Saturday building stuff

We started out at Lowes early this morning to meet up with friends and build the project.

She did very well and did require some help - but did almost all of the work herself.

She was very helpful and mindful at the Lowes store to stay with us,clean up after herself and say hello and goodbye to people - several people commented on her good manners - which only goes to show the school just wasn't handling her right.  She didn't hide behind me at all while we were there!

We got a pumpkin for carving later, some groceries, some lunch, and came home.

Then Daddy set up the Atari system and she helped clean the parts, hook up things and learned how to use it in her DVD area to switch the video input back and forth.  We played PONG, Frog Pond and Combat together.  I cleaned some, napped (while she played Martha Speaks on PBS), did laundry, talked to Aunt Dot about our homeschooling week, and then it was time for dinner.  I cleaned up some, set up some more areas for homeschool (trays and sorter for nature stuff) and then we disassembled the K'nex rollercoaster from last Christmas and played with the K'nex to make a cube, 'birdcage', swing and practice with the rollercoaster pieces.  She was so happy several times today that she didn't give up and things worked out with a little extra effort.

Then Daddy and Esme watched an engineering video about racecars.. and it was time for bed.
We decided that was a day we would mark 'present' as school - because she really did a lot of hands-on building things and was doing a lot of thought while playing the Combat and PONG games about what to do and when, and why.  We discussed the 'ethics' of Combat.. she didn't want to shoot at my tank.. and then we decided to play it like tag and she laughed a lot about the way the tank spun when it was hit... so she got over the freeze-up at the idea of hurting the tank when it didn't disappear.  She hated Combat 2 though, so we went back to the regular Combat.

There was more rollerskating, and weight-lifting, and some running around outside after the rain stopped.  She even made an attempt at tying her shoes.  I didn't make her do a journal for today, though..   Tomorrow, we hope the weather will cooperate and we will invite our friends over for fishing!

transition :  We've talked more, but she still isn't entirely certain why we are homeschooling her.  She doesn't think there is anything too bad about it.. she wants to go places and do things and homeschool actually makes that MORE possible - since she is not gone from 6:30 am to 3:45 pm every weekday.  She really wanted to initiate the building school late tonight, even though it is a 'weekend'..   She has been mindful about expressing her thoughts on seeing friends, thinking about time (discussion of earlier and later, and what happened years ago vs. what will happen in a minute or a second from now).  She discussed, by her initiative, listening when we have to do things, that she had not thrown a fit leaving Lowes even though it was tough leaving friends, trying hard on things, and trying to give us time to do other things (like fold laundry, or write this post) and wait patiently.  All of it is very good progress!  I love to hear her express her reasonings out loud to us again - it shows she is really working things out and remembering what she has learned.

I noted that she had her Indian village playmobil set up inside her spaceship toy (the one she can fit inside and has been drawing chalk graffiti on all of the walls of for months, including the 'best day ever calendar' I saw a few weeks ago)... space Indians ;) We are missing a few pieces but I was impressed as she has not shown much interest in that toy set since last Christmas...pieces were scattered to the wind last I knew about.

Adventure day two and Engineering day

Adventure log drawings

 2014-10-9

8am - Greater / Less than worksheet
    - Bike parts worksheet
    - Starfall
    - Break

9am - Tongue Twisters
    - word search
    - PE (weights! 30x 5lb lift, 30x 5lb squats, .25mi run (quarter mile), 10 situp)

10am - Outside adventure nature observation walk
     - Writing report of observations

11am - recess

4pm  - Web searches with Rhe
     - Designing monkey bars

5pm  - Engineering: pipes, T and elbow joints.engineering vocabulary
5.30pm - Done
extracredit:      Spider egg case drawing for science , discussion

 journal page for engineering with vocabulary and counting up parts needed

Spider egg case drawing



eating watermelon from a coworker's garden with her egg and cheese sandwich for dinner


the light was almost completely gone and the camera had a hard time getting much quickly... got quiet contemplation and 'super excited'... She had her knee-high socks on and rollerskates on and had been skating for about an hour today on the concrete floor just before I got home...

