Mikki Mack book released for sale

Mikki Mack!

 I released this book on Amazon today, It is available for sale in paperback and in Kindle.  

I had been working on it since last November, but mostly in fits and starts.  Esme made the beautiful cover image, which continues to the back of the paperback with a glorious long fluffy tail, just like the description says.  I didn't feel, at first, that I could do anything to match her talent on the digital images - but I pushed myself to go out there and do something, so that the story could get out.  Mikki is a very sassy little cat - and she tells the stories of several cats of our own, and of friends, all wrapped up in one fluffy gray ball.

I am spurring myself to put out more of my stories just to get them OUT - I have so many just sitting here that I don't feel are good enough, or were waiting for some larger anthology... but in this day and age... getting it out and into the world is more important.  You never know when 'someday' isn't going to happen at all, for one reason or another.  Especially when you have social anxiety in general.

*sigh*  so yes, today is an 'oh my introvert' day.  I'm going to have to drink a lot more coffee and finish my Japanese and see where my brain is at before continuing with either : the little pig story, loosely based on a story Esme told me when she was a toddler, or setting up one of the House of Sunlight stories to edit separately and see where that gets me for page count.

I could comb through the Pinocchio's Grandniece is a Dachshund story sometime soon.. but as I said, I have so many things piled up that I freewheeled and had a great time writing, and then put in the drawer and said no one will like it.  They won't get a chance to like it or not like it if it never goes anywhere other than the drawer.  (That's easy to say, not easy to do).

And I did a video interview for online tutoring.  Another 'oh my introvert'.. but I just went and did it - because I do feel the experience was important and that I did have something to say about what I could do to teach words and reading.  I have a lot of experience with learning not only English, but other languages - and with having the kind of brain that doesn't immediately get it from the regular perspectives, so I can see lots of ways other people might get lost, and try to help them get to the goal.

1.)  Duolingo Japanese profile on level 20 : done

2.)  Duolingo Japanese profile on level 11 : did some but then I fell over for a nap

3.)  babadum to 50 cards at least : done

4.)  Baltoslav to 25 or more : 90 done

5.)  Clozemaster Japanese and Chinese 10 sentences each (that is their free daily limit)    : done

//I went and did some WaniKani - it's been such a time since I did that.. and I've forgotten so much of the onyomi and konyomi spellings but not doing it isn't going to help me get them right.

6.)  work on some more book stuff

:: started a Kindle Vella.... based on a writing prompt I have in a file.  It's called 'Tiger Stories' and it says it will take up to 72 hours for the first chapter to become live online

And I made lasagna - I'm about to go check on it in the oven right now.

Recipe at Patreon Neurodivergent Cooking : warning, it's leftover meatloaf in there... but you use what you got, use what you keep, keep what you use, that's one of the mantras of this style of cooking

Thursday thursday

the list

Japanese routine :

Duolingo profile at level 20 : done already, first thing, before schoolbus even

Clozemaster (Japanese then Chinese, 10 sentences each)  :  done

BaltoSlav Japanese words and pictures : at least 25 cards up to ? : done 75+

Babadum Japanese at least 50 cards : done to 75

Duolingo profile at level 11 : done, second thing, when I turned my second daily alarm off on the phone

*growl* I should do some more WaniKani review, but I don't wanna -------------

I did fifteen cards the other day and that felt like a lot as I had to make notes on ten out of the fifteen.   The format is much tougher - it's wrong it's just marked wrong AND doesn't come back up anytime soon unless it is related to another it is asking about - and it has konyomi readings which have to be spelled out perfectly as well as translation meanings.

 

I took a picture of the rosehips on the wild roses for someone I had given another type of rose plant to earlier this year.  She keeps wondering why her rose cutting I gave her is dying back and then getting just a few new leaves etc... I told her just keep watering it enough and when it gets to be winter it will be dormant, then in the Spring she'll see the magic. (ie: pink 'confederate' style multilayered roses)  The new leaves are a very good sign that it has grown much more root (it had 2 inches when I repotted it for her). 

Should I go and get chicken feed today?  It is in a different town than the place I went for groceries yesterday.  It is perhaps going to rain tomorrow, and then I work for three days (also raining).  There is still plenty of chicken feed - but I'm twitching whether I should go and do it while I have brain and time, and if the vehicle wasn't being tetchy it wouldn't really be a question of anything more than pushing myself out the door.  I should find some sort of plastic bin to put the backup battery in in the back of the truck, and then I'd feel better about that.  It would fit temporarily in my big toolbox if I took everything else out of it.

One of our older dogs, the one that hardly ever goes outside for more than two minutes, decided to go out the front door when I was getting the elderly cat in this morning.  She ran off up the road nose to the ground.  And she finally came back in with Charlotte now after about an hour.  I would have chased her this morning but she was doing the 'ha ha you can try but you can't catch me' and hasn't actually wanted out there in months... so I shrugged and said 'ok'.

Drink more coffee... think.  I sort of feel like today is in a holding pattern as I'm waiting on our paycheck to pay the bills, but don't have work or anything else that is actually required.  I don't feel fired up to cook anything in particular.  And that chicken feed bin is nearly full.  They will eat the stuff from the other store (that is open more hours than the one I would go to today, and also open on Sunday where this one is not), but I can definitely smell the difference between the two (commercial bigbox store stuff is darker, and smells like soy sauce) and have noticed that they eat this Amish-feed-and-tack-store stuff so much more willingly than the other, chasing handfuls of it across the yard etc.

timmas spred sig bra:

illustrations for the little cat book

my daughter had made me a really excellent cover image, but she was too shy to make any more for the interior of the book

I keep telling myself I should do a bit more on that.  I should really do a lot more on several of the stories that are 'ready but not ready.... '  They say if you keep holding it back because you don't think it's good enough it is really just that you're scared to give it away into the world where others will now see these thoughts.  That is very true with House of Sunlight, because those stories are of a 'wait, what, you broke my brain' twisted nature, as most of them began as dreams.  But the cat book is 'safe', mindless little cat story that is about being cute and even so, the grammar doesn't really matter as much because it is told by a cat.  Like that fox nine book I read.  But still, I never wrote the last story I had intended to (and my undercurrent says so?  make that the sequel, if it ever happens) but the book has well enough to stand on it's own at the same time with the five stories that are written in it. 

**lots of work today**... with still trying to keep it simple

I got somewhere: 

illustration from 'Mikki Mack' book

I submitted my little cat book for final review, without ordering a proof of it - I think it has one spelling error in it, maybe I can fix after they review it, the ebook thing pointed that out to me (it was in a name).

