notes

I think the other day how 'big' Esme is and yet also how small she still is.  Like when she was trying to cut a piece of bread with her knife - trying to cut it in half and ended up sawing it, with much difficulty, into two pieces, one 3/4 and one 1/4, and looking at it hanging together with a crust as if 'Why is this so hard when it looks so easy?'  And I see how small her hands still are compared to mine, even though they have grown so much.

Esme is sitting in the back seat of the car with the sun shining on her face.  Mama, the sun is choosing me.  It is ch-o-sing me!  Just like the moon talked to Jack Frost and chose him, the sun is talking to me and chosing me to be a hero.  What will I do?  How can I be a hero?  Mama, what is the sun chosing me for?

She has me tie two pipe cleaners around a glittery water ball she has - after being upset that one pipe cleaner comes off each time she tries, and she can't tie it tight enough.  I tie the second around it, and she is certain it won't work - she stomps off.. I tell her to pay attention, that she needs to pay attention to see how I do this because I learned it by paying attention.  'When you was a child?'  Yes - when I was a child, and even now, I pay attention to learn things.  I get it tied, and she takes it to her room and into her bed, which the canopy is now covered with her large blanket so it is dark inside.  It is a tent - like the gypsies have, to tell fortunes.  Look into my crystal ball, Mama.  To see the future? No, to see yourself, as a child.  Ah.. so I am from the future seeing myself as a child?  Yes, Mama. I tell her I had a dream when I was a child that I was sitting on top of my swingset and a lady from the future came and told me lots of things, including that my little girl I would have would have a name starting with 'E'.. but it was a dream, and I always wondered if the lady was me, and if I had built a time machine, but I have never done that yet.  And then she got big eyes and said 'Mama, it was me.  I built the time machine.  And I saw you as a child!'  So, we have that to look forward to... and anyway, it is a nice dream.