pain relief (and actually does work like that for me)

 

1 can of black beans with aqua fava, ground in a processor

1/3 of a small can of tomato paste

1 tbsp of butter

some water 

1 large handful of frozen zucchini

1 handful of frozen onions

black pepper, brown mustard seed, some 'sicilian' seasoning, some 'al pastor' taco seasoning, some 'chinese five spice' seasoning, paprika, garlic, cocoa powder - the al pastor seasoning had guajilio chile powder in it, which I also use for the anthrocyanins, and the Sicilian seasoning was mostly tomato and garlic but it was running too low.  The five spice powder had cloves and cinnamon in it.

heat that all up to boiling, then cool it down some and run my stick blender through it until all the zucchini and onions are blended

eat with a frozen biscuit 

 

the other day:

1/2 can of tuscan flavored chickpeas (some name brand mix)

1/3 of a small can of tomato paste

some water 

1 tbsp of butter

1/2 of a large cube of chicken bouillon  

1 handful of frozen zucchini

1 handful of frozen orange bell pepper 

1 handful of frozen onions

I think I put only some black pepper in that one - because the tuscan flavored chickpeas were actually well spiced 

 

Languages: I'm actually catching up on Romanian, and haven't even done any French or Japanese this week at all - what is that about? I can't spell very well in Romanian at all... and moreso when I've been lax on keeping up with it.  So, I'm doing fairly well considering that.  I have let my to do list go to the wind until I get myself back together.  I need to take Esme out and let her pick out another birthday present one of these nights after work, she mentioned a coat and she needs to try them on. 

 

Bits with bite

 Tomorrow I go in to the dentist for the last of those procedures - and that will take another week to heal from.  I've been preparing for it in some ways and ignoring it totally in others.  That's the way of it.

Studying French, Spanish and some Japanese.  Went out to deliver postal packages today (Sunday) and it was way out in the middle of nowhere, not my usual route, and it was raining cats and dogs.  The car kept fogging up, and there are no street signs where there should be street signs - so you can't really tell if what you're turning on is the tiny little road in the middle of three miles that you hope it is.

 Took mother-in-law out for groceries, and got a few other things  We need to insulate the washing machine for the upcoming freeze, she says her pups have chewed the insulation off some of her pipes.  I need to get her dental appointments, too - but it is hard when I am the one who can drive and I needed to finish mine up (which Mark is driving me home from, but he has a tough time driving alone now).  He had a hard time getting to the DMV last month and because of bureaucracy they didn't even let him or Esme get anything done there and they have to go back another day... which we have to arrange for, again.

The budget worked out for the month, but I'm hoping the sky will stay up for next month, as it goes.  It has already started to get cold, the older animals are having a harder time and I need to make sure we have feed for the next few months, and keep propane for Mark's heater.

I'm off of work tomorrow and back Tuesday. 

I've bought a slightly unripe peach, baked it with butter and sugar, and pulverized it, to have over biscuits and egg for my dinner tonight.  Mark says I will find out just how much I chew when there is nothing there but the denture to chew with - and that the next week will be hard. 

some thoughtful bits

 Some days I feel like I'm going to get up without my skeleton, or vice-versa... all clicky and things are not quite right and connected. My knee and ankle have been doing that 'why are you holding your joint like this it h U R TSSS' slow burn to major stabbing pain episodes and then I move them and everything is fine but somehow I end up moving them back into that same position out of habit and the pain wells back up.  Getting through it, though.  We've been researching more about the college stuff, as well - and getting at least one application in.  Timelines, gah. School starts back and then leaning hard on the math program as well - and hope she continues to cooperate with that, because it is required to graduate.

 

 my spider plant at work has grown a lot since last December

 

The weather has just now turned cold, after a major rainstorm, after a week of being dry.  Mark hates the cold, and it will become harder for him to do anything outside his heat zone after a bit.  And I've examined the to-do list phenomenon a bit more.  