Throughout this heat, I've been making sure to water some every night.  And it is finally supposed to rain some tomorrow.  Harvested more basil and arugula tonight, washed and chopped them, and put them in the freezer.  I think I'll have to put that in a tomato sauce if I want Esme to eat any of it at all.  Or I can make another egg frittata with it.  There is another flush of little green tomatoes coming on two of the plants, and the cucumbers want to do something, again.  The peppers aren't sure, they took a beating in this hot weather, shedding some of their leaves, but they're thinking of blooming again.  There are little tendrils of potato leaf coming up above the soil where I had planted the potatoes last week. 

already wednesday bits

 

Three Worlds to Conquer, by Poul Anderson, 1964.  There is a pdf file of it floating around the internet for free - I found it by searching the words Aurora Space Traffic Control (which is a real thing) Moonship 17 and Jupiter Ganymede all inclusive words.  I have a real 60 year old copy of it that my cat was sitting on in a pile the other day and I told him No, by which he knocked that one to the floor and I said 'Oh, Poul Anderson?  Thanks for the recommendation!  I haven't read this one...'

I read a few chapters this morning, after I got back from town.

I didn't entirely fall off the wagon with Japanese - I just did a little bit of Spanish first.  I told Esme that I was in section 3 of Spanish, because she said she was in section 2.  Actually, I saw I'm in section 4... and I don't remember getting there.  So I did a few lessons in that this morning before the Japanese.

I went out and got the minimum groceries on the list, before the day heated up.  We were due for another scorcher today.  We should be okay for a bit, and I am waiting to see 1.) paycheck (the website that is supposed to show us barely ever works, so I just have to wait) 2.) still haven't heard about the little car from the mechanic, and I should send him a note to make sure he knows we're still interested.

The truck battery read 12.85 when I parked it today after getting the groceries from the nearest town.  I know that is within the range of averages I was posting yesterday - so I'm not worried about getting to work on Saturday, and Sunday, and Monday (packages for those two holidays).. but I will continue testing because it didn't come up 12.9 like I thought it should and it is still losing a lot of power on the hills.  I had taken the backup battery with me just in case, and after I unloaded the groceries, I brought it back into the house to keep it at a more stable temperature until I have to go out again.  Plus, it may rain on Friday, and the back of the truck topper leaks.

As I am putting the groceries away Daphne is sitting with her tail like this between the countertop/sink and she is facing the refrigerator (not shown) - and I had to trip around her several times.  She is pretty heavy, 75 lbs +, and when she 'parks' she is hard to get around especially with the straight out tail vulnerable in the walkway.  I saw a cartoon about cats lying right in the middle of the floor, so I drew a quick ten minute sketch just because.

I've played a little Stardew valley, and gotten through the green rain and built the chicken coop - I need to get back on doing a bit more of the Japanese routine now.  At least I haven't fallen over for a nap, yet.

(I need a list today)

Japanese routine :

Duolingo profile at level 20 : done

Clozemaster (Japanese then Chinese, 10 sentences each)  : done

BaltoSlav Japanese words and pictures : at least 25 cards up to ? : done

Babadum Japanese at least 50 cards :done to 75

Duolingo profile at level 11 : done + equal amount of Chinese

Spanish : Duolingo profile at level 23 : did 50 xp of this as well, just because I was discussing the parts of grammar that are still hard with Esme this morning.  She has her Spanish class beginning next semester.

I haven't done any French this week unless you count the game and seeing a thing here or there on the Internet.  It feels a little weird that the other language I dipped into was Spanish, instead.

 I made a version of 'Hong Kong Porkchop' yesterday, but next time we get some leftover actual meaty porkchop I will try it again 'for reals'. 

 I put the tomato and onion in the pan, then started the omelette on the side, and added brown jasmine rice that was precooked, and pulled pork barbeque that Mark had made last week to that, and then served it with the omelet.  

 the tomatoes had started to wrinkle, it was freeze or use time...

The actual recipe that I found that had all those same ingredients did minced cooked porkchop, cooked with tomato and onions and precooked rice and flavored with soy sauce into a sort of flat 'meatloaf', slathered with ketchup, and served with a sunny-side up fried egg on top.  The tastes were very similar, except I didn't do the soy sauce as I wasn't sure what Esme would think of that with the tomato.  She said she's willing to try it next time.

tuesday catch up study

Tuesday, and I do not have big plans.  But I want to catch up on my language lessons because I pretty much fell asleep early last night and slept most of the night - which doesn't happen too often.  But yesterday was a long day, on the end of three other active days.

I went ahead and did Clozemaster Japanese and Chinese in the morning, because I skipped them last night.  I make notes on several things, but I'm getting 7 or 8 out of 10 right on the Japanese, less on the Chinese, but the Chinese characters really inform my kanji learning.

I also did a full 50 xp on Duolingo at Japanese level 20.  I've finally reached that a few days ago and it is getting into new territory for me.  There are still a lot that I already know, but a few of the 'new words' are actually new words for me.

Did Baltoslav tools, words and pictures in Japanese, and paid attention to the kanji as well as the hiragana / katakana - trying to pronounce even words I don't know, and translate from the kanji as a help tool.  The kanji often gives clues to what the word will mean - if it has to do with plants, people, structures etc etc...  The little that I know of kanji is actually helpful with this.

'is that a brain or ground hamburger?'

'don't know, let's pour some coffee on it and see if it responds'

'simpler, do you want to study kanji today?'

'(*sobbing*)   OK, it's a brain'

 

Ate onigiri (rice balls) that were in the fridge from before the weekend.  Laundry, dishes, poking around a bit here and there returning again and again to meme stuff because that is what showed up in my feed and I needed a brain break to absorb what I had just learned. Drank much much coffee, talked with Mark for a good while.  I feel I have missed out on being nose-to-the-ground in studies before, high school, college.... tangled up feelings with what society wants me to study and know and what I actually want to learn and chase down.

Went ahead and listened to a few anime conversations in Japanese, because they came up in my feed.  Then found NHK Lessons on the Japanese broadcasting site through poking around looking for an empty N5 Kanji chart.  I have one somewhere, but I may have to erase all the answers on it and then come back later when I don't have them memorized.

I can do the level 11 Japanese on my phone after a bit.  I keep walking by it, thinking my phone is in my case on my desk - picking it up, finding it empty, and then saying I'll go to the charger and get my phone later.  Later comes, I've drank  more coffee, and walked right by it another three times.

Then I have babadum I can do for a bit, and decide if I want to slide into another language or pick up a few more Japanese lessons on DL or switch to Chinese there (L9 vs L6 on pc and phone). 

Later, when my brain has had enough, I'll let it slide into French by playing a few game-days on Stardew valley or taking a nap until it is time to make supper and feed animals.

