Friday, October 30, 2009

update from the trenches... ha

Here we are less than a week from Esme's birthday - she'll be two, and that boggles me. Not because I don't think she should be two already... in fact it's the opposite. I can't believe she hasn't BEEN two for a good while already, with the terrible twos already so highly in play ;) And she is becoming so much more like a big kid it's hard to believe she was still 1+ and not two or three all this time. We bought some really cheap birthday candles and will probably make cupcakes or a banana bread to bring to Grandma's. Cheesy maybe.. but I don't want it to be a big birthday party just a few little symbols - blowing out the candles, unwrapping a gift (her boots already planned) and being sung happy birthday. She is just starting to remember and I want to make a 'birthday' memory without all the rest of the usual hubbub.

Other than that - I am just trying to keep sane as my hours feel like they are increasing at work even though the time clock says they're not. I feel like most of my waking time is spent there and when I get home I am very tired. I even wake up in the middle of the night sometimes wondering if I set the alarm - why am I not hearing it - did I do something wrong? Am I going to be late today? etc etc... Today is my day off and I still woke up the first time at like 5 am thinking I messed up and didn't set my alarm. I am so behind on everything I'd really like to do - laundry and cleaning and organizing and making things... and in the quiet times at work I beat my brain sometimes about what else I could do to earn more money or spend less money etc etc...

I am finishing a book, mostly reading it at work, for the first time in a long time again. A new book, not something I read before and skip over large parts in the re-reading. 'The Dragon and the Unicorn' by Attanasio. Attanasio uses all these huge words and flowery concepts and historical mythology in his books - it has led to a lot of deep thinking as well. His 'Last Legends of Earth' I've re-read about five times over the years and it also has a 'big picture' universe/time/destiny/'everything is because everything is interconnected' theme in it which speaks to some part of my soul.

Go now and attempt to see what I want to do with my day off. I've already been called twice on the phone over an order I made yesterday - but I did tell them if there were questions like that to call me. I have two other things to wrap up on the weekend with customer problems which the phone call brought back into the forefront of my mind, going to shove them into the back again and look at my worktable. Esme will probably want to see Grandma today as well -- but I might give her a bath first, her hair is wild and uncontrollable!

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