 

If : I need to do something every week and my trouble is kicking myself in the tail that day to do that thing THEN.  The to-do list has about an 85% chance of helping make sure that gets done.

If: I would like to be reminded every few days about something hit-or-miss, like watering houseplants, and the to-do list can do that and/or be forwarded a day (which it can) if it doesn't quite need yet to be done that week on that day.. the to-do list has about a 90% chance of helping.

If : I remember earlier or later in the day and am no longer at the place the thing needs to be done at - the to-do list has a 95-100% chance of helping me remember it when I am at the place again.. at least, remembering there was something I put on the to-do list without having to remember what I was thinking about earlier that made me think about that thing and then what it was. 

BUT : If 'it would be great if I would keep up with this extracurricular thing or good-intentioned habit (like drinking extra water or cleaning) every few days,week and putting it on the list will keep me from forgetting about it' -- ech, maybe about 50% chance of helping?  I get annoyed with that because it isn't a required thing and it isn't something that I'm seeing a good benefit from, yet... and then I struggle against the past me that thought it was such a good idea to put it on the list and then have it pop back up and 'look at me' every day on this app.

AND : The app is annoying me because when it does it's notifications it sounds like a text message,and when I am not supposed to be getting text messages, at night or driving etc... it annoys me to stop and pick up the phone and look and 'haha, it wasn't a text, it is your to do list (or a language app, similar issues) it just made you LOOK'... and I don't see anywhere that I can change the notification sound to something other than my text notification sound - and changing my text notification sound to something else has resulted in me ignoring it entirely - so .. *GLUM* what to do about that?  not a lot... the system is working within parameters but it could be better

 

Making rice for the lunches the next few days, doing laundry, staring at a lot of other things, listening to the wind and the rain storms outside.  Budget will come to forefront again this week as I am paying the end of the month bills.  We have done good getting through half the month spending only half the estimated amount for the food budget.  That will probably change as well after this week - because it's cold, and because I went myself for just the things on the list the other day instead of everyone coming with me.  

Then the week after that they finally finish my denture and have extractions to finish that out.  Then the week after that - Esme's birthday.

 French, Lithuanian, Spanish, Japanese - a bit of math.

I worked on a few more chapters of a cat book I had been working on, and did two illustrations. 

Lunch of a few tablespoons of rice, tamagoyaki style rolled egg omelet (with biryani masala spices in it) and those zesty chili beans, and a good couple of tablespoons of sweet non-dill relish.  I told myself to use a real plate, even though it was enough I could have used a little saucer to hold it.

the rice: as usual

1 cup washed rice, this week it is mahatma enriched long grain white, although in the past it has been natural brown rice that the other store sells ... matter of time and I'll probably get the other again

put that in 2 cups of water (more for brown rice), bit of pulverized brown mustard seed, olive oil drop, bit salt and bit rice wine vinegar, bring to boil, bring down to low, cover, stir occasionally, turn off at the end and prepare

2 tablespoons or less of white sugar, rice wine vinegar and white sesame seeds

place the sugar in center of the HOT rice, pour just enough rice wine vinegar to wet the sugar, and then stir like mad - daughter says it kind of looks like rice pudding when I'm doing this - and then mix in the white sesame seeds, put up in a clear glass container with a sprinkle of salt over the top, let cool on the counter for 20 minutes or so, place in fridge and use within 3 days 

 

 I found some of the basic drawing pencils that were eluding me - I could have sworn I looked in those crochet hooks multiple times and had not seen them.  Still missing the key pencil in each set, the 4H.  Sat down and drew for a bit while the sunlight was nice upstairs.

  

 

 

les morceaux

 The little car did what  it should today, and I got the tires looked at by someone who knew what they were doing.  Mark and Esme got their errand ran in the other newer car.  Esme cleaned a lot out of the garage and they took some items to the local dump - although they were not able to get the bureaucratic things done at the driver's services because of timing and forms.  