//interesting note - I'm finding myself putting my fingers to my lips while looking at the balto-slav hiragana and trying to sound out the word - I'm not speaking, often, except in my head, but even when I take my finger away when I began thinking again about how the word sounds, it snaps right back there  

these little involuntary things are interesting to me... I have not found myself doing that with latvian or even russian(cyrillic writing)... but Japanese, I'm doing that

bit :

went out into the yard to check the chicken's water since it is supposed to be 101 degrees today... luckily, at this time of the season, the big cedar tree shades their water area in the afternoon - so they are all sitting in the shadow of that big tree, by their water dish, enjoying themselves  

We keep our air conditioning set at 87 - which keeps the basement of this half-underground house a little cooler than that, because of the concrete flooring and concrete in-ground walls.  I came in from outside and thought boy, the house, even the upstairs, is noticeably cooler than outside!  Check, and the weather site says this - 107 right now.  OK, that could explain that.  The dogs all wanted in from outside, but Loki cat says 'tscha' and is stretched out in the shade under the trees in the yard.  I saw Mama cat Minion and Lyffan earlier today but haven't seen them for a while - probably show up in another few hours from wherever they have been hiding in the shade.  Esme came home off the school bus and the driver had been posting how very hot like an oven the bus was.  Esme says 'really, it's THAT hot?  I really don't even notice the temperature.'  This she says while wearing a long-sleeve sweatshirt hoodie and jeans.  Which, she almost always does, even when it is 0 degrees I have a hard time getting her to put a coat on at the bus stop for that time we are up there.

anyway, recorded for posterity  I brought the backup battery in from the back of my truck, but will probably bring it with again when I get groceries.  It is at 12.5 volts, which it was a few days ago.  When the truck was having an issue and the light first came on, it was registering 11.9 and dropping.  Then the mechanic fixed a few things quickly, replaced a fuse and I'm not sure what the other thing was - but the running voltage went from 11.9 to 13.86, and now it is 14.2 while running.  So, it wasn't charging the battery, he replaced some small quick parts and now it is.  When I got home from that it was then at 13.1, and 13.0 the next day, but the warning light was still on.  The other day I stopped once on the way home and the regular truck battery was 12.9 when I got home.  Then the next day I didn't stop, and it was 12.99.  I stopped on the way to work for gas and tested when I parked it at the office and it was 13.1 after a very short drive (which is why I was worried, no time to charge it between the two).  I didn't test it this last time I parked it but so far I'm at a loss as to why that light is still on.

Monday

 Over the work weekend, on to the week.  The truck started each of my work days, although the battery light never went off.  Does this mean I shouldn't have been worried last week?  No... because I can't see the future and I did have a legitimate concern.  It's still concerning.  But I am very glad and grateful that I was able to get to work on the days they had scheduled me.

Made spaghetti for Esme and I and leftover meatloaf bits.  Later, made a tomato quiche egg pie thing to put up a little for breakfast and to give the rest to the dogs as a treat.  It worked well.  Mark asked me if this was alchemy... is it black alchemy, in that I can't reveal the secrets?

 

No, it's whole wheat alchemy.

8 eggs

1/4 to 1/3 cup of whole wheat flour

some salt

some baking powder

3 to 5 tbsp of tomato paste (leftover from two other meals I made, and now I had this big glop left so I thought - we'll see how that mixes in)

baked at 350 degrees for 30 minutes

Doing minimum Japanese and going to bed.

It was a very long route day, with mail counting, and 100 degree weather and all that on top of it being Monday, which means we just have more mail than any other day usually.

work weekend

 

Getting through the work weekend.  Cooked today when I got home, as today was just packages, but yesterday was a full route and I got home later.  I got groceries on the way home, just to test the vehicle.  It started okay, and I took measurements when I got home (still data geek here).  Mark and Esme made a meatloaf, and then soon after dinner I crashed.  

I took measurements yesterday after making that extra stop, and today after getting home with no stops - and they were about the same.  The battery light is still on, which is why I'm still data-mining to figure out what I can myself about the situation.  There are other reasons it could still be on, and none of them are good.  But it does keep starting and there isn't any big exclamation point saying 'it is clearly this', either.    I'm not quite on edge as I had been about it the other day, but the mouse isn't asleep either (I'm still slightly worried about what in the world is going on).

I could make more bread and more quiche today  - we have lots of eggs, and I have the time.  I don't know if I'll get around to it.

 

Have done my Japanese on two platforms and put laundry in the dryer and am thinking of falling over for a nap.  It is very hot, and I'm not sure how well that will work out. My Japanese is coming along well, but my French is leaking through the cracks while I'm doing work.  The word for this or that in French has sort of just popped up during the day, although a lot of Japanese review has been going on in my 'undercurrent' as well.  It is sort of nice because one of the automatic (automagical?) things that happens then is my brain starts trying to translate between those two languages as well - and make cross-connections, which are very useful later.  I have three more Japanese things to do later today and I might let myself do French on one of those instead or do a French/Japanese translation chart.

Still playing the Stardew valley game in French, a few minutes yesterday before I finally went to sleep.  My little orchard keeper is filling her orchard up with fruit trees one by one.. and keeping up with the other things that happen in the first year of the game.  There are a lot of milestones in that first year, which is perhaps why I keep starting over and playing it again from other directions and with other techniques.  She has to get her chicken coop, and silo, barn and house expansion all saved materials and moneys for, while also growing crops, advancing in the mine killing monsters and mining materials and filling up the community center boxes with all the different things it wants and she has to go and find near and far all over the little world.

Friday slide into work weekend

Earlier this week my truck battery had begun to have issues - the only truck we've got at the moment, and it really sent me for a loop, emotion wise.. but I dealt with that as best I could, including going to the mechanic to see if I could get it fixed without major repair etc.. and I wasn't entirely certain even up to this morning if the fix had 'taken'... but all the numbers seem to be going in the proper direction today (I'm a bit obsessive, I want data, and I put the voltage tester on it the other day and again today to make some sort of mathematical sense out of it all) although, the indicator light is still on, and I can't find anything in my manual or on the internet about what charge voltage that needs to be for the light to turn ON/OFF for low voltage.  Apparently, it's higher than the other day, but not there yet.  The mechanic said 'it should turn off, after a bit'... he's usually right on those things.  

So I got to my short work shift this morning, got home, took my data for numbers on the voltage, and then fell over for a nap.   I made fine egg noodles and tomato sauce, served with peaches and leftover pulled pork for Esme and I for dinner, watered my garden, watched some silly old tv stuff with Mark and did my Japanese (plus that little bit of Chinese on Clozemaster).  Mark put his pulled pork on a sandwich.  The old tv stuff had captions it said were in Swedish, but I kept feeling they were actually in Finnish.  I didn't go tracking it down too hard, but I kept recognizing Finnish words and I don't know Swedish that well.