List of things she wants to do 'soon':
Potato stamps art project
ink blots with paint

Engineering school:
Project requests:
Build a cottage out of wood - bit too much for us at the moment...but possible
Buld a set of monkey bars out of pipe and a ladder.. very possible, need used ladder

We discussed both options, looked it up some for material cost and discussed measuring and how to decide how big a project should be when it's done.  Went to a store site, looked up materials, talked about price sorting and how to check if an item is what you want.  Talked about counting pieces in a design so you don't have to go to the store more than once for materials, and why it would be hard to go back once you were building/working.   Then we practiced using our PVC bag of parts and pipes (from the flea market tent) to build a structure, make it stable, balance and mirror (opposite but the same - she said) parts so it comes together.. how to compare lengths of pieces and find four/eight etc. the same, how to substitute a part if you don't have what you need right at hand... She was very good at keeping-trying and then also about making her drawing, counting, and cleaning up.

//transition //
She asked if she had to go to school tomorrow (Friday) and I said not go 'to' school, she would have school here at home, like the past days since Monday. She said she didn't want to do school at home either (she wanted to skate and play and I had told her it was really time for bed).. but then I said she didn't want to trade her Saturday, did she? Oh no, don't want to do that... She still gets the weekend off like she would at 'regular' school and we had fun things planned for the weekend.. and she gets to plan some of the things she wants to do, unlike at the public school.  So, she planned some things and is ready for classwork tomorrow then a fun weekend with no 'required' stuff.  She then said 'I am kind of tired.'  I said I saw it in her eyes.  She said she saw I was tired in my eyes, too.. Yes, and I have work tomorrow.  She flip-flopped for a few minutes while taking forever brushing her teeth.. by the time I had her in bed and reading a few poems to her she was in a sweet mood.

Setting up the general plan

Esme is working up the plan with us... she had a few things she wanted to do and I had some limits or expansions on it.

School name : Mixie Engineering Primary School (tentative)
She suggested the name - wanted something that didn't sound silly.  She said it had to be serious.
I added the Mixie to make it unique so we could register it.

Esme's requests:  model building times (LEGO and other project based things), lots of physical exercise and nature stuff, books about outer space and science, finding friends on town trips, art stuff

kind of in between : 
---She likes the idea of more math... better math, have to find our way on that.  I'm starting a bit on Khan academy - she dislikes the hard and easy mixed together, but got her to do quite a bit.
---She wants to play with the billiards table more, making up her own games - I want her to learn a bit of physics and math about it while she does it.
---I hope she will get back into her Minecraft, she hasn't spent anywhere near the time she used to for at least a month.. she used to build whole 'worlds' and projects, the Test house, the school practice etc.
---Correcting language in place, especially 'slang' and 'idioms'...there are a lot of things I know other kids must have made fun of her with - or told her was 'ok' to say, jokes on her etc.. I'm hearing more of them, trying to kindly but firmly set them straight.

Social :
Reduce anxiety and 'fear of failure' that has increased sharply since August.
Work on better behaviors for sitting and waiting in line -
----'What are you thinking?  Can you think that without moving your foot/head/arm/body?'
((I got a hug today because I asked her that gently in her ear instead of being harsh or laughing).
Dealing with disappointment and frustration in constructive ways.(trouble at school, underchallenged)
Working on compromises and interjecting ideas in a constructive manner.(trouble at school, underchallenged)
Using proper tone of voice and attention to facial expressions, body posture.(had worsened at school)
Meeting real adults (with us), asking appropriate questions, finding out about their past or work in ways they want to share, being polite and waiting her turn in conversations etc.
Meeting children in environments like library, community center, park, home-ed meetups etc...

Mom's educational add-ons :

Math and science - STEM activities, following her interests and helping her learn to research.

Writing, spelling, new vocab : Using a journal to record what we have done.  She has always been a reluctant writer, but her fear of failure had made this worse the past few months.  Starting small with two to three sentences and notes where appropriate.