Same happened at work today, as a young truck driver could not get his act together and get me the proper documents to unload him, and he went off to go get them and come back, and his broker told me all of the documents were there - (and sent me electronic copies as well) but the driver then got lost and did not come back before we closed.  So, he will have to be unloaded tomorrow.  The broker was NOT happy about it all - as the driver didn't even get to our business until after noon, and he had been scheduled to arrive before eight a.m.  Ga ca vi ca va ce n'est pas ca vi (basically meaning, that's not the best way to do it, said while shaking your head sadly) the way they are going to do it is not the way it is to be done

I've studied French and Japanese today, and made it to the middle of the second math module on the new math program on Duolingo, mostly in between waiting on hold on the phone or for a reply from a broker on the email.  

I'm thinking about books and what I have and have not read - been thinking for a few weeks on it, but read another article today that got me thinking more. 

 I had gotten some shampoo for damaged hair about a week ago and it has been helping some - and another trial item came in the mail today.  We'll see if that helps more.  I made more rice for lunches this week, after making some yesterday and using it tonight in our dinner of pork fried rice.  I need to go work on my Japanese on Wani Kani before I take myself off to bed. 

 The pork fried rice sauce (again):

1 tbsp brown sugar in about a cup and a half of water in a big pan

some olive oil, about a quarter size spot

some soy sauce (and then some more, as the vinegar was a bit much)

splash balsamic vinegar  (not too much)

bit salt

bit brown mustard seed that had been pulverized

bit prepared brown mustard from a jar in the fridge

pork seasoning spice that includes garlic and ginger and paprika

bring that all to a boiling

add green onions, orange bell pepper, some white onion and a handful of other vegetables out of a frozen veggie pack

add pulled pork that Mark had made yesterday

bring back to full sizzle

make hole in center and add three eggs from our chickens - let whites cook a bit then mix the whole thing up

add rice to the outside edge from fridge - and then stir it all together and cover, let steam until rice is warmed through

serve 

  

monday the thirteenth

 Ended up a bit sideways in a ditch this afternoon, but the mechanic pulled the little car out, and everything seems to be working okay.  I was checking it out to make sure it was going to run okay for Mark to use the newer car this week for errands and I would drive the little car to work and back - but it had been doing a few odd things on the way back from the post office on Saturday, that made me worry the battery would be worn down.  So we were giving it a good run after not having used it most of the week, but it was a very bad corner.  It could have been much worse - pulling the car out was a bit dangerous position to be in but it pulled out easy and seemed to be just cosmetic if anything.  Studying French and Japanese today, made rice to bring to work tomorrow.  I'm thinking a day off on the to do app is okay, the dog can get washed another day.

bits of

  

It is starting to get cold at night, and that means rounding up the animals.  Cold is only about 50 degrees right now, but you can feel the bite to it, so it's still cold.  Two of our animals are getting quite old, and I worry about them both - the little sixteen year old cat Minion with hardly any meat on her bones and the old hound, Minerva, who must be eleven now.  The little cat came in (with one of the younger ones, and Charlotte, the younger dog).  But Minerva did not come in, in fact- I saw and heard her as she ran up the road bellowing at some deer or fox... and usually that means she will come barking back at the door between 2 am and 3 am, and I will get up and let her in.  I don't sleep well anyway, and I guess this all works out.  In the winter, I definitely don't sleep knowing someone is out in the freezing temperatures - I want them in and I know they'll be alive etc.

 So, I was a bit worried when Minerva did not show up in the morning.  She had not barked at the door that I had heard, and she was not curled up in the leaves by the porch where she had been before she ran off barking.  I fed the chickens, and changed all the trough and bowl waters outside, and even walked up to the mailbox and back.  I picked a good big sheaf of lespedeza, which has went to brown seed, and brought it back to the chickens.  Charlotte and Minion had both congregated by the water trough, and did a loop about the little garden area with me - but no indication of Minerva.