 

Work again tomorrow.  I'm more confident that it should start and get me there and back tomorrow than I was this morning.  Last night I was just trying to tell myself it was a decent number when I had left it, to just get in and try to start it this morning and bring all the tools and backup battery, jumper cables and the voltage tester with me for if I had any problems getting back home.

 Overpreparation, obsessive studying and overworrying of the problem even though I don't have the answers... yep, that's me.  I think I've done better over the past few years finding the things that 'center' me, or at least allowing myself to actually rest more comfortably (or at least, statically) in that center instead of constantly feeling like I'm balancing on top a pole instead and going to fall.  When I can't distract myself with something useful though, language lessons, laundry, cooking, finishing little projects, it does get hard to quiet it all and Mark has seen some of the physical almost yoga poses I do sometimes when I'm trying to find a balance.  I told him that since I feel like that will help, and it can't hurt, I'm just going to sit like that for a minute and see if what my body is telling me will feel better actually might.  I'd say it is a bit between yoga and reflexology and just reminding myself that I am in this body and 'we' (the body and I) move together and exist together //zen?  I don't know.

I told Esme this morning (about the overprep / data thing) that it is like I have a little mouse in me that is running around and screaming, but I don't let the mouse run ME around, I just stand there and give it logic and numbers and tell it that we'll have to see how things work out and still, it just keeps running around, and there really isn't way to make it stop, the point is to make sure that you get other things done even with the mouse distracting you, and don't let the mouse make you start to panic as well.  Sounds silly.. but I'm also big into analogies, philosophy and et al.

Finished Objects trickling down

 crochet cat / kitty toy  

(Available: mariemeyer.etsy.com )

'whale shark' woven sketchbook and pens pouch

I was working on keeping my mind off other things, so I started finding things that needed some work on them.

on the finishing table : crochet orange / yellow / gray striped rug (just have to tie up ends)

in progress : pink cat and grey sheep small knit toys (might be a bit on those)

Thursday bits

Daphne (dog, 12 years old), and Melody (blind dwarf Nigerian goat) out in the yard as I was cooking this morning, talking (I think) about the cat that had been sunning himself in that area just recently and where he was now that he was out of smell range.  They both went back and forth in that same little area for a little while after the cat got up, and the goat seemed to 'ask questions' to the dog, and then finally they both laid back down for a bit before Daphne decided it was time for her to bark at the door and go into the other bigger yard.

It is August, and the yard has been really really dry - but they have a big water trough (not seen from this angle) and we dump it and refill it every few days (lots of salamanders, frogs, and even sometimes little ringneck snakes there!).  There is some pigweed growing in one area but the goat finds anything she can reach that she likes (including tree branches and vines on the fence) and eats it with relish, as well as her alfalfa and oats she gets inside the house when we bring her in every few hours for a snack and a scratch and someone to tell her she isn't alone.  

 

Dogs and cats always going in and out at all hours, they each have their own way of asking.. we laugh sometimes that the goat 'meows' at the door when she is really lonely, having learned it from the cats.  That's even funnier, because the cats are Manxes and they hardly can make a squeak - but the goat really does sound like a cat when she cries loudly.

 

Made fried rice from leftovers and green onions in the freezer.  Crushed up a few dry roasted peanuts to put on top with some red chili paste.  I need to make another pot of rice to put up for the weekend later, but I have the container I like to keep it in the dishwasher right now. (reason for using up the last bit of rice)

 

Esme and Mark worked on the electrical boxes and wiring that she is trying to learn.  He had her taking bits apart in the garage to learn how to do it hands-on.  She has said she wanted to study that more, but hadn't been willing to get her hands on things that might break - so he gave her some old things from building the house and asked her to dismantle them to their base parts and then they'll hook them back up and she can see how to do it all properly in the garage circuits.

Other than that, did two hours of Japanese learning this morning, much more than I usually ever do for only one language.  And that is on top of what I will do later on this evening.  Usually I do about 15 minutes to an hour of multiple languages in the morning, and repeat that (not always with the same languages) later in the evening.  

This week, I've been doing almost exclusively Japanese.  I was told that Japanese is my best bet for any future translation work - and I admit it needs some more focus than I was giving it, especially in vocabulary.  

I'm doing the level 19-->20 on one Duolingo account, and reviewing level 10 Japanese on the other one instead of using the second one for multiple languages as I had been doing.  I've done babadum several times a day to 50 or 100 cards, baltoslav tools a few times each (you get three-strikes-out on there, but you can start over as many times as you want)  and tried translating anything I see on FB and Pinterest, and doing Clozemaster (that is Japanese and then Chinese, which does help with understanding the kanji characters), although that is only a few minutes every night.  My brain is doing the 'Hey, do you know this?' for words and symbols even when I'm doing other things, so that is working.  I know it is working best when the language keeps infringing later and things I didn't get quite right or wasn't 100% certain about (what is the symbol for ima (now, in Japanese), you know it when you see it but what IS it.. could you draw it?)

*baltoslav vs. babadum:  baltoslav there is no sound - you have to know what it says (hiragana or katakana shown, my katakana is still a bit shaky in the f and r sections, actually.. but this is helping), BUT, the kanji are there to help / intrigue you... and make connection.  You can keep google translate up in the next window and check the pronunciation to make sure you are reading it right, and that is cheating - but what is better than immediate reinforcement of the right sound / meaning when you don't know it?  babadum is the pronunciation and the hiragana/katakana mix, but no kanji, and you don't get to check what the right answer was because it is swoop onto the next thing, you got it right or wrong - and that is pretty good for learning like a child, as well - you start remembering what the right thing is because you want to get it right, but I am finding using both I'm learning differently on both, and that both help tamp down the pegs into the right places for vocabulary.  I think I kind of need a little of both.

I get along pretty good in it when I'm focusing on it, although I would still say it is well below my reading ability in French.  Japanese uses its own scale (N5 being the lowest level, up to N1 the fluent level) than the European languages (A1 being the lowest, and then A2, B1, B2 and C1 and C2 reaching fluent level).  I would have to say I know a lot of N5, but probably would still have to take a test in it several times because I am sure there are gaps between what they test and teach, just like everything has.  

