'To Sing and Fly'
'Esme calls it a monster who sleeps ;)
Took a few hours off today because I was getting a headache and sales were slow anyway... took a hot bath and Mark was very sweet bringing me coffee and making pizza. I washed and brushed out Esme's hair (which of course, she didn't like) but then she got a lollipop and came upstairs to put on cow dress and watch a cartoon on Mom and Dad's bed. She fell asleep before the pizza was out of the oven. She has a piece ready to reheat when she wakes up.
I saw another print on an artist's website that looked EXACTLY like one of the drawings I had made before. And now I know why. That artist was probably looking at the same 'musculature and skeletal anatomy' book of animals that I was - and subconsciously copied the stance and features of the rabbit when drawing. (Mark asks how I know it is the same rabbit and not just 'a' rabbit... leaving it at saying once you see a picture of muscle-structure only it kind of 'sticks' with you and it looks nothing like a normal picture of a rabbit) I went back and looked through my old drawings (haven't forgotten your request Henry) and there is just SO much there... and not there at the same time. One of my drawings says at the bottom that it is asking 'where do I go - the visions I saw in my head - what do I do with them?'... There is a lot of 'seeking' and 'asking' in the pictures... empty hands and staring into holes in midair. That was several years ago, and I have not drawn much of that lately.
Should sit down and try to draw some more - look through the same old books and drawings and constellation maps, math, geometry, anatomy, ancient languages... it was all coming out into those drawings. I would draw random lines on the paper and it would just 'appear' in the lines -- filling in every little bit until it looked like I sat down and planned it all out to come into one 'multitude' of figures joined in a story. There was often a small bit of prose underneath each drawing to tell something more about it than a 'title' could by itself.
Reading back on these it is like I was seeking some key to the Universe *ha*... Maybe it doesn't come out as much now not just because of less time to do things in - but because I have more important things in the RIGHT NOW, Mark and Esme and all the precious moments that fill the days. The Universe can explain itself later, if it isn't explaining itself to me right now, in that sweetness when we are all together and snug.
These are just a few of hundreds of drawings that are now in file folders in our storage room - they were saved and brought back here when I went to Minnesota with Mark...
This was one of the drawings in my art show in March 2004 in Fargo, ND:
Where do I go?
The question is where do I go?
What do I do with what was said?
The thoughts that came into my mind...
Also from the show:
One can receive knowledge without necessarily understanding it.
Construction and Deconstruction within a dream, The dream possesses some knowledge, constructed from fragments, the contents of this knowledge, it passes to me, and yet I do not understand.
And these were done later the same year.
Seed (growing) Magic in the Seeds of Life, All from one rises, together and apart, forms and reforms, as if by magic, these seeds of life, they grow.
'Can I reach beyond? Can I be enabled? learning, dreaming, creating... will I make it?
There are also a set of very telling drawings from the time I came to be with Mark (January 2007) and all of the way up to Esme's birth (November 2007). Those drawings say 'everything' about me, but not to everyone I'm sure. Someday they may become a book that will show all the depth and strong emotion that was coming out at that time.