We got ready to go out to our  grocery shopping, and I really would have liked her in by then.  But she wasn't.  I was quite quiet while we were out, because I was hoping to see her when we got home and trying not to worry so much - but I do, I am the worrier.  We got back from our grocery shopping, and put everything away, and she finally did show up.  I was relieved - just like I had pictured myself being if I went up there before we went to the store and she had been there.  We gave her some bread and she said one of her teeth hurt.  After I tore it up into smaller bits, she ate it - and then she wanted back outside.

 I made some soup for myself, and have pulled some of the frozen cabbage out of the freezer.  Mark said his brain bounced when he asked me what I wanted with hamburger and I said maybe I could use a little bit of it in a dish with that.  I think I'll use some of my guajillio chiles with it.  I just don't digest hamburger as easily as he does - and even worse in the past few years.  We are Jack Sprat and his wife - he can't handle the grease in it, and I can handle the grease much better than I can handle the meat itself.  Give me split peas or lentils or beans or eggs for my protein - peanut butter, a big dollop of butter, mixed with a bunch of rice and some fruit or bananas - and I've got a good diet working.  

Someone who lives in Barcelona visited the other day at work - and I really had to just refrain myself because I could have went full ADHD explosion with questions and comments and I felt imposter syndrome from learning different languages - and I didn't know her, my boss did  - and it was better really that I just went back to my office.  I really am interested in Barcelona, and the Catalan language, and the areas near there Marseilles and Cote de Nice etc etc.. but the question 'why?' I can't really answer - because I saw it in a dream, and then in our driving game, and each time I see the language Catalan) it feels like I can handle it so much better than Spanish, through the French side of my brain - but I haven't had a good chance to hear it etc.  She didn't speak Catalan she spoke English, Spanish and Portuguese, or maybe I would have actually asked her a few more questions. 

but I play one on tv

 Agh, dealing with some imposter syndrome with the to do list - because my usual form of 'organized' does not live up to this version, and yet I'm the one doing it - and keeping up with the trash and the laundry even out of the dryer, and watering the houseplants and getting the dog food and all of the things... but it feels like I'm not an organized person (not like this) I just play one on tv, and there will come a day here where I don't want to do the list and I'll say 'see, I told you so.'  

And yet, I'm the one arguing with myself to open that list and do the things on it, as well.  They're not all bad!  They're things that need to be done!  You haven't even looked!  ADHD type tendencies, and I've fought them in different more organic-feeling ways for a long time.  

I even remembered to buy postage stamps today - even though I hadn't put them on the list.  I just THOUGHT about putting them on the list, but didn't want to 'commit' to it... because I keep forgetting it when I'm at the place and time (my postal route office) where I should be buying it.  But today I left the office and was headed to the second half of my route and made myself turn right back around *eep* and go into the front of the office and buy stamps.  After more than a month of saying 'It will have to be next week now, since the office closes at noon'... I'm not sure how to feel about that.  I did it, but it isn't a victory.  It's sort of a 'that really doesn't sound like you, you sure it was you?' moment.  I didn't really feel like me doing it, either.

I've thought about what I'll accept for the 'clean one thing' and still arguing that - yesterday I just dusted a shelf and I wasn't sure if that was legit.   What good is telling yourself to do something if you allow yourself to cheat at it - but then that is the basis of most weight loss goals and habit-breakers, right?  More to think on there, too.

Some processing to happen there.  I have to think about it.  It's good that I'm getting the things done.  They need to be done.  I just don't feel like it's exactly me doing it - but sort of one-and-a-half time travelling me, telling me to do it, arguing with present me about what future me will feel about this.  And future me is really confused.  Maybe I'm not looking far enough ahead - maybe that future me already got through this part.  I'm planning the budget out past next March as well, and this present me really hopes that I'm getting things right.  Anxiety is sort of spread around to all of those things.

