Monday, July 06, 2009

What to do about my mom

My mom can't afford to pay her own bills for electricity, medicine, food, phone bill etc... and yet she sent me a birthday present. I told her not to.

I don't need anything and I definitely don't need something expensive she can't afford - that I can't even send back. She lives in far Northern Minnesota in a very small town (I grew up there) - and shipping from there to here is expensive as well. Even if I try to distract her by asking for something small she ends up sending something big which I didn't need. GROWL - I don't know what to do about this - she did it at Christmas too (well actually in January) and then she lost her phone service from nonpayment a few months later. Any suggestions? How do you get someone to understand that it makes you only worry more in this situation? I'm not my sister - who loves to beg her for lots of stuff, money etc etc.... and whines when Mom doesn't send anything to her. How do I get through to her that this is NOT what I want her to do?

I was already planning on sending them some handmade things for Lizzie (my brother's daughter) and household type stuff. My Mom loves it when I send her handmade things but I don't do it often anymore with my limited time. I'm worried that sending them a box will just encourage her on sending me stuff -- does that sound funny? I used to do that - pile up things to send them 'someday' and then send them in one box. But that just led to her spending more money because she doesn't make things anymore -- not the reaction I wanted. Even worse they're not 'me' things - I'm a crafty tomboy. These things are more slated towards my sister or what my mother likes for herself. Even if she gathered some fabric or Esme-size clothes at a thrift store (which I've reccommended) it would be better!

/End gripe -- I know I shouldn't complain at all. She is being generous and motherly - but I'd much rather know she has her phone and her medicine and something to fall back on. A card or a letter is more than enough. *sigh*


Carrie K said...

I think the best you can do is have another conversation with her when you explain your concerns/worries to her and then....gracefully acquiesce to whatever she does.

mrspao said...

I know it is difficult but the best thing is to say thank you and leave it at that. It is clear she loves you and wants the best for you and your family so if that is the way she needs to show her love then it might be better to leave her to do so and find some anonymous way of helping her out with the other stuff.