 

I have a short work shift tomorrow, hoping the vehicle does all it should.  And then I have regular shifts on Saturday and Sunday.  I don't know when there might be traction on the little car we were told about - but he says he will let us know as soon as he knows something.  I stopped by there with the truck yesterday and got some of the issues it is having right now worked out, but not all - that brake spring is still not easy to fix, the fix we made broke again on the way back to the house *sigh*

Still : 

Yesterday the washing machine was acting up and the dryer looked like it had not dried the clothes or I had forgotten to turn it on.  Reset everything, and the washer finished out okay - whatever it was, it worked out.  The washing machine spun down to empty.  The dryer dried the clothes, and then I put the washed clothes in for the next load and they dried, as well.  I made dinner, Mark changed up what he was doing halfway through, and suggested instead we make two separate meals where I was working on one .. but I segued and still made what we were looking for, and what he wanted, and then we sat down and ate it while watching a cute film 'Earwig', a 2020 Studio Ghibli collaboration I had not even heard of.  I had a small nosebleed for about an hour through all of that - whatever luck that was it decided that was the right time for it and I just kept moving and tried to get done what we were doing, and it stopped finally.  I haven't had that for a long time, but then I haven't had a sinus infection for months, either - so I guess it follows trying to clear out all of that.   Today, I'm doing okay, working on the language work.  Next stress will be getting the vehicle to work on Friday and back home - and the battery is charging itself now, it was at 13.03 volts after I returned home which is well enough to crank it for Friday.   I just have to remember to not let the brake lights stay on when I'm not in the vehicle.

Funny bit : 

Night before last we made some egg / rice dog bread stuff with the rest of the pork grease and broth in the pork roast pan.  That is sort of a rich treat, so they didn't get all of it after it cooled, and we put some up in a bag in the fridge to give out here and there.  This morning, when I let the dogs out after the school bus ran, they lounged around the porch for a while.  Then, Minerva started barking she wanted to come in.  I went to let her in and the other two, Daphne and Charlotte, were laying in the leaves.  They both simultaneously put heads up, ears rotated, and everything about their body language said 'Will there be Snacks?'  It was a very clear communication to me.. so I said 'There could be, yes.'  To which, they popped up immediately and came running in to the house and all the way downstairs in front of me.  

Minerva had gotten up on the couch while I was talking to them, and looked at me like 'What did I miss?'  I said 'Snacks, come on' and she popped up and went downstairs, too.  I started giving them out and called for Sweetie, who was sleeping in the office on a dog bed, and she didn't come.  I went into the office with a piece in my hand and she curled up tightly and said 'I don't want another bath! (she got one last night, and it was cold apparently all night for her)'  But then I bounced the egg bread in my hand and she popped her head up and said 'OH' and followed me back into the kitchen.  Everybody got two more bits of egg bread and I put the last back up for later tonight.

I just love dog language - it is funny, and their emotions are very deep, from the I don't want a bath to surprise to pleading with their eyes for something they know is there (in the fridge, downstairs) and I still understand exactly what they are 'talking' about.

Plants and Dogs

 

 

Charlotte having a good roll in the grass behind the lespedeza

the thistles opened up even quite a bit more than yesterday.  There is a bug visiting the one already...

Thistles in August and September

 

The thistles in the 'valley' - in the town to the west of us, they bloom in May and June.  They have long since lost their flowers and even fallen down to the roadsides where I cannot even see them anymore.  Our thistles have been growing slowly the past few months, growing tall - and now, today, on August the 20th, they have finally begun to show signs of blooming.

Our thistles always seem to bloom in August and September here - in our 'lonely mountain' as Mark calls it.  We are some 300 to 600 feet above the town - which really isn't much compared to some places, but it sets our entire property into a different climate, which trickles down into many other strange (and sometimes wonderful) things happening.

We had those cedar waxwings the other day, and numerous turkeys, deer with fawns etc etc...  There is a family of grey foxes that argues constantly down in the little creek here.  The Joe Pye weed is also finally starting to bloom on the roadsides down in the valley - I always look for it about this time, covered in butterflies.  The bees and butterflies will be covering our thistles again soon, as well.

I saw the bedstraw blooming, as well, and the Devil's Walking Stick (Aralia spinosa, Angelica tree) was blooming a few weeks ago, covered in pollinators and is starting to form it's berries down along the creek.  I found tomato hornworms for the first time yesterday, and fed those to our chickens.

 

 

Continuing to work on my Japanese.  Hoping to hear back from someone about a little car we are looking for. 

Did the level 19 Japanese on one app, and some 'round' study - rewrote my notes, checked multiple spellings, tried to remember everything I could and then went on to the vocabulary app and saw how much more I could remember.  Review Level 10 later on the phone, just to get it done, and then maybe repeat the vocabulary and go on to the clozemaster.

our Daphne dog came for a walk with me, her joints are getting pretty stiff lately - but when she goes and runs and hollers through the woods she can barely get up for a while after she lays down.. I've been telling her to take it easier.  Charlotte is the 'puppy' and even she hears Minerva out in the woods often and says 'too tired for that' and flops back down

fed the chickens some lespedesza, then changed their water, looked for more hornworms but didn't see any - doesn't mean they aren't there  I would have put a banana bread in the oven but Mark has the end of the monthly pork loin that I got yesterday and the temperature is right for it but not for the banana bread.  Will go look up freezing bananas for that sort of thing and how the defrost should go.  Talked with Esme this morning about things, while we were waiting for the school bus.

how we motivate

it's Monday

ok brain, we're at 80% but we can drag ourselves up

yes -- I'm here talking to my brain/body like it's a second person, because it's a conscience: (jiminy/pinocchio) type feeling a lot  like I know what I have to do (jiminy conscience) but I have to pull myself with hooks and ropes to get it done bit by bit (pinocchio/puppet)

got Esme off to school, fed the chickens

did the dishes and the floor towel/rug laundry

cleaned some other things (sink, stove, counters), swept some

--it's not everything that it needs, but it's some, and that's better than none

--if we didn't do the some when we can, none of it would get done

--told myself to pick two more things that I don't do everyday that should be done right now

//cleaned the cat food counter (Loki did not appreciate, and he attacked my feet very gently later because he had been shooed down)

//washed one of the concrete floor sections (but then the cleaner was too much for Mark and after I do one section I'm kind of done, too and worry about getting a headache from it, and from the hanging my head down and getting back up etc etc..) 

did my Japanese homework on two platforms, that leaves two more later

-- my remembering ear is getting pretty good for Japanese, almost as good as for Welsh and French.  I can remember most of what I've heard in a single long sentence and where it should go (order)... but some of the in between things like 'wa' and 'to' and 'mo' I still have to ask 'did I hear that?' etc.  My vocabulary needs a big expansion, doing babadum for that and realizing how very little DL has given me for word number

made my budget paper for the month so I know what I need to remember

--that can be depressing and I've got it in my head but that's not the same as writing it out and filling in figures and checking things off 

--asked myself what was one thing I had asked myself for a number on (spending, percentage, etc etc..) that I didn't have a firm answer for last week?  Check that.  (which means finding a paper it is on) Ok, I know that for certain now.  Rarely when I have those questions am I anywhere I can look it up.. and then I forget to when I have the time unless I store it in that 'mental box' AND check it when I have a moment.

made a grocery list, checked the animal feeds

--one of the grocery items limits where I can go for it, and that makes getting the feeds probably another day

smacked myself that I have to check the oil in the truck

--whimpered that I need to check the transmission fluid, as well (very difficult, it is so far down in the engine after they did that rebuild a few years ago I have to fight with it several times before I get anywhere AND then if it needs some, I have to close it up, go get some, open it again AND find a way to get it down into that tiny space - last time I rigged up a CPVC pipe and a funnel and some tape in order to get it done)

--and I should go do the checks on the truck before I go get the groceries

--so I'll know if I need to buy oil or transmission fluid while I'm out

and none of that is going to do itself by my checking my email and my social media and drinking more coffee

// checked the oil - it was ok, checked the transmission fluid, it was ok

// took the truck to town, and filled it with gas, got the animal feeds

// then the battery light came on (long story, has to do with it being a mail truck with a return spring that breaks a lot on the brakelights) - and realized I had not been pulling the brake lights back up this entire trip which I needed to do since the spring broke again on Saturday

// came home instead of getting groceries, and put it on the charger (after the charger alligator clip was broken, and we had to fix that first)..