Continue with advanced reading, work on comprehension. Do some poetry, fables and myths beyond ordinary library books. Work on nature science and flora/fauna while looking at geography and history combined.  Find out about local events and plan on a calendar things we are going to do.

Dad's educational add-ons :

Building projects, technology lessons, forest and nature lessons
Use of audio and photographic equipment, technology.
Music and expanding her tolerance of some sounds through audio equipment, recording etc.
Speech 'playback' - so she can hear how shes sounds saying things, reading etc..
Thoughts to build more exercise equipment.
Build a larger and more specified desk area for her things and supplies.
Rerun through all of Electric Company and our 'History' cartoons as educational choices
She has access to a large compilation of 'antique' cartoons on her DVD player while riding bike.
Daily responsibilities, chickens, mail, cleaning up after herself, helping with tasks and projects in a constructive way (like when we set up the new printer today).

//Today// (left house at 9:45 am, returned at 2 pm)
We went to my workplace and asked several coworkers questions. We went to the library. She wrote in her journal a date and time of an event, and we wrote down lists of words based on something she had trouble spelling....She worked on a typing program through the first two modules, and saved her progress.  She had been 'eh' on picking any books for herself the last two times (a very bad sign) and today she picked three for herself.  She built with blocks, and put them away.  We discussed where to find a certain type of book with the librarian.  We went to the secondhand bookstore and she bought a how-to drawing book for a quarter.  She went to the thrift store with me and purchased a small toy for a quarter.

We planned lunch, and she played with two homeschool children for about an hour while I read.  Then I insisted we come home and we helped Dad set up the printer, drew a picture and then learned how to use the scanner.  We also did some math on Khan and she put together her new LEGO set I had not given her until today.  She walked to the mailbox and to the lake with us, brought up some sand in a bucket from the lake (which was heavy, but she was stubborn and relentless), dumped it at the base of a tree and played archaeologist for a while.  Now she is pedaling her bike and watching an old cartoon again before we discuss dinner and what book we will read.  I will have her write in her journal again before bed.

Homeschool decision (Mark's side)

Esme's dad has been keeping his own running narrative in his journal - and he has given me permission to post it here to show his side of the experience. 

Dad's view of the events leading up to deciding to homeschool. *he says it like it is*.

Esme started 1st grade on August 5th of 2014. She'd enjoyed
kindergarten the previous year, done quite well on her tests, had the
usual issues adapting to a more formal school environment etc, but got
over them. First grade was different.

Almost as soon as school started Esme showed disturbing changes in
attitude. The little girl who enjoyed doing math problems with her mom
vanished, replaced with "Girls can't do math - it makes my brain
hurt." The pride she took in writing her letters became "I should just
do one or two to show I tried."  We found this unacceptable, and
disturbing, and told Esme we didn't appreciate this behavior; she
became better at home, but not as enthused as she had been before
beginning school.

We tried to be supportive of the school and teacher without being
overbearing. Rhe sent several notes and examples of the work Esme had
been doing at home, to no real result. The second week of school began
with an "Open House" presentation where the teacher invited parents
into the classroom for a presentation explaining her day with the
kids. The presentation ended with the teacher saying, "Any
questions?", at which Esme raised her hand, the teacher rolled her
eyes and said "NOT YOU, Esme". Amusing, but not encouraging, and
apparently consistent with the classroom experience Esme was having.

Esme's daily behavior reports continued to be poor. We'd ask her how
she'd got into trouble that day, and usually hear about "The other
kids made me talk!" ... Which isn't a surprising answer from a 6 year
old, but we kept telling her to be quiet even when others were talking
to her. Rarely there were more details about an incident sent by the
teacher on these reports.

....
Aug 23, Rhe has a face to face meeting with teacher to make her aware
of some of the possible communication problems and also advanced
skills Esme has.  Rhe asks for more communication to work things
out like we did in Kindergarten.  Teacher does a lot of nodding,
puts the papers in a file.  Behavior reports continue to worsen. 
Teacher states Esme is 'disrespectful', several times.  Teacher
and Rhe text about the reasons for punishment a few of the 'red'
days.. nothing adds  up.  Esme begins to show more and more
anxiety about going to school.

