// Note for self: I was letting Esme look through a mail catalog of toys to see what she would pick out - and she picked out a huge container of markers and paper. That wasn't what I had in mind - but we said we would write a letter to Santa Claus about it and see. She still has her birthday gift from Nana to spend and that sounds like a good thing to spend it on.
When I am sick I have even odder dreams than usual. There were a few 'beautiful' pieces in the dreams last night. I was going through an art supplies store (common theme as I used to work in one) and looking for materials - pan to a studio where a man is looking at a mosaic type painting that seems to be just geometric hexagons with pretty colors... he takes a last drink from a small cup and throws it on the floor - of which I am shocked...it breaks onto the floor and he says 'the light - it is broken.' Wait, he means the painting. Look up at the painting again and realize it is a painted desert rock formation - looking straight up from laying on the ground. The light, it is broken across the faces of the rocks... and I did not see it is as anything but 'flat' before. // pan to a city that has been submerged and is now exposed again.. everything has mud on it. There are plants On the other side of what used to be a street, growing out from between two stories - I am trying to water them with a hose. My coworker says she will meet me on the other side and we can plant seeds on the rooftops where the mud is thick. I am trying to find a way there but get lost in the rooms inside of a place that seems almost untouched. I wonder if I am in the past or the present. I find myself in a hallway room with a mirror, and a bright orange door that opens the wrong way to my left - if it is opened the hallway behind me will be blocked and I will be trapped in the room. I try to turn on the light, and realize this place has been underwater - the lights don't work.. how stupid. I don't want to open that door, worry whatever is hiding inside is dead. Flee.... // I am sharing apples with Esme and save the seeds and want to plant them to get seedlings - plant the seeds in the garden behind my mother's house, the front of which has become a mud flat in the flood.... the apples are so good want to save some for the future, know apples don't really work that way, still going to try, get told out the window (like my mom used to do to me there) that my 'brother' has arrived and wants to see us... wait, who is this? I don't know this person at all. He is tall and pale and thin with a blonde/brown beard... my father has no other children and my real brother (mother's son) is tall, thickly built with black hair and beard....this is not who I thought she told me I was going to see