Wednesday, January 25, 2012

busy busy Wednesday

Esme had her hearing test and language tests this morning. The speech lady said she was able to do all of the tests in one day, and that Esme did very well with all of the 'hard work.' Esme told me the hearing test was 'all beeps' in things over her ears, and that a 'needle' on a (clock face/dial?) went all up and all down, and then was all done. The lady will call us back in a few days to let us know what she thinks. I think that is a good thing - because she will cross-reference the tests and the hearing test and tell us much more than she could have on the spot? I hope that is true.

It was a very busy day - with 'school' for over an hour, and then going out to eat with Esme, the library for an hour.. that in itself would have been a busy day. Then, after we came home, we went back to town with Daddy and Grandma for grocery shopping. Esme helped Grandma put all of her food away while Daddy and I put our food away at our house. Then Esme came home to blow bubbles and paint with her new paint.

//things I'll note: She is using the words 'terrible', 'scary' and 'sick' to see what reactions she can get. Last night, she washed her hair 'happily' so that she could 'go to school tomorrow'. She was so happy - very unlike her when she is washing her hair, did everything herself except rubbing the soap in. I was amazed. And then, for some reason I did not understand 'tomorrow' sunk in with the idea that she would have to go to sleep sometime after we got out of the bathtub. She threw a very bad fit about not wanting to do tomorrow, partially because it had to do with going to bed first. We had a breakdown in communication, which felt like I was dealing with an entirely different child. She curled up into a ball in the bathroom and was freezing to death because she had been in the tub and was wet. She told me I was terrible to her and she was scared of the school, and the lady, and the library, and the talking - Mama should not be talking about Esme. **oh wow, that almost hurt me deep inside - because I want to know how to help her BETTER, and I know she knows more than she tells... she 'knows' Mama has been talking about her and she knows it worries me...and she thinks in some way that I'm 'mad at' or unhappy with her....such a deep subject there** I got nowhere trying to find out where she had become upset - and we were quiet for a while, her curled in the corner, and me unable to figure out what to do with a child crying for what seemed to be no reason whatsoever... Eventually I asked her what I could do to make her feel better - what could I do to 'be good' - and she asked me to kiss her on the head, twice, which I did. Then she got back in the tub and played the regular games with her bath toys she always does. She was quite good for the rest of the night - as if nothing had happened at all! She cuddled up against me and shared a blanket while we watched tv, ate her pizza, and eventually went to sleep with no problems at all... ?? *confused*

This morning when I told her she was going to the school she was happy again - and got ready, and even waited patiently in the office for an hour while really really wanting to go play with the slide in a 'handicapped' room. There was no one to ask - and the children kept coming in and out in different age groups, so I did not want her to be where she should not be. She made up lots of games and talked about lots of things. At one point, she told me SHE was 'terrible, and sick' while we were waiting at the school, and pretended to die on my lap. Afterwards, she told me I was terrible and that everyone was sick when she was eating her food at the restaurant. Was she responding to the 'hospital' like atmosphere of that wing of the school and the children with handicaps? I wondered about that - she had called the school a 'hospital' several times. Or, and perhaps and/or...she just wants to see what we say - because we get worried about those words? And then she is happy again, and wants us to be happy... *shakes head* It will all work out. And as she is ABLE to explain these thoughts and start to understand them - at least, maybe, we will communicate better in the long run?

On a further note - she also did the same 'I am so scared everything is awful' today after the heat exchange came on at the library. She told me the ceiling was coming down and we had to get out before we died. She was VERY upset and crying and wringing her hands. I made her pick up all of the toys she had out while she cried and told me I was crazy we had to run. The librarian insisted to her that I was right - and it was just the heater. She did not agree. After we left the children's wing we were away from that heater - and she stopped and played on the computer for about a half-hour, oblivious to her previous worry and unwilling to agree with me that we were safe, 'not now Mama, later.' It reinforced the idea she was pretending to be scared earlier... but pretending so intensely she physically shivered and cried. ***Mama is too sensitive herself, I think***

Mark remembered she has seen a movie recently where one of the kids was suddenly very afraid and irrational - but he can't remember what movie it was.. Aliens in the Attic? or something else? He thinks some of this 'acting scared and traumatized' is mimicing what she has seen in the movie, and maybe nothing more than the words 'terrible' and 'sick' - seeing what response she will get?

Grandma - you told me four would be harder than three... oh yes, you were right!

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