Sep 19th, Esme's teacher called to ask me how her behavior problems
might be solved. It happened to be convenient to have a face to face
talk with her that day, so I did. She raised numerous examples of
Emse's misbehavior that she hadn't personally witnessed. The examples
she had personally witnessed were not severe and were often examples
of the teacher's prejudice; automatic assumption that Esme must be at
fault. She actually told a story of hearing a fuss, turning around and
yelling at Esme because she was one of three little girls involved.

At this point the teacher employed "perky cheerleader" body language
and thrust her chest out a bit with a pose; presumably this was a
"don't think about what I just said, look at tits and believe me!"
tactic that usually works for her. She was certainly stonkered when it
didn't work on me, lost her train of thought.

Several times at that meeting, I voiced my opinion that the behaviors
they were seeing and objecting to appeared to be the result of
boredom. If they couldn't give her more challenging assignments then
at least they could let her read books we've been sending to school
with her. Rhe had sent her a letter on Aug 15th saying much the same
thing, but in more detail and much more politely.  Teacher was urged
to contact us by whichever means at need so we could reinforce Esme's
behavior lessons.

Personally I found teacher non-responsive, reacting with blank faced
incomprehension, to suggestions that Esme's behavior indicated
boredom.

....

The next time we talked to (or even heard from) the teacher was the
Sep 30 Parent/Teacher conference. They had a school guidance
counselor attending as well. She helped moderate and mediate the
discussion, and had several good suggestions herself.

We're given a set of tests that are all 100 scored or "showed
improvement" on the reading speed; and then told that Esme's already
into "differentiated learning", which means she's getting to do next
week's material? It's still nothing she has any problems doing. They
assure us that there's no chance she's unchallenged by the academics
there, however, because she's not consistently the best in the class
at everything. She must therefore be "unengaged."

Teacher returns to us an toy Esme brought to school, a small wooden
coin that she was told was important and not to lose. Esme naturally
enough got into trouble playing with it in class, and reasonably
enough Teacher took it from her. Then it was displayed on the
Teacher's table for several days and Esme got in trouble again for
taking it back without permission. This is given to us after Esme's
test results are shown, as the leader into discussing Esme's ongoing
behavior troubles.

Teacher tells us how important following rules is, that it's a
classroom skill and a life skill which "will be important for her job,
later." Certainly there's a point there, but they present it as a
statement of faith, with more fervor than is commonly seen in fire
breathing revival tent preachers. Rhe and I are leery of such fervor
by instinct, and could argue the need to understand rules and question
them for at least as long as these people can argue the need to have
them.

Neither Rhe or I are impressed by reference to Esme's career prospects
in the context of her first grade education. At best it's irrelevant,
it is sad to think this is an effective line for them to bully the
parents of the other first grade children.

Again, Teacher's narration of Esme's behavior is mostly second-hand
stories, or those which cast doubt on her judgement (at least)
when they weren't. This time she told of Esme being gigged for lying
about being in trouble earlier in the day, outside the classroom,
which the Guidance followed up on by saying that the lunchroom things
are handled there, and then are done. Except for Esme, apparently.

Esme had expressed her frustration at one point by saying "I'm so
Angry!" and putting her head down; which is a very characteristic
thing to for our little girl. Teacher felt that was an example of the
general disrespect Esme has for her, and "Even my own kids don't speak
to me like that."

Teacher locked eyes with Rhe and burst into tears while stating she
felt she wasn't getting any support here. We found it disgustingly
blatant manipulative behavior, and she apparently didn't know what to
do when it didn't gain the immediate sympathy she was aiming
for. Where I hadn't reacted to her earlier goto manipulation for
males, Rhe was similarly targeted and failed to respond as she
expected to the female version.

Guidance had a good suggestion about making Esme tally the "redirects"
she got, every time she was called on to focus her eyes and attention
on the teacher. We've been supplying paper and pen to Esme, for her to
have at her desk, to be used when she's done with an assignment or
whenever she finds herself with unfilled time. We're told she can't
have that paper there, and thus the suggestion of working on a
specific problem in a constructive way is dead on arrival.