// can someone please send me a bucket of luck or something, I need it

work weekend done

 

Went out and delivered packages today, came home and started a new orchard on the Stardew Valley game.  Have been doing Japanese for the past few days trying to catch myself up a little.  We also watched several Studio Ghibli movies, and I could recognize more of the writing and some of the words in subtitles on the Ponyo movie.  We watched The Cat Returns tonight, and  I had not ever seen that one before.  Mark made a sloppy-joe type sauce and mixed it with day old white rice he had in the fridge - and it was very good.  I haven't done quite that combination and the starch tasted much different than with 'new' rice.  

We all worked together and transplanted the coleus we made cuttings from two weeks ago into a new bed outside.  Those were the prettiest cuttings we selected, and the resulting small plants are very pretty, indeed.  We have to start thinking about harvesting seed from the entire field soon - which is how we got so many coleus this year, from harvesting seed from just a few big plants last year.  I saw a whole family of little cedar waxwing type birds enjoying the seeds on that and several other vines on the fence today - I called Esme out of her room so she could see them twittering about with each other and walking upside-down on the vines.

I have used some of this yellow mustard seed before - and added it and some fennel (and celery seed and black pepper) to a pea soup I made yesterday, and finished eating today.  I'm trying to keep this sinus infection in check, and it is much less than it was yesterday and the day before.  It's almost clear today but now I have to worry about the congestion still.  I haven't had one of these type of sinus infections in months, and then I get it in the summer... figures.  I used to get these infections every few months when I worked at the dusty hardware store and was in the public daily constantly exposed to everyone else's germs - so I know what to do for them, but still.. I'd like this one to move on (and it only will through drinking as much liquids as possible : soup and teas (spearmint/licorice in coffee, ginger licorice in coffee and the eucalyptus 'throat tamer' stuff that used to be sold as Mama Bear's Cold Care) and steam, avoiding sugar and milk (not easy) a decongestant once in a while, and trying not to get into any more dust and sneezing myself into a worse situation.  I have some brown mustard seed and some caraway seed I have never used much of - from the same time I bought the mustard and fennel above - may try some of both of those if I make some more soda bread this week.

I don't have work again until Friday, unless someone calls.  Mark wants me to run and get a few groceries tomorrow that we didn't know we were out of until today.  If I had known when I was in town, today, I would have gotten them then.

Daphne's legs seem to be a little better, but she is still stiff at times - probably after running through the woods and then stretching out on the gravel to sleep - I told her she needs to stop running around after deer and rabbits with the other dogs and just let her pulled muscles heal up.

On the Japanese I'm doing the low level on the phone, and the higher level on the computer, and then Clozemaster as well.  I didn't do babadum today but I might go do at least twenty cards there now before I go back to extending Alma's orchard (the character above, in Stardew Valley)  'Alma' means apple in Hungarian :)  and a few other languages, as well.  Right now I just have acorns or maple seeds planted where the fruit trees will go (as the fruit trees are expensive and she is still in her first Spring, saving up to get one of each I want to know where I'm going to put them).

bits summer rainstorm

 There is a big storm moving in, the radar shows it will be here in a few hours - just as I will need to be leaving for work.  Someone told me it won't reach here, but I'm up anyway, as I woke up at 3 am and felt the rumbling overhead, and animal faces were at the door asking to come in.  They usually know what is what.  

Our Daphne dog is having a lot of trouble with her knees - she is over 12 now?  She has been coming in the upstairs door, but wanting out the downstairs door instead of climbing back up the stairs.  I've let her out the garage a few times, and this morning I made her a special bowl of dog food with milk because she had been laying on the porch outside most of the night and didn't want to come in because of the stairs.  But she made it.  She is the heaviest of the four dogs, and she has a habit of pulling her tendons a lot.  But this stiffness has went on for a few days and she might be feeling the weather coming, as well.

The potatoes I put out in the ground can benefit from the rain that is coming - it's been dry for a good long time.. and now we get a 'gully gusher' as it is predicting on the one site... I don't want to drive to work in that but it is what it is... 

We watched Ponyo last night, from Studio Ghibli.  It's been years.  Mark said it was 'lush' with all the marine life, and the simple but beautiful depictions of the boy's house, the food Ponyo eats for the first time, the little octopus that is sneaking over the lady's shoe and up into the house.  I understood some of the Japanese characters on buildings, posters and especially when the mother is signalling baka baka -repeater kanji (na) over and over again when she is angry.. I didn't catch all of what the boy sent back to his father at the end, but I got some of it.  

 Drinking more ginger licorice coffee and waiting for daylight - to feed the chickens if I can before the rain hits.. we'll just have to see how that works out.  Started doing my Japanese at level 19 again on the other profile, after refreshing on the phone profile for a while (which is at level 10?).  Japanese has three writing systems and they throw them all together sometimes, and that can get complicated, and make it a little harder to remember everything visually when it can be 'spelled' three ways and some of them are phonetic and some of them are iconographic so you just have to try to remember what it 'sounds' like at the same time.

It's 5 am now, and the rainstorm is rolling in as predicted by my weather site.  I have been telling myself to find a backup wall charger and cord for my phone to put in a plastic bag in my purse, and finally connected that today.  It's been a while since I carried one, and I should.

small things

 There is a bird at the bus stop, a red one, who has learned to mimic the school bus sound - or as close as he can, not like a jay or catbird would, but he is trying to get the melody down, in case it is a good song.  We talked to him for a second this morning.  I said : "Chirp Chirp.  I see you." even though he was in the top of the silver maple trees... and he thought (or so it seemed) 'Oh No, she really can see me!' and flew across the road to another tree above our heads.  So I did see him, and he was red - and then as the bus began to back up and do it's 'beep beep beep /flash lights noise' he tried to make a different little bit of high pitched song in the same canter.  I didn't want to miss writing about that.