 

I made the rice flour omelet again today - and the recipe wasn't that far off from my 'instinct' recipe the other night.  It's a great way to use up eggs, since our chickens lay about five to eight every single day and there are just the three of us.  I give away a lot at work, but still I want to have them used up in good ways.  Same with the rice flour -  I have that whole bag of brown rice flour in the freezer that needs to be eaten, and I'm the only one to eat it.

 

3 eggs, beaten with 1 tablespoon of white sugar, bit of salt, and then 1/2 cup of brown rice flour beaten into that.  Let it sit for a minute.  Heat up about a 2 to 3 inch circle of peanut oil in a large pan.  I used too small of a pan the other day.  Hold the pan up and let the oil drift over the entire inner surface - then toss a droplet of water in.  When the water crackles, I beat the egg mixture again and poured it into the pan.  When the center began to puff up a little I used the turner and turned the whole 'pancake'/'omelet' over.  Last time it was very messy, this time it was pretty good.  I let the entire omelet cook a bit more and then put it on a plate, with peanut butter and red chili paste.  It wasn't too sweet this time - last time I put more sugar than that in it and a bit of honey on top of it as it cooked - and didn't measure the rice flour.

 

Went further in the Duolingo math, but still did French and need to do the Japanese review today.  I caught up with my WaniKani reviews finally...  

 

Discussion with Esme the other day - I've said this before but I told her it again - it is wherever you go, there you are - but expanded to explain that means you're the one that is there, and there are things that you need to do, and you're the one that is there to get you to do them - no one else is there 100% of the time with you to remind you or push you, so the important thing is YOU - you've got to find that thing inside yourself (your will) to carry with you all the time, to do the things, because then you know they will get done when they need to.  

bits

 It's been a harder past couple of days with anxiety, but I'm keeping it on the leash mostly.  I made a big pillow on my sewing machine and brought it to work so I can sit in the middle of the room on break for a few minutes and that helped the other day (sans pillow) and a bit today, as well.  I'm actually doing really well on everything - my hEDS is being tolerable, just knee and hip and etc. but things pop back where they should be - our budget is tight but it looks like it will work out if I can just get everybody to stay on board.  So, there isn't any real 'reason' for the anxiety, like usual actually,  but as I told Esme sometimes none of that matters and it is just a brain chemical / hormone thing that you have to stand outside of yourself for a moment and say 'what is this going on?' and do the best you can with it.  I am trying to read less online news, because right now that really sucks it seems to be very doom-filled and I've brought a book to read instead.

 

We had a really good freshman psych- level talk about brain chemicals, dopamine and realizing your habits and goals from the 'outside' as well as from the inside with the body chemicals sometimes training you without you intending them to.  Esme brought up school students she knows that have some issues with this and also with anger responses to not getting their dopamine ie: no phone or video game or etc.  She's paying attention.  I told her often you have to outsmart yourself on those things - train yourself to the good things, like maybe a language or a todo list or congratulating yourself for a good grade etc. but also to be on the watch for other people because you can't control what they do etc. 

 

Studying Spanish, Lithuanian, French, Japanese and Catalan.  And I started the Spanish lesson before the anxiety set in.  I also started the Duolingo Math path today and it was interesting.  I tried the Chess thing a few weeks ago, and found it juvenile at first - but might try it again after a bit.

 

Tried to make rice flour omelet last night, and put a bit too much sugar in it.  I'll try it again tomorrow - having some rice with oily fish tonight while everyone else has hamburgers.  Postal route tomorrow, and the mornings are getting colder.  This week was the first return to automatic savings in my 401K as well. 

