I am doing a major housecleaning, which is how I try to get my mind off dwelling on things. They scheduled Esme's IEP meeting at the school for a few weeks from now - and they have acknowledged she has made great progress since last January, but there are still things to work on (of course we know this). And she is still pulling the same 'too scared' or 'too small' to do things - one of the aides told me she does not try hard on her work because she wants to play so badly and she gets a bad attitude with them. Our girl - yes.. our stubborn girl. We recognize this, too. The gym and toys and computers and electronics and the thrill of having all of these children to play with it all with -- she craves that and is not adverse to telling us that she is annoyed (but she doesn't use those words) that it has to end for the day.
Maybe Kindergarten will be better. She will go into a regular class and get some pull outs to work on her language. The meeting is to set up exactly what we want to accomplish and how they will do it, and put it into writing again, like last time. The things she has made great progress on is 1.) using words and learning new ones, 2.) asking questions, 3.) (some) using names, 4.) using and understanding words for spatial things like left/right/up/down/over/under. She doesn't think things like pronouns or categories (clothes, animals, letters, foods) are that important - especially when she wants to do something else. She can use them, understand them etc.. but often just doesn't and doesn't understand what the big deal is. Another progress - sometimes she corrects herself, slows down to repeat something, or tries to work around things she can't quite say in helpful ways instead of throwing a fit or being frustrated. She can express many of her real worries and fears now, but her overexaggeration and tendencies to want to get her own way are starting to be difficult -- her the cat hurt my bone and it is broken to express a pinprick scratch or saying she is too scared to go in the house because she wants to play in the water.. or scared of chapstick because she usually doesn't use it so it must be terrible ... *mama wants to hang her head in her hands sometimes at those but we power through* Some if it is five, some of it is just Esme herself... and I am uncertain whether to be harder on those or softer - make compromises or try to prepare her for 'real world' treatment... it is a case by case basis etc.
I have today and tomorrow off. Esme is at Grandma's. I've been reading a lot of information lately trying to put something together in my head - physics, math, astronomy.... we are thinking of making an open air observatory and I am working up some plans for it. I already sort of use that place on the property to do that - but have no records or anything to use to sight by... it would be nice to have something to make notations by. I wonder what Esme will be when she is five years older ... but then, she could do the same. What kind of parents do I have that they are doing this weird stuff no one else does? ie: sew clothes, write computer programs, design astronomical landscape markers....ie redneck stonehenges..