A few weeks ago we put more potatoes in the box by the window.  One had grown roots, and the others were all in a wrinkly state.  And I've almost forgotten about them - a thought here and there, usually when I am nowhere near them.  But this morning I remembered a thought of a thought, and told myself if not today, it will be days again before I might think of them.  So I went down and took a look, and they really hadn't advanced any from the original state.  They were sort of dried out - it has been so dry lately.  But I took them outside anyway and prepared the bed I had been thinking of, and placed them down in the very dry dusty soil, which was not deep enough but dug as deep as it was going to easily.  I got a five gallon bucket of dirt from our holding pen by the garage, where it had been composting in the dark beneath a kiddie pool - and carried it to the garden to spread over the top of the potatoes.  I watered them in.  They have a chance - even more perhaps if it rains.. or at the very least, they will fertilize that soil for next year.

I made a bread omelette this morning, and ate it with tomato and peaches.  And for lunch I finished the last of my pea soup.  I hope I hadn't wrecked all the progress I made the past two days on this sinus infection by playing with all that soil. I slept a lot yesterday, and drank water and other liquids to the point of nausea.. been still working on drinking today, but I should be doing more.  Have not fallen over for a nap though, although I thought about it.

leftover soda bread crust from the soda bread I made two days ago, folded into an omelet, and served with tomato and fruit

I made it in my tamagoyaki pan, similar to the omurice omelets I have made for Esme a few times.

I played Stardew Valley in French, and learned a few little strange things the past few days that I didn't know how I missed before.  You can cast at a diagonal with the fishing rod - I always thought that was a 'tease' that you wish you could, but you can't and they put things in unreachable places just to prove that to you.  But then I found it by accident.  If you press any of the walk direction keys while you are casting, the cast 'drifts' in that direction from where you are standing... *blink*

I did more Chinese characters, Japanese DuoLingo and babadum, and a little bit of French.  I dipped back into WaniKani after a very long time away (Japanese kanji) and was sitting there staring at the symbols saying 'what is it.. what is it...' felt a little like middle school.  I got 73% of the ones it threw at me right though, but I had '380 reviews' and bailed after 100 saving the rest for later *ha*  I read more cooking blog in Norwegian, and am getting the ingredients down by heart better, but still have to use translate a lot.  Work on the weekend, am looking to do the laundry here in a minute.

bits

 I've gotten the beginning of school cold, along with the bus driver and all the kids and moms etc.. saw so much complaining of it online this morning, and well, for the past few days, too.  Esme had a little bit of it a few days ago, and I gave her lots of tea, some pineapple juice and made her eat soup as 'prep'.  

So today, I made myself some pea soup with onions and spices, and have drank most of the jar, as well as forcing lots of other liquids down myself that is difficult (I really don't too well drinking liquids normally...my stomach does not take kindly to regular liquids (coffee it is fine with) and I have to drink slowly or it comes back up) but chicken broth, coffee, tea, soup ... I've gotten it down and just kept at it, and then took several naps.  It is so hot right now, 97 today, that I guess it is needed all around.

 

 

old picture, but basically this, except blended very fine

Did pull myself up about noon and 'tilted myself towards town' as I told Mark - so that I could make sure Esme had juice and a few other things we needed to get.  If I don't feel much better tomorrow, it would have been harder to do that.  And I'm scheduled for the weekend.

 

Suggested they eat a pizza for dinner and I crashed after drinking more soup.  Got up and fed the animals, watered the garden, drank three more containers of liquid... did some language exercises.  I'm going to 'tilt myself towards bed' again soon and sleep as much as I can, it has helped immensely each time after drinking lots of fluid, sleep until I have to wake up etc etc... 

Languages : French, Japanese, more Chinese and Chinese characters (using Clozemaster, and DL both).  The French is high-level grammar, the Japanese is mid-level still learning lots of vocabulary, and the Chinese is extremely elementary introduction lessons.

watched a video about surprising yourself with language learning, and I had just been in a discussion on a language board earlier in the morning about using lots and lots of different methods, and switching languages in order to 'give my brain a vacation' from the priority language (which for me, is really French) and the other languages (Japanese, as example) in order to keep things lively and realize just how much you know or don't know when you switch or come back after a 'hiatus'.

I played babadum in Japanese for a little while, and definitely felt that - I've done a lot of Japanese lately on Duolingo, but being thrown the hiragana and a word you can only hear once, and then picking the picture for lots of things you haven't actually ever been shown - that is a great learning experience. 

languages, and bits of dreams

 

I'm trying a half-batch of Apple Cider Vinegar soda bread in the oven, after mulling over the chemistry for few days, rabbitholing a few times, and thinking about what I have in stock.  I thought it was a good day to try something new.
 

 baked

cut up hot

 

eaten with peaches and peach syrup

I put the rest of the soft slices away in a container, and the hard bits and crust into a bag to add to some soup later today or tomorrow, it's a recipe that is going to need some trying out different chemical reactions (sugar?, honey?  I added an egg above the board of the boildown recipe I had found, and what did that do, if I don't add that next time, what would happen?  I used the 1:.75 ratio of the flours that four out of the five recipes had.. why did that other one have the smaller ratio of wheat flour?  worth looking at) and techniques (did I cut too deep?  did I knead too much and should have left it with some of the air trapped in it that happened right away?  if I made twice the size of the loaf instead of halving it, would it not have been so very hard outside or would it have been about the same?) 

It took about 45 minutes total to make, and I keep all the ingredients.

It's worth experimenting.

 

 Languages:

I thought it was about time to update the language tree - but anything not nearing level 10 means I'm not really working on it... there are a few of the harder languages at 9 right now.  The site that keeps the info only makes 'level' ratings up to 25, although the French and the Spanish go way beyond that in the actual program.  So I'm barely halfway through the French's 'section 5' which is only B1 rating, comparatively.  But still, that means I'm still working on it.  I just can't stick to it and only it - my brain needs to have the connections and variety.  Besides these, I'm still doing a little Latvian and Lithuanian elsewhere, and studying Chinese characters randomly as they come up on another program to extend the Kanji (Japanese) learning I did last year.

I still find it funny that I was told, as a young person, that my speech impediment (lisp) meant that I would never be able to speak any other language well, and I shouldn't even try.  Not to mention the dyslexia, which I had found my own ways of getting around*, which were considered to be me just being overly imaginative (with my phonetic script I learned to transcribe things in so I could connect them better, starting from age 9*, and informed by much of the other philosophy and language things I was randomly finding and absorbing as fast as I could understand it) and playing around with things like a child plays dollhouse or something.  * I did have a good teacher that got my feet under me and then started me on the way, it wasn't all on my own, no,  but the phonetic language was my own work, later, because things still didn't make sense.