Nac ydy.... ydw rwan

 The to do list is working, although a bit ... what is the best word for it... reluctantly?  reticence?  skeptical?  I can sit here and think I'm not gonna do it, etc.. and then there's a good chance somewhere I will get the spark I need and get up and go get it done.  All except typing up that story - so far.  Nac ydw (no I'm not), ydw rwan (yes now)

I even added 'drink one extra cup of water' to the list today, and 'clean one thing' - both to repeat daily.  We'll see how THAT goes.  *peer hard at self*  After cutting all of my split ends off the other day I picked up a new shampoo, and am working on the damage in my hair.  And I cleaned the back shelf of the bathtub all around - in addition to washing the floor towels and rugs.  Have studied Lithuanian and French and Japanese - and done kanji every night - except tonight - which I need to go kick myself into gear.

 Made some ground mustard seed two days ago and have been putting it in our meals and on top of my rice at lunch with some ground cashews that were sitting in a container unused for more than a month.   Made a rice-noodle stir fry tonight with vegetables out of the freezer and eggs, and Mark had made some ground beef and gave us a portion of it to put into it.  That was quite good.  I didn't use the tomato I have set aside for tonight - but that is something I will forward to tomorrow or cut and freeze.

 The budget is something I am being more strict on after two unexpected purchases already this month - one a car registration that came due and the other something that is now earmarked as a birthday present for two months from now for Mark, but he had to pounce on to get it now.  *small sigh*  But I am trying hard and our grocery run the other day was reserved.

OK, off to do the little budget work I need to do and my kanji, and put the clothes in the dryer before bed. 

bits

 Study Lithuanian, then do my Wani Kani kanji at some time today.  I did a good amount of French last night when I was up and couldn't sleep - and started another floor rug for something to do with my hands.  Esme has her next math module to do.  I made her do one Friday and gave her a break yesterday, but both are due tomorrow.

We went to town early this morning and picked up some essential groceries.  I know I'm being tight with the budget, but with getting the car loan last month and the insurance it is my instinct to reel in as much as I can until we really know what we have for several months in a row - plus, winter is coming, and that is always more expensive. Esme is a bit worried with the tight budget, but she knows why I am doing it.  I wish I could solve her anxiety on it, as I am basically doing it to lessen my own anxiety.  That is an odd combination.  Now, we are not out of anything that anyone needs in the house, but I didn't buy many extras, either.  I've actually been working at using up some of the extra, or at least things in the cupboard that weren't being actively used but could be.

Washed the bedding and made some rice for lunches the next few days.  Washed Charlotte, as well.  There are two very pretty tomatoes that were green when they were given to me on Thursday, but have reddened up nicely.   I chopped up one of the other ones and put it in a container in the freezer, which I often add to stir fry type dishes.  I put the larger tomato and a lot of other vegetables together with some sausage from the freezer and served it with mashed potatoes from the last ones at the bottom of the box that needed to be used up.

I took my hair shears and trimmed about two inches off of my hair - been thinking about doing that for a week or more now.  Now Esme's math is done and I have a bit more language to do, make the bed, put up the rice, and fall asleep, hoping to sleep a bit more than last night. 

to-do or not to-do

 Well, the new to-do list application really shows what I'm willing to put myself to task to, and what I'm much more likely to swipe to the next day.  I even went out and washed the windshield of the car because I had put it on my list earlier in the week.  That is one of those things I just don't do because by the time I think of it, I am far from the place and then when I am at the place, I don't think of it.  I did the laundry, AND got it into the dryer AND folded it and put it away.  I watered the plants.  I made rice one day and then finished it all up in different meals.  I did the budget entries and analysis, without putting them in the to-do-list, but remembered I should do them because I looked at the to-do-list and asked myself what I was missing.  I did all the language lessons - even the kanji lessons that I had been ignoring for a while.  

 However, I did not retype the short story that was written on paper in the tiny font.  Yea, have to think on that one again.  I actually forwarded it yesterday, and then today, decided it is probably not getting done anytime soon even if it is on the list.   It is a bit like being an anthropologist studying myself.

So, French, Japanese and Lithuanian today, and the postal route of course.