The day after the conference, Esme has got in trouble again, this time
she says it's because she raised her hand asking to go to the
bathroom. There's no further information from the teacher. The
following two days are both trouble free, but include notes from the
teacher like "Excellent class work.  More lunchroom trouble today,"
which may no longer be class trouble? We're mystified.  Notes are good
if they help us solve a problem.  We attempt to contact the school admin 
twice that week, by email and phone, receive no responses.  Make the
decision together that even if they will skip her a grade, or challenge her 
more in class, it will not solve many things, or fix worsening opinions.

...

We wanted her to go to public school so she'd have a chance to
interact with the other children, both her age and not; living in a
rural area and in today's climate of caged kids, sending her 3 miles
off to play with the nearest neighbor kids is difficult or
impossible. In kindergarten, she loved that there were other children
to play with, the things she didn't like about school were a
worthwhile cost for having friends.


Now, apparently they're much more regimented even in recess time. Esme
doesn't find it as appealing anymore. She doesn't want to or doesn't
get to play with the other kids because of timeouts, and isn't allowed
to do her own thing, which leaves her misbehaving again and probably
 getting double dip punishment for.

In order for her to go to school she's got to be on the bus at 6.30am,
and wait at school most of an hour before class begins. We're confused
by the reports of how kids are expected to act during this time, and
how much trouble Esme gets in there. She says they're not supposed to
talk, and "Got in trouble in lunchroom" is all but universal in the
few communications from her teacher.

When classes are done at 2.45pm; Esme has to wait again (classroom?
lunchroom? we're not sure, answers were non specific) for a bus ride
that gets her home at 3.40pm. She's spending 9 hours a day to fulfill
a 4hr attendence requirement, and so much of that 4hr is apparently
used for "quiet time" where she's expected to sit and do nothing
productive.

We have not been well pleased with the school administration, either;
despite protestations of "our door is always open if you need to
talk", emails to the Principal have gone unanswered, calls requesting
appointments with him have not been returned.

....

October 6th, we've decided to homeschool. We go to the appropriate
offcial at the school's district office, and there's zero hassle, zero
questions, no fuss or bother. The gentleman responsible for accepting
the forms has one to hand and even goes so far as to fill it out for
us, as well as calling the school to get their process started.

We get to the school and they're expecting us, have already cleaned
out Esme's desk and one of her classmates is on the way to the office
to deliver her personal property from the classroom. Guidance
counsellor who was at the parent/teacher conference wishes us luck and
says she understands. It is the single most pleasant and smoothest
interaction we've had with the school system to date.

....

I'm still being creatively crude about Teacher. She's a cokebottle
skank, with a wonderful leatherette tanning bed skin tone, who looks
the very prototype of the high school cheerleader 20 (very hard) years
later. Still clinging to the thoughtless appeal and assuming the
Natural Superiority of the Chosen Jock Clique, resenting the younger
prettier girls her career surrounds her with because they've still got
opportunities. Never seeing that she had those opportunities too but
chose to forgo them in favor of easy popularity, fitting in, and
blowing the entire football team.

Perhaps she's a good person with genuine problems, or even just
differing values and poor judgement; whichever reasons there might be
I cannot respect the results. With much effort I've kept from
expressing my feelings and judgements about Teacher in front of Esme,
whcih has led to surreal moments in the past couple of months where
I'm telling my little girl she has to do what Teacher wants because
Teacher wants it that way.

Now Esme's adventure in first grade is over, done with, and we can
begin repairing the damage. I've been writing this to rant; and explain
for others who might benefit from seeing it. Our family isn't the only
one impacted by this teacher or her spiritual sisters, we've profited
by the examples of others in gathering the courage to say "no more of
this" in regard to our child. If others can be helped by this, or even
amused, then it was worth writing.





--So there we are, both of us.  We're getting our plan together for how we know she has to be taught - trying to undo the damage and get her challenged and involved in her learning again.  Stay tuned for updates.