And also, repeatedly told that I was 'never going to use any of that' so why would I even want to try to learn something like Portuguese or Japanese.. but of course, that was in the 80s and 90s.  If I had only really pursued some of these earlier, besides the German I was put into in high school - where would I be in them today?  I had a head start in French from my grandmother, but then I didn't get enough resources and definitely no encouragement to continue it.  That's so hard - you can't do that!  And the high school class 'was full' because I was at the end of the alphabet and not high in GPA.. so German it was.  And I still don't really feel the compulsion to follow learning German in the way I do a few other languages... it's there.  I could.  And yet, why don't I?  I can read some of it and understand some of it and then as usual I drift away and go do something else.

But then, with the internet making it so much easier to find resources and confirm translations than the hunt and peck and order things of dubious provenance of the 80s and 90s...   and maybe I just needed time for my brain to organize itself, before I could 'take off'.  There's also the real chance that my brain began to organize itself better by learning these the past 8 years, and the faster I put those pieces together, the better everything else has worked for my learning, as well.

French            L 25     XP 52758         22758 XP beyond Level 25
Welsh             L 25     XP 30114         114 XP beyond Level 25
Spanish          L 23     XP 25578         +422 XP to next level
Japanese        L 19     XP 14380         +620 XP to next level
Czech             L 19     XP 13888         +1112 XP to next level
Romanian       L 17     XP 11143         +857 XP to next level
Portuguese     L 16     XP 9632           +868 XP to next level
Italian             L 15     XP 7952           +1048 XP to next level
Greek             L 14     XP 7226            +274 XP to next level
German          L 14      XP 6086            +1414 XP to next level
Finnish           L 13      XP 5515            +485 XP to next level
Catalan (es)    L 12     XP 4303             +597 XP to next level
Russian           L 11     XP 3818             +82 XP to next level
Swedish          L 11     XP 3689             +211 XP to next level
Spanish (fr)     L 11     XP 3190             +710 XP to next level
Norwegian      L 11     XP 3097             +803 XP to next level
Hungarian      L 10     XP 2591             +409 XP to next level
Ukrainian       L 10     XP 2288             +712 XP to next level
Irish                L 9       XP 2174             +76 XP to next level
Turkish           L 9       XP 2044             +206 XP to next level
Chinese          L 9       XP 1882             +368 XP to next level
Polish             L 9       XP 1798             +452 XP to next level

 

It rained in the night, and everything needed it.  It could have rained a little more - it was just enough to take the dry off of most things but not enough to soak in good.. on the bright side, the road was not muddy for walking to the school bus.  Esme and I saw a baby deer up on the road on the way to the bus.  It was a little magical, with very big ears and spots, and it stopped and looked at us before deciding it needed to run off into the woods again.

I had strange dreams in the night, including that I was suddenly careening down the road, even though I had my foot on the brake, and it was dark, so I didn't realize I was moving - fumbling for the headlights, because I hear the wind whipping through the windows and I know there are turns up ahead - and get the headlights on and the absurdity is just ten times higher, my brakes aren't working well.. I'm making it around the corners (like I did when the power steering went out in the other truck) but just barely and I realize that no that isn't the wind, I'm not moving, it's raining outside in the real world and I am in bed.  And I get up and let the dogs in and out.  I stayed up a few hours, then laid back down.

Later, the same type of of dream.. except it starts in the driveway.  My mother and stepfather are there, loaded down with bags and winter clothing - they are going to try to get in my mail truck (there isn't even room, it only has one seat besides the driver and its small) and I don't know where they want me to take them or why etc etc....  I realize walking up to the truck that it is running and for how long?  How did I leave it running, and I'm going to run out of gas?  That was so irresponsible of me, why would I do that... and I get in and they are going to load the things in, my mother is talking about some rash on her hand, and then she sees this huge mass of blood and scratches over my right shoulder (which isn't there, it was some sort of analogy) and I say yes, that happens... it'll be alright, and she gives me this look like 'what in the world how does that happen?' and I shrug it off... (shoulder, analogy, shrugging things off.. yes)

And at that point I realize that I'm also 'half-naked' as I say to my mother in explanation - in tank top and shorts and barefoot and they are wearing full winter jackets and boots and such.. and I tell them I'm going to have to turn the engine off and go inside and get dressed, because I obviously can't go like this.. "I don't know what I was thinking, etc"... and I don't even know where we are going but obviously, I can't go like this.   And yes now I fully realize that this is a dream... that they aren't here, that I should wake up - but for some sort of completeness I go to turn the engine off, but then suddenly again the brakes aren't holding, which they were, before.. again, brain playing games, trying to force me to continue 'playing' and the truck is drifting down the hill.. and I'm trying to figure it out and then a big piece like the element of an oven comes out from underneath it and spits out into the garage... my stepfather and mother aren't there, now I am standing in the garage with Esme and Mark, the vehicle is off and up on blocks and turned 180 degrees, we're trying to figure out what the piece is, if we can replace it and if Esme needs to learn welding to fix it and I am realizing a lot of the things that are in the garage are only sort of 'half-formed', my brain is working really hard to make the air compressor and windows and shelves and things I don't look at often but I'm getting the picture again that this is a dream.. and I should just wake up.

I realize also, in both parts of the dream - that I was sitting in a seat on the left hand side of my truck which is not true - it is a right hand drive.   The lights are even harder to reach from the right-hand seat, but they were right there where they should be on the left and styled like the other vehicle.  So I was somehow merging the two trucks we have on the inside, while it was all the mail truck on the outside.   Everything else about it was the same - just with a left hand seat, and no right-hand seat etc.. I find it interesting that my brain did that.

So, yes, lots of worry allegory there, not in control, things beyond my control etc.  I'm still trying to figure out what the bloody shoulder means 'shrugging' I guess - just the fact that I ignore a lot of what goes on with my body other people would naturally find alarming, perhaps, and just press on. 

 ((footnote* : I had a really good first grade teacher, who got me on the right path when she realized what my issues were, didn't call it dsylexia, but later, I realize she did a lot of talking with me and 'worming out the problem' on each thing I was having trouble with, asked me to describe things, and turned things around or related them visually to me which is dyslexic teaching nowadays, showing me structures like 'gh' and to just mentally replace that in my head puzzle-piecing and trying to match words I knew until the word became apparent phonetically.  AND she kept up with me.  I had a bad second grade teacher, but the first grade teacher still visited my mother and I and helped me out.  She gave me projects and helped out on a Halloween costume I had picked out of a book, helping me follow the instructions and so forth.  I had a better third grade teacher, and at that point, the first grade teacher gave me a set of Laura Ingalls Wilder's books and a bible, and said I was doing better than she had ever hoped and was so proud of me - and to promise to read every one of the Little House books.))